Is this normal?

[Cognizant]

My boyfriend has had it hard in the past. Before me, his previous boyfriend cheated on him six (?) times. I can understand if he was paranoid that i was cheating on him.

HOWEVER, It's been four months and he still goes to the extent of accusing me of cheating when I'm in the middle of people nowhere while I'm on vacation. (I'm in Joshua Tree, and to give you an idea of the people most of them shop at Wal-Mart) I don't know what to say to convince him that I'm not. He goes through my phone and he sees all my conversations. If he sees something that raises an eye brow I explain it to him and he's ok.

There was this guy that I got into an argument with because he was trying to get me to hang out with me, but I was uncomfortable because he said I aroused him. I even let my boyfriend set him straight and stopped contact with him and he believes I'm cheating on him for the guy.

It's driving me nuts. The only way I can get him to stop is to change the subject because if I say "You're the only one I'm interested in" he calls bullshit. Is this healthy? How do I take care of it? Should i even bother...

[Nathaniel]

My boyfriend has had it hard in the past. Before me, his previous boyfriend cheated on him six (?) times. I can understand if he was paranoid that i was cheating on him.

HOWEVER, It's been four months and he still goes to the extent of accusing me of cheating when I'm in the middle of people nowhere while I'm on vacation. (I'm in Joshua Tree, and to give you an idea of the people most of them shop at Wal-Mart) I don't know what to say to convince him that I'm not. He goes through my phone and he sees all my conversations. If he sees something that raises an eye brow I explain it to him and he's ok.

There was this guy that I got into an argument with because he was trying to get me to hang out with me, but I was uncomfortable because he said I aroused him. I even let my boyfriend set him straight and stopped contact with him and he believes I'm cheating on him for the guy.

It's driving me nuts. The only way I can get him to stop is to change the subject because if I say "You're the only one I'm interested in" he calls bullshit. Is this healthy? How do I take care of it? Should i even bother...

That isn't healthy at all. Anecdotal experience tells me that he might be insecure and doesn't think that he is good enough for you. You absolutely need to tell him that you dislike that he distrusts you, and figure out the source of that distrust. Normal relationships don't function like that.

[Plane And Simple]

I wouldn't bother. Let it be simple and tell him that if he really loves you he should trust you. I find the phone thing very invasive, he just shouldn't be doing it. If you see he's not trusting you and keeps peeking into your phone, just end the relationship. I don't think this will end any better than it is already.

Good luck, I'm open to talk anytime.

[Cognizant]

That isn't healthy at all. Anecdotal experience tells me that he might be insecure and doesn't think that he is good enough for you. You absolutely need to tell him that you dislike that he distrusts you, and figure out the source of that distrust. Normal relationships don't function like that.
I would, but unfortunately he just won't open up. I asked him why he was still upset (after explaining what I thought could possibly be wrong), and he just said "because."

I wouldn't bother. Let it be simple and tell him that if he really loves you he should trust you. I find the phone thing very invasive, he just shouldn't be doing it. If you see he's not trusting you and keeps peeking into your phone, just end the relationship. I don't think this will end any better than it is already.

Good luck, I'm open to talk anytime.

Thank you for the advice. You never are on Skype at the same time I am :(

[LouBerry]

Dump him. I dated a boy like that for almost two years. They don't change, they aren't worth the time. It'll get bad enough that he'll make you feel guilty about hanging out with family or even chick friends.

[Abyssal Echo]

My mom dated a guy like that turned out he was the one cheating.
I agree with Lou dump him.

[Eric57]

I know it may be hard to do, but I personally think you should break it off with him. His behavior is extremely unhealthy. Just the fact that he has to go through all your conversations on your phone is a dead giveaway that he has some trust issues and insecurities he needs to work through. Until he can get past those issues/insecurities, I don't see much of a point in being with him. What kind of relationship do you two have if he can't even trust you?

I also have to say that until he can get past it, I don't think he really needs to be in a relationship either. You can't have much of a relationship if you can't trust. Just my opinion, though.

[Plane And Simple]

I would, but unfortunately he just won't open up. I asked him why he was still upset (after explaining what I thought could possibly be wrong), and he just said "because."



Thank you for the advice. You never are on Skype at the same time I am :(

Drop a PM and let me try to fix that :)

[screamtobeheard]

That's definitely not normal. You need to tell him that he needs to trust you. And if he can't handle that, I honestly think (like a couple other people have said) that you need to break up with him. It's not a healthy relationship for either one of you at that point. Maybe he just isn't ready for a relationship at this point in life.