relapsed

[suicidalbutter]

So, I'm new to this forum.

I've been cutting off and on for eight years. The longest I went without cutting was 4-6 months. I'm trying to go an entire year without cutting but that is proving to be dang near impossible.

This time I relapsed after 54 days of not cutting. I cut last night. That was the anniversary of my mother's death. She was the cause of all my pain while she was alive and she still is the cause of most of my pain even in death.

Before this time I made it 49 days without cutting. I count the days, it's gotten that bad. Between December and April cutting was every other day, at least once a week if not more.

How do you guys control the urge when it becomes so much it feels instinctual to cut? I can control the urge to cut for long periods of time but eventually I lose the battle with myself and the addiction.

Basically:
1) I just felt the need to express to people who also cut or have cut my problem.
2) I need advice on how to control the urge.

[uglyinsideandout]

I'm sorry no one replied to you sooner. I read it yesterday but I feel really weird being the first person to respond because I don't have any advise that could help anyone.

For me, basically I cut all the time and don't try to control it at all. It makes me feel better and it's one of very few things that does so I don't feel I can give it up. My pain is like my best friend, always there for me when I'm down.

So, I'm sorry I don't have any positive words of encouragement. I wish I did. I'm also sorry you're having these feelings and I wish I could take them away for you.

[Yugen]

I'm sorry if my advice sucks, but I'll try.
Usually when I get really bad I just kind of try to ignore it. Like yes, I want to cut, I could be going for the place I hide my blades, but then I'll just go do something necessary to function. I'll use the washroom. I'll get a drink, take a shower (without razors), do my homework, sleep. As hard as it is, I just avoid it completely. Eventually it goes away.

[Christian C]

I'm sorry if my advice sucks, but I'll try.
Usually when I get really bad I just kind of try to ignore it. Like yes, I want to cut, I could be going for the place I hide my blades, but then I'll just go do something necessary to function. I'll use the washroom. I'll get a drink, take a shower (without razors), do my homework, sleep. As hard as it is, I just avoid it completely. Eventually it goes away.

Completely agree with you Yugen. As much as you probably won't want to, try doing something such as folding laundry with the television on, mow the lawn, or even just go on a walk. It will also help your self-esteem in my opinion, has always helped me.

[suicidalbutter]

Thanks guys, I'll try to just keep my mind off it. That's how I got so far without cutting before.

[These.scars.are.me.]

i just sit and cuddle the dog or call someone i can talk to either truthfully or in a happy way to cheer me up!!