What to do...

[These.scars.are.me.]

I find that I self harm most when I fight with my family and friends. My scars are not that fresh (about 3 weeks old) but that's mostly because it has been hot and I have been on holiday with nothing to hurt myself with but the urges are still there. My life isn't what most people would call hard. It's just my perspective on life and the way that people treat me. It's not really that purely it's also that my appearance is one of my biggest hang ups. Even my own mother tells me I need to diet. So the scars should bother me but they don't. I like that they show what I have been through however mum is going on at me to get rid of them. I am going to my nans in a week and she doesn't know, also she lost her husband recently so I don't want to upset her. What can I tell her? I always feel so guilty for breathing am I the only one?

What I am asking is:
1) am I in the wrong for being so selfish when my life is ok in most people's eyes?
2) do I keep the scars or get rid of them?
3) what can I tell my nan about the scars?
4) am I the only one who feels guilty for breathing?

[Blackisme]

Hey most of the things u've said related to me.. Ok answering questions now too much of my babble...
1: your not wrong, my life seems normal with other people and I do it so... And your not selfish u have reasons for doing it! Even if hey are small
2: if u want to keep them then do, I see mine as a reminder that I'm strong and I don't hide them if ur mother is making decisions for u tell her no stand up
3:whatever your comfortable with I tell my parents it's the cat but that's just me :/
4: your not the only one I feel guilty all the time to the point where I made a suicide plan. Don't let it rule u ok. U r here for a purpouse so breathe an be who u r

[These.scars.are.me.]

Thank you for replying. I'm actually being told by my mum at the moment not to wear short sleeves tops around her. She seems to think what hurts her is more important than what hurts me! The last big fight we had was about something small but the fact I had cut since I last told her I had so she took away my scissors (sewing ones that I used to cut) then still didn't trust me and lost my scissors anyway!!!!

[suicidalbutter]

1) If you feel the need to cut then your life isn't as easy as others think. There are so many reasons people cut that your reasoning shouldn't be seen as selfish. I once cut because a boy I liked didn't like me back and bullied me instead.
2) I don't know how exactly you would get rid of scars. Not sure what you mean by scars.
3) Either tell a white lie, or tell the truth. Whichever is more comfortable.
4) To me it almost feels natural to feel guilt for breathing.

[These.scars.are.me.]

Thank you my scars are almost like surgical ones they get really obvious in the heat and I always catch mum and dad looking at them with almost pity and it sickens me to think that they pity me because to me I am not worth a scrap of what anyone else is.

[suicidalbutter]

Well, if you want your scars to remain and you don't want to put lotion or anything on them to make them disappear then don't do that. Keep them. I've got several scars and I don't want them to go away.
They shouldn't be looking at you with pity. You are their daughter, they should be trying to help you not make you feel worse by giving you such looks.

[These.scars.are.me.]

Thank you! Someone who agrees with me! I mean there are only 10 that are noticeable and that's because I always reopen the old wounds...

[suicidalbutter]

You're welcome! I love my scars, so when they start to fade I cut again. It's a vicious cycle, but I'd rather feel the physical pain rather than the emotional pain deeply embedded. I'd say I have about 20 or so scars over my arm and hip that are visible.

[These.scars.are.me.]

Yeah, mine are all over my arm and hip the only thing is reopening them makes the deeper which means they may be there for years. I'm just worried I might lose a job because of it?

[suicidalbutter]

I really try to talk people out of cutting, rather than helping them hide the cuts. But if you want to keep doing it and want the scars to remain, try to narrow down to keeping the really bad ones on the hip. Jobs will never see your hip. Your arm is a different story.

[These.scars.are.me.]

Yeah! Mum losing my scissors is what is mainly stopping me recently because I have nothing to cut with so I guess it is a bonus! Ish...

[suicidalbutter]

I never cut with scissors. I started with safety pins and then moved on to taking my shaving razors apart. Which isn't an easy task.

[Breakeven]

just because your life might not be that hard it doesnt mean you dont have pain , everyone have different kind of pains and we all suffer in different ways
but let me tell you , ur parents seems not so bad and try to think there is always someone who have it worse than u do

about your scars , you shouldnt feel guilty or ashamed but try to find new ways to make the pain go away , maybe write , draw , if you like playing music , pick up a hobby
show your parents your strong and your trying to get better and you can use Bio-Oil it helps with healing the scars it takes some time thou but try it for a while and see how it goes and how you feel about it

think about the future or 10 years from now and u see those scars , you might regret doing them over things might not matter a year from now and believe me when i say darling no one is worth a scar on ur beautiful skin

try to stop for yourself because things do get better but you got to try , and even if you fail , you try again and again
and your not alone , if you ever have a bad day write about it or talk to someone or even me , i will listen , your not alone in this :hug:

[These.scars.are.me.]

Thank you. I feel I am getting better recently maybe not for for the best reasons but I still haven't done it for...3/4 weeks I think so to me that's a long time. Me and my friend used bio oil but it really stings and makes them really red but I cover them with make up for parties it just takes to long for everyday life so I may well just cover them while I'm at my nans with make up. I do know people are worse of than me, even my best friend. Her life hasn't exactly been easy. But I'm just scared about how I'm acting all the time. I seem hyper almost when I'm at my worst so my friends have worked that out so they know when I need a hug.
I have a great support system and friend and I do appreciate them with all my heart I just can't bear to tell them what's wrong because I feel like a burden to everyone. Like its not worth me sticking around half the time!