Coming Out?

[Kev*]

Hi Ya!

Havnt posted on VT for ages..used to be a big poster on the puberty boards and for got my password etc. so had to create a new 1 :(

Anyway....
There is a possibilty that i could be gay [i think i am..but im kinda telling ymself im not] I enjoy gay porn and have done for numerous years, i have had a handjob and blowjob fom a guy for the first time [he was SHIT!!!] also gave oral and a handjob to the same guy, many people think i am gay..so to me all the signs kinds point to me being gay/bi.

but the problem is i dont really want to be...:( I want to have a wife and kids etc.

I kind of have 2 questions:
1. ...the age old question do you think im gay? [ i know that only i can tell myself that but i kinda want to talk to someone about it and what is on my mind...but i know that it wont be kept a secrect if i tell ANYONE]

2. what have your experiances been when you came out?...wer you bullied?what were friends reactions?what wer familys reaction?[my mum is also a christian..and i dont know her attitude to homosexuality...but i gus she doesnt like it.] etc etc [also there are chances in school tht im able to have naked showers with other guys that i love coz then i can see there penises....so i dont want that to stop and i probably will if its revelled that im gay.]



im in a pickle.....:(:confused:

thankx any help is great =D

Kevin

[NextToNormal]

ok. to answer your first question, i wouldnt exactly say that you are gay. maybe just very curious. if you still feel in someway that you are straight, then it is possible that you are just bi.
and second question...i, personally, am not a lesbian or bi so i never had to come out. BUT almost all of my friends are gay or lesbian or bi. when they came out, everyone around them was very supportive and would talk to them whenever they felt they needed to talk to someone that knew. however one friend, in her school, people werent too accepting of it but they still loved her and just ignored her sexual preference. although, in my school, there are alot of homosexual and bisexual people including teachers. everybody is just really accepting and supportive about it...we dont bully anyone or anything like that. like there are a couple of gay guys that are like shunned sort of, but not because they are gay...its just because they are really weird individuals. they were treated that way before people found out they were gay.
you just have to base your sexuality off of how you feel. if you feel more comfortable with male companionship then pursue that. if you prefer the company of a female, then do that instead.
and about your mom, she may be against homosexuality, but she is your mom. so if you are gay its not going to change the fact that you are her child. it may take her a little while to accept you for who you are, but she will always love you no matter what people you decide to have sex with.

[byee]

There are a lot of other posts like yours with some really good responses, I'd suggest you search them. Val did a superwonderfulfantastic sticky which attempts to answer the 'Am i gay?' question you have.

I'm not gay, but the issue of sexual orientation is pretty similiar regadless of one's orientation. It's not about attraction or arousal, but also emotional attachment. Those are the factors which determine what you are.

Before you even contemplate 'coming out' to anyone you'd do well to consider very carefully what you are, as you rightfully worry, the admission can (sadly) have powerful affects on those around you, and in turn, how they treat you. At the very least, you might consider a little time to address these questions with yourself, before announcing anything prematurely.

Lastly, it sounds as if you need a bit more experience to help determine what you're emotionally comfortable with. Maybe it's time to seek the companionship of a girl, to be in a relationship with one, and see what that is like.

[chris__robin]

blah stop listening to straight people.
having a homosexual orientation IS about attraction and arousal by the same sex and also brings in emotional attachment towards people of the same sex. if you are have an emotional bond with another guy but don't find him attractive i doubt the relationship will last beyond ... a day? might as well just call them your good friend.

anyway you sound exactly as i did when i was your age, i had been looking at and enjoying gay porn since i was 12 and i constantly denying that i was gay to myself and tried to stop thinking about it but it just made me depressed. the best thing is to let yourself go and not worry about it because what you are doesn't change who you are and being gay or straight does not define you.

in terms of coming out, i came out just before i turned 16 and i think it is a lot easier as you get older because people become more aware of what it means for someone to be gay, whereas younger kids would bully/tease more. if your friends are truly your friends they will support you and be happy for you ... if they stop talking to you they are honesly not worth your time. also, before and after i came out i had my friends around me coming out and these days it turns out most of the people i was friends with in high school are now gay.

family is a lot harder to come out to than friends, and only my sister and mum know but i dont talk about it with my mum because i dont know how she has taken to it even after a year, but all she said to me was she just wants me to be happy and that is what i am now.

[Kev*]

i have been in a relationshp with a girl before... i went out with a girl for 9months and ended up fingering her and giving her oral...she also gave me oral and a handjob and i loved it.....however that was like 4 years ago.


btw im 16 almost 17

[chris__robin]

in terms of not wanting to be gay because you want to have a wife and kids ... it was something i thought about when i first realised i was gay, and it is weird to realise that what you think your life plan is turns out to be completely different.

but there are other options, gay couples have long lasting partnerships ... yeah it isnt exactly the same but i guess that is why we are fighting for gay marriage to be legal. and hopefully in the future there will be more equality in rights for children.

although is isnt mainstream ... you need to be true to yourself rather than conform to what is considered socially normal.

if you still like girls as well as guys you could be bi?

[Kev*]

i havnt found any girls atm...n i find myself saying OMG that guy is sooo hot

[redcar]

Well as a fellow Irish man, I know how you feel.

At that age that is exactly how I felt. But sorry to sound like a broken record only you can tell if you are gay or not.

As for coming out, the people I have told have never had a problem with it. My family I have yet to tell, but I know they wont have a problem with it. We are a Catholic family but I know they wont have a problem with it. You just need to do it in your own time and dont feel like you have to come out. Tell a few close friends, and if they are good friends they will keep it to themselves.

They shouldn't have a problem with it because if they are your friends your sexuality shouldn't matter. Ireland has come a long way and we are very liberal when it comes to things like this.

But just take it easy. Take each day as it comes, don't feel you have to tell anyone, just be yourself. And do what you feel is right.