Cutting is the least of my worries

[uglyinsideandout]

I have so many other problems is cutting really that big a deal? I don't do it very much because I just don't get the chance but when I do it feels so good. It's kinda the highlight of my day when I get a chance. I know from reading here that most of you want to stop but I don't. I do take some comfort in knowing at least I'm a well rounded piece of trash.


I guess your suppose to edit and not post again. But I noticed that a few people have looked and no one said anything. If you ever decide I'm worth the bother and I'm skeptical please remember this. I'm pretty sure a lot of people IRL know about what's happening with me and they don't say anything either. Here's a example, I had to go to the school nurse last year and she saw my cuts. She say what happened there? And I told her honestly that I had been cutting. She say well you should stop doing that. yeah thanks that helps I know I'm not supposed to do it and it makes me a bad person. But what's the point in stopping? If I stopped I'd still be a worhless person that no one will ever love so if it makes me happy why shouldn't I? No one has ever been able to tell me a good reason to stop. Even that I might mess up and kill myself isn't a good reason to stop because that would be ok with me.


Another day another edit. Still no one to reply. But I don't want to sound desperate, I doubt any of you can help me anyway.

[Blackisme]

I will reply don't worry about other people I ur happy with who u r then who r we to judge I cut and I honestly don't know how to stop I can last a week so far without it and that's fine by me if I need to do it again.I never hide my cuts except when I feel embarrassed and worrie, so when someone asks it's ur desision not to hide it :) I think everyone's worth a bother and honestly I think I'm not worth it though so.... Anyway chat anytime just send a request and I'll talk :)

[These.scars.are.me.]

People may not tell you that they appreciate you and that they would miss you if they weren't there, but me and one of my best friends both cut and so we get each other really well. It's for different reasons but knowing that we have someone there for us helps us through. We tell each other everything and we don't judge each other or anyone else because we don't see the point; we're all the same underneath...just hurting. Find yourself a few people who you are already close with and get them to write what they like about you on a big piece of paper. Stick it on your wall or wherever you can see when you cut so you think 'no, maybe today I won't then i can tell (name) that I didn't because of what they said. Then they will probably say things like that more'
Also I have a bracelet that school know about that I have to keep on the same side of my wrist but have to move it to the other if I cut. Everyone knows I have cut if the bracelet moves they don't judge me and just hug me more. So maybe try that. But if you are hanging around with people who do judge you then maybe you shouldn't be?

[King_of_Hearts]

Nicolette, you are truely worth it. I have been in that place where you feel worthless, but you are not, trust me. You are perfect as you are. And about the cutting, if it makes you happy, then it makes you happy. No one can just make you stop. It is your descision and yours alone. I doubt we could offer a reason that will make you stop... You have to realize that there are people who care and love you. You also have to realize you are perfect as you are and worth it. If you need anything, message me anytime :)

[suicidalbutter]

to the original post:
Like many people on here I would like to stop cutting, but I can't. I know it isn't a healthy coping mechanism. I know it has its negatives. but I don't see me ever fully giving it up. I've gone months without doing it, but i always relapse no matter how hard i try not to.

to the first edit:
Cutting does NOT make you a bad person! It's an addiction and it seems to be how you cope with what is happening in your life. it doesn't define you as a good or bad person. It shows that you are a survivor. It may no the best way, it may not be a way most people understand. But I get it. I understand why you don't want to give it up. I was the same way for so long. and you are NOT worthless. never think this. You are here for a reason. You breathing should be proof that you are worth something.

to the second edit:
what exactly do you want? like what kind of help? just a friend to listen to your experiences in life and/or cutting? are you looking for someone to give you a good reason to stop? i'm not sure if i can help, but i've always been a good listener.

[uglyinsideandout]

Yep, I don't see ever stopping either. Sometimes I secretly wish I would mess up and hit an artery and bleed out before anyone noticed.

Of course cutting makes me a bad person, they have afterschool specials about how the pathetic and worthless do this. I have no illusions, I know what I am.

What do I want? What does anyone want, I want to matter, or be important to someone. But I don't so here we are. Do you remember when I came into chat early this morning? Probably not but what follows is a transcript of the conversation I had. Enjoy...








Pretty awesome, huh? yep, I thought so too, that's why I left without saying anything.

[suicidalbutter]

I live in Florida, where there's a law that basically would force me into a hospital if they find out I cut. So I'm trying to stop for long periods of time so no one catches on.

No, it doesn't. Everyone copes in their own way. It doesn't make you a bad person that you cope this way.

I remember you came into chat, but you didn't say anything. You came in twice (I think. though I've been up all night). The first time you said "hey" the second time you didn't say anything. Wasn't sure if you just were just curious as to what goes on in chat. Usually people sorta just jump into the conversation. I'm sorry if you felt ignored that wasn't our intentions. I even said after you left "I wanted to talk to her, but I didn't know what to say. I've read her posts". Which is true I never know what to say to people at first. I'm socially awkward and fear that people will reject me. :/

If you ever wanna talk, I'm usually open to conversation when online.

[Ballboy]

Yep, I don't see ever stopping either. Sometimes I secretly wish I would mess up and hit an artery and bleed out before anyone noticed.

Of course cutting makes me a bad person, they have afterschool specials about how the pathetic and worthless do this. I have no illusions, I know what I am.

What do I want? What does anyone want, I want to matter, or be important to someone. But I don't so here we are. Do you remember when I came into chat early this morning? Probably not but what follows is a transcript of the conversation I had. Enjoy...








Pretty awesome, huh? yep, I thought so too, that's why I left without saying anything.

For what it's worth Nicki, I saw that you were in that chat room this morning and just because of that, I tried to sign in ...but my browser wouldn't do it.
Pete

[Obsidian]

To me it's not the cutting that's such a problem, it's the inability to cope with your problems in a healthy way. I used to cut, and I never saw the issue with it either. If you're not cutting too deep it's not going to kill you or anything, and it's not really all that dangerous. But I think that it has the potential to lead to other negative coping habits that are a lot more dangerous. There was one point in my life where I would have done anything to find relief from what I was feeling, and if cutting stopped being enough I could easily see myself having tried drugs or something that could really mess me up. Even if you can't imagine yourself doing that, if you keep turning towards negative coping mechanisms then you will never learn healthy ways to handle your problems and you could end up developing a habit that's a lot more dangerous than cutting. You are always going to have problems in life, and it's a really important thing to have healthy ways of dealing with them. If you keep turning to cutting you'll never be able to do that.

I also want to add that it seems like you depend a lot on other people to make you feel better. I think that's totally understandable, because nobody wants to feel alone in life. But that's another reason why you need to find a positive way to deal with all the negative stuff going on in life. The reality is that there's not always going to be somebody in life to pick you up when you're down. It doesn't mean that you're worthless or that nobody wants to pay attention to you or that people don't care. It means that everybody has something negative going on in their life, and 9 times out of 10 the only person we can truly count on is ourselves. I know you probably have people who love you and want to help you, whether you can see that or not. But you have to know how to help yourself. You can't expect other people to solve your problems for you, because that's up to you. People care, but there's only so much that they can do. If you're going to start feeling better about yourself and about your life it's not going to be because of other people's efforts, it's going to be because of your own. Getting and feeling better is totally up to you. & You can't let the actions of others take such a toll on your emotions. You need to believe that you are worth it and that you are a good person, regardless of what other people might say. Your confidence in yourself should come from within, not from the people around you. Because like I said, most of the time you can only truly depend on yourself.

I know how hard it can be to have a positive outlook on life, but try to believe that you can find a way through what you are struggling with. I guarantee that once you find a positive way to deal with your emotions, you'll realize that cutting causes far more problems in life than it solves. That's what happened to me. You don't need other people to help you get through this, because you are perfectly capable yourself. I'm sure that there is at least somebody in your life who will help you the best that they can, but even if there's not you can still find a way to help yourself. And either way you're going to have to.

Oh and please notice that this reply is extremelyyyyy long and obviously that means that you are noticed, that you are worth replying to, and that you are cared about. I believe you are a strong person and that things will get better for you. You should try to start believing that too.

[uglyinsideandout]

I remember you came into chat, but you didn't say anything. You came in twice (I think. though I've been up all night). The first time you said "hey" the second time you didn't say anything.

Yup, I came in and said hello and no one said anything back. I can understand that if you're deep into something. So the second time I came in I just waited to see if anyone would notice me and say hi. Nope, that's ok it's just like RL.

[Obsidian]

Yup, I came in and said hello and no one said anything back. I can understand that if you're deep into something. So the second time I came in I just waited to see if anyone would notice me and say hi. Nope, that's ok it's just like RL.

Why should it matter? It seems silly to let not being talked to right away in a chat room online make you feel badly about yourself. And in real life I used to feel ignored all the time, but then I realized that I wasn't being social enough myself. When I made more of an effort to talk to people I actually made some friends and people approached me more because they knew I was interested in talking.

[uglyinsideandout]

Why should it matter? It seems silly to let not being talked to right away in a chat room online make you feel badly about yourself. And in real life I used to feel ignored all the time, but then I realized that I wasn't being social enough myself. When I made more of an effort to talk to people I actually made some friends and people approached me more because they knew I was interested in talking.

It doesn't matter. Right away? I was there for at least an hour. I felt bad about myself long before I went in there so that wasn't that big of a deal. The more I talk to people the more they don't want to be around me. That's ok, I get that I'm not fun to be around. I accepted that a long time ago. The only thing is I kinda as hoping things would be different here. But see, I've got over 100 posts, I am trying to be social, it just doesn't work the same for me as it does other people. I'm not really sad about it, I've made 1 really awesome friend here and a couple others that are at least tolerating me for now, so it's an improvement.

[suicidalbutter]

I'm sorry. I'm used to people just jumping into the conversation :/

[Obsidian]

It doesn't matter. Right away? I was there for at least an hour. I felt bad about myself long before I went in there so that wasn't that big of a deal. The more I talk to people the more they don't want to be around me. That's ok, I get that I'm not fun to be around. I accepted that a long time ago. The only thing is I kinda as hoping things would be different here. But see, I've got over 100 posts, I am trying to be social, it just doesn't work the same for me as it does other people. I'm not really sad about it, I've made 1 really awesome friend here and a couple others that are at least tolerating me for now, so it's an improvement.

Please don't take this as me trying to be mean or hurtful, because I'm honestly trying to give you advice and not insult you or anything. But I think that people are drawn to positivity. Most of the time when I see your posts they don't seem all that happy, and a lot of them are really negative. You should feel totally free to express your opinion about things, but I just feel like if you were a little more positive about some things then people would think you seemed really friendly and they'd want to talk to you. I'm not trying to say you can't ever feel unhappy or express your negative emotions, but maybe if you tried to add a little positivity into your posts sometimes too then people would find you more approachable. It's the same thing in real life too. People want to talk to people who have positive things to say, and if you complain a lot or you're negative a lot of the time then they probably won't want to be around you because it makes them feel negatively about things too.

[uglyinsideandout]

Please don't take this as me trying to be mean or hurtful, because I'm honestly trying to give you advice and not insult you or anything. But I think that people are drawn to positivity. Most of the time when I see your posts they don't seem all that happy, and a lot of them are really negative. You should feel totally free to express your opinion about things, but I just feel like if you were a little more positive about some things then people would think you seemed really friendly and they'd want to talk to you. I'm not trying to say you can't ever feel unhappy or express your negative emotions, but maybe if you tried to add a little positivity into your posts sometimes too then people would find you more approachable. It's the same thing in real life too. People want to talk to people who have positive things to say, and if you complain a lot or you're negative a lot of the time then they probably won't want to be around you because it makes them feel negatively about things too.

I guess you're here because your life is all glitter and unicorns then. Well, mine's not and I thought this was supposed to be a supportive place. I try to be supportive, in lots of threads even if I don't know how to help I tell them I can understand how they feel and I know it sucks and they aren't the only one. Not positive enough I guess. Do you recall my introduction post? I did that quiz and it got something like 40 views and dropped right off the page without a single reply. Hey there's something to be positive about. It's just like RL. I could probably slit my wrists in class and not be noticed until the janitor showed up at the end of the day.

I really don't know what else to say. My life is ugly, I'm ugly and it's really difficult to find anyone that cares enough to even say 'hi' back to me. I tried to say a few things in chat because someone (don't remember who now) was going on about how they were going to snap. Not a single reply to anything I said. If you can find the silver lining here please, please, please show it to me, because I'm not seeing it. I'd love to be positive, but the only thing I'm positive of is that I won't live to see adulthood. Wheee.

[irishmaniac2000]

I've tried to be your friend. I'm sure others have also. I really want to help