a possible problem developing

[Gumleaf]

i'm not used to starting the threads here but hey, thats what we are here for. so anyways this is the problem.

my girlfriend of over a year, jessica, called me today and while we were talking she said that she is ready to start doing sex and other sexually related things. now she turned 14 in september and i turn 14 in 4 weeks. i'm not that keen because last time we did some sexual things (not intercourse) we both agreed that we were too young and we shouldn't do it again til we are a bit older. that was like this time last year.

when i said that i thought we were still too young to do it she said that our age shouldn't be the issue, but she said the age of our relationship and our love for eachother should be the issue. i love her heaps and i would love to have sex with her but the age barrier is still there for me. she said that we should do it on my birthday in 4 weeks.

i honestly didn't expect this. but she says that being together for over a year shows we are committed to the relationship and that this is a step forward. i'm still not sure what to say or do about it. so far i have just avoided the subject since. but my birthday is in 4 weeks she is going to be expecting something soon.

[Sapphire]

If you don't feel ready then she just has to accept that. You should only have sex or sexual activities with her when you both feel ready. You do not have to feel pressured in to anything.

[Lifesreject]

Yer if you dont feel ready to have sex because you feel to young then dont. If she loves you like she says she does then she will respect your desision and let it drop until you feel ready. You should never feel pressured to do something you dont want to and that you arnt ready for. And to be honest i agree with you i think 14 is to youngn and you should wait. I mean you have the rest of your life to lose your virginity and it should be a special time when u r totally ready.

[byee]

Hi Stephen, always glad to help a helper!

I'm in complete agreement with Carole and the others here. If you don't think you're ready, you shouldn't do it. You don't need to explain it or rationalize it or otherwise have to justify it to her, us, or yourself. Do what feels right. Sex isn't just about getting off physically, it's a very personal thing. And as such, a lot of emotions are involved, at least with aware people like yourself. Maybe she's not able to distinguish this.

The larger issue, though, seems to be your g/f's unwillingness to accept your decision here. It's not just about 'committment' or 'maturity' and the like, it's about comfort with a pretty big decision that involves two people. You might want to emphasize to her that sex is a joint decision, there are 2 people doing it, and that her needs are not more important than yours. Her unwillingness to see this, or accept it, is very revealing. People who are 'committed' to eachother or otherwise love each other always consider the needs and feelings of their partners, even if they disagree with them.

Let her get you something else on your birthday.

[thesphinx]

If you feel uncomfortable AT ALL about it don't do it, you should feel 100% sure about sex before you do it.

[Gumleaf]

well i have been thinking since i got off the phone last night and wrote that original post. i think the barrier that i was creating was those unwanted feelings i was having for my friend joanne. but, for the first time yesterday, those feelings were gone. so maybe i am ready to do sexual stuff? is it possible that i'm not that interested because of jo and i'm using our age as an excuse?

[Glasgow]

Well yes you are using your age as an excuse but age does play a part. Are you really ready to have sex? Sure it feels good, but pregnancy is there and does happen. STD's really arent a problem because i trust she probably doesnt have one. But anyways, its your own choice, I dunno about the laws in aussie but the law here in Canada is that two 14 year olds can engage in sexual intercourse legally.

[Gumleaf]

Well yes you are using your age as an excuse but age does play a part. Are you really ready to have sex? Sure it feels good, but pregnancy is there and does happen. STD's really arent a problem because i trust she probably doesnt have one. But anyways, its your own choice, I dunno about the laws in aussie but the law here in Canada is that two 14 year olds can engage in sexual intercourse legally.


protection goes without saying. you are preaching to the converted here, besides, i'm not that stupid and jessi isn't either. i believe its actually illegal here (shock :eek: horror) but so is looking at porn and drinking. if its done in private theres no problem.

[Maverick]

Is the risk of pregnancy at such a young age worth it?

There are other things you can do besides full blown sex. You may think you're ready but you are 13 going on 14. You still have a lot to learn and experience before going down that route.

[Sapphire]

You still have a lot to learn and experience before going down that route.

QFT.
I waited until I was 16 and even then I don't think I was actually ready. Take your time. Don't rush in to anything.

[Gumleaf]

i really don't know, we'll have to talk about it i think.

[Maverick]

Yes it is very important to talk with her about it. But the fact you don't know confirms you aren't ready.

[Gumleaf]

the fact that we decided we would wait until we are older to do sexual stuff again i thought meant about 15 or 16, not 14 as she seems to think. maybe sexual stuff but not intercourse could be an option. oh well, we'll have to talk about it some more.

[Glasgow]

yeah just talk about it, work it out. Maybe try and convince her that you meant a little older than 14

[Serenity]

Just remember not to act rashly- don't think for an hour and convince yourself sex is the way to go. First, take a few days to think about what you truly want. Make a list of pros and con- HONEST pros and cons. Then after you've made up your mind COMPLETELY and beyond ANY doubt, have a nice, long, *serious* discussion with her about it.

My personal take on it is that Jessica's in too much of a rush to grow up. I really don't think it's right for 14-year-olds to be doing anything sexual, especially with the risk of pregnancy as Ant said. Besides, if you can prove to each other that you can wait until you're BOTH completely ready AND mature enough, it will just make your relationship that much stronger. And imagine if for any reason your relationship doesn't work out- are you guys ready to make this commitment? The first [and only] time I did anything with a guy I regretted it within the hour and we ended up breaking up a few weeks later. Not exactly something I'm proud of.

So yeah first think very hard about you personally, then about your relationship, and do what you think is best. And Jessica really needs to accept your decision even if it's not what she wants because as we all know a relationship takes two and you both need to support each other.

[NextToNormal]

i think you guys should sit down and have a mature conversation about this. i dont really think age has anything to do with it.
a couple of weeks ago, my sex ed teacher told us that if you are not mature enough to walk into the local drug store and by a condom you arent mature enough to even be having sex. i would have to agree with him.
your girlfriend may believe you guys are ready to take the next step, but if you dont, you should stick to your guns and do what you believe what is right. and if she really loves you like you say she does, she would understand all of this and wait until you are ready. and if she isnt willing to accept how you feel, then she isnt the right person for you.

good luck

[byee]

well i have been thinking since i got off the phone last night and wrote that original post. i think the barrier that i was creating was those unwanted feelings i was having for my friend joanne. but, for the first time yesterday, those feelings were gone. so maybe i am ready to do sexual stuff? is it possible that i'm not that interested because of jo and i'm using our age as an excuse?

Stephen, I think you're overanalyzing this. Regardless of the reason for your not wanting to be sexual yet, the fact remains that you're not yet ready. Right? If you don't feel ready, if you don't feel comfortable with it for any reason, what's the decision here? What are you questioning?

Just because something is made available to you doesn't mean you have to accept it! Listen to what you're saying here.

[Whisper]

Yes it is very important to talk with her about it. But the fact you don't know confirms you aren't ready.

Agreed
man your not even 14 yet
Just be a kid
and I mean that in the most sincere way possible
I'm not trying to talk down to you or be mean

I'm serious
Hun it only happens once

your 14 in a month
are you ready to deal with the possibility of having a child?
Is she?
Do you have a plan for WHEN (not if) these scares, close calls and god forbid actuality's happen?
Remember man your actions will have consequences

this is a HUGE step
like HUGE
Do NOT let ANYONE push you into it
anyone
this is your body, this is your decision


If you have any doubt's
then I suggest you wait
your 13
If theres anything you have, its time

[Hyper]

The possibility of a child, are you ready to deal with that? If we'd be having sex based on that..

Most people up to the age of 30 or over mid twneties would be virgins..

If your not ready and don't want to do it, just don't..

[Gumleaf]

well jessi and i have talked about it and we have come to a decision. we have decided that we might do some sexual stuff sometime soon, but we are not doing intercourse for a while yet. thanks for your assistance peoples. they were greatly appreciated.