I don't know how to talk about this

[uglyinsideandout]

I'm sexually abused on a regular bases. I can't tell anyone or get away and someone told me if I came here and talked I'd feel better. So far that hasn't happened but I know it's my fault because I don't know how to open up. I feel like a bitch when I read some of these posts because I would trade problems if I could but that would be really really wrong because I couldn't put someone in this place. It's very dark and lonely. I have no friends and people actively avoid me. And then the worst part which I said above. I know no one will ever want me and I wish I knew a way to make it all stop. The only way I can think of would just make trouble for everyone and I can't do that.

[britishboy]

I'm sexually abused on a regular bases. I can't tell anyone or get away and someone told me if I came here and talked I'd feel better. So far that hasn't happened but I know it's my fault because I don't know how to open up. I feel like a bitch when I read some of these posts because I would trade problems if I could but that would be really really wrong because I couldn't put someone in this place. It's very dark and lonely. I have no friends and people actively avoid me. And then the worst part which I said above. I know no one will ever want me and I wish I knew a way to make it all stop. The only way I can think of would just make trouble for everyone and I can't do that.

it's never your fault for sexual abuse, honestly tell the school, they will take care if everything

and it might be because of the sexual abuse that you have no friends. you could play the victim, tell everyone your problems, that will get people talking which will get you friends, however personally I wont recommend this but its something to think about

[CosmicNoodle]

I'm sexually abused on a regular bases. I can't tell anyone or get away and someone told me if I came here and talked I'd feel better. So far that hasn't happened but I know it's my fault because I don't know how to open up. I feel like a bitch when I read some of these posts because I would trade problems if I could but that would be really really wrong because I couldn't put someone in this place. It's very dark and lonely. I have no friends and people actively avoid me. And then the worst part which I said above. I know no one will ever want me and I wish I knew a way to make it all stop. The only way I can think of would just make trouble for everyone and I can't do that.
Damn it woman, whoever it doing that to you is a sick bastard and has not right to do that to you, tell someone about it and it will get better! I presume it is not one of you parents so you can take solace in remembering they love you and WILL protect you.
And yes people want you in there life, you are a brilliant fantastic person who would be missed dearly by all. Now just think, do you really have no friends because they dont like you or because you dont know how to talk to them so just do it, talk to them and i grantee you they will see you are not a creep, i thought i had no friends for far far to long but then i did it, i talked to someone and managed to form a new group of friends!
And you will not make trouble for everyone, you will make them proud of you because you where brave enough to come forward. Dont forget they WILL help you, people help people even if they dont know them, so just tell someone at school at home. And if not that threaten the sexual abuser with telling someone, litle do you know you have a very powerful weapon against them, i am nopt going to suger coat it so hear it is, you can talk to anyone and they hill help...but unfortunately if you dont tell them they cant help...and it will not get better unless you tell them your problem. Hell youv done it once hear. In fact you juts told the whole world, now just tell the people you love
Hope it works out well for you love!

[uglyinsideandout]

Well thanks for the nice posts. It is a close family member and maybe my biggest fear is that I would tell and no one would believe me and it would make everything worse. I know if I told and they didn't do anything about it that he would kill me. Maybe not directly but I know I'd end up dead somehow. So I think it's better to just take it and try to deal for now unfortunately.

And I really don't know how to make friends. It's summer and I don't school but even when I do no one will talk to me. People get up and leave when I come around so now I just leave them alone. It's not fair for me to make people uncomfortable just because I'm lonely.

[CosmicNoodle]

Well thanks for the nice posts. It is a close family member and maybe my biggest fear is that I would tell and no one would believe me and it would make everything worse. I know if I told and they didn't do anything about it that he would kill me. Maybe not directly but I know I'd end up dead somehow. So I think it's better to just take it and try to deal for now unfortunately.

And I really don't know how to make friends. It's summer and I don't school but even when I do no one will talk to me. People get up and leave when I come around so now I just leave them alone. It's not fair for me to make people uncomfortable just because I'm lonely.

No god damn it!
Do not think like that, if it is one of your family tell the police and besides he would not dare "kill" you, after an allegation like that was made toward him and then you suddenly dieing would put him in jail for life. I highly doubt he would ever try anything so stupid, and if your family does not believe you...well that's dum, of cores they will. They are your family, most of them love you and would do anything to help. I mean come on, if i had a daughter and she said my brother had abused her i would go to his house and kill him with my bear hands not say you are lieing. And a am SURE your family would do the same for you so dont keep it in and DON'T think it is your fault.
Just tell someone, ANYONE! ;)

[uglyinsideandout]

No god damn it!
Do not think like that, if it is one of your family tell the police and besides he would not dare "kill" you, after an allegation like that was made toward him and then you suddenly dieing would put him in jail for life. I highly doubt he would ever try anything so stupid, and if your family does not believe you...well that's dum, of cores they will. They are your family, most of them love you and would do anything to help. I mean come on, if i had a daughter and she said my brother had abused her i would go to his house and kill him with my bear hands not say you are lieing. And a am SURE your family would do the same for you so dont keep it in and DON'T think it is your fault.
Just tell someone, ANYONE! ;)

You can doubt what he would do and I can visit my mothers grave and feel otherwise. Really I would like to believe but I can't. Not anymore. There is my close family and they all hate me. There is no extended family. Or if there is I don't know who they are or how to find them. And if they didn't know me why would they care?

Seriously, there's another thread here I posted in because someone was saying how they had a friend and all of their friends problems were so annoying to hear about and how can they just get rid of this person. My life is just like that no one wants to hear it and everyone just wants to get away. And I understand because I'd get away from me too if I could.

[Luminous]

I don't think you realize how much better the world is when you have escaped from a horror, right now this little hole you have dug for yourself is all you know. Posting here and being supported is your light at the end of the tunnel, will you push forward and leave or go back and hide in your pain? The choice is yours. But outside the grass is green and the sun is shining, sometimes it rains but it always goes away. In the cave it is always dark and wet and slimy and cold. the exit is up a cliff but if you push you can make it.

[uglyinsideandout]

I don't think you realize how much better the world is when you have escaped from a horror, right now this little hole you have dug for yourself is all you know. Posting here and being supported is your light at the end of the tunnel, will you push forward and leave or go back and hide in your pain? The choice is yours. But outside the grass is green and the sun is shining, sometimes it rains but it always goes away. In the cave it is always dark and wet and slimy and cold. the exit is up a cliff but if you push you can make it.

Oh I realize it would be better if I could get out but theres more to it than that. I'm confused by you saying I dug this hole for myself. Well I guess not really, I'm more confused by people that say it's not my fault. I think I agree with you more that it is my fault.

I really don't have any reason to try to make things better though. What's the best I can hope for? having the guilt of sending my father to prison? Living in foster care or a group home? I think it's better if I just take what's coming to me and be quiet. I don't even know why I joined this site it's really not making me feel better.

[suicidalbutter]

Hun, you need to tell someone. It's going to be tough and some might not believe you, but you need to get it to stop. Even if you have no close family to confide in, tell a school official. He will never be allowed to touch you again.

And if you don't feel you are strong enough to talk to someone in real life you can always message me. I know the feeling of being sexually abused. It's not something I wish another person to live through, especially not over and over again.

[Plasma]

That's really horrible. I guess if you dont want to say anything then you're just going to have to hold out until you move out. Maybe try to pick up a hobby to keep your mind off things for the time being? Sorry that this is happening to you.

[funflight]

I think everyone has said that it is horrible and I have no idea what you are going through or how it makes you feel but please please tell someone and end the abuse! You deserve better!!!

[uglyinsideandout]

School doesn't start for a few more weeks but I've kinda tested the water with saying something before and they didn't believe me enough to get me out and the so called investigation didn't prove anything so I ended up getting it much worse after that. I really don't believe anyone will help me. Why should they? I can tell people don't like me or believe me just by the look on their face. And I know that no one will ever want me to love me because I'm all fucked up and broken. And I haven't had even a friend in about 3 years. Even people that used to be nice to me won't be around me it's like they can just see how awful I am. I don't think I repel people because of what I say because I don't even talk to anyone anymore I just site quietly by myself and hope no one will notice me.

I don't know what else to say. I would tell what kinds of things happen but I was told that I'm not allowed to do that.

[Yugen]

You need to tell someone. You need to get yourself out. You deserve so much better.

[CosmicNoodle]

You can doubt what he would do and I can visit my mothers grave and feel otherwise. Really I would like to believe but I can't. Not anymore. There is my close family and they all hate me. There is no extended family. Or if there is I don't know who they are or how to find them. And if they didn't know me why would they care?

Seriously, there's another thread here I posted in because someone was saying how they had a friend and all of their friends problems were so annoying to hear about and how can they just get rid of this person. My life is just like that no one wants to hear it and everyone just wants to get away. And I understand because I'd get away from me too if I could.

For god sace no!
If no one wanted to hear it why have i come back 3 times trying to help you!?
You dont have to live in fear, i did for 6 years and now that i look back on it i regret every time i didnt stand up for myself, it is not to late for you to stand up, if you dont you will look back on it like i have and be ashamed of yourself.
I am beging you on my hands and knees to just tell someone. People do care and it WILL get better if you do.
Just go to the police and tell them, by law they HAVE to investigate. They can check you out (you know, downstairs) and tell if you have been sexually assaulted or not. Now i beg of you dont make me ask the Mods to investigate this, if they do they can get your Email from when you singed up, if investigators have your email they can find your name and possibly your address and will simply come to your house. Dont think that is imposibal because it is not, it happnes more oftern than you would think on facebook, twitter, youtube and a lot of others.
You are a human being and that gives you the right to free speach to say that this has happened to you. And people DO care about you, I care, as do most of the people who have responded!

[uglyinsideandout]

For god sace no!
If no one wanted to hear it why have i come back 3 times trying to help you!?
You dont have to live in fear, i did for 6 years and now that i look back on it i regret every time i didnt stand up for myself, it is not to late for you to stand up, if you dont you will look back on it like i have and be ashamed of yourself.
I am beging you on my hands and knees to just tell someone. People do care and it WILL get better if you do.
Just go to the police and tell them, by law they HAVE to investigate. They can check you out (you know, downstairs) and tell if you have been sexually assaulted or not. Now i beg of you dont make me ask the Mods to investigate this, if they do they can get your Email from when you singed up, if investigators have your email they can find your name and possibly your address and will simply come to your house. Dont think that is imposibal because it is not, it happnes more oftern than you would think on facebook, twitter, youtube and a lot of others.
You are a human being and that gives you the right to free speach to say that this has happened to you. And people DO care about you, I care, as do most of the people who have responded!

Ok it's Sunday and no one is going to do anything today so let me see if I can understand what you're telling me.

I have a problem. I don't think there's any way that it can be solved without some other problem coming from it. I don't want any one to solve it for me. All I've been looking for is something that tells me I have some value.

Your solution is to threaten me with a solution that I can be pretty sure won't fix my problem but will make things worse. Maybe I should be the one doing the reporting or maybe that's just how things work here. But I have to say this all sounds a lot like what I hear at home, that is threatening me to get me to comply. I really don't understand because if I thought calling the police would do any good I would have already done that. So um... thanks for the help?

[Harley Quinn]

Now i beg of you dont make me ask the Mods to investigate this, if they do they can get your Email from when you singed up, if investigators have your email they can find your name and possibly your address and will simply come to your house.

I just want to clarify some things here:

If the OP does not want help, we as a site cannot force her to get it. Neither can you make us do it. I know you are trying to be nice, but at the moment it doesn't give off the right impression.

We would never do that unless we seriously needed to, you telling someone that you'll get staff involved does not help them. Your post comes off as incredibly threatening and I will not allow that to continue.

We cannot do anything against a person's will, neither can you. Please don't say things you do not actually know will happen. It just makes members unnecessarily worry. It also makes it look like people cannot trust Staff, that shouldn't be the case.

If you have a problem, don't hesitate to PM me.

[numbness]

I think that if the school dosnt believe you and its perfectly understandable why you wouldn't want to ask them for help then maybe if you found someone you trust to talk to it might make life a little more bearable even though it would be hard at first. I think its really brave to tell people a bit of what's going on in your life and it may benefit you to talk to a trustworthy person. if you need to chat feel free to talk to me. "Virtual hug "

[CosmicNoodle]

Ok it's Sunday and no one is going to do anything today so let me see if I can understand what you're telling me.

I have a problem. I don't think there's any way that it can be solved without some other problem coming from it. I don't want any one to solve it for me. All I've been looking for is something that tells me I have some value.

Your solution is to threaten me with a solution that I can be pretty sure won't fix my problem but will make things worse. Maybe I should be the one doing the reporting or maybe that's just how things work here. But I have to say this all sounds a lot like what I hear at home, that is threatening me to get me to comply. I really don't understand because if I thought calling the police would do any good I would have already done that. So um... thanks for the help?

Fine you know what i give up. That was a bluff, i would not do that and only said it to try to get you to realise that you need to tell someone.
But if you are not going to move then i fucking give up, i am not wasting my time taking to the deaf but before i go let me tell you that you DO have value, everyone does, i thought that would go without say.
Anyway, if your not going to help yourself then i cant help you even tho i want to, Goodbye :(.
If you change your mind just say

[Magenta]

Fine you know what i give up. That was a bluff, i would not do that and only said it to try to get you to realise that you need to tell someone.
But if you are not going to move then i fucking give up, i am not wasting my time taking to the deaf but before i go let me tell you that you DO have value, everyone does, i thought that would go without say.
Anyway, if your not going to help yourself then i cant help you even tho i want to, Goodbye :(.
If you change your mind just say

Don't you think you're being a little unfair to the OP? You can't force someone to get help or report something as severe as this. It only does more bad than good. It reinforces the belief that the victim (I apologise, because I hate using the term) is powerless and has no control over their own life, for better or worse. I know it doesn't make sense. To a lot of people, all they can see is the light on the other side of reporting such a situation. To someone who is being abused like this though, it's not that simple.

You're expecting her to go to a complete stranger and ask them for their help. When someone can't even rely on their own parents, people that they are supposed to be able to trust to love and support them no matter what, how can you expect them to trust a complete stranger who has no obligation to be there for them? Yes, the authorities are meant to be trustworthy but it's not the same. When you've been betrayed by someone so close to you, the rest of the world is bloody terrifying and if you feel small and powerless at home, you wonder why would the rest of the world believe you? It's not as simple as just reporting it. There are so many conflicting emotions, so many beliefs instilled into the person... you're asking her to take a giant leap of faith that so far no one has responded to.

Not to mention, group homes and foster care aren't the easiest places to live either. Though, to the OP, they are better than your current situation. But I get it. You don't want to provoke the situation. You don't want friends or family friends to blame YOU if your father gets put away. But hon, this isn't your fault. Your father is a grown man who should very well know what he is doing is not okay. And if other people can't see that he's the one in the wrong, they're just as messed up.

You deserve so much better than the situation you're in. And I know what it's like when no one listens. And not wanting to get someone else in trouble because of the consequences. It's so hard to reach out but no one should have to live in fear because of 'what ifs' or because they're trapped. As hard as it is, and as much as it may sometimes seem better just to stick it out until you're older, there's only really one solution and that's to keep trying to make your voice heard until someone listens to you. Because while I get that you don't want to tell, I know you don't want to keep living like this. No one does.

[uglyinsideandout]

@Magenta thanks you put it alot more clearly than I could have.

It's hard for me to see things any other way than I do but I do have some idea of how things work and how they would go. Besides my fear of it actually working to tell (all the shame brought out in the light for everyone to see) there's my fear of that time between when I tell and something real happening.

I heard before about a similar situation where the abuse was reported and it was MONTHS before the cops made an arrest. It's that gap that has me the most scared. Because for whatever reason I know I won't just be whisked away they are going to ask him Did you really do this? And duh what's going to say. And if I get examined and they go Yep she's had sex what's that going to prove when he tells them what a little slut I am fucking anything that doesn't move faster than me. It won't matter if it's true or not. Unless he flat out admits it I've got to try to live through the investigation time. I don't think that would happen.

--More later have to go.

[LouBerry]

Well thanks for the nice posts. It is a close family member and maybe my biggest fear is that I would tell and no one would believe me and it would make everything worse. I know if I told and they didn't do anything about it that he would kill me. Maybe not directly but I know I'd end up dead somehow. So I think it's better to just take it and try to deal for now unfortunately.

And I really don't know how to make friends. It's summer and I don't school but even when I do no one will talk to me. People get up and leave when I come around so now I just leave them alone. It's not fair for me to make people uncomfortable just because I'm lonely.

That's what this person wants you to feel like. That you can't help it, or that no one will believe you. It is NOT true.
Tell someone. At school, a family member you can trust, anyone who can help, but you do it.

[Luminous]

Oh I realize it would be better if I could get out but theres more to it than that. I'm confused by you saying I dug this hole for myself. Well I guess not really, I'm more confused by people that say it's not my fault. I think I agree with you more that it is my fault.

I really don't have any reason to try to make things better though. What's the best I can hope for? having the guilt of sending my father to prison? Living in foster care or a group home? I think it's better if I just take what's coming to me and be quiet. I don't even know why I joined this site it's really not making me feel better.

What I meant by the hole you dug for yourself:
Obviously you're not raping yourself. What I meant is that when given the opportunity to save yourself you didn't, and became almost comfortable with your secret in a way, and now you don't consider telling for more than a moment or two at a time.
It's NOT your fault that you are being abused. I didn't mean to say it is. What I meant to say is it's your fault for not getting help. I don't mean that harshly, I certainly can sympathize with you and in your situation I would likely do the same. It's just under your physical control whether you can form words (usually, assuming you weren't born mute) or not.
I understand that you don't want help. I do!!
I used to have depression. Really bad. I didn't think it would get better, I didn't want it to get better, didn't even know what the word meant. But some things happened in my life and it almost completely cleared away. I learned what it meant to feel better. Recently it's been coming back but now I remember happiness, and that's my motivation to push forward and try not to succumb to the pain.
Have you ever felt happy? Do you remember traces of that feeling? Do you want to feel like that again?
Imagine happy, what is it like?
Do you want to feel like that?
Nicolette if you want we can be friends ok? I was doing better but I'm slipping now and losing what I had of happiness. I honestly am trying not to but I think I'm going to cut myself tonight. I'm losing and you are too. *high five* buddies.
Damn that was depressing to write.

[Ballboy]

You do deserve better Nicolette.
I can't imagine a way out apart from what others have said. But if you choose to stay quiet, are there any options? Is there any way that you could make life a bit more bearable?

[uglyinsideandout]

I guess it's hard to follow because it's spread all over in different posts. So, to recap...

I asked my Dad to take me to get a pregnancy test. There's always been this unspoken agreement that we don't acknowledge what he does to me, so this went very badly. I got hurt pretty bad and someone came because of the noise. They saw there was a serious problem. Police and ambulance showed up. Went to hospital. Got stitches. Aunt picked me up and took me to her house. Staying with her now. Don't know exactly what happened to Dad. If aunt can't or doesn't want me on a permanent bases then I don't know what happens to me... foster care, group home... *shrug*

I'm sure there will be more in the days and weeks ahead but no one is telling me anything directly. I just hear 1 side of phone conversations and adults stop talking when I come in the room. Pretty sure I've had a social worker assigned to me because I've been told I'll be meeting with one some time next week. Everyone thinks I'm whacked out on pain pills but I'm saving them up just in case I need a quick exit.

[Ballboy]

Omg Nicolette. Things have changed for u. But I'm sure u can believe that the change should mean improvement. I do understand why u're saving up u'r pills and I get it, but please don't go that way -- "permanent solution to a temporary problem". U'r Dad maybe needs to b locked up and prolly psych care. It's best if that happens. And u shud help to make it happen. Tell the truth to anyone who asks now! The truth is your friend!
U need to know that u deserve to have a life without abuse. Please believe that u are a valuable human being in your own right and there is a brighter future ahead. I'm crying inside for u. Begging u to look for better life. It doesn't hafta b like it was and u gotta help change it. Pease. Don't try to go back to the way it was.
Pete

[uglyinsideandout]

I don't know if it's going to be an improvement or just a different hell. Time will tell. I know I shouldn't be saving the pills but it's something I can do that makes me feel a little bit empowered. They sort of noticed that I cut in the hospital and now I'm finding it pretty much impossible to find anything sharp laying around. I want to cut so very badly and I can't.

[Ballboy]

Oh dear girl, isn't there anything else u cud do apart from cutting? Why hurt yourself any more? Of course I don't get the cutting thing and I guess u gotta do wot u gotta do. But I hate to think of u hurting so.

[uglyinsideandout]

I don't know how to explain it. So much is spiraling out now that I just want to do the thing that makes me feel better. I've been doing it so long it's like a part of me and it's my best coping mechanism. I guess in a way it's like smoking, it's not good for you but it's very hard to stop.

I guess it all goes back to the thread title... I don't know how to talk about this. You can pretty much apply that to everything in my life. Sometimes I feel like all of it should just be obvious but I know it's not. And I can't find the right words, when I do try I'm misunderstood. Sometimes a little, sometimes alot.

Well hey, I'm supposed to go try to eat something so gotta go.

[Ballboy]

Hey. Someone who's never been there prolly can't get what cutting is all about -- so don't worry too much trying to explain. Not that I'm not interested, just that no matter how clearly u explain it, it'll still seem daft to me. :-) Sorry, I'm not making light of your pain -- I long for it to go away and hate to hear of you suffering inside. I can kinda see that the cutting pain wud at least feel real and relieve some tension of stuff u cant express or something like that -- is that how it works?
Btw, I've ADD, so I've been in some counselling -- it can help in some cases anyway.

[uglyinsideandout]

I'm kinda looking forward to therapy and kinda dreading it at the same time. Part is hope that things will get better and part is fear of the unknown.

Cutting to me is about control and punishment. Like eating it's something that I have that I can be in charge of. And well, I pretty much hate who I am and all the mistakes I make so there's the punishment. The pain which isn't usually all that bad is sort of the icing on the cake. I'm sure this makes little sense, but I'm ok with that. :)

[Luminous]

Oh Nicolette.
Do you want pity? I can give you pity. "oh I'm so sorry I can't believe that had to happen"
Do you want a friend? I can do that too. "I'm here for you"
Both? Anything else I can do? I really want to help you, I do.
I understand why you're hoarding pills. That is your choice, I pray you will never feel the need to use them.
I'm not sure what to tell you about your cutting withdrawals.
Hannah

[uglyinsideandout]

Oh Nicolette.
Do you want pity? I can give you pity. "oh I'm so sorry I can't believe that had to happen"
Do you want a friend? I can do that too. "I'm here for you"
Both? Anything else I can do? I really want to help you, I do.
I understand why you're hoarding pills. That is your choice, I pray you will never feel the need to use them.
I'm not sure what to tell you about your cutting withdrawals.
Hannah

No pity won't help me and it feels fake to me. Pretty much anyone acting like they care a whatever level feels fake to me. See I've heard alot of talk over the years but very little action. It's not a big deal to me anymore, I don't expect or even hope for it.

Friends would be nice but I don't really know how to do that. I have never felt like I had a friend. Always been pretty much outcast. Again, no big deal I've accepted this as how it is.

I don't think I will use the pills but it's something I can do to feel like I have options. If you know what it feels like to have no options then that should make some sense... maybe. IDK.

I don't know what to do about cutting either. It's making me feel crazy. Or crazier. I'm just hoping that seeing a therapist is going to help.

[handle with care]

reading what happened to you brings tears to my eyes if you need a friend im here for you you not ugly either your beautiful inside and out and i mean it when i say that. you don't deserve the suffering you have endured. if you need to talk just pm me

[Ballboy]

I totally get wanting to control something when most things are outa your control. It doesn't have to be logical or make sense if this just how it is. I think therapy is bound to help -- that's what it's for.

[numbness]

I don't know what itfeels like to be going through what you are I know about cutting because I self harm but genuinely if you do just want to have someone that listens or whatever then you can talk to me.if you want to

[dnfly]

i cant help for the abuse :c but what keeps you away from making friends?

[uglyinsideandout]

IDK. I guess I'm not a very pleasant person to spend time with.

[Happyguy1]

I just want to clarify some things here:

If the OP does not want help, we as a site cannot force her to get it. Neither can you make us do it. I know you are trying to be nice, but at the moment it doesn't give off the right impression.

We would never do that unless we seriously needed to, you telling someone that you'll get staff involved does not help them. Your post comes off as incredibly threatening and I will not allow that to continue.

We cannot do anything against a person's will, neither can you. Please don't say things you do not actually know will happen. It just makes members unnecessarily worry. It also makes it look like people cannot trust Staff, that shouldn't be the case.

If you have a problem, don't hesitate to PM me.

Its a shame if your too scared to fix this issue, I hope you can be strong and do what you know in your heart is right and get this stopped

[Katiya]

Ok there is one thing I want you to know!!!

Some one will believe you because I do and I am someone and you are not worthless! You have value!

I personally would tell some one but that is your personal choice. I don't dislike you for not doing so.

Do know that they won't blow you off if you tell. Some people might but not everyone is like that. The squeaky wheal gets the grease. Shout louder if they wont listen. No ones going to examine you and just say your a whore. They would not believe him, they believe the girl. ALWAYS and if they don't tell elsewhere. If you wan't to tell. I'm not trying to make you do it, just informing you of some basic things.

And secondly don't Ever think that no one will want you! That's not true! Iv'e know people who have be sexually abused and they have found true Loving relationships, not ones based of of sex or control, guys that actually care about them!

You are not worthless! I mean it! Your not used merchandise or defective in any way. Your just you, a real partner likes you for Who You Are not what you are! Maybe your funny, or have had similar pasts. Attraction isn't just about sex. Its like they say, chemistry they kind of just see you and meet you and know they like you for you.
I GUARANTEE you have good qualities as a person! You have gone through this hardship and understand what so many cant! You may have helped some one just by posting this here! Others do feel just like you out there in the same kind of situation! You are not alone! I know this because I felt like that for years and it turned out I never was, so if you feel alone try and know your not!

As for other people making you feel worse. They just don't understand what its like, they mean well but its hard for people to understand why some one wouldn't tell unless they have lived a situation like it them selves. Some people are more gutsy than others. You may want to protect your dad because he is your dad after all. Many people feel this way about parents who abuse them, and many others don't. There is no shame in your choice either way. No shame on you either.

Just know above all else, You are a good person! I mean that from the bottom of my heart, I'm not just giving you pity. And I hope you can find what you need in life regardless of what choice you make.