pianoman4
July 23rd, 2013, 04:38 PM
First of all, I'm sorry for writing so much. Here is some background information: I'm gay and I have a friend I've known since 8th grade. This year we will be seniors in high school. I have adored him in a sexual and emotional way for a long time. He doesn't know this. He's got such a wonderful outgoing personality and I enjoy every minute I'm around him. This past year in school, we finally had a class together (chemistry). We chose each other as lab partners. In this class, I was finally able to talk to him more than I had in the past. (I'm going a little off track, but this is more background information). One day, our school was putting together a whole day of group activities for us to learn how to be respectful to one another and all that crap... Anyway, me and my friend (from chemistry class) happened to be in one of the activities together. We were just sitting and chatting to each other when all of a sudden my friend randomly says to me, "You're a ladies man aren't you?" He said it in a way guys friends joke around with each other. So I jokingly responded, "Haha, no not really..." But he kept going back and forth with this nonsense. I think he was trying to get me to tell him I was gay. Anyway, we then traveled with our goup to the next activity. During this time, I could see that he wanted to tell me something. Once we finished that second stupid activity, my friend and I both decide to skip the rest of them and just hangout on our own. We were walking together in the hallway alone. He then wanted me to follow him into the bathroom. So I did, and he told me to get out my cellphone (because he didn't have one) and he began to write a text message. When he finished, he gave the phone back to me and I read it in my head. It said, "I know what you are". I nodded and said "ok". I waited for him to say the word "gay" I don't think he wanted to. So then I said, "Yes I'm gay." Then he takes my phone again and begins to write another message. When I read thia one it said, "Can you keep a secret?" So once again I nodded and said yes. He then tells me to get into the bathroom stall. (At this point my heart was beating fast!) He washed his hands for some reason and then joined me in the stall. He said to me, "Can I give you something?" He said this as he pointed to my crotch. He wanted to give me a blowjob! I was extremely shocked. Because number 1 he's got a girlfriend he has been with for two years. And number 2 I was hoping to give HIM a blowjob. (I'm not versatile, I think I only enjoy giving the blowjob). Back to the story... I end up telling him I don't want a blowjob from him because I wanted to give him one. (Yes I know I sound selfish, but I couldn't help it! Nothing like this ever happened to me). I could tell he was a little disappointed. We left the bathroom but he pleaded to that he wanted to give me a quick one, but said no again. Because I care about him, I found better place for ua to talk about how he feels. He said, "Please don't tell my girlfriend". (Which I would never do). He then says to me, "I'm not gay...I don't know." Those are his exact words. He seemed uncomfortable so I tried to make it better by telling him everythings alright and that he has always been such a good friend to me. Overall, think he was thankful for our little talk. I told him that if he ever needed anything he could always call me. Unfortunately, all of this happened on the last day before spring vacation (one week long). It was difficult for me not to think about what had happened. At the same time, I was afraid. Afraid because my fantasies of being with him seemed so close to coming true, but I knew that vacation would give him enough time to think about changing his mind. So thats the first part of my story. (One week later...) I was anxious to see my friend. When I see him chemistry class, he acts as if nothing happened between us. He was smiling and telling jokes like everything was normal (maybe it was to him). That very same week, I thought I would try my luck by passing a note to him that said, "Can I give you a blowjob?" I now know it was a stupid and selfish thing to do. He wrote back saying, "We're friends, thats it." So, over the next few weeks I tried to get him to hangout with me ao we could talk about what happened, but he turned me down every time. So I finally gave up. He obviously didn't want to talk about. Once I got him alone I said, "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable, you know I would necer want to do that to you. How would you like it if we forget about everything and have things just go back to normal?" He smiled and said he would like that very much. Even though it broke my heart a little, I gave him what he wanted and acted as if nothing ever happened... About a month went by after that and I had to admit, things were going pretty well. My friend and I were happy and enjoyed each others friendship. And I was beginning to move on. But I should have known it was to good to be true. One day, I stayed after to get some work done. I happened to run into my friend there too. We decide to hangout for a while at school since I had nothing to do. We just walked around and talked about teachers we didn't like and subjects we thought were difficult. He then says to me, "I changed my mind." I say, "About what?" He says, "You know..." Once again I was surprised and said "ok". Then tells me that he has some rules. 1. I can't tell anybody. And 2. He gets to give me a blowjob. At first I was a lttle hesitant, but I reminded myself what happened the first time I refused. I quickly say "sure". We couldn't do it that day because he was busy and had to leave soon. So, the next week I go up to him and ask him when we're going to go through with our plans. He unenthusiastically says, "I'm not sure." I ask him again a couple days later and he says, "I don't think I'm going to do it now." A little disappointed but not mad, I say "why not?" He says "I've got a girlfriend." And I'm standing there with what little sanity I have left, and I'm thinking ro myself, "your girlfriend didn't stop you before." I didn't actually say that to him but I wanted to. So, throughout the next couple weeks I try and try again to get him just to talk to me about everything but with no success. When I finally get his attention, he says to me that hes having a hard time at home and that of all people, I should understand. He continues to say that he wants me to just be there for him. So, once again, I do as he wishes and I leave him alone. On the last day of school, I catch him before he leaves. I give it one last shot. (Another stupid decision, I know) I say to him, "Can we please just talk for 5 minutes?" He then says, "I'll talk when I'm ready." He foes on to say that we should hangout this summer and go shopping or whatever. That made me so happy when heard him say that. Well, summer is half over and I haven't heard from him since then. I text his girlfriend now and then to see whats up but thats it. So here I am writing this super long story. I just want opinions, thoughts, and ideas on what I should do when I go back to school.
Thanks
Thanks