How to break up with someone your 'not with'!!!

[kimm]

Okay so here's the problem...

i've been mates with this girl for almost 2 years and were as close as ever...
About a year ago she came out to our close group of mates (consisting of two lesbians (who are dating) me (bisexual - more leaning to girls) and one of us is straight... We began going gay clubbing and stuff...

ANWAYS

It all started this one night when my mates were having a comp and this mate of mine asked me to kiss her... i thought yeah why not...
then after that it was full on... we've been having sex and staying at each others places nearly every night... i think its just a comfort thing because i appreciate her as a friend... i told her i didnt want to be in a relationship with her coz of our friendship...she persists on being coupley and all touchy feelly...how do i stop this before it gets out of hand and it completely destroys our friendship???

Has anyone been through this same sorta thing and any advice???
THANX

[Gumleaf]

you need to tell her how you feel and be honest with her. the longer you leave it, the worse it will be.

[lyra27]

Hmmmm a sticky situation. I think that you should just tell her that you're not into a relationship and stop fooling around with her asap. Because it will get worse as time goes on. But you have to do it in a sensitiveway! Don't hurt her feelings, just explain to her that you value her friendship too much to fuck it up with a confusing relationship. And once again, most importantly STOP SLEEPING WITH HER WOMAN! lol

[byee]

This isn't a gay issue, you know. Your sexuality has little to do with this, it's about relationships and how you conduct yourself in them.

Whenever people have sex with eachother, there's the possibility that things other than the physical get involved. That's what's happened here, you slept with her 'for comfort', and she obviously had a different exoerience and reaction. She views sex differently than you. You need to clarify that difference, and sort out what your expectations are in this relationship. And maybe moving forward, take into consideration the possible effects of your actions on the other person, and at the very least, have a conversation with them beforehand to avoid any disappointments or complications.

[ScotsGirl]

Has she told you she wants to be with you, or are you just going by her actions?
(that wasnt supposed to sound like i dont think she likes you!...i was jsut wondering if she had said anything)

I agree with everyone else though, if you think she likes you, then you need to have 'the talk'....
And if she confesses she does like you and/or wants to be together, then you definately need to stop anything physical unless you want to be with her too...
However, if she says she agrees and doesnt want to be in a relationship, and if you still want to carry on with the physical stuffs...then maybe talk to her about cutting down on the touchy feely stuffs...

Good luck! :D
xxxx

[kimm]

Has she told you she wants to be with you, or are you just going by her actions?
(that wasnt supposed to sound like i dont think she likes you!...i was jsut wondering if she had said anything)

I agree with everyone else though, if you think she likes you, then you need to have 'the talk'....
And if she confesses she does like you and/or wants to be together, then you definately need to stop anything physical unless you want to be with her too...
However, if she says she agrees and doesnt want to be in a relationship, and if you still want to carry on with the physical stuffs...then maybe talk to her about cutting down on the touchy feely stuffs...

Good luck! :D
xxxx

It's not like that...
i really like her for who she is but theres alot of things that come in to our situation such as:
-the fact we're best friends...
-the fact we hve such a close group of mates that i personally dont want to make uncomfortable if we were to be together then break up...
-the fact i've just come out of a longterm relationship...

i do really appreciate the girl and i dont want to ruin our friendship...
i like it the way it is but i also like the physical side...

[kimm]

This isn't a gay issue, you know. Your sexuality has little to do with this, it's about relationships and how you conduct yourself in them.

i never said it was a gay issue...
i was asking for advice on how i could stop feeling tied down when i'm not even in a relationship with her...
disregard the fact that we are both females...
also i totally disagree with you about me havinf sex with her just for a comfort thing...
there are feelings there and alot of them...
i just dont want to act upon them as i have said in my above comment...
now taking this in to account what should i do?