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AyVannah
July 21st, 2013, 08:40 PM
Uhm... To be honest, I am not really sure where to begin...
When I was six(or a little before I turned six), my "sister" (who I found later was not my real sister) had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was staying with us (my "family" and I) in our apartment... Sometimes my "sister" wasn't around, my "father" was "working late", and my "mother" was drunk or out with her so-called friends. Leaving me and him alone... He would watch porn... Then he would have me watch him masturbate to it... Later we got to the point of him having me take it out... Then finally stroke... I can't remember most of my childhood... From about 6.5-11, I can't really remember a lot about my life... Most of that time was when he was around... She broke up with him when I was around 10-ish..
That's the first thing.
The next:
My "parents" were actually my foster parents. I never actually knew that until I was 13 or 14. Anyways. They never cared much for me. They paid more attention to my older sibling than myself. She was their princess. I was a burden on them. Everything I did was wrong, no matter what I did. Everything was always my fault, when they acknowledged my existence. My parents cared more about money and appearance. Well, the mother did. The father cared more about a whore. Anyways. Point is, I was never shown love. And when I did something not how the mother wanted me to do it, I'd get smacked. Therefore making me act out more. I ended up homeless for a year. Thank god for my friends and their understanding families! I was actually on the streets for probly a total of a few days all together. Anyways, yeah...
On to the next matter!!:
Since I moved to live with my real grandparents (Ma and Pops), I've had relationship issues... I was the new kid at school around the middle of sophomore year. I made a few really good friends. One of my other friends introduced me to a HUGELY popular guy named Troy. I guess her idea was to get me popular..? I unno... Anyways.. At first it was great! We got along just wonderfully :) everything was great. He asked me out. And I said yes. And we dated. It went great for about a few months or so. Then... He started wanting to go farther than making out. And I really didn't want to. At first he said it was okay. A week went by and he tried again. I said no and he said fine but looked VERY upset... Pissed... Not long after he took me to a place where him and his friends hung out. They were smoking pot and drinking and stuff. He decided to show me off... Kissing me VERY passionately... Groping... I was embarrassed... And upset with him. He kept trying for sex, now, about every other day or so. I kept refusing. And he got pissed. I look back at it and think "why didn't you just leave then...?" I should have. I really, REALLY should have. He started to get mean, verbally at first. Calling me a bitch, cunt, etc... Telling me how ugly I was.. How useless I was... How I couldn't do anything right... Then one day, he hit me... And it REALLY hurt... He's 6'3 and over 160lbs. It HURT! It was over something stupid, too... Sure, it left a mark... But nothing makeup couldn't hide... I thought it was my fault, anyways. I should have just done what he wanted and I wouldn't have gotten hit. It got worse... I had to start making up stupid excuses like I was hit by a door at school or someone accidentally ran into me from behind and I fell face first. Then... Well... Then he kicked me one day while I was down.. Got my chest... Came to found out I had a cracked and a broken rib. I made an excuse that I fell off my friends horse.. That was a lame excuse... I know... But hey, it worked for the most part... He did that cause I tried to leave him. This was the middle of summer towards my junior year. He had just graduated. And he was leaving state for another college. That's the only reason why I'm free of him now.
There was another thing but I feel like I've given people enough to read, sorry >.<

Jessiibear
July 21st, 2013, 09:26 PM
I'd have bitten their dicks off for you, I swear on my life...both guys were assholes! You being able to see that is one step forward. You're strong. I can see that. We make mistakes, we come across things out of our control, you just need to see that to rise above it. My heart goes out to you and your past and present ordeals. That incident with your sister's boyfriend, your ex, the fact you're adopted. Feel like a target. All of it.

Trust me, I know what it's like to feel neglected and hurt. Why you, right? What did you ever do to deserve any of that? Well, you didn't do anything wrong. Life just decided to be a bitch. 'Cause that's life. But, as I said, you're a strong girl. You need to believe that. The funny thing about life, too, is that even though it can be a bully, everyone grows (yes, even people who end up committing suicide). You're so brave for posting this and I commend you on that. :)

I know it's hard with all you've been through, but keep that head up, you!

AyVannah
July 21st, 2013, 09:31 PM
Thank you once again for being here, Jess :) I just... Really wanted to get all of that out x.x...
I'm kinda really glad about not being able to remember some of my childhood. It's a bit off, but i don't think I want to remember it. Ya know?

Hehe... Bitten off their dicks... Thank youuuu! X)

Moondust
July 21st, 2013, 09:47 PM
Wow, if I was in that situation, I would have killed them all 0_0
*slowly brings up knife with wide smile* ( yeah, I'm a bit of a creeper)
Wow, I can't believe people life this even exist! Some people seem to still women are still just sex objects! I'm so sorry you had to go through all that crap and hope you find a guy who would really respect what you think and NEVER, EVER hurt you in ANY way! Love is when he treats you like a princess, but these guys were was treating you worse than dirt.
If there's anything else you wanna let out, go right ahead.

AyVannah
July 21st, 2013, 09:49 PM
-laughs- ah, if only I was that brave then.
Thank you very very much :)
There was another named Ryan who was the same as Troy but didn't hit as often and called me his slave.

Jessiibear
July 21st, 2013, 10:04 PM
-laughs- ah, if only I was that brave then.
Thank you very very much :)
There was another named Ryan who was the same as Troy but didn't hit as often and called me his slave.

I know what that's like, actually...what was it...? A fetish? :/

No guy has the right. You're no cheap object.

AyVannah
July 21st, 2013, 10:09 PM
Yeah.. He wanted the Master-Slave thing.. I was too scared to do anything about it, really. Luckily he found a better girl... She's actually happy with him and she's excited about a wedding they're having...

AyVannah
July 22nd, 2013, 11:10 AM
I know but I'm worried about her x.x I found she pregnant. And Ryan started talking to me again and flirting and crap. Saying he loves me and not her. I tried to tell her but.. She just thinks in jealous

EternalSadness
July 24th, 2013, 05:31 PM
I'm sorry. :( to be honest as a guy I agree guys can be real a**holes. I'm surprised you haven't gone into liking girls only because some girls do after a bad experience like this, let alone as much as you have had to deal with. I'm sorry again and well hopefully any future relationship should be better because the guy should be older and more mature than that. I don't know if it's me but aren't the popular kids always wanting to do stuff like this anyway? :S

AyVannah
July 24th, 2013, 07:22 PM
You've got nothing to be sorry for :) I do like girls a lot lol. But I like guys too. Tbh, it's really that if I like someone, I like someone. Screw gender xP
And thank you very much :)
I know right! What's up with that? Trot was a rich douche. Which was why he was popular -.- Why, though, do they do that? I guess they think they're better than everyone else.

Castle of Glass
July 24th, 2013, 11:47 PM
:( :hug:
Had i been there, even if i didn't know you, i would have beat both of them up, to the point where they are nearly dead :) i don't care if i go to jail or get expelled, but no one, NO ONE, should treat a girl like that. If someone says no, then no it is. All rich ppl are jerks. so this troy guy was 170ish pounds? 220lb wrestler. he would be out cold. At least you don't have to deal with him :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo

"Life's a Piece of Shit, When You Look at It." -Monty Python

AyVannah
July 25th, 2013, 12:19 AM
Thank you.. So so much :) that means a lot. Like... Really, it does. You've got no idea. Thank you.

*giggles* that made me smile! Thanks! x)
And ain't that the truth!

Jenny13
July 25th, 2013, 12:48 AM
How did you recuperate??

AyVannah
July 25th, 2013, 01:01 AM
I'm still struggling with the trauma. Though I don't look it, I am quite depressed, most likely due to the trauma. I tend to internalize things, though. I guess I am recovering (slowly). I don't know if I will ever get over what Troy (or Ryan or Amy's bf) did to me.. But I guess I will learn how to deal with it in time :)

EternalSadness
July 25th, 2013, 09:12 AM
You've got nothing to be sorry for :) I do like girls a lot lol. But I like guys too. Tbh, it's really that if I like someone, I like someone. Screw gender xP
And thank you very much :)
I know right! What's up with that? Trot was a rich douche. Which was why he was popular -.- Why, though, do they do that? I guess they think they're better than everyone else.

I'm sorry it happened to you though nobody deserves to go through that. :( yeah ok I get what. You mean, I just knew a girl once who went lesbian for stuff like this.

Maybe they do think they're better, who knows? They act like it so I suppose they must do. I don't know how people like that get to be so popular, but I can tell you right now that you're a better person and he doesn't deserve anything good for treating you that way. It's good you didn't give him any satisfaction from what he wanted you for, he is sick for trying to manipulate you that way.

Allain1996
July 25th, 2013, 11:36 AM
Well, first of all, none of this is your fault!
With the first guy, you were only like 6, and didn't know how wrong it was. That's not to mention the fact that he could have physically hurt you had you resisted, so you couldn't have done anything anyway.
With the boyfriend, I would have reported him for abuse and left him long ago. Pressuring you to have sex would have been the breaking point for me, because if he can't respect your wishes towards having sex, than he doesn't deserve you.
When he comes home on break from college, keep as much distance as possible and don't even attempt to go anywhere near him!

AyVannah
July 25th, 2013, 01:07 PM
Thank you :)

And I know it's not my fault but it just feels like it sometimes, ya know?
I'll be keeping as much distance as possible

Allain1996
July 25th, 2013, 02:35 PM
Thank you :)

And I know it's not my fault but it just feels like it sometimes, ya know?
I'll be keeping as much distance as possible

No problem! :)
I'm glad because from the little that I read about you, I can already tell that you are too good for people like this who think they can abuse and hurt you!

Castle of Glass
July 25th, 2013, 04:12 PM
I put my life after everyone who is in deeper shit than me. So, say what you say, but i would risk going to jail for you and anyone who is in deep shit, either physically or mentally. my life is only more important than ppl who are in better place than me. or ppl who are jerks before, because karma is a bitch.

AyVannah
July 25th, 2013, 04:49 PM
No problem! :)
I'm glad because from the little that I read about you, I can already tell that you are too good for people like this who think they can abuse and hurt you!
Awe.. Thank you :)

I put my life after everyone who is in deeper shit than me. So, say what you say, but i would risk going to jail for you and anyone who is in deep shit, either physically or mentally. my life is only more important than ppl who are in better place than me. or ppl who are jerks before, because karma is a bitch.

Awe :') you're awesome. Thank you!!

Castle of Glass
July 25th, 2013, 04:56 PM
Awe :') you're awesome. Thank you!!

Yea i am that way. i have been told i would make a good "good guy cop" or a bodyguard. I have size, i can be scary if needed, but i am always trying to help ppl.

AyVannah
July 25th, 2013, 05:07 PM
That's good :) you would be a good cop or bodyguard! :) you're great

Happyguy1
September 10th, 2013, 01:03 PM
Simple advise for you Ash, you have already been strong and need to stay strong, you need to have that shoulder to cry on but I believe your crying alone.
I hope you have that special someone who cares for you, I can only chat to you here but know there are others that care ok..

numbness
September 10th, 2013, 01:41 PM
I'm sorry you went through that,just stay strong there are lots of people I'm sure who care AMD want ti support you,message me if you wanna chat :)

Emily15_xoxo
September 26th, 2013, 05:10 PM
that's so sad, I'm so mad that he hit you and got away with it, wish you would have told somebody. stay strong