When the urges return

[Castle of Glass]

So, about 10ish months ago, I held a blade against my skin. Never went through with it because just as i was about to break my skin, i had to hid everything(blade, first aid kit(always have had one, everyone in my family has one), and paper to catch the blood). That repeated for about three weeks until i joined wrestling, which took my mind of things. But now that wrestling stopped, my mind has split into two, one that is just blocking out the outside world, and one which is just full of my thoughts. Because I have dry skin, i can get away with scratching at my antecubital space(the part of your arm that bends), but it has never been enough for me. Recently(as in two days ago), i started fingering my blade, next thing i know, i am in the shower with my blade on my skin. except i can't do anything. can't put it down or go through with it. I try and distract the thoughts of cutting by playing hard games, or clearing my mind be drinking tea or meditating, but now matter what i do, the darkness comes back and i only see things sharp enough to cut. How the hell am i suppose to stop, if i haven't even do it?

[Blackisme]

Talk, draw anything to take your mind of it, ever heard of the butter fly project? U draw a butterfly on any part of your skin and name it after someone u care about if u cut your skin u've killed the butterfly and th person, u have to let it fade naturally and if u rub it off it dies as well. Keep repeating this process every time u have the urge.
I hope this helps, I try writing as a distraction way too many drafts lying about now :) look on the Internet for all the rules for the butterfly project and try it :)

[Castle of Glass]

Talk, draw anything to take your mind of it, ever heard of the butter fly project? U draw a butterfly on any part of your skin and name it after someone u care about if u cut your skin u've killed the butterfly and th person, u have to let it fade naturally and if u rub it off it dies as well. Keep repeating this process every time u have the urge.
I hope this helps, I try writing as a distraction way too many drafts lying about now :) look on the Internet for all the rules for the butterfly project and try it :)

can't talk to any one, cuz i don't have friends i can trust. can't draw for shit. I try to take my mind of things, but it doesn't work. the thing is how can i name someone i care about if i don't.

[EmptySoul]

can't talk to any one, cuz i don't have friends i can trust. can't draw for shit. I try to take my mind of things, but it doesn't work. the thing is how can i name someone i care about if i don't.

try by doing a name of a pet. I tried doing that once and it helped especially since I feel closer to animals than people, I tell my pet cat more than I would any living person. I would say don't limit yourself to namign the butterflies after any specific person or gorup of people in your life just write a name or word that has a connection that something strong enough to pull you through.

I'm here if you need to talk :)

[jayyy-lmao]

We're all here if you need to talk, buddy. Ad in regards to the butterfly project, don't give them a name, give them a title, like "My future boyfriend/girlfriend", "My future children" and "My future friend". Remember that things will get better, and that's why you shouldn't cut. I know how you feel, saying you can't go through with it. It's hard, it really is, but it gets better. Trust us.