Ugh Hormones.

[yayMaddy]

I am so confused.

I guess all I need is answers.. Or at least the ones I want.
I'm fourteen.
I have anxiety.
I have a hormonal imbalance.
Go easy on me with your advice..

Basically, I've got this fear of being gay. I've got so many logical explainations for me to be straight, and I love it. When I'm absolutely positive that I'm straight, is when I'm the happiest. Does that mean anything?

I've been in love with guys.. To the point where we're spooning at movies and kissing on occasion, but we were just "Best friends". Another time, when I got into this huge depression over this amazing guy whom I would've given anything to just.. Well get married to. But he was gay, and it hurt to know that he'd never feel the same way about me.

I've noticed that when I'm bored, and I'm PMSing or ovulating, I start to worry about my sexuality.. I always question if I'm gay and always come up with "No" by the end of the day.
The hormones that have been fluctuating in my system for months won't give up, and on occaision, they'll lead me to think I'm attracted to a dog.. Or a deer.. Or my horse, which are all rediculous.

Something that I don't understand is that recently, I've started highschool, and totally obsessed about guys.. All that was going through my mind was "Holy crap! Look at all of the attractive men! They're everywhere!!!"
But I haven't had a boyfriend, and my super-excited-"OMGHOTGUYS" phase kind of diminished.
Now I'm just confused to what's going on with my body.. Right now, I'm worried that I'm going to "turn" gay, mainly because I'm not obsessing over guys.
I'm afraid, that in my high school year, I'm going to change my mind and like girls.
I don't think that I will, nor do I want to.
It's just a fear.. Right? Will this go away?

Basically, I need reassurance, and some tips for hormonal imbalances.

[ideasgirl]

I don't know anything about hormonal imbalances, but it sounds from your post that you are pretty straight. Not many lesbians could feel as strongly as you have about guys. I think that once you stop stressing about being gay then you'll be able to truly discover who you are. There isn't anythng wrong with having thoughts for the same sex, whether it's physical or emotional, and it certainly doens't make you gay. My friend has been straight her whole life, and then all of a sudden started dating a girl which lasted for over a year, then they broke up and she's right back to guys. That doens't mean she's bi, or was gay for a year. It means she found someone who she loved as a person despite their gender. I think you should think about exactly why it is you get paranoid about being gay, think of any facts, evidence, information, whatever that could possible point to you being gay. I don't think you'll find a lot.

I'm sure that these thoughts are very normal, and nothing to pull your hair out over. Just try to relax and stop stressing about maybe being gay, and let your feelings develop without an overbearing psyche that wants to push them every which way.

[archangel]

I have no experience or knowledge with hormonal imbalances. But your specific case seems to be just normal doubts that we all get during puberty. And I reassure you that you are not gay. Any feelings for the same sex are to be expected during such a hormonally volatile time like puberty.

[byee]

Gee, I though I did a pretty good job answering your other post that was basically the same.

Where did you get the idea that you have a hormonal imbalance? Did an MD tell you that, did they draw blood and do a test to determine it? If they did, I'd suggest that you talk with him about treatments.

If not, then I'll refresh your memory with what I said yesterday, since I think it's valid and it might be helpful to you now. I think if you have a lot of worries, if you have a lot of anxieties that are based on things that later prove to be unreal or untrue, then you might assume that these current worries about your being gay are also unreal. Keep saying to yourself that it's not true.

The larger issue you might focus on isn't your current worry (whatever it might be), but rather the difficulty you have determining if it's real or not. For whatever reason, it's hard for you to see that your worries aren't based in reality, your reality testing is a little faulty. That's what needs to be fixed. It's not necessarily about your sexuality. it's about your ability to judge some of your own thoughts and feelings, and control them accordingly.

Maybe you should ask your folks to go talk with a therapist if this doesn't work. Anxiety is fairly straightforward to treat, there's no reason to struggle with it and have continuous thoughts that are disturbing to you.

[yayMaddy]

No, Sam you did fine. I just felt anxious so decided to do a little ranting in hope of hearing other peoples opinions. They're all similar to my mom's.

Eh, well basically I'm headed for the doctor tomorrow. Testing for Hormonal Imbalance and what not. I pretty much assumed that I had one from the internet, and the fact that I have a bunch of the major symptoms.

It makes sense that hormones are causing my confusion, and I've read a lot of threads about guys having the same problems.. But they're totally "Curious". I'm not curious like they are.. Just a bit hormonal.

Also, I fear, that if my hormones even out and the whole confusion thing doesn't stop, where will I be then?
It's killing me. Anxiety; Panic attacks.. etc.

[byee]

Good luck at the MD, Maddy. Ask him all the questions you have, maybe even the ones you're asking here.

I really like the idea, regardless of what the tests indicate about your hormones, of you getting some therapy. The real issue for you seems to be your difficulty accurately assessing your thoughts/feelings/fears. That's an underlying issue here, you have way too many irrational fears, being gay is just one of them. And a symptom of that other underlying issue which is the cause of all this.

Ask the MD for a referral to a good therapist.

[yayMaddy]

Oh I so will. My mom has to see a therapist too. Basically, I want some information on what I'm going through. Sometimes my mind tries to convince myself that I'm not attracted to men.. but I am.. Aren't I? I have been all of my life, I still obsess over cute guys making youtube videos.. But sometimes my mind just can't think straight, and I'm sick of it.
Stupid hormones.
Stupid puberty.
Any ideas? Suggestions?

[archangel]

doctors are lovely creatures, they can answer most any question you have to ask about stupid hormones, stupid puberty, and stupid adolescence in general. (and believe me, its stupid, in different ways, for everyone; so you arent alone =) )