Feelings of Giving Up, Letting Go, Exhaustion and Not Caring

[NightingaleBlue]

So I've been depressed for many years and tried many different options for treatment. Right now I just feel like giving up and letting go. I just feel so exhausted even though I've just had 3 weeks holiday. I just got my grades for semester 1 at uni and I failed one subject. It was only by like 9 marks so If I'd submitted even just 1 of the two assignments that I didn't submit then I'd have passed. Thing is I just don't care about any of it. I want to be studying the course I am but I don't care about stuff any more.

I live on campus during the semester and I put my dormies through hell with all the self-harming during out exam period at the end of the semester. They don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I'm just at the end of my rope with it all. I just feel like I'm going in circles and inevitably ending up back where I begin. I've been having these increasing urges to hurt myself and thoughts of it as well. I've also had a voice in my head saying things like "rip, rip, your flesh will be ripped...."

My family's attitude toward depression is less then helpful. They're like people with depression can get over it or depression doesn't exist. So I haven't told them anything. The only people who know are my dormies from uni. It's unfair to put all the pressure on them but I don't really have anyone else. I just don't know what to do any more. I'm just so exhausted and feel like letting go and giving up. I'm just at the end of it all!!!!!

NightingaleBlue

[Rayquaza]

I really do know how you feel, and I would say it will get better but you need to change your environment and actions first.

Don't let go and don't give up. The good news is you only failed one subject, not all of them. You can see where you went wrong, or perhaps it just wasn't your best subject. My AS results are coming in a month from now and I probably failed a subject too.

And yes, I've had the urges too. However, one thing that really does help is just talking it out to one of my friends, and you should too. It WILL be awkward at first, but once your friends understand you'll feel a lot better. So maybe your family isn't very good at understanding, maybe they need time to realise. I personally can't tell from experience because my parents still don't know. I have to cover my scars up when I go downstairs and stuff.

But yes, please don't let go and give up. Hold on for the remaining weeks and find one close friend to talk to. It will do you so much good.

[MeganLovesYou97]

Friends are there to help you, through thick and thin... I've felt like I was going in circles all the time, but once I let one of my friends know, she helped me more than I thought was possible! You'll make it :) You only failed one, and just barely! So I think if you can find one single motivation it will springboard you past what you are feeling, just don't give up! Find a friend and I hope everything works out for you!