DanteZombie
July 7th, 2013, 11:55 PM
I'm trying to figure out if I'm gay or not. If you could please read my story, and give me your opinion and advice? PLEASE!
Every since I remember I have always been an extremely horny person. I found out about sex early from a neighborhood friend (my parents are NOT open about sex at all, I NEVER got "the talk" in my life). I remember that I used to stay up late and get off to those censored girls gone wild commercials. I had a friend who was also a horny person (we hadn't even really started puberty yet). We started experimenting (fooling around, touching each other, and oral).
Around this time I was also starting to get into porn. It was all softcore and straight. As I got older, we still continued to experiment. I started to move into more graphic porn, but still it was all straight. I remember he always asked me, "do you think we will keep doing this when we are older?" and I would always say no. I started to feel guilty, because I don't like the idea of premarital sex, plus he wanted to go really far and I didn't want to. I would always try to lead it to mutual masturbation, but he hated that.
Fastforward a bit, we are both around 16 and we meet up again. He actually convinces me to do anal with him. I hated every second of it and found no pleasure. At that point I had enough and finally told him I couldn't do it anymore.
Fastforward a bit more, I'm now 18 and really confused. I am big time into porn, but I find myself going more for gay porn since they seem to be more sensual encounters, not as loud as straight, and it has an element of taboo to it. That's not the only thing I like about it though...I feel like there is more hidden elements to men, as now a days women just show like everything so there is no mystery. Also I'm a heavier set fellow and look nearly pure ugly. Part of me feels like there is no way I would actually get a girl, so that's why I view men as a way just to release sexual tension.
I'm worried that I'm just denying the gay part of myself, as it seems that I mostly get off to gay porn and my parents have explicitly stated their intense dislike (near pure hatred) for gay men. However, at the same time I'm not attracted to any of the males I know. I can't see myself kissing any gender to be honest, and the thought of having sex with a female scares me, because I don't know anything about it. I've only dated one girl, and I was to nervous and scared to do anything about it. I'm not the much of an outward sexual person.
Sorry for the long post, and any extra graphic details I added that I probably shouldn't have. If you could please just give me some advice I would be so HAPPY and THANKFUL! Please and thank you.
Every since I remember I have always been an extremely horny person. I found out about sex early from a neighborhood friend (my parents are NOT open about sex at all, I NEVER got "the talk" in my life). I remember that I used to stay up late and get off to those censored girls gone wild commercials. I had a friend who was also a horny person (we hadn't even really started puberty yet). We started experimenting (fooling around, touching each other, and oral).
Around this time I was also starting to get into porn. It was all softcore and straight. As I got older, we still continued to experiment. I started to move into more graphic porn, but still it was all straight. I remember he always asked me, "do you think we will keep doing this when we are older?" and I would always say no. I started to feel guilty, because I don't like the idea of premarital sex, plus he wanted to go really far and I didn't want to. I would always try to lead it to mutual masturbation, but he hated that.
Fastforward a bit, we are both around 16 and we meet up again. He actually convinces me to do anal with him. I hated every second of it and found no pleasure. At that point I had enough and finally told him I couldn't do it anymore.
Fastforward a bit more, I'm now 18 and really confused. I am big time into porn, but I find myself going more for gay porn since they seem to be more sensual encounters, not as loud as straight, and it has an element of taboo to it. That's not the only thing I like about it though...I feel like there is more hidden elements to men, as now a days women just show like everything so there is no mystery. Also I'm a heavier set fellow and look nearly pure ugly. Part of me feels like there is no way I would actually get a girl, so that's why I view men as a way just to release sexual tension.
I'm worried that I'm just denying the gay part of myself, as it seems that I mostly get off to gay porn and my parents have explicitly stated their intense dislike (near pure hatred) for gay men. However, at the same time I'm not attracted to any of the males I know. I can't see myself kissing any gender to be honest, and the thought of having sex with a female scares me, because I don't know anything about it. I've only dated one girl, and I was to nervous and scared to do anything about it. I'm not the much of an outward sexual person.
Sorry for the long post, and any extra graphic details I added that I probably shouldn't have. If you could please just give me some advice I would be so HAPPY and THANKFUL! Please and thank you.