Is it a good idea to have a female friend tell her friend that I like her?

[mnk222]

I'm new to this forum, I finally registered because I've found the advice that I've read on here to be helpful so I've decided to come here and ask for help on how to take a friendship that I have with a girl and make it into a relationship. I'll try to keep it short and to the point.

I've been friends with this girl that I like since High School, I'm now heading into my Sophomore year in college in the fall as is she and she's friends with the rest of my social circle that hangs out with the kids from High School. I developed feelings for her around the start of the year and asked one of her best friends to set up opportunities where I could hang out with her so I could ask her out but she got a boyfriend a day before I was going to ask her out (she herself said it was a rebound relationship from her last boyfriend) so I was left to wait a couple of months and I lost interest until I saw her at a party last month and found out she was single. The problem is that I can never find an opportunity at these parties to really invite her to go to lunch sometime or something with the way that these parties are. She is always hanging around with the whole group because these parties are "get togethers" for old high school friends, not a place to meet someone and hook up so she would just be uncomfortable if I pulled her aside and everyone would see if I had pulled her aside. I only see her at these parties anymore and the problem is that they are only held about once a month. I don't see her enough to get close enough to her but when we do see each other, we're usually talking to each other more than anyone else at the party. She always comes to stand next to me and she touches me a lot. We have always been good casual friends but both of us tend to hold back a little when it comes to relationships.

I recently have thought of asking her friend to tell her that I used to be into her or that I am into her now and to see how she reacts. I would rather tell her in person but I don't see her enough. I know there are other girls out there, but this girl is a casual friend, I just haven't been seeing her much lately and it's never really personal because it's always at a party. I am wondering if any of you believe that this is a good idea?

[MoonMan]

Next time you're at a party with her just ask for her phone number or Facebook or something so you guys can still talk once the party's over. In all honesty, letting someone else (especially if it's another female friend of her's) admit your feelings to her will most likely come off as a sign of lack of commitment and confidence depsite your real intentions, two traits that will dry any girl up in an instant. Who cares if people see you pull her aside, you're the only one holding yourself back. Stop waiting for the perfect opportunity and go and make one yourself. If she's uncomfortable about you asking her then she's most likely not into you anyways, especially if she's already had experience with relationships before. She'll get the message, and "the group" can take a fucking hike as far as you're concerned. Their opinion on your methods won't matter if she says yes, and you aren't there to impress them anyways.

[Synyster Shadows]

First off, welcome to VT. It's a great place.
Back to the point, that's a very bad idea. It happened to me and now the girl I liked hates me, thanks to that. Don't have someone else tell her. I know it's tough, but you'll have to do it yourself. Good luck

[benjisea]

Hey man.

One thing you don't want to do about relationships is complicating things. How do you know she is going to be uncomfortable with you pulling her to the side? Like I'm imagining right in my head of me pulling a girl from her group. "Oh you asshole, I was with my friends! Why did you even bring me here??" I know this is exaggerated but do you get what I mean? NO ONE RATIONAL. Will be rude. In fact, if another friend of yours that is a girl asks to pull you aside, would you be angry? I mean, if the girl will really be irritated then that just shows you that she probably isn't worth it. You got to get out of your head dude.

Here write down your fears when it comes to approaching her:
ex:
1) I might not have things to say
2) Awkward silence
3) Embarrassed by friends
4) etc etc

Once you know your fears and insecurities you have to face them. I know. I have a friend who is like you right now. This girl he likes knows he has no confidence to talk to her. One time, there was a party and the only way he sees her is through these parties and when she was there, he didn't even talk to her! The point is girls love confident men.

And yes...Asking her in person is personally better because it shows you have confidence and balls enough to talk to her about it. If there really is no way to talk to her or find her, then sure ask your other girl friend. And another thing I would like to add is this: There is no perfect moment. Just be yourself and live in the present. Don't think of cheesy pick up lines. Be yourself.

I don't know this for sure but are you a shy person in general? I used to be super duper shy around strangers so I can help you.

[mnk222]

@benjisea: I'm not generally shy, in fact, I talk to the girl that I like more than anyone else at the party and have never had a problem talking to her or her friends, her friends think very highly of me. My only reason for asking this question is because while i've had plenty of dating experience in the past, I have never wanted to ask out a female friend. My reason for having my friend (who is friends with the girl that I like) tell the girl that I like that i'm into her was to get her thinking of me in a "dating" sense because when i'm talking to her at a party, it's tough to grasp whether or not the signs that she is giving me are signs that she's interested in me or that she likes me as a friend so it's tougher than reading the body language of a girl that I usually would ask out who has made her interest clear from the start. I plan to ask her out either way, but I was just curious as to what the best approach is to moving past friendship with a girl.


@MoonMan and @MusicalInV: I agree completely, I was mostly considering this idea as a last resort, just to see how she would've reacted to it. Her friend actually told me that she wanted to tell her that I was into her but she didn't because I told her not to in the first place and she actually thought that I had the right idea but it seems that she felt that it wouldn't have been a big deal or a bad idea if she had told her in the first place

[chillaxman]

@benjisea: I'm not generally shy, in fact, I talk to the girl that I like more than anyone else at the party and have never had a problem talking to her or her friends, her friends think very highly of me. My only reason for asking this question is because while i've had plenty of dating experience in the past, I have never wanted to ask out a female friend. My reason for having my friend (who is friends with the girl that I like) tell the girl that I like that i'm into her was to get her thinking of me in a "dating" sense because when i'm talking to her at a party, it's tough to grasp whether or not the signs that she is giving me are signs that she's interested in me or that she likes me as a friend so it's tougher than reading the body language of a girl that I usually would ask out who has made her interest clear from the start. I plan to ask her out either way, but I was just curious as to what the best approach is to moving past friendship with a girl.


@MoonMan and @MusicalInV: I agree completely, I was mostly considering this idea as a last resort, just to see how she would've reacted to it. Her friend actually told me that she wanted to tell her that I was into her but she didn't because I told her not to in the first place and she actually thought that I had the right idea but it seems that she felt that it wouldn't have been a big deal or a bad idea if she had told her in the first place

Responding to the bold: Then what's the problem? you seem to have answered your own question here.

To that last part, it is a bad idea. It would show a lack of confidence on your part.

[mnk222]

@chillaxman: Exactly. I posted this question to basically get some ideas on how I could move this friendship past where it is right now. Having a friend tell her that i'm interested is definitely not the best idea. I have no problem asking her out it's just that I never have a place that is far enough away from the group at these "parties" so that I can make an opportunity to ask her. I'm going to try to get the group of people that go to the parties to all go to an amusement park sometime in the next week so that I can ask her there, it's a larger area with a lot more to do. Thanks for the help, I was mainly looking to ask if there was any way that I could move things from friends to something more before asking her out or if that was even necessary to do.

[benjisea]

In my opinion you don't need to have her to be alone...Yes it will help but don't make that such a priority. From the looks of it she already likes you. She touches you? That's a pretty good sign. Do you feel like you're in the friend zone or something?

If you had a blast with her say something like, "Hey, is there a way I can come in contact with you in the future? I had such a fun time with you, etc, etc" and move on from there.

I hope this video helps:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CTZK0Ld0QDU

[mnk222]

@natalie_k: Thanks for answering. Well I'm going to need to be away from the group for her sake. Asking her out in front of everyone will put pressure on her to make a decision that she might not want to make. My post said that I have been friends with her since High School which means that I have talked to her many times and hung out with her a couple times on her request. I have no trouble talking to her, I just need an opinion on how to ask her to lunch and how to deal with her initial shock of one of her friends asking her out. I have never asked out a girl who was my friend first and since we are friends, it is kind of a big deal that I am asking her out. We're not best friends, but we know each other well. I don't need to tell her that I spend my days at Starbucks because if she wants to go out with me, then she will happily agree to a lunch and confirm that she will be there. She has had a decent amount of relationship experience in the past, but she can sometimes be a little shy. I understand what you are saying and I sort of agree, but she knows me well enough that I don't think that her showing up will even tell me if she's interested in me as more than a friend.

@benjisea: She is extremely into making some sort of physical contact with me at every party. She usually comes and stands next to me all the time if everyone is standing in a group or circle. I can't tell if that is romantic interest, but I know that I'm not friendzoned. I don't treat her like a goddess, I treat her like a regular girl. She's guaranteed to almost always be at these parties due to our mutual friend. Our mutual friend goes to the same college as me and the girl that I like has already said that she will be visiting her when the school year starts, so I will have plenty of opportunities to see her again. I don't want to drag it out though, especially if I have already made it obvious to her that I like her.