serpentina
July 6th, 2013, 08:06 PM
Hi!
I didn't really know where else to put this, so I guess it'll go here. I need some advice about a really good friend of mine who has begun cutting himself. I want to write a letter to him to show my support and tell him how much he means to me, etc. etc. I'm also going to make a list of things he can do instead of self harming for him to keep. I just want him to know that I'm here and I'll support him no matter what.
The problem is that I don't really know WHAT to put in it, y'know? I've never self-harmed. I've had a really traumatic background, too, but I never (fortunately) resorted to self harm. I feel infinitely inadequate because I know it's such a complex issue that only people who ARE self harmers can really say much about -- I would never try to push my opinions or conclusions about it on anybody because, when it comes down to it, I just don't understand.
So, does anybody have an idea of what I should put in it? Below I'll describe our relationship and a couple of issues we're having right now ... That make give you a better idea of how to help me, but I don't think it's necessary to read. I just want him to know that he has my support no matter what and I don't want him to feel like he has to face this alone.
I'll put the description in "quotes" so it'll be easier to skip it if you don't really want to read it. It's pretty long (I'm a very long winded person, haha, sorry), so I can understand if you don't.
He and I dated all of junior and some of senior year of high school. Some stuff happened between us, and I broke up with him, and he refused to talk to me until this past December (our Freshman year of college). I didn't know it at the time but his life was in shambles. He had begun cutting, his grandfather had died, he was really close to being kicked out of college (a prestigious school, the engineering program, they don't take to bad grades very well), and his girlfriend was abusive emotionally. I think it was his way of trying to reach out to somebody who he knew would accept him and be there for him, and we almost instantly clicked and got right back into the swing of things. I'm still very much in love with him, but he doesn't feel the same way, and that's okay. I've told him time and time again that I won't force anything on him, and I don't WANT a relationship unless he's going to be 100% committed to it and thinks it's going to work. However, he tends to be very emotionally attached to me, more so than anybody else. Just speaking to me put his relationship with his girlfriend in immediate peril (she was somebody we'd both known in high school who he'd dated Sophomore year). He's let me in farther than anybody else, too, and has repeatedly told me this.
Another issue is that, well, I'm pregnant with his child. I'm still trying to figure out what to do on that end, and things haven't been pretty between us, to say the least. I've said some really awful things, but so has he. So we're not really speaking right now and he's downright scared to talk to me -- he's scared of the entire situation. As a side note, yes, I was on birth control. It failed to work, however. My mother informed me the day I found out I was pregnant that she got pregnant with both myself and my older brother on BC and never thought it important to tell me (needless to say I was VERY upset with her). As another side note, he's been emotionally abusive in the past, and that side of him is starting to come out again, and it's part of the reason I've stopped talking to him all that much until I decide what to do -- he's been attempting to guilt me into abortion and threatening some awful things if I don't.
So I thought a letter would be the best option to really get the point across that I will do my best to stay with him no matter what, and that he isn't alone. That sort of thing.
I figured this would be the best place to get guidance, since you guys know what it's like. He says he cuts because he can't feel anything -- he's just completely empty and devoid of feeling. I don't know if it make a difference, but I thought I'd include it, anyways. Let me know if you need anymore info! And thanks so much in advance! I know there's no "one size fits all" in these situations, but I need some sort of starting point.
I didn't really know where else to put this, so I guess it'll go here. I need some advice about a really good friend of mine who has begun cutting himself. I want to write a letter to him to show my support and tell him how much he means to me, etc. etc. I'm also going to make a list of things he can do instead of self harming for him to keep. I just want him to know that I'm here and I'll support him no matter what.
The problem is that I don't really know WHAT to put in it, y'know? I've never self-harmed. I've had a really traumatic background, too, but I never (fortunately) resorted to self harm. I feel infinitely inadequate because I know it's such a complex issue that only people who ARE self harmers can really say much about -- I would never try to push my opinions or conclusions about it on anybody because, when it comes down to it, I just don't understand.
So, does anybody have an idea of what I should put in it? Below I'll describe our relationship and a couple of issues we're having right now ... That make give you a better idea of how to help me, but I don't think it's necessary to read. I just want him to know that he has my support no matter what and I don't want him to feel like he has to face this alone.
I'll put the description in "quotes" so it'll be easier to skip it if you don't really want to read it. It's pretty long (I'm a very long winded person, haha, sorry), so I can understand if you don't.
He and I dated all of junior and some of senior year of high school. Some stuff happened between us, and I broke up with him, and he refused to talk to me until this past December (our Freshman year of college). I didn't know it at the time but his life was in shambles. He had begun cutting, his grandfather had died, he was really close to being kicked out of college (a prestigious school, the engineering program, they don't take to bad grades very well), and his girlfriend was abusive emotionally. I think it was his way of trying to reach out to somebody who he knew would accept him and be there for him, and we almost instantly clicked and got right back into the swing of things. I'm still very much in love with him, but he doesn't feel the same way, and that's okay. I've told him time and time again that I won't force anything on him, and I don't WANT a relationship unless he's going to be 100% committed to it and thinks it's going to work. However, he tends to be very emotionally attached to me, more so than anybody else. Just speaking to me put his relationship with his girlfriend in immediate peril (she was somebody we'd both known in high school who he'd dated Sophomore year). He's let me in farther than anybody else, too, and has repeatedly told me this.
Another issue is that, well, I'm pregnant with his child. I'm still trying to figure out what to do on that end, and things haven't been pretty between us, to say the least. I've said some really awful things, but so has he. So we're not really speaking right now and he's downright scared to talk to me -- he's scared of the entire situation. As a side note, yes, I was on birth control. It failed to work, however. My mother informed me the day I found out I was pregnant that she got pregnant with both myself and my older brother on BC and never thought it important to tell me (needless to say I was VERY upset with her). As another side note, he's been emotionally abusive in the past, and that side of him is starting to come out again, and it's part of the reason I've stopped talking to him all that much until I decide what to do -- he's been attempting to guilt me into abortion and threatening some awful things if I don't.
So I thought a letter would be the best option to really get the point across that I will do my best to stay with him no matter what, and that he isn't alone. That sort of thing.
I figured this would be the best place to get guidance, since you guys know what it's like. He says he cuts because he can't feel anything -- he's just completely empty and devoid of feeling. I don't know if it make a difference, but I thought I'd include it, anyways. Let me know if you need anymore info! And thanks so much in advance! I know there's no "one size fits all" in these situations, but I need some sort of starting point.