Trampster
January 2nd, 2008, 11:26 AM
I suppose this belongs here xD
For English, we had to complete a piece of course work (original writing) I chose a subject on tortue, and got an A*.
Then a few days ago, just for the hell of it, I sent the short story to an online publisher.
And they replied with:
http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/crazymoosegal/1.jpg
*Warning xD. long*
Imprisoned
A tunnel; lights flickered on and off; water dripped from nowhere; absolutely everything echoed. A drop of water; a cough; a scream.
She was running and running, away from the darkness and the weird shapes following her; Lights buzzing and exploding as she ran past. Footsteps echoed; her heavy breathing echoed. She stopped, out of breath. Bent over, holding her knees, panting like a dog, she slowly lifted her head, to a dark figure, blurry as it was, she could see its ruby red, demonic eyes. They were glowing and growing inside what seemed like two never ending black holes. The flesh was peeling off his face, like sunburn, but deeper and more frightening, revealing his skull. Maggots were feasting on the little flesh he had left. The remaining flesh wasn’t normal; it was green, a pale green.
She took a deep breath, choking on the fumes that originated from that putrid beast.
The thing pushed her down and started to stare into her innocent blue eyes, like it was in some sort of trance, like he was intrigued. His head tilted slightly to the left as he focused on her. She couldn’t make out whether he was smiling or frowning, there were too few facial features. After a few seconds, his head assigned it’s original position and he leant forward, stroking her pale skin with his green bony hands. His fingernails were at least an inch long, they looked like they’d been sharpened like a pencil. Ready to pierce her delicate skin at any chosen moment. To her surprise, it didn’t. It just continued stroking her face, purring. She backed away, fumbling, she got on her feet. Blood was everywhere. She looked down, to discover a rather large puddle of blood on the floor, still dripping from the tunnel ceiling. She could see her reflection in the blood. She gulped and looked up and staring back at her was that thing. It didn’t move or make any sound. She took one last breath and ran full throttle. Tears dried on her cheek, as she tried forgetting about the blood on the floor, the flickering lights and the creature that was chasing after her, she just wanted to get away. She could see her breath in front of her, smearing her vision; it was getting harder and harder to see. Let alone breathe.
“You’ll regret that….” The thing shouted after her. The last two words echoed and echoed, over and over again, like a scratched record. Something behind her cackled. She knew who it was, but she didn’t understand what it wanted. Then, with one muffled cackle, the thing appeared in front of her, hovering, its eyes bigger and deeper. The red pupils fused with the back, creating huge fiery balls of hatred. She tried to dodge past him. He moved at the speed of light. He moved with such a tremendous force, to create the ear bursting sound of a knife cutting air apart.
He was more indistinct as she evaded him. It made a high pitch squeal, pushing her back with tremendous force. Her back smashed against the wall, he rose and floated towards her, light shined out behind him. The sound of shattering glass penetrated her head. She collapsed, clutching her ears, lights dimming; Screeching and explosions merging into one
She looked up, still covering her ears. Terrified, she looked around, anxious. Her breathe was ragged and out of tune. She took her hands away from her ears, shaking. She looked down at her bloody and torn hand. She looked up at the only light remaining, staring at the filament, watching it flickering on and off. The thing was suddenly gone. But, like a camera flash, it was back for the final time. He floated forwards her and fused with her body. She felt a sudden head rush and fell to the floor. Her vision was blurred. She saw herself falling slowly, her hands in front, trying to break her fall.
She lay there, eyes open, blood flowing out of her mouth, she saw the light being eaten by the shadows. “Is this the end..?” she thought to herself, as her bleeding fingers and numb legs felt lifeless, she took one last breath and fell into unconsciousness.
At some point later, her eyes flickered open. She couldn’t see too well. Her vision was blurred, she could make out some vertical brown lines. She blinked a couple of times, each blink removing the blur a bit more. She was lying behind some rusty bars. Her hair was draped across her face. As she went to brush the hair away, she realised her hands were stuck, she bravely looked up to see chains linking her hands together and joining the wall. At this point, she took a look at her surrounding as well as she could. Rats were scurrying across the floor, picking up anything that amused them, then running off towards a hole in the wall.
The wall was falling to pieces. It was light grey and one of the most uncomfortable things to lean against. Bits of stone poked out, into her back, jagged pieces cut through her flesh. And worst of all, dry blood that splattered against it in different patterns. It was enough to disturb anyone.
She glanced down at her feet. The floor was pretty much the same. Blood scattered everywhere, like a kaleidoscope. Her eyes kept seeing the blood moving to form her name. She tried to tear her head away, but it didn’t respond to her commands. She blinked, hoping the blood would stop moving. But instead it moved faster, racing across the floor like a mafia of cockroaches
The thing passed through the door like a hologram. Floating a few feet off the ground. It was wearing a battered cloak this time. Snakes kept popping out of holes in the material. They were hissing at her. Their eyes just like his were, cold and red. He began to make his way towards her. She screamed struggling and fighting against the chains. The banging against the wall made some of the stones crumble, falling on her. She bashed harder and harder, until a loud bang stopped her.
Two large men walked into the prison. Both wearing masks carrying brief cases, both wore leather overalls and both wore rubber gloves.
“This way, gentlemen!’ the thing spoke. There was so much misery in his voice, dark and nerving. Like he was fed up. He pointed towards her. As he did, a gust of wind struck her, the chains rattled and froze at his command.
The men walked towards her, their cases clanged. There was obviously metal inside. They opened the prison door and made their way in.
One of the men opened a case with great grace and etiquette, carefully placing the metal tools on the floor in a neat line. The other, with the grace of a beached whale, threw the case on the floor. The clanging of metal was enough to ruin the other mans train of thought. He jumped and his tools went everywhere. They exchanged looks and both picked up a different tool and came towards her.
“This won’t hurt…” One of the masked men chuckled mechanically.
“For long..” the other man added. They both removed their masks and looked at each other. One of the men was bald with grey eyes which had an unnatural pink tint, similar to a hamster. His moustache took up half his face and covered his smile. The other, had slightly sharper features. His jaw line, nose, and forehead seemed to be in perfect proportion, very distinct and straight. He looked plastic, like a doll, perfectly and beautifully made. This couldn’t be said for his personality. He had little hair and haunting hazel eyes which looked like one of those old fashioned portraits that stalked you. The men started gliding towards her, tapping their tools on their hands, in tune with each other. One of the men took hold of her legs and sat on them, to be sure they wouldn’t move. The others eyes glided with hers and met. He was looking straight into her eyes. She could see guilt inside them. She felt pity for the man.
“I’m….” he started, before the other man interrupted again.
“..going to enjoy this” the other added. She gulped and closed her eyes. The man on her legs began to taunt her supple skin with a scalpel , chuckling to himself, until, the blade went deeper and broke the surface of her skin in a single stroke. She yelled in agony, eyes filling with pain and fear. They both cackled together, once again, in tune with each other. With a shared look, they continued to torture her. The pity she felt for the man froze into hate. It was deeper than hate, much deeper.
She was reminiscing, concentrating on trying to remember what her family and friends looked like, their personality traits and their names. Memories began to fade faster and faster, it was like her life was flashing before her eyes, she couldn’t control it! Any of it! One of the men bent her fingers right back, ending her memory flash, bringing her back to reality with a huge crack. The break echoed through the room , soon followed by howls of pain. Tears trickled down her face, quickly, following each other. She looked down at her fingers, bones were sticking out of her flesh and blood was pouring out, adding to the pattern of blood on the ragged floor. She looked to the other man, who was still holding the scalpel close to her skin.
“Another, my dear?” he winked and slid the scalpel against her knee. His hand began to rise, she looked up, jaw opening, gulping. The man looked at her knee, then looked back up at the scalpel .
“Hold her still!” he bellowed. He jammed the scalpel into the kneecap with tremendous force. She yelled more, desperately trying to release her hands from the death grip of the chains. Her wrists were as sore as her fingers, every movement felt like she was being struck with lightening. The thing floating inside the prison, was gloating
“You guys having fun?” he chuckled. Another two masked men entered the prison. Both holding a lone piece of barbed wire. They placed it next to the mask less men and left, following the thing. The hamster looking man went over to the barbed wire and stood above her, looking down and spat to the side of her head.
“Nothing but scum” he snorted. He lashed the barbed wire at her face, laughing mechanically . The man who’d bent her fingers back, skipped to the case, pulling out a pair of scissors . He walked towards her, smiling. He crouched down beside her face, placed the scissors neatly next to her head. Grabbing one of her eyelids, and the scissors, he cut it off. One clean snip. He ordered the other man to get something out of his case and winked. She kicked her legs through the agony, to avoid him holding her down again. She yelled and howled. The echo’ were making the fragile stones crumble into dust. The man returned with a bottle of shampoo. She knew what was coming. Unable to close her right eye, hoping she’d knock herself out, she bashed her head side to side and against the wall. The men watched her, laughing.
“Done yet, love?” The man holding the shampoo smiled.
Not taking any notice of the abuse she shouted, out at them, but making no sense at all. He tore the lid off the bottle and poured it over her eyes and mouth. She began to choke, slowly. One of the men held her nose. Her legs kicked the floor with pounding thuds. She tried to talk, but gargled the shampoo. Her hands belted the chains against the stone. Her broken fingers dropped off, her head fell lifelessly to the side, the shampoo trickled out slowly and her remaining eyelid flickered shut.
For English, we had to complete a piece of course work (original writing) I chose a subject on tortue, and got an A*.
Then a few days ago, just for the hell of it, I sent the short story to an online publisher.
And they replied with:
http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e132/crazymoosegal/1.jpg
*Warning xD. long*
Imprisoned
A tunnel; lights flickered on and off; water dripped from nowhere; absolutely everything echoed. A drop of water; a cough; a scream.
She was running and running, away from the darkness and the weird shapes following her; Lights buzzing and exploding as she ran past. Footsteps echoed; her heavy breathing echoed. She stopped, out of breath. Bent over, holding her knees, panting like a dog, she slowly lifted her head, to a dark figure, blurry as it was, she could see its ruby red, demonic eyes. They were glowing and growing inside what seemed like two never ending black holes. The flesh was peeling off his face, like sunburn, but deeper and more frightening, revealing his skull. Maggots were feasting on the little flesh he had left. The remaining flesh wasn’t normal; it was green, a pale green.
She took a deep breath, choking on the fumes that originated from that putrid beast.
The thing pushed her down and started to stare into her innocent blue eyes, like it was in some sort of trance, like he was intrigued. His head tilted slightly to the left as he focused on her. She couldn’t make out whether he was smiling or frowning, there were too few facial features. After a few seconds, his head assigned it’s original position and he leant forward, stroking her pale skin with his green bony hands. His fingernails were at least an inch long, they looked like they’d been sharpened like a pencil. Ready to pierce her delicate skin at any chosen moment. To her surprise, it didn’t. It just continued stroking her face, purring. She backed away, fumbling, she got on her feet. Blood was everywhere. She looked down, to discover a rather large puddle of blood on the floor, still dripping from the tunnel ceiling. She could see her reflection in the blood. She gulped and looked up and staring back at her was that thing. It didn’t move or make any sound. She took one last breath and ran full throttle. Tears dried on her cheek, as she tried forgetting about the blood on the floor, the flickering lights and the creature that was chasing after her, she just wanted to get away. She could see her breath in front of her, smearing her vision; it was getting harder and harder to see. Let alone breathe.
“You’ll regret that….” The thing shouted after her. The last two words echoed and echoed, over and over again, like a scratched record. Something behind her cackled. She knew who it was, but she didn’t understand what it wanted. Then, with one muffled cackle, the thing appeared in front of her, hovering, its eyes bigger and deeper. The red pupils fused with the back, creating huge fiery balls of hatred. She tried to dodge past him. He moved at the speed of light. He moved with such a tremendous force, to create the ear bursting sound of a knife cutting air apart.
He was more indistinct as she evaded him. It made a high pitch squeal, pushing her back with tremendous force. Her back smashed against the wall, he rose and floated towards her, light shined out behind him. The sound of shattering glass penetrated her head. She collapsed, clutching her ears, lights dimming; Screeching and explosions merging into one
She looked up, still covering her ears. Terrified, she looked around, anxious. Her breathe was ragged and out of tune. She took her hands away from her ears, shaking. She looked down at her bloody and torn hand. She looked up at the only light remaining, staring at the filament, watching it flickering on and off. The thing was suddenly gone. But, like a camera flash, it was back for the final time. He floated forwards her and fused with her body. She felt a sudden head rush and fell to the floor. Her vision was blurred. She saw herself falling slowly, her hands in front, trying to break her fall.
She lay there, eyes open, blood flowing out of her mouth, she saw the light being eaten by the shadows. “Is this the end..?” she thought to herself, as her bleeding fingers and numb legs felt lifeless, she took one last breath and fell into unconsciousness.
At some point later, her eyes flickered open. She couldn’t see too well. Her vision was blurred, she could make out some vertical brown lines. She blinked a couple of times, each blink removing the blur a bit more. She was lying behind some rusty bars. Her hair was draped across her face. As she went to brush the hair away, she realised her hands were stuck, she bravely looked up to see chains linking her hands together and joining the wall. At this point, she took a look at her surrounding as well as she could. Rats were scurrying across the floor, picking up anything that amused them, then running off towards a hole in the wall.
The wall was falling to pieces. It was light grey and one of the most uncomfortable things to lean against. Bits of stone poked out, into her back, jagged pieces cut through her flesh. And worst of all, dry blood that splattered against it in different patterns. It was enough to disturb anyone.
She glanced down at her feet. The floor was pretty much the same. Blood scattered everywhere, like a kaleidoscope. Her eyes kept seeing the blood moving to form her name. She tried to tear her head away, but it didn’t respond to her commands. She blinked, hoping the blood would stop moving. But instead it moved faster, racing across the floor like a mafia of cockroaches
The thing passed through the door like a hologram. Floating a few feet off the ground. It was wearing a battered cloak this time. Snakes kept popping out of holes in the material. They were hissing at her. Their eyes just like his were, cold and red. He began to make his way towards her. She screamed struggling and fighting against the chains. The banging against the wall made some of the stones crumble, falling on her. She bashed harder and harder, until a loud bang stopped her.
Two large men walked into the prison. Both wearing masks carrying brief cases, both wore leather overalls and both wore rubber gloves.
“This way, gentlemen!’ the thing spoke. There was so much misery in his voice, dark and nerving. Like he was fed up. He pointed towards her. As he did, a gust of wind struck her, the chains rattled and froze at his command.
The men walked towards her, their cases clanged. There was obviously metal inside. They opened the prison door and made their way in.
One of the men opened a case with great grace and etiquette, carefully placing the metal tools on the floor in a neat line. The other, with the grace of a beached whale, threw the case on the floor. The clanging of metal was enough to ruin the other mans train of thought. He jumped and his tools went everywhere. They exchanged looks and both picked up a different tool and came towards her.
“This won’t hurt…” One of the masked men chuckled mechanically.
“For long..” the other man added. They both removed their masks and looked at each other. One of the men was bald with grey eyes which had an unnatural pink tint, similar to a hamster. His moustache took up half his face and covered his smile. The other, had slightly sharper features. His jaw line, nose, and forehead seemed to be in perfect proportion, very distinct and straight. He looked plastic, like a doll, perfectly and beautifully made. This couldn’t be said for his personality. He had little hair and haunting hazel eyes which looked like one of those old fashioned portraits that stalked you. The men started gliding towards her, tapping their tools on their hands, in tune with each other. One of the men took hold of her legs and sat on them, to be sure they wouldn’t move. The others eyes glided with hers and met. He was looking straight into her eyes. She could see guilt inside them. She felt pity for the man.
“I’m….” he started, before the other man interrupted again.
“..going to enjoy this” the other added. She gulped and closed her eyes. The man on her legs began to taunt her supple skin with a scalpel , chuckling to himself, until, the blade went deeper and broke the surface of her skin in a single stroke. She yelled in agony, eyes filling with pain and fear. They both cackled together, once again, in tune with each other. With a shared look, they continued to torture her. The pity she felt for the man froze into hate. It was deeper than hate, much deeper.
She was reminiscing, concentrating on trying to remember what her family and friends looked like, their personality traits and their names. Memories began to fade faster and faster, it was like her life was flashing before her eyes, she couldn’t control it! Any of it! One of the men bent her fingers right back, ending her memory flash, bringing her back to reality with a huge crack. The break echoed through the room , soon followed by howls of pain. Tears trickled down her face, quickly, following each other. She looked down at her fingers, bones were sticking out of her flesh and blood was pouring out, adding to the pattern of blood on the ragged floor. She looked to the other man, who was still holding the scalpel close to her skin.
“Another, my dear?” he winked and slid the scalpel against her knee. His hand began to rise, she looked up, jaw opening, gulping. The man looked at her knee, then looked back up at the scalpel .
“Hold her still!” he bellowed. He jammed the scalpel into the kneecap with tremendous force. She yelled more, desperately trying to release her hands from the death grip of the chains. Her wrists were as sore as her fingers, every movement felt like she was being struck with lightening. The thing floating inside the prison, was gloating
“You guys having fun?” he chuckled. Another two masked men entered the prison. Both holding a lone piece of barbed wire. They placed it next to the mask less men and left, following the thing. The hamster looking man went over to the barbed wire and stood above her, looking down and spat to the side of her head.
“Nothing but scum” he snorted. He lashed the barbed wire at her face, laughing mechanically . The man who’d bent her fingers back, skipped to the case, pulling out a pair of scissors . He walked towards her, smiling. He crouched down beside her face, placed the scissors neatly next to her head. Grabbing one of her eyelids, and the scissors, he cut it off. One clean snip. He ordered the other man to get something out of his case and winked. She kicked her legs through the agony, to avoid him holding her down again. She yelled and howled. The echo’ were making the fragile stones crumble into dust. The man returned with a bottle of shampoo. She knew what was coming. Unable to close her right eye, hoping she’d knock herself out, she bashed her head side to side and against the wall. The men watched her, laughing.
“Done yet, love?” The man holding the shampoo smiled.
Not taking any notice of the abuse she shouted, out at them, but making no sense at all. He tore the lid off the bottle and poured it over her eyes and mouth. She began to choke, slowly. One of the men held her nose. Her legs kicked the floor with pounding thuds. She tried to talk, but gargled the shampoo. Her hands belted the chains against the stone. Her broken fingers dropped off, her head fell lifelessly to the side, the shampoo trickled out slowly and her remaining eyelid flickered shut.