Gay but at a Christian School

[Sethm]

Well I'm gay and I have all my life gone to a Christian school. I'm sexually more attracted to guys then I am to girls. Fact. There's no way I can tell my family because they DESPISE gay and lesbian people. I love them and I don't know what to do or say. I'm going into 11th grade next year so should I wait and move out and maybe even find a guy to date before telling them or what? Everyone says be yourself but I can't if I lose my family. Any tips or any help someone can offer?

[Lovelife090994]

First off, a Christian school will most likely ask you to leave if they know because it conflicts with the Christian teachings.

To your family, they will still love you and understand, but for now do not worry but please do not tell them yet. You are still young things may change.
I wish you well, just try not to worry and lay low on this for now, you do not want a scandal or dispute.

My family? I have dealt with many things and still am and as much as they love me I'd be kicked out of I was seen as "unnatural, perverted, weird, or anything or the sort." I am a Christian like my family so I kind of see their reasoning there, but to be yourself is one thing, to label those who disagree with you as "haters" and to leave them like, "me or the door" is another.

[teen.jpg]

You are still young things may change.

You had me, and then you lost me.

While for the most part I agree with Lovelife090944, I disagree that "things might change". If you're sure about who you are, then nothing will change.

Really, you shouldn't tell them if you won't be able to deal with the worst possible outcome. If you are, then go ahead and tell them, whenever you're ready.

Good luck!

[Lovelife090994]

You had me, and then you lost me.

While for the most part I agree with Lovelife090944, I disagree that "things might change". If you're sure about who you are, then nothing will change.

Really, you shouldn't tell them if you won't be able to deal with the worst possible outcome. If you are, then go ahead and tell them, whenever you're ready.

Good luck!

Things could change. We don't know his full situation. Last thing he needs is to rush anything and for things to get worse. That's why I said it.

[teen.jpg]

Things could change. We don't know his full situation. Last thing he needs is to rush anything and for things to get worse. That's why I said it.

What could change?

[Sethm]

Thanks for the tips guys. Myles did you tell your parents? If you did what was the response?

[teen.jpg]

Thanks for the tips guys. Myles did you tell your parents? If you did what was the response?

No, I haven't. And I don't have a reason to. Maybe if I was in a committed relationship, then sure why not? But now would definitely not be the right time.

[Sethm]

No, I haven't. And I don't have a reason to. Maybe if I was in a committed relationship, then sure why not? But now would definitely not be the right time.

Ya, I get what your saying. I suppose I'll wait until I'm in a relationship and until it gets serious or the person demands I tell my family because they think I'm embarrassed of them or something I'll just wait.

I told my 19 year old brother and he flat out told me as serious as ever, "Your going to hell. God sees same gender marriage as one the biggest sin. He despises it and it's a personal offense to Him." Ever since then I was too freaked and terrified to even consider telling another person. I lied and told him it was just a phase later that day and believed and we never brought it up again. Suffice to say I was shaken and very upset.

[teen.jpg]

I told my 19 year old brother and he flat out told me as serious as ever, "Your going to hell. God sees same gender marriage as one the biggest sin. He despises it and it's a personal offense to Him." Ever since then I was too freaked and terrified to even consider telling another person. I lied and told him it was just a phase later that day and believed and we never brought it up again. Suffice to say I was shaken and very upset.

Sorry to say this, but fuck him. You shouldn't be effected by anything he says, because it doesn't really matter. And that also means that you have to be more careful with who you come out to.

Don't put yourself in harm's way, emotionally or physically.

[Sethm]

Sorry to say this, but fuck him. You shouldn't be effected by anything he says, because it doesn't really matter. And that also means that you have to be more careful with who you come out to.

Don't put yourself in harm's way, emotionally or physically.

Well out of my entire family he was the one I trusted most to understand seeing as how he was the one who showed me "Websites" and how to masturbate. He wanted to "Do it" with me. So you can imagine my shock when he said that when I confessed. He even threatened to tell my parents. One of the main reasons I told him the phase lie.

(Sorry if I gave too much info. Just kinda came out.)

[teen.jpg]

Well out of my entire family he was the one I trusted most to understand seeing as how he was the one who showed me "Websites" and how to masturbate. He wanted to "Do it" with me. So you can imagine my shock when he said that when I confessed. He even threatened to tell my parents. One of the main reasons I told him the phase lie.

(Sorry if I gave too much info. Just kinda came out.)

You don't have to come out if you don't want to or aren't ready to. Don't feel rushed or pressured to do so.

[Sethm]

You don't have to come out if you don't want to or aren't ready to. Don't feel rushed or pressured to do so.

Ya, I suppose so.

[crepesuzette]

First off, a Christian school will most likely ask you to leave if they know because it conflicts with the Christian teachings.

To your family, they will still love you and understand, but for now do not worry but please do not tell them yet. You are still young things may change.
I wish you well, just try not to worry and lay low on this for now, you do not want a scandal or dispute.

My family? I have dealt with many things and still am and as much as they love me I'd be kicked out of I was seen as "unnatural, perverted, weird, or anything or the sort." I am a Christian like my family so I kind of see their reasoning there, but to be yourself is one thing, to label those who disagree with you as "haters" and to leave them like, "me or the door" is another.

You should just wait until your hormones start getting steadier. Also, you're not the only one who's had feelings for men. I had a lot of htat when i was a sophomore. Now it's starting to wear off, but the feelings can at times be intense. I am starting to notice girls more, but significantly no. Just wait and be patient.

[Lovelife090994]

You should just wait until your hormones start getting steadier. Also, you're not the only one who's had feelings for men. I had a lot of htat when i was a sophomore. Now it's starting to wear off, but the feelings can at times be intense. I am starting to notice girls more, but significantly no. Just wait and be patient.

Wait, hormones (pubescent spikes) can last til your late teens? When do the pubescent hormonal spikes and lows generally stop? Like, when does puberty usually stop.

[Lovelife090994]

What could change?

His ideas to tell his parents or him not being ready yet?

[crepesuzette]

Wait, hormones (pubescent spikes) can last til your late teens? When do the pubescent hormonal spikes and lows generally stop? Like, when does puberty usually stop.

It depends on the individual. Some don't start puberty until their mid-teens.
some may start earlier.

[Lovelife090994]

It depends on the individual. Some don't start puberty until their mid-teens.
some may start earlier.

Mid-teens? That is late...

[Trenton_]

Well I'm gay and I have all my life gone to a Christian school. I'm sexually more attracted to guys then I am to girls. Fact. There's no way I can tell my family because they DESPISE gay and lesbian people. I love them and I don't know what to do or say. I'm going into 11th grade next year so should I wait and move out and maybe even find a guy to date before telling them or what? Everyone says be yourself but I can't if I lose my family. Any tips or any help someone can offer?

I'm going into 11th grade too and the thoughts you're having probably have you upset. How about quit thinking about guys and quit looking at porn? At this point in your life you still get random erections and many things turn you on that won't turn you in the long run and being turned on my guys is one of them. That's why people say it is a phase, but if you keep looking and thinking about guys, you'll condition yourself to get excited by it because part of the excitement is that it is wrong. So my advice is don't come out now and work on looking and thinking only about girls.






You had me, and then you lost me.

While for the most part I agree with Lovelife090944, I disagree that "things might change". If you're sure about who you are, then nothing will change.

Really, you shouldn't tell them if you won't be able to deal with the worst possible outcome. If you are, then go ahead and tell them, whenever you're ready.

Good luck!


No, I haven't. And I don't have a reason to. Maybe if I was in a committed relationship, then sure why not? But now would definitely not be the right time.


So you don't think it's a phase even though so many things turn him on and at times he's aroused and can't even figure out why, yet you jump right to being gay and go with it.

I think gay guys love the idea of their being more gay guys so encourage every kind of behavior that could lead to a guy being gay. Like yeah, go ahead, experiment with guys, that's normal.

That's not normal. Sex outside of marriage is normal? Jacking off with other boys is normal. Okay, if it's normal then tell guys including yourself to have a guy over and do that stuff and not hide it or lie about it. If it's normal, that shouldn't be a problem.

Guys do that stuff and confuse erections and orgasm with a friend and think that's attraction and maybe they are in love, but no they are confusing a friend that they love as a friend and an orgasm with real love and it isn't.

I swear some guys, maybe you, maybe not, encourage all kinds of things and say un natural things are normal when they just aren't. Girls have a vagina that gets wet and squeezes and contract around a guys penis as she orgasms. It's made specifically to do that. There is nothing gays do that has that so before kids go off telling everybody they're gay, they might want to spend as much time fantasizing and having sex with women as much as they have men before declaring a sexuality that's going to cause them grief.


How can now not be the right time if it's normal as you say it is? Your actions don't match up with your words and the reason you don't come out is because somewhere in there you know that it isn't normal that somehow you just gave up on girls or never really tried. Maybe your dad rejected you or doesn't like gays and this is your way to push back and you're doing that on a subconscious level and don't even know that's your motivation. Let me guess, your dad isn't as pro gay as you are and doesn't see it as normal and you probably don't get along that great with him so your subconscious requires you to have SOME acceptance from guys, so you turn to guy friends and guy pictures and it all feels so good, but it's not really satisfying is it? Something is missing and that something is a bond with a girl, but you're not interested because you're more interested in feeling acceptance from guys because that has been missing in your life so long.



Well out of my entire family he was the one I trusted most to understand seeing as how he was the one who showed me "Websites" and how to masturbate. He wanted to "Do it" with me. So you can imagine my shock when he said that when I confessed. He even threatened to tell my parents. One of the main reasons I told him the phase lie.

(Sorry if I gave too much info. Just kinda came out.)

You don't have to come out if you don't want to or aren't ready to. Don't feel rushed or pressured to do so.

Why would you say that if it's normal?

[teen.jpg]

I'm going into 11th grade too and the thoughts you're having probably have you upset. How about quit thinking about guys and quit looking at porn? At this point in your life you still get random erections and many things turn you on that won't turn you in the long run and being turned on my guys is one of them. That's why people say it is a phase, but if you keep looking and thinking about guys, you'll condition yourself to get excited by it because part of the excitement is that it is wrong. So my advice is don't come out now and work on looking and thinking only about girls.












So you don't think it's a phase even though so many things turn him on and at times he's aroused and can't even figure out why, yet you jump right to being gay and go with it.

I think gay guys love the idea of their being more gay guys so encourage every kind of behavior that could lead to a guy being gay. Like yeah, go ahead, experiment with guys, that's normal.

That's not normal. Sex outside of marriage is normal? Jacking off with other boys is normal. Okay, if it's normal then tell guys including yourself to have a guy over and do that stuff and not hide it or lie about it. If it's normal, that shouldn't be a problem.

Guys do that stuff and confuse erections and orgasm with a friend and think that's attraction and maybe they are in love, but no they are confusing a friend that they love as a friend and an orgasm with real love and it isn't.

I swear some guys, maybe you, maybe not, encourage all kinds of things and say un natural things are normal when they just aren't. Girls have a vagina that gets wet and squeezes and contract around a guys penis as she orgasms. It's made specifically to do that. There is nothing gays do that has that so before kids go off telling everybody they're gay, they might want to spend as much time fantasizing and having sex with women as much as they have men before declaring a sexuality that's going to cause them grief.


How can now not be the right time if it's normal as you say it is? Your actions don't match up with your words and the reason you don't come out is because somewhere in there you know that it isn't normal that somehow you just gave up on girls or never really tried. Maybe your dad rejected you or doesn't like gays and this is your way to push back and you're doing that on a subconscious level and don't even know that's your motivation. Let me guess, your dad isn't as pro gay as you are and doesn't see it as normal and you probably don't get along that great with him so your subconscious requires you to have SOME acceptance from guys, so you turn to guy friends and guy pictures and it all feels so good, but it's not really satisfying is it? Something is missing and that something is a bond with a girl, but you're not interested because you're more interested in feeling acceptance from guys because that has been missing in your life so long.







Why would you say that if it's normal?

What exactly are you going on about? He's already saying that he's gay, so I gave him advice based on that. Don't make it sound like I'm TELLING him he's gay, I'm giving advice because HE thinks he is.

Experimentation is perfectly normal. The problem about saying it out loud is that people (similar to you) are judgemental and quick to say something is "weird" or "wrong". When it's not.

[DerBear]

Moderator Notice: This isn't a debate forum, so could everyone stop replying and making this into a debate. This is help and advice forum, if you want to debate homosexuality then fine, you can but not here and not in someone thread where they are asking help and advice. It simply isn't fair on the original poster. Now if people continue to debate then there posts will be simply deleted. I've removed already removed some of the debate posts and argumentative posts.

[Morgoth42]

I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same situation. Granted I am only BI, but I do lean towards wanting guys. I am a christian and have faith and beleive in God, but... Well you get the point. So far my deal has been to not really answer the question when I am asked in public what my sexual orientation is.

[MrDrDude]

Ya, I get what your saying. I suppose I'll wait until I'm in a relationship and until it gets serious or the person demands I tell my family because they think I'm embarrassed of them or something I'll just wait.

I told my 19 year old brother and he flat out told me as serious as ever, "Your going to hell. God sees same gender marriage as one the biggest sin. He despises it and it's a personal offense to Him." Ever since then I was too freaked and terrified to even consider telling another person. I lied and told him it was just a phase later that day and believed and we never brought it up again. Suffice to say I was shaken and very upset.

Look, I grew up in church but I consider myself atheist. This is a rare time for me to say something biblical: something like "man shall not know the end of the world, when so it will happen, and how so it should happen." Same thing with how you die and if you go to heaven, hell, are reincarnated, or end in the matrix. Your 19 y/o bro ain't Jesus or any messiah for that matter so why are you listening to what he thinks?