really stressed out!

[RIP_banana]

i dont no what to do. i am trying sooo hard to eat. but i really feel like i am starting to cave. tonight my family had chicken and chips for dinner. so i ate it. now i am fully stressing out, i feel so bad and disgusting. i really feel like i need to get it out of me. i am not coping! i am trying so hard not to ake myself sick. but i dont no how long i can coup!

you may know from previous post that i have eating disorda.
i really dont want to let my boyfriend down.
but i cant do this.
what do i do!!

AAAAARGGHHHHH!

[Sapphire]

The important thing to remember is that everyone struggles when they are trying to beat something like an ED. Try not to get yourself too wound up by the thought of having a relapse and actually purging. If you get too wound up by these thoughts then the likelihood that you can fight them properly decreases.

Are there things you can do to distract yourself in these times?
Maybe a crossword or sudoku puzzle. Something that engages your mind might help.

Are you getting support from a counsellor or someone you see face-to-face?

[RIP_banana]

well. i caved.
i threw up.
i was up to about 1 week of not doing it and i did it. i feel so helpless. i feel so much better now that i did it, but i also feel really bad. like i let my boyfriend down.

i dont get professional help. because i dont tell any one. the only person that i have really told is my boyfriend. and he said that he was gfoing to help me. he calls me all the time to check up on me. i mean i coup when his not around. but when his gone i cant do it i stress out.

yer, i have things like that. but they only keep my occupied for a little amount of time. what do i do after that??

i really want to beat this thing for everyone who loves me. but i just dont feel strong enough. when i eat. i freak out, i start to stress, and get really panicy. most of the time i just try to go to sleep. but last night it was so strong. i could concentrate on anything else. and i purged :(:mad:

thanks.

[Sapphire]

The best way you can beat this is with a lot of support. Go to your doctor. Make the first step on the road to recovery and speak with a doctor. He/she will help you through this and get you the help you need.

The only way you can beat something like this is with that support. Take your boyfriend along with you if it's all a tad too scary.

I hope you are doing ok, feel free to message me anytime x

[RIP_banana]

thanks.
i really dont want to go to the doctor. i dont want any one to kinda know.
i have a real hard time opening up to poeople about it.
i have such a huge phobia of putting on weight. or being fat. i look at people and feel sick because i see i tiny bit of fat on them. i am constantily thinking about fat, and i weight myself everytime i would eat something. i weigh myself at least 5 times a day. t make sure it doenst change.

i weighed myself yesterday, and i put on like half a kilo, i was soo disgusted i made myself sick.

last night it was like my worst night mare, my boyfriend took me out for dinner, i tried so hard to get out of it, but i couldnt. i think he did it on pourpose. he found out about my troubles eating again, when we got home he we got into a fight. he sees my a skinnng, aneroxic. i see me as FAT FAT FAT!

it is really putting stress on our relationship.

what to do, what do do!

[Sapphire]

you need to open up to a doctor. you don't need to open up to family or anyone like that. just a doctor. then he can help you.

[RIP_banana]

is there like a way to go and see a doctor and not have any one find out?
well since i am suposed to be eating, i have lost 2 kilos and i now eat less.
i am trying so hard but i dont think it is hard enough.
the thing is, everyone wants me to be healthy and eat and put on weight. i dont. i really dont want to. i mean i die at the trought of being fat, or puttiong on weight. i wish to be more skinnier then what i am. i dont want to be fat anything.
what is wrong with me.

gaaahhh!

oh and my boyfriend is on a "break" from me. he said that maybe i need to get away from him, so i get better. what the hell does that mean! :(

[byee]

Carole is giving you her (usual) good advice. Listen to her, she speaks wisely.

I think your b/f is telling you he needs you to get better (get control over your eating issues), and he cannot stand by and watch any longer. Which is probably understandable, he's a little freaked. It's a lot to watch someone you really care for waste away and be helpless to stop it.

You need to see a doc, regardless of who knows or who finds out. You can't seem to get a grip on this alone, so you should get some help. A lot of people can deal with pressures or issues or behaviors on their own, so they can make the choice to not see a doc. But in your case, that doesn't seem to be working, you're still bothered by this, and it seems others are, too.

Just go. They will help you.

[RIP_banana]

hmm.. thanks for your help.
where do i go to get this help?

i am really just not feeling good at all. i understand where my boyfriend is coming from in a way, but i thought that he loved me, and now its like he is ditching me.

i can't really explain what is going on with me, besides the fact that i have an eating disorda. i guess a part of me wants to get better, but then i feel like there is a bigger part of me that doesn't, or feels like it can't. i am not a very strong person, not eating or vomiting it just what i do, its what i am used to.

it just... i can't explain it all.
everyone must think i am stupid or something.

thank you sam and carole.

[Sapphire]

*hugs* You're welcome, we are always here to help.

Making an appointment with your doctor is the first step on the road to recovery. They are then able to get you the help you need. The thought of actually doing this is scary, I know. But it will help if you allow it.

Your boyfriend sounds as if he really does care. If he didn't then he wouldn't want you to get better. Sometimes it is easier to heal when you are not in a romantic relationship because they all come with their own pressures, stresses and strains. Sometimes it's not. Either way, you have to try.

i can't really explain what is going on with me, besides the fact that i have an eating disorda. i guess a part of me wants to get better, but then i feel like there is a bigger part of me that doesn't, or feels like it can't.

You don't sound stupid. You sound extremely troubled and in lots of pain. This ^ caught me a bit off guard, if I am to be honest. Not because it is a bad thing to say. But because I have said and felt something similar. I'm just theorising, but are you afraid of trying to get better and failing? Are you scared of facing all your demons?
Getting help will be scary and difficult at times. But it will be worth it.

[RIP_banana]

well i rang up my docotor.
and guess what.
i cant get in for about a month.
she is away for 2 weeks then all booked out.

now what!

[Aηdy]

I'm sure there's more than one doctor near you...

[RIP_banana]

there is, but there not my docotor.
i dont feel comfortable doing this at all. but if i have to i really want it to be my docotor.

gaahhhh..

why does this have to be soo hard??

[RIP_banana]

i just want to say sooory, if i was being a bitch.
i am just really stressed out out the minute.
so sorrry if i came off a bit feral.

thanks to everyone who help.

[Patchy]

its absolutely fine we totally understand that your stressed so you may be edgy at the moment, my sister has the same problem with her doctor and she swapped doctors. if your really wanting to see a doctor change doctors, you may even like the new one more :)

[RIP_banana]

thanks for being understanding.
well.. i rang up a different doctor and i am going into see her tomorrow. i am super nervous and scared. i reallly dont want to do it. but i know i have to.

wish me luck or something.x

[byee]

Good for you for doing this! Bravo! We forgive you, golly, we're human too!

It's OK to be nervous, there's alot of frankly scary stuff you have to deal with. But, remember that the therapist is on your side, and is there to help. Part of that is their ability to make you feel comfortable and safe bringing this stuff up and dealing with it. So, eventhough it might be scary, you'll be doing it with someone who know how to also make you feel better.

Just relax and be yourself. And good luck!

[RIP_banana]

well i did it!
i went to the docotor.
and she said that i really need help. that i am too far into this. and it ia a very strong case.
she said that she thinks it is best if i go to a hospital or like a treatment center or something. because i probably wont fixs this just at home.
she gave me all these brochers on places and she said to talk it over with my family.

OMG!
what is this what do i do.
about 1 month ago i thought that i didnt have a problem. and now they want to send me away. just a prisoner. like i have done something wrong!

[byee]

Let's take this one step at a time, don't freak here.

First, it's really, really great you went to the doc and opened up with her. Telling her what was going on was a very important step. Good for you, you should be proud of yourself. If it matters at all, as a complete stranger, but someone with deep respect for humanity, I am too. Whenever someone exhibits real strength it is totally awesome to me, it reminds us what's best about us. Bravo!

Second, the doc is specifically trained to understand and assess your situation. If she said you should go to an in inpatient treatment facility, we should trust her. She's seen this before and knows what works best. If she's decided that this is best, it probably is. Talk it over with your folks, and if there's a doubt, get a second opinion, go to another doc for an independent evaluation.

OK, going to one is actually more scary in thought than reality. These places are like country clubs, they're spread out on vast campuses with a lot of space and a lot of activities and such. It's not at all like a 'prison', and the people you'll be with will be like you, not at all 'crazy'. Go check them out with your folks and if it doesn't appeal to you, go to another. It sounds like there are lots of places the doc suggested, I'm sure at least one will be (sorta) OK for you.

It's always frightening when we just go about living our lives doing what seems natural to us (in your case, not eating), and then suddenly a professional sees it much differently and shines a bright light onto the abnormalcy of it. It suddenly seems very real, how bad off it is, and how dangerous it could be. And, it's always more than a little unsettling when our belief about ourself is suddenly shattered.

However, remember that there are a lot of very good people in that facility who can help you see yourself and experience life in a much different, much healthier way. You've made an important step here. For the time being, just get used to the idea that things are about to change, for the better.

Good luck, and keep us informed!

[glamgurl36]

going away will be the best thing for you, think of it as a little vacation that will turn your life around. you need to get better because it can cause so many other health problems. but props to you for going and getting help! thats the first step! very responsible. good luck!!!

[miss problem child]

hey, i hav the same problem...i wnat 2 try...i am trying...but its v.hard, especially without support, but i get that u r scared of ppl finding out if u go 2 the doctors...how old r u btw? because that can make a difference to what happens. i'd suggest that u go speak to ur doctor, however scary it may be...or maybe u cud see a dietician instead, 2 help with nutrition advice...my advice wud b 2 eat little nd often as this doesnt make u feel as full (coz feelin full is a nitemare sometimes...)...u wont get fat hun, u wont let urself. i hope things work out with ur bf, he seems to really care, nd the fact that he is so mature bout this is a special thing 2 find in a guy, so try 4 him. i may not have helped at all, but i hope i have even just a little...
well, *hug*, take care hunni x

[RIP_banana]

i can't believe this is all happeneing. i mean this is something that happend to people on TV. not in real life. and not to me.
well i have had time to sleep on it and everything. and even though i know it is a scary thing. and i would do anything not to go. i think i have to. i dont want to be have to.

WHYY MEEEEE??? :(

[byee]

Yeah, you sure wouldn't have guessed this, huh?

Take it one step at a time here, my friend. You're still kinda in shock, the reality of it is just setting in. You'll be fine. Better, even.

What's the next step for you? Do you go visit? Talk again with the doc?

[RIP_banana]

hhmmm..
i havnt really thought about that. i dont really want to think about that.
i have another appointment with the doctor in a couple of days. and then i am going to talk with her. i think she has picked out a place form me to go and look at.

I DONT WANT TO!!
i just want to stay home. i feel like i am being treated like a crazy person.
:(:(:(:(:(:(:(

[byee]

OK, just focus on the next meeting with your doc. Think about what you'll discuss, what you'll want to talk about.

I doubt anyone thinks you're a 'crazy person'. Maybe the reality of all this, of how bad your eating disorder is and how out of control it is and how dangerous it could become is making you feel crazy? It's the reality of it sinking in, how bad this could have become that might be making you feel nuts. It's common that when people deny the seriousness of their symptoms and then they suddenly realize (or are made to realize) the reality of it, they freak out a little.

But, you're not crazy. Just human. We humans have these things go on. Some teenagers get acne. You got this. Both are temporary and both can be fixed.

[RIP_banana]

yer i guess so.
thanks for the help.
i am not sure what is going though my mind right now. i am just so confussed.
i guess i will keep everyone update if you like.
i go to the doctors tomorrow now. there was a cancelation.
i shall let everyone know how it goes.

thanks for all the support.
not going though a good time right now. as you all might guess.
you have no idea what it feels like.

[thesphinx]

Good luck, be strong!

[Sapphire]

Be brave. Tackle this thing head on.
My warm thoughts and wishes are with you *hugs*

[RIP_banana]

well its official.
i went to the doctors.
she rang up a place, talked to them about me.
and i leave tomorrow. :(

its not fair.

[byee]

Don't focus on the 'fairness' issue. It's the best thing that can happen to you, you'll feel better and find better ways of coping!


Good luck, relax, and remember everyone is there to help you.

Please come back and tell us about it.

[RIP_banana]

hmmmm yer.
welll.
i dont know.
all i know is i dont want to go.

i also love packing.
NOT!

i hate this.

i shall keep everyone updated and everyhting if you wish.

[byee]

Don't worry, it'll be fine.

It's not that you don't want to go, it's that you want to feel better. This is the way you achieve that. Focus on the end result. Besides, I think what you're saying is that you're just scared. Understood.

They're good people, they're all there, waiting, to help you! Relax, it'll be OK.

And, feel free to pack stuff from home that you like, some personal things, maybe sheets, or a blanket, or a stuffed animal or favorite book, etc. Take things that will make you more comfortable.

[RIP_banana]

hmmm thanks.
well i finished packing and everything. ihave pakced like evryhting i own.
and i am allowed to take my mobile and my i-pod and everyhting so that is goood.

i just can't believe that this is happeeing. it doesnt seem real.
and i think that there is a computer there aswell. so i can keep in touch and everything.

:whoops::(

[titanic]

i am incredibly proud of you. i really am.
i know that this must be hard. and that it is scary. but just think of the positives. and think of how well and good you will be when you come out.

people that run the place and that will help you. will make you feel very comphortable and at home.
and i am sure you will even make some friends.

just be brave. and trust yourself.

[RIP_banana]

thank you guys for your support.
i really need all i can get.

i guess i am just sooo scared. i dont want to go away. i dont want to be judged and studied. i dont want to be around people i don't know.

i can't explain it. i feel like i am being shipped away.

[RIP_banana]

hi everyone i am "banana's" older sister.
she asked me today to come on this thing and let you know whats happened.
well first of all. she isnt allowed like any contact for 72 hours. that is why i am doing this and not her.

well she got there at about 2.00 this afternoon. she really wasnt looking forward to going at all. but she went. she was very nervous and really really scared.
she seemed to have settled in alright. and she shares a room with a girl.

from my point of view it seemed like a really good place. it looked like what they do on the television. so peaceful and calming.

i am only going to do this post. then she will try her hardest to get onto her laptop.

i know that she has really appricitaed all of your support so far in this "rough patch" and i am sure that she hopes that you will keep on helping her and talking to her.

thank you.x :rolleyes:

[Sapphire]

I'm glad that she's gone, it must have taken real guts.
It's so easy to get scared at the thought of letting the people around us know what turmoil we are in and to back out of pursuing the help we need.

I am really proud of her :)

We are always here for her and hope that she gets better soon x

[byee]

Thanks so much for the update! It sounds like she also has a very supportive sister, that will help her a lot!

Please send her our regards, and tell her our thoughts are with her.

[thesphinx]

^^ Its good to get an update! I am happy that she went and got help give her our Best :)

[RIP_banana]

hey guys, its me.
i thought i would give you a quick update.
well i am doing alright. i have been a lot better though.

the place is nice. it is very peaceful. my sister is right. it is very much like what you see on tv.
i talk to a person every day and we do like a group thing. Its alright. Sometimes i don’t talk.
the worst part is breakfast lunch and dinner. we have to go. and people like watch us. and make sure that we eat. i hate it. i can't do it. but i have to eat it all. there not big meals but still.

i have a nice room mate. her name is sam. she’s nice. we help each other out.
i have to say that have never really felt more alone then what i do now. i really miss my family and my friends and my boy friend.

this it like the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my entire life. i really don’t like being here. i just wish i was at home.
my councilor that i talk to told me that i have a very server case of anorexia and it is going to take me a while to get over it and get out. so i really have to put my mind to it and focus other wise i am not getting out of here any time soon at all.

And other thing is. That it is my birthday in 2 days. And I have to spend it here. I can’t go out with my friends it sucks. My family can come and visit but that is about it.

I miss my life.

[Sapphire]

It's great to hear from you and I am glad that you are accepting the help they are giving you.
You are not alone. You have the counsellor, us, Sam, your family and your friends.

It will be difficult, but persevere and you will have your life back.

My thoughts are with you and I'm sending you lots of big, warm hugs xxx

[byee]

hey guys, its me.
i thought i would give you a quick update.
well i am doing alright. i have been a lot better though.

the place is nice. it is very peaceful. my sister is right. it is very much like what you see on tv.
i talk to a person every day and we do like a group thing. Its alright. Sometimes i don’t talk.
the worst part is breakfast lunch and dinner. we have to go. and people like watch us. and make sure that we eat. i hate it. i can't do it. but i have to eat it all. there not big meals but still.

i have a nice room mate. her name is sam. she’s nice. we help each other out.
i have to say that have never really felt more alone then what i do now. i really miss my family and my friends and my boy friend.

this it like the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my entire life. i really don’t like being here. i just wish i was at home.
my councilor that i talk to told me that i have a very server case of anorexia and it is going to take me a while to get over it and get out. so i really have to put my mind to it and focus other wise i am not getting out of here any time soon at all.

And other thing is. That it is my birthday in 2 days. And I have to spend it here. I can’t go out with my friends it sucks. My family can come and visit but that is about it.

I miss my life.

Thanks so much for the update, I was thinking of you and wondering how you were doing. And, i am so impressed by your courage and strength. I know you will be just fine. Better, even!


Just work with the program, stay focused on taking care of yourself, and you'll get thru this and be so much happier. And although I certainly can understand your disappointment at being there for your birthday, in a way, getting better is perhaps the best birthday gift you can get.

Besides, what can be bad if your roommate's name is SAM!

Stay well, keep us posted. And have a happy birthday!

[RIP_banana]

in a couple of days we have to get weighed, and make sure we havnt lost weight and "hopefully" put on weight :mad:

i am sooooo super scared about that. if i have put on weight i swear i feel like i will crack. when i first got here they weighed me and i weighed 33kilos which i think is a BMI of 12.4. which is weird because i thought i have a BMI of 14.3.

i am soooo scared.
OMG! lunch in 15 minutes.
:S

[byee]

(33Kg is approx.70lbs.)

Don't worry about your weight. Just work the program.

[ondahotline93]

definitely the best thing to do is to contact someone such as a doctor or psychiatrist it may be difficult depending on your age as to getting a ride and etc. if you get a chance to go to someone you can ask them that you would prefer for no one to know most likely they will respect your wishes unless something very harmful happens
keep strong hun

[RIP_banana]

its me.
well i got weighed and some how i have lost half a kilo :S
i dont know how. so know they are making me eat an extra meal. which i am really pissed at.

today i opened up a little bit more on my group and i feel better for it.

i am really not liking this place but i am trying to take a different look at it. insted of looking at in negativly i am trying to focuss on the good things.
like if i eat everything and follow their rules i will get out of here faster.

i have to admit i have made myself sick once while being here. but i want to keep that on the d.l. i dont want anyone to find out because i may be in here longer.

its my birthday tomorrow. :D

[byee]

its me.
well i got weighed and some how i have lost half a kilo :S
i dont know how. so know they are making me eat an extra meal. which i am really pissed at.

today i opened up a little bit more on my group and i feel better for it.

i am really not liking this place but i am trying to take a different look at it. insted of looking at in negativly i am trying to focuss on the good things.
like if i eat everything and follow their rules i will get out of here faster.

i have to admit i have made myself sick once while being here. but i want to keep that on the d.l. i dont want anyone to find out because i may be in here longer.

its my birthday tomorrow. :D]

(.5Kg=1Lb.)

Well, If you make yourself sick, you'll lose weight, silly. Don't do that!


Work the program, talk about your feelings, let them know how upset you are at having to eat. You're working against yourself if you don't open up and share all that.

One of the goals for you should be to not be so preoccupied with your weight and eating. Don't focus just on those things, learn ways to distract yourself from that stuff. You're waaaay to focused on food and meals and fat.

Have a happy B'day tomorrow. And remember, although it's not the best place to be on that day, it is a reminder of your emerging rebirth!

Keep us posted.

[Sapphire]

Happy birthday for tomorrow!

As for the eating. I know it is incredibly difficult, but it will get easier as time goes on. They are there to help you and if having an extra meal will do that then please don't get too pissy about it. You are more than entitled to be unhappy about it, but don't fight it or resent them for it.

It is really great that you are trying to view it in a positive light. If you continue to do this your recovery will be made that little bit easier.

Wishing you a good time tomorrow and sending an abundance of warm hugs :)

[RIP_banana]

but i cant help it.
i dont want to put on weight.
i dont want to eat.
i think this is the hardest thing i have evr had to do in my entire life.
and i really dont have the strength.

i am just going to say thanks once again.
becaus ei wont be on for three days.
they are putting some lock donw on me starting from tomorrow because they know how much i am sturggling. no contanct with any one. kinda thing.
i cant really explain it. any ways im a not allowed on here. :(

i want to puke!

[Atonement]

I used to have the exact same problem. Hang in there. You need to distract yourself from food. Listen to your body and respond how you must. It is against nature to do the opposite of what you body is telling you to do (eat).

Feel free to pm me at any time.

[RIP_banana]

my body is telling me not to eat.
and puke.

sorry for the snappyness.
not having a good day is all :(

[Atonement]

BUT NO! You mind is telling you the wrong thing. You body and stomach and the organs suffering from this disorder are the ones you need to pay attention to. When you are hungry, you eat. If your mind hates it, trust me, you stomach will love it.

[RIP_banana]

i know..
i just.
gaahhhhh...
i hate this.
i hate the whole thing.
i am having a really bad day.
i dont want to eat. when i eat i feel sick.
:mad::(:mad::(
i want to go home.

thank you for helping.

[Atonement]

Your welcome. Really, you are welcome to pm me or whatever anytime. Please, stay natural and listen to your body.

[byee]

So sorry to hear you're having a bad day. You'll have those, I suppose. But, remember they're temporary, they'll pass. It's just one day!

My advice to you remains the same, FWIW. Work the program and make sure you're not preoccupied with eating and food and weight. You need to get out of your head, you're spending too much time up there with this stuff. there's more to you, and your day, than eating, food, fat, etc. Focus on that! And talk with the staff about these other yucky feelings.

Hey, iIhope you had a (reasonably) happy birthday!

[RIP_banana]

hey guys.
just an update.
i am kinda excited my mum brought me a new mobile. it is soo cool it is got then internet and everything. (that is hwat i am on right now).

any way.
i am not going to great.
to be honest i am actually in hospital, have been for about three days now.
i passed out on sunday and woke up in hospital last night.

sooo i am guessing you can tell that i am not couping at all.
like in the slightest. i have actually now lost 2 kilos. docotor said that i will be in here for a while, then back to the resort.

i am just going down hill.
i thought i would get better.
:confused:

[Atonement]

Hold on tight, this is a bumpy ride. There is nothing I can do but to wish you the best of luck and well wishes. Stay well :D

[thesphinx]

Sorry to hear you're having trouble but as Plop said it can be hard to recover from something like this. Hang in there we're here for you :hug:

[sophies_justice]

hey guys.
just an update.
i am kinda excited my mum brought me a new mobile. it is soo cool it is got then internet and everything. (that is hwat i am on right now).

any way.
i am not going to great.
to be honest i am actually in hospital, have been for about three days now.
i passed out on sunday and woke up in hospital last night.

sooo i am guessing you can tell that i am not couping at all.
like in the slightest. i have actually now lost 2 kilos. docotor said that i will be in here for a while, then back to the resort.

i am just going down hill.
i thought i would get better.
:confused:

you will get better. i've been there before. you'll go down hill at first because things are hard and you have to get used to asking for help and learning how to eat all over again, without trying to think up ways around it (i.e. purging, hiding the food so they think you ate it). but as you get used to it, and as you learn that it's okay to eat, you'll get better. i promise. it might take some time, and it'll be hard for sure (because things like this are always hard) but you'll get it. you can do this, and you will. you just have to believe that you can. it won't be an overnight thing, it's a process that you go through. but one that can be done.

and talk to your doctors and therapists there. talk in group and in individual. about your struggles, your concerns. write it down if you have to. if you talk about it all with your treatment team, then they will know better how to help you.

hang in there, ok! i believe in you that you can do this.

...

[Atonement]

:hug: Stick in there. It is of course difficult as I said, just an extra good luck that i felt like saying. Good luck. PM if you feel like talking.

[RIP_banana]

little update.
doctor said i my be able leave the hospital in about 2 days maybe.
i just have to see how i go in my weigh in and stuff.
and see if i can breath on my own.
:)

[RIP_banana]

today.
i really feel like giving up.

might be leaving hospital tomorrow. :S
i know i wont be though. :(

[byee]

remember, like the seas, things change. Good days, bad days, good days, bad days.

Sorry today's a bad one. Tomorrow's another chance. Just work the program and keep talking. And eating.

[thesphinx]

Hang in there :hug: you just have to make up your mind and stick to it for the long. Please don't give up. Theres bad and good days like Sam said.

[RIP_banana]

well now i dont want to do anything because i am not going home. because me weight isnt any better. i knew that i woulndn't be going home they just lie to get your hopes up only for them to crush them.

[Atonement]

Stay healthy, not just for you, but for your family and friends too. Because for them to see you being like this is harming them just as much if not more.

[RIP_banana]

i just dont have the strenght and hope and will any more.

or at the minute any way. :whoops:

[RIP_banana]

hi this is shannyns older sister again. shannyn being "banana" i am sitting here lost and very confused. i know that shannyn held this fourms thing very close to her. she always told me about it. so i kinda feel like i have to do this. for like everyone who helpt her and talked to her. she really did appricitate it. it is tearing my heart apart reading all these things that she has written here, i only wish she told me these things.
well this is breaking my heart apart to say this but last night shannyn passed away. That is all I really have left to say. Except thank you to everyone that talked to shannyn and helpt her, I now know that she was struggling more then what she led on, and I honestly believe that you guys gave her the strength to fight for as long as she did. And now I ask that if anyone has anything to say, please do it in a private message and not in this fourm.
and i also ask if this fourm could now be locked.

thank you for everyone who helped my sister. i mean it from the bottom of my heart.