My Dad cheated on my mom...again

[Kevin Bacon]

I really need a place to vent. Third time he's done it, first in 2008, last year in October, and now. Every time, it's the same old same old routine by him. I love you and the kids, you have made me better, yadda yadda yadda. Same thing he's said every single time. I don't know why my mom keeps letting him back in, all he does is tear us down. I can't believe a single word he says anymore, and I'm tired of him and his lies.


I'm sorry, I just really need to vent.

[MartyG]

That sucks Kevin; I'm really sorry. I have some issues with my Dad too...not the same as yours...but I certainly can relate to how you are feeling. Your mom and you guys should be what he lives for......it really hurts when you can see....over and over again....that he takes that responsibility very lightly.

You are not your dad. You can learn from his mistakes and never EVER make them yourself.

Please continue to vent. No one here may be able to really help; as in making things different....but it often seems to help just knowing that another human being is listening....and trying to understand.

[Sharona]

Show him no respect and let him know you hate his betrayal to your mother and the rest of you and that you think he's a douche for not keeping it in his pants and bringing shame on the family

[Cooper197]

I get where you are coming from here. I have a sister who is 6 months younger than me, we have the same dad and different mom's. My parents are still together. The two of them, together, have had 3 kids. I have 2 older siblings that are full siblings. I also have 3 younger half-siblings, who also all have different mothers...so trust me, I get where you are coming from here.

Honestly, for me the showing no respect thing is against who I am, and what I believe in so that was never an option. He's my dad, he's the only one I'll ever have, just need to make the best of it. This doesn't mean I'm okay with it by any means. He knows this and I've talked to him about it. He knows I don't really trust him with other people, but I trust him otherwise. There really isn't anything you can do to make him change, other than just try to make him feel guilty about it, which I think can be done completely peacefully and not by just calling him a douche and so on. In the end though, it's really up to you. It's never fun, but I know just talking/writing about it helped for me. This forum seems like a great place for that...

[Trenton_]

I really need a place to vent. Third time he's done it, first in 2008, last year in October, and now. Every time, it's the same old same old routine by him. I love you and the kids, you have made me better, yadda yadda yadda. Same thing he's said every single time. I don't know why my mom keeps letting him back in, all he does is tear us down. I can't believe a single word he says anymore, and I'm tired of him and his lies.


I'm sorry, I just really need to vent.

He didn't lie, he told you. I don't get it. And ask your mom, maybe she told him to go ahead and date other women. You might be mad at him over something they talked about.


Show him no respect and let him know you hate his betrayal to your mother and the rest of you and that you think he's a douche for not keeping it in his pants and bringing shame on the family

What if they have an open marriage or the 3 of them want to get married and make that the new legal marriage? It wouldn't be hurting anyone else and why would other people care? It's none of their business.

[MoonMan]

Show him no respect and let him know you hate his betrayal to your mother and the rest of you and that you think he's a douche for not keeping it in his pants and bringing shame on the family
Well, that's certainly one way to completely damage a family even further. Just like most other plans to get revenge or even with someone, no good will come out of this suggestion at all. For anybody. Hard to forgive someone who's as much of an asshole as his father, but intentionally becoming spiteful to him will solve nothing and will just cause more problems, whether it's deserved or not. OP should respect his mom's decision and tolerate the father as best as he can, not for his father, but for his family and his mother's sake because there's some reason she sees fit to keep him around (whatever the hell that may be). There's not much else he can do that would prove to be non-harmful at this point, as most of it is out of his control. Completely unfair position, but you got to try and make do with what you got. His mother is at a fault here as well for keeping this guy around. If children and a wife aren't enough to change your douchebag ways, nothing is.

[Sharona]

Well, that's certainly one way to completely damage a family even further. Just like most other plans to get revenge or even with someone, no good will come out of this suggestion at all. For anybody. Hard to forgive someone who's as much of an asshole as his father, but intentionally becoming spiteful to him will solve nothing and will just cause more problems, whether it's deserved or not. OP should respect his mom's decision and tolerate the father as best as he can, not for his father, but for his family and his mother's sake because there's some reason she sees fit to keep him around (whatever the hell that may be). There's not much else he can do that would prove to be non-harmful at this point, as most of it is out of his control. Completely unfair position, but you got to try and make do with what you got. His mother is at a fault here as well for keeping this guy around. If children and a wife aren't enough to change your douchebag ways, nothing is.

Wow I bet you wouldn't have said that if you were a girl
His father betrayed his mother, crapped on the love that created him... no way

[Sharona]

Open marriages are disgusting - they mean you don't care about really being married- the mother wasn't unfaithful and doesn't deserve to be treated so poorly and 2nd class because the father can't keep it in his pants
By cheating he knowingly risks marital/family problems and possibly divorce - divorce can be terrible and traumatic for kids but this guy doesn't care about risking that by having to keep putting it in another woman- why can't he just masturbate if he needs it so bad? Is his family nothing to him?

He didn't lie, he told you. I don't get it. And ask your mom, maybe she told him to go ahead and date other women. You might be mad at him over something they talked about.




What if they have an open marriage or the 3 of them want to get married and make that the new legal marriage? It wouldn't be hurting anyone else and why would other people care? It's none of their business.

[MoonMan]

Wow I bet you wouldn't have said that if you were a girl
His father betrayed his mother, crapped on the love that created him... no way

We're making assumptions now, I see? I can just as easily disregard everything you said by simply stating "you wouldn't say that if you were a boy" but I prefer not to be so close minded and actually explain things.
His dad is an asshole and what he did is unforgiveable, that much is clear to anyone, regardless of whether I have a penis or not. This isn't about the father, however, if the mom has decided to take him back the family will only suffer even more if OP spites him every chance he gets just to remind him he's a douche. It would make things more miserable for everyone and the family would just become more dysfunctional than it already is, not to mention it would do nothing to solve their marriage problems. Tolerance and respect are two very different things, OP owes it to his mom to try and tolerate his father if she brings him around again. If she doesn't take him back then, by all means, call and tell him he's a massive prick everyday for the rest of his life for all I care. He certainly deserves it. But when he's in the same house as you and your family, and still has an impact on your current lives, this would cause nothing but more trouble.
If it were the other way around where the mom was cheating on the father and the father decided to to keep her around anyways, I would've said the same exact same thing. Gender changes nothing here.

[Sharona]

No - he needs to support his mother to stand up to him not to tolerate him

[Trenton_]

Open marriages are disgusting - they mean you don't care about really being married- the mother wasn't unfaithful and doesn't deserve to be treated so poorly and 2nd class because the father can't keep it in his pants
By cheating he knowingly risks marital/family problems and possibly divorce - divorce can be terrible and traumatic for kids but this guy doesn't care about risking that by having to keep putting it in another woman- why can't he just masturbate if he needs it so bad? Is his family nothing to him?

i didn't say open marriages are good, I'm saying he doesn't know what is said between them. Plus, he's in Texas, it's different there.

[Sharona]

Texas? She should have shot his ass then

[MoonMan]

No - he needs to support his mother to stand up to him not to tolerate him
And how would that be supporting his mother? Everyone knows he's a fucking douchebag and the mom is an idiot as well for keeping him around and even putting OP in this situation. She should've dropped him like hot coal the first time he was caught because he's not going to change. She knows this, he knows this, everyone knows this. His mother is a fucking grown woman, it's not OP's or anyone else's job to make sure she can stand up and do what's best for her family, and she hasn't done that. She's the victim here, I get it, but there's a point where you have to say enough is enough and take responsibility to kick this asshole out of your lives so he can stop hurting you. Even then, he would probably still have some custody rights so you would still have to tolerate him because he's in your lives. Maybe the mother truly believes it's better to keep him around? Divorce is hard on kids, maybe she doesn't want to put them through it. Maybe the father works and helps run the house so getting rid of him would fuck everything up, who knows? You have this one track way of thinking where you believe if he cheated we should be able to hang him or shoot him because it's justified, revenge will never help. Ever.
Also, how is being an impossible asshole in the way you suggested in your original post standing up to someone? It's not, it would just getting revenge and, like I said, it wouldn't help anyone.

[Sharona]

She is not an idiot!! You monster!!
She kept him to keep the family together for the kids benefit not hers, do they share braincells where you come from???

[MoonMan]

She is not an idiot!! You monster!!
She kept him to keep the family together for the kids benefit not hers, do they share braincells where you come from???
Yes, and look at such a wonderful impact it has had on her child to the point where he needs to vent his feelings online. It has certainly benefitted him in a positive way, right? Get fucking real, stop protecting her like she's some sort of child. I agree she has kept the family together, but you don't know her reasoning behind it, so why the hell would you just go and assume it must be for the benefit of her family? And if it was, why would OP go and make things harder on his family to recover by being an asshole to his father like you suggested? What good would come out of it? First you say she needs support to stand up to him and now you're saying she's being noble by keeping the family together. I don't have to have all my brain cells to see that's a massive fucking contradiction and that you have still not answered the question I first asked you, instead opting to insult me and claiming I don't know what I'm saying because I'm not a girl.

[Sharona]

Oh because if she left her husband and had to move the kids etc it wouldn't be cause to vent online?
Keep taking those pills

[MoonMan]

Oh because if she left her husband and had to move the kids etc it wouldn't be cause to vent online?
Keep taking those pills

Holy shit, this is hilarious. At what point did I ever state this in my post? You said it was for the benefit of her family, I simply pointed out it's not benefitting OP in any way other than making him confused and angry according to his post. He knows his mother better than anyone here and even HE doesn't know why she keeps him around, yet you somehow found justification to just assume it must be for the benefit of her family. "It wouldn't be cause to vent online" what the fuck are you on about?

[dontfiguremeout]

I know it's none of your business to get into, but if you need to tell your mom how you feel about this go ahead! Sometimes your parents need to know how the kids feel to make sure their lives are good too! And maybe she doesn't want to hurt you guys by divorcing, so voicing your opinion to her could help. Sorry you have to go through this.

[MoonMan]

I know it's none of your business to get into, but if you need to tell your mom how you feel about this go ahead! Sometimes your parents need to know how the kids feel to make sure their lives are good too! And maybe she doesn't want to hurt you guys by divorcing, so voicing your opinion to her could help. Sorry you have to go through this.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. This is all OP can do to try and make things turn in his favor but, ultimately, everything else is out of his control. If she wants to keep him around or if she wants to kick him out is ultimately her decision. He has to try his best to make do with what he has either way though, or else things will just become worse and more problems will arise. Brilliant fucking post.

[Sharona]

Holy shit, this is hilarious. At what point did I ever state this in my post? You said it was for the benefit of her family, I simply pointed out it's not benefitting OP in any way other than making him confused and angry according to his post. He knows his mother better than anyone here and even HE doesn't know why she keeps him around, yet you somehow found justification to just assume it must be for the benefit of her family. "It wouldn't be cause to vent online" what the fuck are you on about?

Watch out for the black helicopters

[Cooper197]

[Reply Deleted]

[RyanCrest]

He's probably done it more than you know, and is going to keep doing it unfortunately. Just learn from his mistakes

[BenjiCleland]

That is so sad and I'm sorry, try to tell your mom not to get back together

[Harry Smith]

OP Request :locked: