Self-harming in relationships

[heather.]

Would you do anything if you noticed that your gf/bf has scars or wounds from self-harming?If so,what?Or what did your partner do when he/she found out?

[xLockdown]

well, since you ask this type of questions i guess we can all assume that this is happening with you. If it happened to me tho, i would get my girlfriend a cup of tea, sit down and have a long calm talk about it. People don't do it without a reason, so something must be wrong.

Good luck

[BewareOfRachel]

My boyfriend - Ollie - found out about mine and is really supportive! I think if your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't support you then you're not mean't to be. They don't have to understand but they have to respect you.

[katiebearr]

My boyfriend and I both have a history of it.
He has anger issues and when he gets angry he quite often hurts himself without realising it. I try to be as supportive as I can.
But when it comes to me self harming (which only happens when I am really upset), he gets very sad and a bit grumpy with me.

[Silent Tears]

I would do my best to help them through it. No one was there for me, so I would be there for them. Talk to them, let them know how much I care, and tell them I'm there for them.

[sweetpotato]

That can be pretty terrible, but yes say something. Believe it or not, having a person in the relationship who does not self-harm is really good. It's even more of a disaster if it's a mutual thing because you can't quite talk about it but you can't quite help each other stop either.
So, talk to her/him and tell them that you're there for them. Ask them questions but be understanding. If they start to get upset, back off and casually address it later, making sure to stress that it IS a thing you need to talk about.
You're kind of the voice of reason here so just try your best and keep them safe along with yourself. Everything will be fine.

[CharlieHorse]

If my gf was self harming, I'd understand, and I'd do what I can to help her and support her because she'd be so important to me, and I'd love her so much.

[ovoxo23]

Would you do anything if you noticed that your gf/bf has scars or wounds from self-harming?If so,what?Or what did your partner do when he/she found out?

In another thread I similar to this one a girl said to kiss the wound. I thought that was sweet, so if I had a gf and I noticed she harmed herself, I would kiss her scar/wound and just make sure she knows I love her and that she doesn't have to harm herself and that I'm there for her to talk or anything.

[CharlieHorse]

In another thread I similar to this one a girl said to kiss the wound. I thought that was sweet, so if I had a gf and I noticed she harmed herself, I would kiss her scar/wound and just make sure she knows I love her and that she doesn't have to harm herself and that I'm there for her to talk or anything.

I'd do the same. I think the kissing is a very sweet way to show them that you care about them so much, and you love them.

[1_21Guns]

my boyfriend knows I have done in the past before we were together, he said if I started again he'd leave, but I'm sure that's not true he just doesn't want me relapse again, luckily I'm a lot better now and I don't want to self harm anymore

[Mystery33]

I know this is a bit random (maybe), but I told my boyfriend once. I just asked him what he would do if he knew someone who self harmed and he just said he wouldn't mind. Then, I told him I SH and he just said 'okay...just carry on whatever'. I felt like he should have said waaay more, but maybe that's just me expecting too much off people who dont understand.

[These.scars.are.me.]

me and my ex were talking about a mutual friend who did it and he said i feel really sorry for her. she is such a lovely person, she shouldnt be doing it. its almost stupid. i got up the courage and said "hun...i cut myself sometimes..." he was silent for a bit then his eyes looked sad but his face smiled and he said why? why do that? but i'm glad you told me. this was a good point because i was trying to stop and i thought he might help me. he became more and more distant. we started falling out andhe had never let me be seen out with him anyway but it led to the split. however i know friends who have been able to quit because of support from their partner so can go either way i guess