What do you think of my sonnet?

[lijrobert]

Can I get some honest opinions on my sonnet? Thank all who reply. Please only constructive criticism.
Does Cupid Hate?

Does Cupid hate us poor men here on earth?

He cast his arrows on those men unloved,

Those men who feel as if they have no worth,

And can only dream of the flight of doves.



Everyday they just have to sit and wait,

While the sounds of love echo all around.

And as the sound echoes they start to hate,

Until in hate, they are completely drowned.



But, sometimes Cupid’s love arrows strike true,

And these men feel love being requited.

Their love no longer has to sit and brew.

And no longer do these men feel slighted.



Maybe Cupid truly hates those he sees,

But tell that to men who feel true love’s breeze.

[HockeyLovesMe]

i am not much of a english person for sure but i liked reading it if thats any help haha :) told a good story and i was involved in it :)

[Origami]

Can I get some honest opinions on my sonnet? Thank all who reply. Please only constructive criticism.
Does Cupid Hate?

Does Cupid hate us poor men here on earth?

He cast his arrows on those men unloved,

Those men who feel as if they have no worth,

And can only dream of the flight of doves.



Everyday they just have to sit and wait,

While the sounds of love echo all around.

And as the sound echoes they start to hate,

Until in hate, they are completely drowned.



But, sometimes Cupid’s love arrows strike true,

And these men feel love being requited.

Their love no longer has to sit and brew.

And no longer do these men feel slighted.



Maybe Cupid truly hates those he sees,

But tell that to men who feel true love’s breeze.

Alright... I've written this review four times and each time my browser has went sporadic and removed everything. Let's try once more...

I want to take the time to give you kudos for writing a Shakespearean Sonnet. It's good to see some traditional style work for once.

+Iambic Pentameter - Your use of iambic pentameter is spot on in this sonnet and I love you for that. Too often I see askew meters and people calling it a sonnet. In my opinion, perfecting the meter is the hardest part in writing a sonnet yet you nailed it.

-Formatting - Unfortunately, your formatting isn't that of a sonnet and thus this isn't a sonnet. A sonnet is a single body (two stanzas; An Octave and a Sextet written as one) to create a single fourteen line stanza. I can see where you tried to follow the standard rhyme scheme of a Shakespearean Sonnet, but your multiple stanzas ruins that. Your rhyme scheme is A-B-A-B, A-B-A-B, A-B-A-B, A-A. Each new stanza begins a new rhyme scheme. If it were formatted properly you would have gotten the correct A-B-A-B, C-D-C-D, E-F-E-F, G-G rhyme scheme! But it's okay, it happens.

It should look like this:

Does Cupid hate us poor men here on earth?
He cast his arrows on those men unloved,
Those men who feel as if they have no worth,
And can only dream of the flight of doves.
Everyday they just have to sit and wait,
While the sounds of love echo all around.
And as the sound echoes they start to hate,
Until in hate, they are completely drowned.
But, sometimes Cupid’s love arrows strike true,
And these men feel love being requited.
Their love no longer has to sit and brew.
And no longer do these men feel slighted.
Maybe Cupid truly hates those he sees,
But tell that to men who feel true love’s breeze.

+Content - You nailed the traditional pattern of a Octave illustrating a problem with a Sextet resolving it. Props for that indeed! While I personally am wishy-washy on the story therein, I'll let others decide on that as it boils down to preferences.

Good job. As I said before, it's great to see some traditional style writing for once. Keep it up!

[lijrobert]

Alright... I've written this review four times and each time my browser has went sporadic and removed everything. Let's try once more...

I want to take the time to give you kudos for writing a Shakespearean Sonnet. It's good to see some traditional style work for once.

+Iambic Pentameter - Your use of iambic pentameter is spot on in this sonnet and I love you for that. Too often I see askew meters and people calling it a sonnet. In my opinion, perfecting the meter is the hardest part in writing a sonnet yet you nailed it.

-Formatting - Unfortunately, your formatting isn't that of a sonnet and thus this isn't a sonnet. A sonnet is a single body (two stanzas; An Octave and a Sextet written as one) to create a single fourteen line stanza. I can see where you tried to follow the standard rhyme scheme of a Shakespearean Sonnet, but your multiple stanzas ruins that. Your rhyme scheme is A-B-A-B, A-B-A-B, A-B-A-B, A-A. Each new stanza begins a new rhyme scheme. If it were formatted properly you would have gotten the correct A-B-A-B, C-D-C-D, E-F-E-F, G-G rhyme scheme! But it's okay, it happens.

It should look like this:



+Content - You nailed the traditional pattern of a Octave illustrating a problem with a Sextet resolving it. Props for that indeed! While I personally am wishy-washy on the story therein, I'll let others decide on that as it boils down to preferences.

Good job. As I said before, it's great to see some traditional style writing for once. Keep it up!

i am not much of a english person for sure but i liked reading it if thats any help haha :) told a good story and i was involved in it :)

Thank you both for your comments. Origami: This sonnet is for school. The examples I was given were formatted in the way I formatted my sonnet. This raises the question, is my teacher wrong? (I do not distrust you, I am just wondering).

[Origami]

Thank you both for your comments. Origami: This sonnet is for school. The examples I was given were formatted in the way I formatted my sonnet. This raises the question, is my teacher wrong? (I do not distrust you, I am just wondering).

I won't say an English teacher is wrong, although I have had experiences with them being so far from correct that it's baffling; however, in my experiences I have never seen a sonnet that is written in a format other than a singular stanza.

I just sifted through Shakespeare's 154 sonnets and didn't find one that was written in a different format. I didn't sort through them all however, just took a quick sample of about 30.

I would look in your textbooks to see how they're formatted there. If the teacher got the example sheets offline that might not be formatted correctly due to the original posters error. Or, for some reason, they could have been intentionally formatted that way for some purpose or another.