how do i tell them

[joes2]

how do i tell my family im gay

[Neverender]

r u sure ur gay? your profile says your only 13 and it could just be your hormones.

[joes2]

i am sure i am gay

[Malcolm Tucker]

Well if you're sure, then I would hold off. Like menchion said it could be hormones. If it turns out to be hormones, and you have come out, try un-coming out. Not believable

[Neverender]

ya. you should wait untill your 17-18 so that you know that ur straight or gay. then, if your parents act negitively to you coming out, you only have to be with them for a short time before you can leave for university or move out

[zacharooo]

yea it is prob hormones or how eva u spell it i felt like that but not its just a little bit curiosity

[LateForTheSky]

ya. you should wait untill your 17-18 so that you know that ur straight or gay. then, if your parents act negitively to you coming out, you only have to be with them for a short time before you can leave for university or move out

Could u keep a secret like that for all those years i know i can't, and if he said hes sure hes gay then hes gay. Not believeing something like that can be insulting

[Patchy]

Well it could just be hormones but if ur certain its true hold it off by not telling them for a bit longer and you still want to tell them, tell them

you dont want to rush into something you might regret telling them

[Underground_Network]

I think he firmly believes he's gay, in other words, he's not questioning it, he's admitting it. When you believe that firmly that you are gay, even at an early stage in life, you usually are gay. It sounds like he truly knows that he is gay, and I think the earlier he tells his family the better. If he waits till he's 17-18, even if his family is accepting, they might be upset that he didn't tell them earlier. You should probably not do it during something like say dinner, or during a friendly conversation, as it may sound strange to them/they might think you're joking. You should probably walk up to your mom and/or dad while they're not busy and explain to them how you feel. They're your parents, they should love you no matter what you decide to in life, as long as you don't decide to harm yourself or others.

[Malcolm Tucker]

I think he firmly believes he's gay, in other words, he's not questioning it, he's admitting it. When you believe that firmly that you are gay, even at an early stage in life, you usually are gay. It sounds like he truly knows that he is gay, and I think the earlier he tells his family the better. If he waits till he's 17-18, even if his family is accepting, they might be upset that he didn't tell them earlier. You should probably not do it during something like say dinner, or during a friendly conversation, as it may sound strange to them/they might think you're joking. You should probably walk up to your mom and/or dad while they're not busy and explain to them how you feel. They're your parents, they should love you no matter what you decide to in life, as long as you don't decide to harm yourself or others.

Yeah, as Adam said. If you do choose to tell them now, wait until it is not a tense situation, or when they are calm, and happy.

[Sugaree]

how do i tell my family im gay

r u sure ur gay? your profile says your only 13 and it could just be your hormones.

menchion is right your profile says you're only 13. I would think it's your hormones since you're really too young to know if you're gay or not.

[byee]

I think a lot of people here are advising you to delay this because of your age. Maybe they think you're confusing hormones with true awareness, especially since you haven't told us exactly how you determined something as complicated as sexual orientation at the the very beginning of puberty.

Anyway, i'd ask you to think about two additional questions. First, what exactly is the goal of telling them this info at this particular time? What are you hoping for? What are you expecting?

The other thing I'd encourage you to think about is how sharing this potentially explosive news with them will change things moving foward? And how will you deal with that change?

I understand the need to share something as significant as your sexual orientation with your family, but I think there are a lot of other issues it raises that require some thought before you sit down with them and have the talk. You might want to prepare yourself not only for that talk, but the aftermath as well. That's why many people wait.

[joes2]

ok first of all i no im gay because im not curios about other guys i want 2 date them. i dont no how 2 tell my family because nobody in the family has been gay. ive be gay 4 2 years already. i dont think it is just a phase. and you no what im glad im gay because if i have sex unprotected i wont get my date pregnant because it will be a guy.

[Maverick]

you no what im glad im gay because if i have sex unprotected i wont get my date pregnant because it will be a guy.
Yet you can still get a STD that you can possibly get stuck with for the rest of your life and is incurable.

[joes2]

y does everyboby critize me

some of your advice is good i just dont lik the fact that u all r critizing me.

[Maverick]

We aren't criticizing you, we are trying to help and prevent you from making a mistake and doing something too soon. We have a lot of smart people on this site and you should be more open to their opinions and consider and trust what they have to say.

[joes2]

i guess ur right

[Sugaree]

y does everyboby critize me

some of your advice is good i just dont lik the fact that u all r critizing me.

We aren't critizing you. We don't play that game here. We are just telling you that it might be good to wait a while. Now I'm just saying it might be hormones. You just can't go out one day and say "I'm gay and I know it" like you have been doing on here.

Just think this over and consider that you may or may not be gay.

So just delay it for a while and give it time.

[joes2]

u dont get it i no im gay and im sure

[Underground_Network]

Guys, if he "knows" he's gay, he has already made a decision. From what he has said I firmly believe that he firmly believes that he's gay. Based on my theory/philosophy, I can't say anyone has a permanent sexuality, but I think that if he thinks he's gay, than in a sense he's gay. If he is attracted to guys emotionally and physically, which it appears, regardless of his age, he is most likely gay (or bisexual). So rather than explaining to him that its too early for him to know he's gay (I believe it was Alex, our administrator who said it is not impossible to know very early on), give him advice on his actual question. Explain to him that he should wait until his parents aren't really busy, when they're not really doing anything. And that if he is so sure that he is gay, he should tell them right away, as to not have them upset at him for not telling them earlier. He should just tell them and get it over with. The only way I could see them getting very upset is if they are very religious, and even that is not a guarantee. You're their son, they should love you no matter how you decide to live your life. Just tell them, explain to them how you feel, I'm sure they'll understand. :)

[joes2]

Undergroun Network u sound lik a precher no afince thaks 4 helping get them 2 answer my q

[Jeepmudr16]

You may say you're gay, but do you want to be gay? Some peope may think they are gay because of thoughts of guys. If you are gay its because you want to be not because of natural reasons remember that. But the best way is to set them down and tell them straight out that you're gay. They might get pissed but so what it's your choice.

[Serenity]

Alright Joe has clearly stated A NUMBER OF TIMES that he is confident in his sexuality. He didn't ask people to confirm it for him, he didn't ask for ways to prove to himself, he simply asked for advice on how to come out to his parents. If you're going to post, answer his actual QUESTION please.

[crash007]

I have gay friends and they say the first person to tell is your mom. My friends said that their moms already knew or had a feeling that they were gay. No one can really tell you how to come out cause it is all up to you. If telling your parents is really that important to you than depending on their opinion about homosexuality I would just tell them. I have heard that you feel a lot better after you come out.

[DouggyO.o]

I wouldnt come out right now. since a large majority of places tend to ridicule gay people and that could make highschool a living hell if you come out to people at such an early age. And who knows...it could be hormones( yes i know you say your sure but i was sure about alot of things at 13 and most of those things have changed...you never know)

[byee]

We haven't heard from the OP yet, so I'm not sure where this is going. But, based on the question, I get the feeling that the he's looking for something other than what he's asking (which may help explain why everyone is answering a different question here).

The obvious answer to the question of how I tell them is some variation on 'Mom, dad, I need to tell you something'. Right?

So, maybe what the OP is really asking is 'What happens next?'.

Maybe some of the people who have told their family/friends/ etc. could share the benefit of their experience.

Or maybe the OP could come back and respond to what's been said here?

[ideasgirl]

Hey there, I totally believe it is possible to know you are gay at 13. Especially in today's society. I always knew i liked girls but I didn't know what a gay person was until about year 9! My girlfriend however came out to her parents at the age fourteen. And just for clarification, yes she's still gay it wasn't hormones. (You people certainly blame hormones a lot here).

There are lots of ways to come out to your parents. First you have to get an idea of what their stance is on homosexuality. Are they ok with it? Do they think it's completely disgusting and wrong? My mum was one of those people who didn't mind gays as long as they weren't her kids. So I spent a large part of my teens hiding the fact that I was a lesbian from her. Until one day I just couldn't take it anymore. I felt like I was living a lie. I lied about who I was seeing, evertime a girlfriend came over she was just a 'friend'. It was too much. I think if you're completely sure of who you are then you should get it out in the open before you start facing the scary world of dating sex realtionships etc etc. Of course no parent really wants their kids to be gay because more often than not they want their kids to live the lifestyle they did, and to grow up being happy and without a complicated life (parents often think being gay complicates your life). I came out in a terrible way, I got drunk and text messaged my mum which I regret. She had asked me multiple times if I was gay and I had denied if everytime because everytime I tried to tell her to her face I just started crying and had to leave the room. But it's so much better to get it out.

I think the best way to tell your parents your gay is to either just sit down and talk with them about it, or write them a letter. You have to tell them that you are sure of who you are, and that you are still the same person as you were yesterday. If they question your happiness in the future, just tell them that you believe you will be happier living the truth rather than a lie, and that you hope they can accept and support you.

I hope that helped a bit. If you have any questions let me know.

[chris__robin]

-Off topic content removed-

[Serenity]

The sexuality debate is here (http://virtualteen.org/forums/showthread.php?t=17838), feel free to contribute to it if you like but keep debates out of Help and Advice, please and thanks.

[lyra27]

If you are gay its because you want to be not because of natural reasons remember that.


Sorry what??? That's ridiculous. Obviously you're not gay.

I think you should just be honest with them. Sit down and talk to them.

[Dave]

I came out to my parents when there wasn't a busy time, and i do it with out thinking, i move my body nfront of her, and then i tell her.
She doensn't believe me at first, and she even try to take me to the psycologist, but i tell her that i was sure, and finally, she believe me