First time.

[Celyn0516]

Its my first time holding an Xacto knife.
it's the first time i cut so deep that it begins to bleed profusely.
im scared but i love the feeling of sharp pain and the sight of blood dropping out.

i hate the teachers at my school.
they are crappy and gives out physical punishment to those who get shitty results.
im sick of being stereotyped as a smart asian who is good in maths n all that shit.
im sick of being humiliated by the two teacher, mdm. P and mr.W .

everyone is just leaving me alone and stepping over my feelings and dignity.
everyone around me is being judgmental, friends, family, teachers, boyfriend and even those stupid suicide hotline shit.

im tired of this and im going to cut myself till im tired.

[Perfectly Flawed]

Hun some people don't understand just how much the things they say and do hurt people. I really wish I could protect you from these people so they can't hurt you, but I can't. What I can do is talk to you whenever you need to talk. You can PM me and we can talk about whatever you need to, or you could even just vent, I will read every word you type. I hate seeing people hurt I just want to see you feel better.

[Celyn0516]

Hun some people don't understand just how much the things they say and do hurt people. I really wish I could protect you from these people so they can't hurt you, but I can't. What I can do is talk to you whenever you need to talk. You can PM me and we can talk about whatever you need to, or you could even just vent, I will read every word you type. I hate seeing people hurt I just want to see you feel better.

Why can't the people around me be more like you.. even my boyfriend feels disgusted that I cut myself when he found out.

I went to the doctor today to get something for my alletgies. My dad saw the cuts, the nurse saw the cuts , some few other patients saw the cuts but nobody did anything.

idk why but I hope when i get back to school, one of those mean teachers will say something to trigger me ending myself. By then people will find my letters in my bedroom saying why I did it.

i just feel like giving up everything.

[bigfoot]

Please, don't give up! You've made it this far, and that in itself is an accomplishment. Everyone here would be devastated

[Celyn0516]

Please, don't give up! You've made it this far, and that in itself is an accomplishment. Everyone here would be devastated

Well not really (: you're just saying it to make me feel better.

im dreading tomorrow where i have to get back to school and face the two mean teachers n some of the mean classmates that have been taunting me since when i was at the hospital after a surgery. ' Hey, Ms.P wanna see your parents ' 'You got a 0 on that test, you're gonna get it from Mr.W ' ....

i really hate myself and i wanna die with a letter , cursing everyone that pushed me into depression and mocked me.

[nevillee9]

Well not really (: you're just saying it to make me feel better.

im dreading tomorrow where i have to get back to school and face the two mean teachers n some of the mean classmates that have been taunting me since when i was at the hospital after a surgery. ' Hey, Ms.P wanna see your parents ' 'You got a 0 on that test, you're gonna get it from Mr.W ' ....

i really hate myself and i wanna die with a letter , cursing everyone that pushed me into depression and mocked me.

Hey, babe, your better than that. Think positive, do hobbies... I used to be exactly like you, I hated everyone even myself, I wanted to die. You need something to be able to let out your fury - I used writing, I wrote my dreams, nightmare, wishes and stories, I even wrote songs.
Just think this: if life can't get worse I can only get better.
Chin up, and if you need anything PM me x

[Celyn0516]

Hey, babe, your better than that. Think positive, do hobbies... I used to be exactly like you, I hated everyone even myself, I wanted to die. You need something to be able to let out your fury - I used writing, I wrote my dreams, nightmare, wishes and stories, I even wrote songs.
Just think this: if life can't get worse I can only get better.
Chin up, and if you need anything PM me x

I do sports, dancing, painting and all sorts of stuff but recently I dont really bother to do all of that anymore. The feeling of relaxation just disappeared...

I seriously envy all of you that are not living in asian countries... you will never understand the pressure from everyone beside you, how its like to be shunned and insulted by teachers when you're in the middle or back classes, how its like to study from 7.20 a.m. till 1.35 p.m. everyday and have hours of other tuition or stuff.

I'm so sick of everything and everyone. :/

[Celyn0516]

i cant pm anyone too... my count is not over 100..

[nevillee9]

i cant pm anyone too... my count is not over 100..


Try and think positive thoughts, write about how you'd like your life to be. I managed to create an alternative life to the awful one I had. I spose i'm weird now though, but I'm kinda happy although I hang around with 18 year old, I'm fourteen and I only have one or two friends my age... Learnt to be happy. I'm here for you x

[Blablabla36489]

Hi!
You don't deserve it,really.Tell us your problems and we can solve them together.Cutting yourself is the worst thing you can think and do.

[Perfectly Flawed]

I know how stressful it can be to live in a country with high education standards. Please just remember that it only lasts for a small portion of your life, and you are strong enough to get through this. If you can't PM we can just keep talking on this thread.

[Celyn0516]

I know how stressful it can be to live in a country with high education standards. Please just remember that it only lasts for a small portion of your life, and you are strong enough to get through this. If you can't PM we can just keep talking on this thread.

Hi!
You don't deserve it,really.Tell us your problems and we can solve them together.Cutting yourself is the worst thing you can think and do.

Try and think positive thoughts, write about how you'd like your life to be. I managed to create an alternative life to the awful one I had. I spose i'm weird now though, but I'm kinda happy although I hang around with 18 year old, I'm fourteen and I only have one or two friends my age... Learnt to be happy. I'm here for you x

Hey.. im back again.. one of my really close friend just called me an attention seeking whore. & i got really mad at him cause whenever he is in trouble, i was always there for him.

I've recently stopped cutting but i like picking the scabs on the wounds. There's a surgery wound at my belly button and I keep picking the scabs till it was infected and ending me up in the hospital again. I like the feeling of pain and the sight / smell of blood tho (:

but other than that, thanks alot you guys (: i appreciate it

[nevillee9]

Hey.. im back again.. one of my really close friend just called me an attention seeking whore. & i got really mad at him cause whenever he is in trouble, i was always there for him.

I've recently stopped cutting but i like picking the scabs on the wounds. There's a surgery wound at my belly button and I keep picking the scabs till it was infected and ending me up in the hospital again. I like the feeling of pain and the sight / smell of blood tho (:

but other than that, thanks alot you guys (: i appreciate it

The *** I totally understand that it's totally the opposite...
Thats what were here for, I like picking scabs too *-*
I wish you all the luck in the world x

[Nocturnal_Insomniac]

I do sports, dancing, painting and all sorts of stuff but recently I dont really bother to do all of that anymore. The feeling of relaxation just disappeared...

I seriously envy all of you that are not living in asian countries... you will never understand the pressure from everyone beside you, how its like to be shunned and insulted by teachers when you're in the middle or back classes, how its like to study from 7.20 a.m. till 1.35 p.m. everyday and have hours of other tuition or stuff.

I'm so sick of everything and everyone. :/

I might not live in an Asian country, but I do go to an academically selective school, and over 95% of the students are Asian. I remember when I was 8, there was this girl in my class that I wanted to come to my birthday party, but she was only available every second Thursday, for an hour. i don't totally understand the pressure you are under, but i certainly have seen more than my share of it, at a school where the kids consider a score less than 95% a fail.

As for picking at scabs, I might have stopped cutting four years ago (and I still get the urge), but I was never able to stop the habit of scratching a hole in my arm, and then picking at it until it became infected. I've ended up in hospital for it multiple times. Try not to do it. If you want to talk, just let me know. My email address is listed as my MSN handle, and I'm always happy to help, or just let you blow off steam. Don't give up yet.