Story

[jayyy-lmao]

This story has no mame, so any suggestions are welcome. Might be triggering.

I held her hands in mine. Her small, pale, seemingly delicate hands dwarfed by my big, muscular, strong hands, rough from playing guitar. I don't know why I held her hands, I don't know why she let me. She never did. We were supposed to be just friends; we were, but I wanted more. But just this once she let me. I was hunched over, elbows on my knees, arms outstretched to reach her hands. She sat more ladylike; straighter, with her arms back, but still easy for me to reach. Tears were welling up in my blue eyes already. I had the power of words behind me, but the power of speech often failed me.
"I-I just want you to know, before I tell you this, I love you. This isn't your fault. I will always love you," I stuttered out slowly, heart rate rising to unsafe levels.
"Charlotte, what's going on?"
She never used my name. Like everyone, she called me Charlie. I didn't mind- I dressed and acted much like a boy anyway. But this was different. She saw the fear in my eyes and knew the stutter in my voice, my hesitation- the same hesitation that had been there when I told her I was gay. She knew whatever I was about to say would probably change her life, and definitely change mine.
"I'm going to be honest with you. I won't hold anything back. But I have to ask- do you want me around?" I said, breathing deeply and slowly. My heart rate was definitely not normal. Probably not safe.
"Of course. You're my friend," she replied without hesitation. I winced at the word. All I wanted in my life was her, and it was just out of my reach. I could grasp at it and try to grab it but I never would. It would forever hang just out of my reach, tantalizingly close.
"I know you hate it but that's what I want. You said you would do anything-"
"And I will," I said, cutting her off. "Hope, I will always be here for you to fall back on, to cry on, to lean on. I'm never leaving,"
"If loving you was a choice I'd choose to," Hope whispered, cursing her lack of feeling.
"Okay." I took a deep breath. "I have problems. A lot of them. Most run deep in my veins, curses leftover from my past. What you know of them barely scratches the surface. There's so many, all over the place, but they all add up to one big problem. I'm depressed. I've been to the doctor and I'm on antidepressants that don't work. I go to therapy on Sundays, and that hasn't helped much either. But the therapist keeps saying "Tell someone you care a lot about. Ask them for help." I think you can help me."
I started sobbing. I always had a hard time admitting problems and asking for help. But Hope was crying, and that's what set me off most. Her beautiful, round face was going red, tears streaming down her cheeks. I knew she cared, but never this much.
"C-can you be honest with me, and not lie?" she choked out from her tears. I was glad we were in private- a secluded area of St. Anne's Park- because this much tears would attract attention.
"Always. I would never lie," I said, using one hand to cross my heart.
"Have you hurt yourself?" she asked. I suddenly understood why she was choking back her tears. I wasn't the best at hiding my scars, she had probably thought it was the dog but now she knew better. I let go of her hands, stood up and turned around, grabbing the bottom of my hoodie-jumper and pulling it off. I heard her gasp a little. Then more sobbing. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I knew what she saw. I was wearing a small vest, so she could see all of it. There were scars all the way up my arms, tightly packed together, from my wrists to my shoulders. All over the top of my back were more crudely made cuts. Through the light material of my top, she could probably see more scars on my hips. Some of the scars formed words. Crudely formed letters painted on my body canvas in blood. Useless, mad, dangerous, ugly, loner, cut into my skin like they were onto my mind. I prayed she couldn't see a tiny one on my wrist that read "Hope".
"You're disgusted. I understand. I'm a monster. My personality assumed my appearance. I look like what I am now," I choked out through sobs.
"No. You're not a monster. You just have a monster inside you. And you don't look like a monster. You're beautiful," Hope said, trying to compose herself.
"You know that's a lie, Hope,"
"Please tell me you never tried. Never attempted,"
"Do you want to know the truth, or the lie that would save you the pain?"
"Oh God no, Charlie,"
I couldn't turn around. I knew she was crying, and I was crying. I was the monster standing before the angel, and somehow I broke the angel.
"Charlie. Look at me," Hope said, putting her hand on my shoulder. I jumped a little, winced slightly. There was a fresh cut on my shoulder, and Hope's hand was wet, salty and cold.
"Sorry," she said, slightly frightened, "Please look at me." I turned to look at her. She had beautiful emerald green eyes, shiny and perfect. She was three inches shorter than my 5 foot 7 inches, looking up at me slightly. She brushed her long, wavy, red hair out of her face, and looked me in the eye. I couldn't look at her. I turned away.
"What did you try?" she asked. She knew she was venturing where no-one else would dare go. But she also knew I would lead her there.
"Hanging. My mum found me," I answered, remembering that horrible memory. The dog barking, mum crying, ambulance sirens wailing, doctors talking, not breathing. The nightmare.
"You don't need to die,"
"I want to,"
"Why?"
"Because I've failed. I'm not good enough for you, or anyone. I'm not good enough for life,"
"That's not true,"
"Then why do I feel like this?"
"Because you're lost, confused, scared, you're a child. Because you need something to hold on to,"
"I need you. You don't need me. But I need you,"
"Look at me," she said, gently touching my arms where they looked the least tender. She carefully turned me around.
"It's like Beauty And The Beast. Except Beauty falls in love with Gaston," I said hopelessly.
"Promise me you'll try. If I help you, will you try? Promise me you won't die. I need you," she said staring into my eyes.
"I promise. I won't die. I'll try my hardest. For you,"
"Thank you,"
"One condition. If I live. If I get over it. Will you go out with me?"
"Ask me when you win,"
"That's a yes then," I said, my cocky, overconfident smile returning. I gave my short-ish hair a toss, the brown mess cut in a messy, Bieber-like flick.
"Don't assume. I already said no a million times,"
"Maybe a million-and-one will be lucky,"
"Put your shirt back on. You'll freeze,"
"Yes ma'am," I said, making a mock salute.
"At ease, soldier. You have a war to fight."

That was Monday. By comparison to Tuesday, Monday was a good day. I walked to school, as usual, in my red Gap hoodie-jumper, baggy jeans, black Nike Air Jordans and headphones blaring. I held my sleeves down, trying to hide the fresh wounds I had made before school.
"Morning, faggot," I heard a taunting voice come from behind me. I stopped and slid off my headphones.
"You know calling me faggot is offensive," I replied.
"Don't care, faggot," the taunting voice said.
"Darren, you can call me faggot til I die and I will never care," I said, trying to make him shut up. It was a lie. I hated being called faggot.
"Oi!" Darren shouted, grabbing my shoulder and whirling me around. I winced, my shoulder still causing me pain.
"Faggot gotta pay up for today," Darren demanded, asking for my lunch money. Every day he did this.
"No." A crowd was beginning to gather around us. We were in the main yard, three school buildings around us, and the locker rooms.
"Whaddaya mean "No" ?"
"I mean 'No. You can't have my money.' ."
Darren was bigger, taller and stronger than me. He grabbed me by the hoodie and shoved me into the nearest wall.
"Listen here. Gimme your money or I'll take it," he snarled at me.
"Take it then." Darren raised his fist and landed a punch on my jaw. My head knocked into the wall. I heard the crowd gasp.
"Gimme the money!"
"You said you'd take it. So do." He threw a punch straight at my stomach which winded me. He dropped me and grabbed my wrists, pinning them against the wall. I winced. He noticed, tightening his grip.
"Wrists your weak spot, eh?" he said with an evil smile. He kneed me in the stomach. Winded. Again. And again. He just kept kneeing my stomach. When I didn't give in, he dropped me. I landed on my hands and knees. I felt I was going to be sick. My wrists were burning.
"I'll get you tomorrow, you dyke," he said, then turned and walked off. I knelt there on the ground, trying to compose myself for what seemed like forever. Hope and her boyfriend, Teddy, appeared from the crowd. The two of them helped me up, carrying me off to sick bay. Hope probably brought Teddy because he was big. Bigger than me. Hope wouldn't have been able to help me alone. They set me down in a chair at sick bay.
"What's Gaston doing here?" I asked.
"Shut up you," Hope snapped, wiping my bloody jaw clean.
"Am I-?" Teddy started.
"Ignore her, Teddy. She's a little sour," Hope ordered Teddy. "You can go now, hun," Hope said, giving him a kiss and shooing him out.
"Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" Hope half shouted at me.
"Well I said I wouldn't but that wasn't my fault!"
"Teddy just runs up to me and says "Your best friend is getting beat up". What did he do?"
"Well maybe if Gaston helped me himself I'd be in better shape. One punch to the jaw and loads of knees to the stomach, and a head knocked into the wall,"
"Act civil. You're such an ass sometimes,"
"Your boyfriend could have helped me and he didn't! No one did! No one wants to be friends with the dyke,"
"I do, and I would have beat up Darren myself if I was there,"
"Well you weren't. No if's,"
We sat in silence for a few minutes.
"Teddy said your wrists were weak. There were no fresh ones there yesterday," Hope said quietly, breaking the silence.
"Can I have some bandages?" I asked.
"Put out your wrists and I'll treat them properly," Hope ordered. She was excellent at first aid. I put out my arms and pulled up my sleeves. She cleaned my cuts with antiseptic wipes. It stung like hell. When she was done, she simply asked "Are you winning?"
"Slowly," I replied. "But I'm still winning."

I went home to an empty house that night. Both parents working late. It was winter, so it was dark by five o'clock. I let myself in and made some dinner. Not that I ate it. My stomach still felt too beat up. I played with my noodles in anticipation of eating them but it never happened. I gave up and went upstairs. I lay down on the floor to reach under the bed, grabbing a small wooden box and pulling it out. It had a little lock and latch on it. I grabbed the necklace around my neck and found the key hanging off it. I opened the box and sat it on my bed. This was my secret. I didn't let anyone see or find it. Even know it was there. There was an assortment of objects, some metal, some plastic, with sharp edges. She took out the most obvious one; a small, black Swiss Army knife. It had only the one blade, which looked clean and shiny. In a few hours it would be stained red. I knew I had a problem. I just didn't know how to face it. Every time I looked in the mirror I saw something that couldn't possibly be more monstrous. But every time I cut I made the impossible happen.
"You said you wouldn't do this, Charlie," I said, trying to talk myself out of it for Hope.
"You promised her," I said, unfolding the blade of the knife.
"Don't do it Charlie," I whispered as I gripped the knife in my hands. My hand trembled. The girl I love, or habit? Her or release of pain? I chose her. My trembling hand dropped the knife and reached for my phone in my pocket. I dialed Hope's number.
"Charlie?"
"Hope. Help me. I'm in my room with my knives and I almost did it but I didn't. I don't know if I can stop myself. Help me please,"
"Okay. I'll come over,"
"Thank you." The line went dead. Within ten minutes I heard the doorbell ring. I staggered downstairs, barely able to support myself, a walking wreckage, a fell into the door. I fumbled to unlock the lock, and the moment I did I fell on Hope.
"Charlie?!"
"I'm okay..." I whimpered. Hope acted as a crutch and lead me to the kitchen table. She saw my food still on the counter.
"Have you been eating?" Hope asked angrily, knowing the answer already.
"N-not really.."
"You know you have to," Hope sighed.
"I-I know.."
"Here, eat this," Hope said, finding some bread in a cupboard. She always seemed to know where everything was every time.
"I'm sorry," I said between mouthfulls.
"I thought something was up. I didn't need Teddy's help to carry you. You're underweight," she said, keeping it serious.
"I told you. All my problems fall into one big thing. But they exist on their own too,"
"So what're you're problems?"
"I'm anorexic. I cut. I'm being bullied. I get panic attacks. I want to die."
She stared at me. Her emerald eyes bore into my soul. She saw every dark thought and nightmare I ever lived. She saw my pain through my eyes and it hurt.
"Do you think about me?" Hope asked. I leaned on the table, running my hands through my messy, Bieber-like, dark brown hair.
"Every minute of every day. I think of you to get me through the day. I think of your immeasurable beauty. Your smile. Your eyes. Your hair. I know you get shit for being ginger sometimes but I love your hair. It falls perfectly around your gorgeous face. Every day it's different but it's always perfect. I think about what you're doing. Do you think of me. Do you love Teddy. Do you love yourself. What do you fear. What do you adore. I think about everything about you. And that's not okay."
I kept my head down in my hands. Hope came to the other side of the table and leaned beside me.
"I do think about you. I worry. I wonder if you'll be alive tomorrow. If you'll have new injuries tomorrow. If you want to die. If you'll eat. If you'll have an attack. If you think about me. I think about you a lot. You're my best friend. You matter. Now let's be proactive. Where are your blades?"
"Upstairs. On my bed,"
"C'mon. We need to dump them." Hope was already running upstairs. I followed her, and I found her in my room staring at my stash. Sharpener blades. Swiss Army knife. Steak knives. Scalpels. Sharp plastic pieces. Scrap metal from the metalwork room in school. Loads more. She looked shocked.
"How long have you been doing this?" she said, not taking her eyes off the blades.
"I started when I was ten. I'm seventeen now,"
"Ten?" Hope said, shocked.
"I used a rock from the yard ground. I said I fell,"
"Please stop,"
"I will." We carefully put all the blades in the box and chucked them in the bin.
"C'mon, I wanna show you something," I said, gesturing for Hope to follow. I lead her to the front room of my house, where I had two guitars and a keyboard set up. "D'you play anything?" I asked her.
"I have a guitar. Can't play it,"
"Lemme show you a little something." I grabbed my acoustic and started playing and singing. I closed my eyes at let the music course through my veins instead of the pain. I didn't stop for what seemed like hours, but I'm guessing was minutes. When I did stop, I kept my eyes closed. I cried a little. Music always made me emotional, more than I already was.
"That was beautiful," Hope whispered. We sat in silence for a few minutes.
"I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you, Hope. I'm sorry I can't be what you want. I'm sorry I can't promise to get better or stop harming or not commit. I'm sorry I'm not someone else," I said, tears rolling down my cheeks. She stayed quiet. "You better get home," I said.
"Yeah. I'll see you tomorrow," she said, leaving the room. I heard the front door close. I climbed the stairs to my room, slowly trodding up the stairs. I plonked myself down on my bed and just lay there, spread-eagled, for a few minutes.
"What's wrong with you?" I said aloud to myself. "You can't win any way. She'll never date you. You can't stop hurting," I continued. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.
As I slept, I dreamt. In the dream I was seeing it all through someone else's eyes. I saw myself jump off a building, and the person who I was seeing it through tried to catch me, but they were too slow and I saw myself fall to the street. Then the person was in a church. They were sitting behind my parents, grandparents and godparents. Everyone was dressed in black and there was a coffin in the front. It was my funeral. The person walked up to the church altar and spoke. I couldn't hear, but the speech was on paper in front of her. I read it and it was beautiful. It revealed my problems and my love for her. Then I realised I was seeing through Hope. I read the last line of the speech. It said "Now I'll never get to say I love her back."
I woke up in tears. I checked my clock- 4 in the morning. I wasn't going to sleep again so I quietly got up and got dressed, ate a little breakfast, and left for school, all before five. I got to the school at about five. The high gates were locked shut, the CCTV off, so I climbed over and wandered around for a bit. Along the side of one of the buildings there was a row of trees. I came to the largest one, and threw my bag up. The strap got hooked on a branch. I started climbing. I climbed higher and higher, my strong, muscular arms leading the way. I grabbed my bag when I reached it, and kept climbing. I kept climbing til I ran out of tree. I was about twenty feet off the ground. I looked around; the view was stunning, I could see the city and the suburbs, the sea, housing estates, everything. I settled myself on a branch and just lay around, resting. Before long, people began arriving in school. No one noticed me. Until Darren arrived. I saw him look up and catch my eye. I knew in an instant I was in trouble.
"Darren, please, no," I shouted down at him, seeing him run to climb the tree. He started climbing, faster than I could, and I started to panic.
"Stop! Darren, please!" I screamed at him. But he kept climbing. He reached the top of the tree, level with me.
"You're gonna pay, you dyke," he snarled. I backed up on the branch, scrambling for safety. There was a crowd gathering below. I saw Hope and Teddy struggling to see better. And suddenly everything seemed to stop. Time froze. I couldn't breath. The world was spinning and my legs felt like jelly. My heart started beating too fast. I suddenly realised what was going on; I was having a panic attack. I cursed my condition, it's unfortunate timing. I couldn't do anything. I was frozen. Time started to pass again but I couldn't move. Darren came closer, climbing onto the same branch as me. There was an awful cracking noise and then we were falling. Darren was flailing about but I was still frozen. We landed with a horrible thud, and suddenly we were swarmed by people. I could only see above me- I was still frozen in fear, lying flat on my back. I saw Hope appear over me. Then everything went black.
I woke a few nights later, I was told. My parents were in the room with me. When I woke, the fussed, but I calmly said "Where's Hope?"
"She's outside. She wasn't allowed in but if you want her-" my Dad said.
"Bring her in," I interrupted. My parents left, and I looked myself over. There were bandages on my wrists, from my cuts, and a bandage around my head. There was a drip in my left arm, and I was wearing a hospital gown. The room was a dirty cream colour, with normal hospital features. Hope burst in through the door.
"What in the name of all that's good and holy were you doing in a bloody tree?!" she shouted.
"It's lovely to see you too, beautiful," I replied quietly with a smile. She blushed, but tried to stay angry.
"You could have died!" she shouted.
"Can we just agree that that's a favourable outcome for me, so it's not a bad thing?" I sighed.
"Are you trying to give me a heart attack?"
"My very best efforts fail repeatedly," I retorted. Hope suddenly started crying. She sat on my hospital bed and sobbed. A tear welled up in my eye. I leaned forward, with great difficulty, and hugged her. I wrapped my arms around hers and held her.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. "It's just so hard. Every day I seem about to lose you," she continued.
"How's Darren?" I asked, feigning concern.
"He's a bit more messed up. Broken limbs. You just had head trauma," she shrugged.
"What happened? I can't remember it," I queried, sitting back on the bed.
"You seemed to be running from him, but then you stopped. When you fell, I ran over to you, you weren't breathing. I called the ambulance. I came with you. I stayed the first night. Then they made me leave," Hope explained.
"Thank you," I said.
"You need rest. Go to sleep," she said, turning to leave. "Sweets dreams," she said as she walked out.
"Only if you're in them," I whispered to myself.
I was allowed back to school four days after. Darren was back that day. Hope said she'd walk with me from the hospital to bring me so I wouldn't have to go alone.
"Good morning," Hope said as she waltzed into my room.
"I wouldn't call it good," I said, easing myself out of the chair. My body was still weak, even though I'd been eating better than normal.
"Come on, moaner," she said, leading me out. As we walked down the road towards the school, we talked.
"What's your favourite colour?" I asked.
"Pink. You?"
"Blue. Favourite food?"
"Pizza. You?"
"Noodles. Drink?"
"Mountain Dew. You?"
"Coca-Cola. Best friend?"
"You. What about you?"
"You. How have we managed to stay friends even though I like you?"
"I don't know. I guess I felt that you as a friend was worth the trouble,"
"I'm trouble?"
"Let's see. You almost hurt yourself, got beat up, and fell out of a tree in two days. Trouble,"
"Well Trouble has to go to English," I said as we neared the main school building.
"Seeya," she said. As I entered the classroom, everyone started to whisper. I heard snippets here and there, "There's the dyke who pushed Darren," and "She chased him up the tree." I ran my hand through my hair, beginning to worry about what Darren had been telling people. I remembered the jumper wasn't my normal one, which had extra long sleeves and my scars were now exposed. I hurriedly pulled my sleeves down. I sat into my desk beside Nate, a fairly nice guy in my class.
"Charlie, were they what I think they were?" he asked me.
"What were what?" I replied, pretending not to know what he was talking about. He dropped it. The lesson went on as normal. Bell rang, and I headed to my next class. It was PE. Normally it wasn't a problem hiding the scars. But today wasn't normal.
"Right guys. No long sleeves today, much too warm," Coach announced. He sent us off to get changed and I approached him quietly.
"Sir, please, I need my ling sleeves for reasons I cannot divulge," I whispered.
"Charlotte, I can't give special treatment, I'm sorry. You're gonna have to go sleeveless," Coach said. I trudged off to the changing room. The school PE kit had no sleeves at all, and was super light. It was my worst nightmare. And to make matters worse, Hope, Teddy and Darren were in my PE. I changed in one of the toilets and took a deep breath. You can do this, I said to myself. You'll be okay. And with that I went out to the field for PE. And everyone stared. No one spoke. 29 pairs of staring eyes, following me across the field.
"Freak!" I heard Darren shout. Oh God no, please no, I thought to myself.
"Freak!"
This time, two people shouted.
"Freak!"
Five.
"Freak!"
Ten.
"Freak!"
Twenty.
Everyone chanted "Freak! Freak! Freak!"
I looked at Hope. She mouthed "I'm so sorry." I turned and ran back to the changing rooms, still hearing the chant of "Freak!" from the field. I couldn't escape it. It was so loud. It would never end. I stayed in the changing rooms for the rest of PE. At lunch I walked around with my hood up, trying to hide myself. But it didn't work. People kept shouting "Freak" and "Weirdo" at me. Then some girl shouted "Ugly". Hope came up to me, took my hand, and lead me to an empty classroom. She sat down on a desk, and I sat across from her.
"It's okay. You're not ugly. You're not a freak. You're not a weirdo," she assured me.
"I am. I am what they say I am," I replied.
"You are beautiful, Charlie. You are what I say you are," she retorted.
"Why do you care?"
"Because you're my friend,"
"Why?"
"Because you are interesting. Strong. Nice. Kind. Amazing,"
"No. You don't need something as low as me. You're an angel. I'm a monster," I replied coldly. Hope took my hands and stood. I stood up too.
"You are as perfect as I am. You are beautiful. You are amazing. I need you," Hope said smiling. She leaned closer to me, and I to her. We were touching, so close together. And then I kissed her. I held her hands and kissed her. And time stopped for a moment. Our eyes closed, and we lost ourselves in bliss. Then Hope pulled away, let go of me, and ran.
"I'm sorry Charlie," she shouted as she ran from the room.
"No, Hope, wait!" I called after her. My heart broke into a million pieces. That moment had mended the two halves, but then broke it even more. It had seemed right, Hope didn't resist me. But she ran. And that hurt the most. We didn't talk for the rest of the day. I walked home in the rain, tears rushing down my face. I had just destroyed my life. Completely. By the time I got home to an empty house I had decided to die. To give up. I had nothing to live for. At all. So why bother? I had had a plan for a while, just in case. I completed the set up, and left the house to walk to the church. I planned to jump off. I took me a while to get there, but I did. I climbed up the back, the wall covered in vines and rock ledges. The church had a large, green, copper-coated dome with a sort of ledge to sit on, then the roof. I sat on that ledge for a while. Then I decided it was time. I walked over to the edge and looked down. It was a four story drop. If I did it right, I would die instantly. If I didn't, it'd be slow and painful. I was about to step off when I heard a voice behind me.
"Stop. Please."
I turned around. It was Hope.
"What the fuck are you doing here?!" I shouted at her.
"Stopping you from ruining your life," she replied calmly.
"I'm not. I already ruined it,"
"No you didn't,"
"I don't want your help! You're only helping me out of pity,"
"No, I'm not,"
"I want this,"
"I found it. A little pink crystal heart, with a metal piece on the back that said 'To the only person who thinks I'm beautiful',"
"I didn't want to leave you with nothing,"
"You won't leave me,"
"Why do you care?"
"Because I love you."
"What?" I said after a moment's silence.
"I love you. That kiss, I didn't run because it was wrong; I ran because it felt so right. I never told anyone, but I'm gay. I kept it secret because I was afraid. I loved you for so long. It hurt to keep you away but I couldn't risk it. Teddy was a cover up. He knew it. He's my cousin. I love you so much. I love your blue eyes, like miniature oceans. Your hair and the way it sits. Your face and it's maturity, it's feeling. Your words and you heart. Your strength. Your scars are beautiful. I love you and I never want you to leave."
I held my breath. I was so shocked to hear those impossible words.
"Really?" I said.
"Really."
Hope walked up behind me, and took my hand.
"Come on. You need a hospital," she said.
"No, I need something else first."
She reached up and kissed me. She put her hands around my neck, I put my hands around her waist. We kissed for what seemed like forever.
"Now you need a hospital," she whispered. I looked down from the roof. There was a crowd. Always a crowd around me. They cheered for us. There was a firetruck and an ambulance down there too. The firetruck got us off the roof, and the ambulance took us to the hospital. They didn't make me stay overnight, strangely enough, but they did put my under a degree of surveillance, with more therapy. Less pills.

The next day was bright and sunny. It seemed like a new start, a new dawn. I stood at the gates to the school and looked over to my new girlfriend.
"Ready?" I asked. Hope took a deep breath.
"As I'll ever be."
I took her hand, interlocking fingers, and we walked down the path to the yard. As we walked, students looked at us. Pointed. Whispered. We reached the yard to find Darren and his gang.
"We can do this," I whispered to Hope, sensing her worry.
"Yeah. Of course," she replied. Darren waltzed up to us.
"A new dyke, have we?" he teased. "Another infected mind with her sick disease?" he continued.
"I," I started, then looked at Hope, "We are not sick," I said calmly.
"You disgust me," Darren spat. "You look at her the way I would. That is something only men should do," he snarled.
"I don't look at her like you do," I replied, once again with an odd calm. "You look at her like a plaything. I see her as an angel,"
"She's just as much a monster as you are," Darren shouted.
"Charlie is not a monster. You are a monster for thinking love isn't real," Hope said. She was finding her feet.
"C'mere you little shit," Darren said, pushing Hope into the wall behind us. She stumbled back and hit the wall. Darren went over to her, too close for comfort. He was right beside her, almost touching. He saw her necklace. He grabbed it, yanking so hard the chain broke and it came off her neck.
"To the only person who thinks I'm beautiful," Darren read from the necklace. "Aww, the little freak thinks she's beautiful," he taunted. He threw the necklace on the ground and stamped on it, smashing it into a million pieces.
"Get away from her!" I shouted, finding my voice in the danger.
"Whatcha gonna do, freak?" Darren taunted.
"This," I said, landing a punch square in his jaw. I pushed up my sleeves to reveal my scarred, but muscular arms. He stumbled, but regained footing quickly.
"You're gonna pay for that," Darren smirked. He grabbed from his pocket a small, shiny object. He flipped it up-it was a knife. "Not so brave now," he laughed. He went over to Hope and grabbed her, holding her so the knife was right beside her neck.
"Darren," I said cautiously.
"Don't move or she gets it," he warned.
"Hope, you know what to do. On three," I said to her. I had a plan. I knew it was dangerous but it was worth it.
"One."
"Two."
"Three!" I yelled. Hope pulled away from Darren quickly and skillfully, while I tried to stop him from hurting her. I saw him raise his arm, then everything went red and there was a burning pain on my face. Then everything was black.

For the third time in a short amount of time, I was in hospital. It was about two months later. I was only allowed visitors now. Hope was beside me but I couldn't see her. I had bandages over my face. I could only hear her, not speak back or see her.
"Darren slashed you in the face with the knife. Someone had called the police, because that was when they arrived. They him away. The doctor says you'll have a scar, from just above your right eyebrow across to the left corner of your mouth. But you'll still be beautiful. You saved my life. You are amazing," she said. Then the nurse took her away. The next day, the bandages came off. I was handed a mirror. I looked much the same, but with a dark tan-pink scar across my face. Hope held my hand.
"I still think you're beautiful," she whispered in my ear, leaning on my shoulder. I was allowed leave that day. I went home to my house with Hope, went out in the back garden because the weather was nice, and hung in the hammock. I lay alongside her, her leaning on me, hugging her. She sang softly, the best words I ever heard.
"Do you hear the people sing? Lost in the valley of the night, it is the music if a people who are climbing to the light. For the wretched of the Earth, there is a flame that never dies, even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise."
I believed it. I had something now. A reason. I loved life. I would never give up again.

"Are you ready yet?" I called to Hope. It was the night of our graduation ball. We were going together. I was waiting in a short sleeved shirt, black waistcoat, undone tie, dark jeans and suit jacket.
"Geez. Just cos you don't wear makeup doesn't mean I don't," Hope replied with a smirk as she appeared at the top of the stairs. She was wearing a beautiful pink dress, with frills and lace at the edges. She walked down the stairs with impossible elegance for a girl in high heels. She reached the bottom and I wrapped my arms around her, kissing her on the forehead.
"You're beautiful already," I said.
"Where's the hat?" she asked.
"Ah! Yes! Thank you fir reminding me!" I exclaimed. I grabbed my black Michael Jackson style fedora from the coatrack.
"Classy. As. Fuck," she laughed.
"Madamouseille," I said, bowing and offering my hand.
"Such a gentlewoman," she remarked. We left her house and hopped into the limo. I was looking at her, and she caught my eye.
"What?" she asked.
"Do you have any idea how hot you are?"
"Probably not,"
"Very, very, very hot,"
"Now I know."
The limo pulled up outside the school. I got out and helped her out.
"Shall we?" I asked with a grin.
"We shall," Hope laughed. She took my arm and we entered the hall. We socialised for a while, but then we decided to dance. A slow song came on. We danced that silly "We have no idea how to dance, but we want to so we'll just hold each other and sway" dance. She had her hands around my neck, I had mine behind her back.
"I never want to let you go," I whispered.
"Me neither," she whispered back.
"Wait. I have something for you," I said, reaching into my pocket. I produced a small, pink crystal heart on a chain, with a metal back that said "To the girl who thinks I'm beautiful". "Happy graduation," I said, fastening it around her neck.
"I love you,"
"I love you too."
And so we kissed. It was beautiful and perfect. Like Hope.

I got better after that. Things got better. I got over the anorexia, learned to control my panic attacks, stopped cutting, and beat depression. A lot of it was Hope. She helped me master all of it. She saved me. And I saved her. A happy ending after all.