My life sucks, from beginning to now

[Spyware]

It's a little better now.

[Serenity]

Well I'll tell you right now that you're far from retarded. No one should have to put up with harrassment like that, and no one should have to hold so much inside for so long. I know that posting this was probably very hard for you, and I admire you for it.

[Spyware]

-----

[byee]

Wow. I'm really sorry you had to go thru all this. I don't think there's a lot to say other than that.

I'm reminded of 2 things reading your bio here. The first is how utterly cruel and inhumane we as a species can be. The other is how remarkably strong some of us are (you!). It's simply fantastic that you've survived this all, it sounds hellish. You are very strong.

The good news is you'r ein the home stretch, you're almost done with childhood and the misery of dealing with the savagery of youth! There's this unwritten 'law' that just about everyone adheres to that says that when you turn 18 or so, the rules change and you have to start acting like an adult, which means that the people around you can no longer torment you. Adults don't do this to eachother, they keep it to themselves more.

Plan for the day when you'll be 18. Do well in school, maybe shoot for a scholarship to college, plan for being a great adult. At some point, all of this will be a painful (but dim) memory. Use your ability to survive this horror to plan on being a super successful adult. You're almost there.

[Malcolm Tucker]

I am so sorry for all you've been through. You are not retarded. What the other children did to you is racist! It is inexcusable. But it is not your problem. You are 3 years from being a legal adult. You are so close from leaving all this shit behind for good. If others cannot accept you for being gay, or whatever then it is their problem! Not yours! You are a great person, as are most people! Don't listen to anybody who lets you down! Be strong! You are not alone!

[crimson]

Wow. I'm really sorry you had to go thru all this. I don't think there's a lot to say other than that.

I'm reminded of 2 things reading your bio here. The first is how utterly cruel and inhumane we as a species can be. The other is how remarkably strong some of us are (you!). It's simply fantastic that you've survived this all, it sounds hellish. You are very strong.

The good news is you'r ein the home stretch, you're almost done with childhood and the misery of dealing with the savagery of youth! There's this unwritten 'law' that just about everyone adheres to that says that when you turn 18 or so, the rules change and you have to start acting like an adult, which means that the people around you can no longer torment you. Adults don't do this to eachother, they keep it to themselves more.

Plan for the day when you'll be 18. Do well in school, maybe shoot for a scholarship to college, plan for being a great adult. At some point, all of this will be a painful (but dim) memory. Use your ability to survive this horror to plan on being a super successful adult. You're almost there.

Ahen. I hope you can finish through school, nad be a great guy. Just be tough, and at VT there are always people that care. Just keep going

[Spyware]

As I look over this, I just feel like my youth has been wasted. Life's done pretty much done soon, you'll get a job, and you won't get luxuries anymore. I want to tell you right now that these things are not happening to me anymore, but although it has affected me greatly. There occasional times that I get step on, and they don't go away just by going older, especially with the case with my mom. To be honest, I have a lot of friends, but I really don't know how to form any close friendships, and I really need those right now how my mom isn't here for me anymore, and I haven't told anyone I'm hay, and I can't imagine what'll happen to her if I tell her with the state she is in.

I want to have self-confidence again, but I don't know how. I want to have a more social life, instead of just having friends that are there for just small chat. Telling anyone I'm gay will probably make things even worse, how my school is very homophobic. and the one guy that admitted he was gay.. it's indescribable, and I don't want to be in the spot he is, I've had enough of it.

[byee]

You know, I'd agree that you mised out on a lot of good things in your youth, but I'm not so sure I'd agree it was 'wasted'. Youth prepares you for adulthood, it's like a 'required course'. How you use your childhood experiences, and how they'll affect you as an adult is yet to be seen. At the very least, your experiences have given you the opportunity to appreciate in a very personal and real way what it's like to be deprived of the basics. A hard childhood doesn't mean you're condemned to a miserable adulthood. To the contrary, the insight and awareness that you've acquired can help you achieve things that 'mere mortals' cannot, eventhough you paid a high price for it.

Yours might be a more complicated journey, but I still really like the idea of you taking things a step at a time, and just focus right now on being successful at school, etc., and make the necessary plans for a smooth transition into that adult life that awaits you. You, my friend, have already paid your dues. It's almost time to collect, just give it time and take the necessary steps to mive beyond where you are now.

[Spyware]

To be honest, I'm mostly over it, but although I'm hurt that these things had affected me to be socially incapable. I just feel really lonely and need a close friend, especially how my mom isn't here for me anymore, and it's that that's making me mostly depressed.

[byee]

Yeah, I know, you sound lonely. I'm really sorry for that. I'm glad we can talk here, even if it's only the internet.

[Spyware]

Well, school is probably going to keep going until my early 20s here, so there should be something else I can do to help myself out. Does anyone recommend anything?

[normanford]

first of all <even though this might be inappropriate and cliche> whatever happens, don't start doing drugs, it only helps for short periods of times, and it will get really ugly if someone happens to find out <cliche, yes, but one of my friends is kinda like this right now>. but for now try listening to your counselor, and maybe you could talk to them about it. once i had a major problem, and i went to see my couselor about him. the first time we talked, it was total emotion, tears and everything. after that everything got better. so you should try that first, and in the meantime you could keep this thread going. dunno, could help a liitle.

[Spyware]

Well guys, I want to give some updates...

I have found a group of friends... but not having any social skills makes it still feel like I'm alone there, and sometimes they accidentally act if I'm not there... it's not their fault anyway, and they haven't done anything bad to me... actually they've helped me a lot of times, but I just don't feel I have any friendships.. when I really want to. My mom is still the same. As well what sucks is that my guidance counselor is leaving this semester... and I really don't know what to do.

I also have hard times getting over my past, wondering if it's gonna get any better. I've been eating a lot less lately, and my grades are dropping even lower. And I'm halfway to going to camp... and it'll suck if I still go there without even changing my mentality, and the same episode is probably going to repeat again...

[Spyware]

I think I should really say this.. I didn't have the guts to say it earlier. I was invited into.. pretty much a gang... and it seems so attractive to me, I'm not going to lie. They promised me I could raise myself on my own without my mom, I would learn how to stand up for myself, finally leave this stupidness of poverty, and actually belong somewhere. It seems so tempting.. but I'm having a tennis match in my mind... I don't know what to do...

[byee]

Thanks for the update. With regards to your temptation to join a gang, well, you know what I (and everyone else here will strongly advise). Don't do it. You're vulnerable to that because you want/need to belong to something, participate in something, be accepted. However, you're red meat for them, they will exploit your vulnerabilites and you will get hurt. Or worse. Join a club instead, even go to church (something I rarely advise). Don;t act out of desperation, you'll regret it.

About your friends, it's great that you have some connections, that you can participate in some social things. Don't focus so much on what's missing there, instead enjoy the contact for what it's worth. It's a huge step from where you've been. Relationships take time, it takes time to get close and feel people are real friends. Don't get discouraged, and remember that your own insecurities are very personal, no one knows about them, regardless of how self conscious you might feel about them.

It's too bad about your GC, but there will be a new one, and I'm sure it will work out. Just stay focused on doing well for tomorrow, spend time studying and doing your work. It's the home stretch, soon it will be over and you'll be an adult and in charge of your own destiny. Make good plans for that.

[Spyware]

I'm not really liking this talk about just waiting it out and just throw out 2 years of your own life... I mean.. I'm only going to be young once.. and I really just can't feel like I can just wait it out.

[byee]

Well, i'm not saying 'wait it out'. I am saying that what you're going thru is temporary, and to make the plans so that your adult life compenates for your childhood. Make the choices now that will help you tomorrow, have a longer term view. And act on that view to make it happen.

It's not passive, it's active, but just in a different way than you're seeing it. Your definition of active is to do something immediately to change the way you're feeling. I'm suggesting that in order to change that, you might need to do things now that bring rewards and change later.

[angryhalfdemon]

Wow, I just read this whole post today. Spyware, I'm so sorry you had to go through so much in your childhood. I moved around a lot during my middle school years, I know from personal experience that moving can be stressful, but It wasn't nearly as harsh for me. :) I'm really really glad to hear that you have found a group of friends. I hope you resist joining that gang. IAMSAM's right, the only reason the gang is recruiting you because they sense how vulnerable you are right now, and they will only exploit you and try to brainwash you into a follower. A club or social group would be way better.

I'd like to share now a fine quote from our member plop. "Life has its ups and downs. When life is down, it will eventually go up like we want. When life goes up, it also must come down eventually." Your life has been down for a really long time from the sounds of it. Too long. I think because of that, an equal period of 'upness' is on it's way for you, to counterbalance your tough childhood. If you prepare now like IAMSAM says, I think you can look forward to a GREAT adulthood to make up for your not-so-great life so far.

:hug: Hang tough.

[Spyware]

Thanks... some good things happened to me. My new semester started yesterday, me and my friends had no classes together before... but now I have each of them in like 2 or 3, so I see a lot of opportunities to develop some friendships... too bad I don't know how.

Also in cadets, our camp forms arrived... and I was thinking about my bad experience at summer camp, and I knew I was going to see those same people again, so I feel scared about that at the moment. I really have no clue how to confront them when it's time to meet them again..

[The Batman]

The best thing you can do right now is be yourself it took me years to realize that myself and I've gone through a lot of what you have including the moving around a lot but any way when I was younger I was teased a lot at school and it got down to the point where I didn't even want to go anymore but now I'm taking a guitar class at school and I'm making alot of friends and sometimes I can't even wait to get to school because I finally found something I love to do and friends who share it so in other words if you be yourself you'll find friends who will like you for you

[Spyware]

Thanks for all the replies guys.

I just want to ask how I should I act around the people from last year when I go to camp?

[The Batman]

don't worry about them you've got nothing to prove to them

[Spyware]

Yes, but, if I see them again, what should I do?

[thesphinx]

You don't need to do anything.

[Spyware]

You don't need to do anything.

So ignoring them is best...?

What if they've changed, it'll be a year we haven't seen each other...

[The Batman]

If they want to be friends all of a sudden then go on and be nice to them but besides that just ignore them

[Falk 'Ace' Flyer]

I just want to comment about your new friends- it's easy to get more "in" with them, as in get closer relationships with them. Everytime you become friends with someone, there's some common trait or hobby that bonds you; whatever that is, and feel free to post it here, use that to hang out with them more. I know you may be stressing about your grades, but you should spend as much time as you can with your friends. Your self-esteem will go up, and your grades (from my experience) with it. And find out if your friends are doing any camps, see if they'd be interested in you going with them. If not, and if you don't really enjoy the military (it is optional, right?) camp, maybe you should hang back and get to know your friends better.

If you wanna share more about your interests and your friends', I'm sure we could help you fit right in- not that you don't already, you probably do, but we'll make sure you notice it.

Good luck; as they say, the best is yet to come! What's happened doesn't matter, and neither does you being close to the end of your childhood: close only counts in horseshoes and grenades, meaning you've still got plenty of time to have the best years you've ever had.

My regards,
Falk

[Spyware]

Thanks for the replies, but things got a bit worse.

There's a dance coming up and I was going with this girl, then two of my friends schemed against me, and one of them talked with her. All of the sudden, she says she can't go, while others are telling me she's going with the guy. It's a really confusing situation. I'm not sad that she said no, I'm upset because I felt my self-confidence was beaten down to the ground when I was just coming back up, and I absolutely do not know how to stand up to this issue. Now I don't have someone to go with, and it's the first semi formal they've done in 8 years, the most anticipated event. Now I just feel frustrated.

[The Batman]

Go by yourself and have a good time I'm sure that there'll be some girls there alone that you can dance with and maybe even find a new friend

[spawn123]

look man if u need any help right now just PM me