Can't deal with loneliness..

[Teea]

Title more or less sums up what this thread is about.

I don't understand how people hook up and just fuck then leave constantly, it just makes you feel like shit or is that really just me.

And I'm a guy right so I'm supposed to be the doucher who does this and then doesn't care about the fact that nothing ever comes of it.

Society says apparently I'm supposed to enjoy that, and not want to talk to the other person at all.

But I'm the kind of guy who's looking for a real relationship, and this is what happens instead.. That's pretty much all it ends up being. Then nothing ever comes of it, the girl is fine with that since it's what they wanted yet it wasn't what I want at all.

But then as far as actual relationships go, none of these people ever want them. They just seem to legitimately want to sleep around.

Or, that is, then a few months later they're in an actual relationship with someone else.

So what does that mean.

What is this anymore, is this really what dating has turned into just hooking up and leaving.

I'm so sad already and I don't even know why anymore. I want to cry and talk to someone and I never let myself.

[MoonMan]

What does society have to do with any of this? Find a girl you're interested in, get to know her enough to pitch your personality her way, try to find a genuine connection and build a relationship, hope for the best. Rinse and repeat. Not much else you can do. Its not hard to weave out the girls who just want to suck your dick if you get to know them well enough, they're pretty easy to spot after a while. Not everyone wants to just sleep around, perhaps you're looking in the wrong places.

[Miserabilia]

You sound like you are annoyed by one night stands, so then just try having an actual relationship instead of going straight to sex? If you can find someone you can date for a while without having sex you know you can have a real relationship right

[lipstick_kisses23]

Ditch the girl you're sleeping with sometimes and find a girl who wants to spend time with you because she wants to love you. Too many people just sleep around with someone they aren't really into because they don't want to feel empty for a while, but they never think about the feelings of the person they're doing it to. I'm very sorry you feel this way and I can relate soon much to you I really can. Take the time to get to know someone before you jump into anything sexual it really pays off =] I hope I helped even if was just a little.

[Teea]

@lipstick_kisses 23 Yeah I ditched her already anyway, it's just not me.

Your reply really seems to be the most related to what I was saying and helpful.

The reason why I brought society into this is because at this point it seems like the vast majority of people's relationships in my age group seem to be based off of this. If not nearly all of them. At least in the city I'm from.

It's not like me at all to do this sort of stuff and not have emotions tie into it, but at the same time looking for a meaningful relationship, it seems to be the case that 0% of the people my age seem to be interested in one.

So it just constantly turns into this.

I'm looking in the wrong places? I don't know, it feels more-so like wherever I look, this is what people are interested in nowadays..

So things turn into these one night stands or just completely physical relationships and you end up hoping it'll turn into something more, and as per usual it never does since the other person legitimately is down with that sort of lifestyle.

Just seems like a shitty cycle that's hard to break, not because I keep doing it, more-so because it's all anyone else is ever interested in.

I could stop, true, but at that point I wouldn't even have this because it seems to be the case that this is ALL anyone wants.

So then I'd have nothing, and which one's worse? I really don't know at this point. At least the other way I feel like it's possible for something to come of it, don't know why anymore but still.. Life just seems to get more enigmatic every day.

While I really, *really* want to stress the point that seriously, people my age around here only seem to be down for these sorts of relationships. I don't want to use that as a cop out to changing myself, but the fact is, it is COMPLETELY true at least around here, I swear to fucking everything.

However, that being SAID, the other side of it is that I must have problems with loneliness. The reason for that being two-fold.

The first and more shallow of reasons would be, if I didn't have problems with loneliness, then why wouldn't relationships that are entirely about emotionless sex be perfect? They seem to be for all of these other people.

The second much deeper reasoning, I do this half to myself if you think about it. Again, I could stop with these relationships since they never go anywhere, but then I'd have nothing, again relating back to the fact that this is all anyone seems to be interested in.

So if I do them, I at least have something and hope that it'll turn into something more. If I don't, I really don't have anything, not to mention the fact that I lose the hope that things will turn up given how nearly everyone seems to be here.

I don't know, it's half my own problem, and half not.

Anyway, I go off on tangents. Good luck understanding this but hey, it's 1:41 AM and I'm tired.

[lipstick_kisses23]

You're still young =]

True, mostly everyone just wants to attain a physical relationship with someone rather than an emotional one, but you are smarter than that. Loneliness comes with the waiting. You seem very strong though and I know you'll pull through with a very special lady who wanted you because you wanted to get to know her mind instead of her bra size. I too live in a city filled with teen pregnancy and men and women who fuck just to fuck and it isn't nice at all. You know what you want and for some reason I feel it will come soon friend =]

[Conqueror of Hearts]

Yeah, I get you. Here, where I live is not everything about sex, but it becomes more and more each day.
It can't be that you are the only one who would like a normal relationship, there are girls that would still want to wait at least to get to know you before having sex with you. If you want normal relationship I think you shouldn't go for one night stands, how would you find someone normal when you are still around those people.
Are you lonely because you don't have a girlfriend or generaly you don't spend as much time with your friends as you would like?

[Teea]

You're still young =]

True, mostly everyone just wants to attain a physical relationship with someone rather than an emotional one, but you are smarter than that. Loneliness comes with the waiting. You seem very strong though and I know you'll pull through with a very special lady who wanted you because you wanted to get to know her mind instead of her bra size. I too live in a city filled with teen pregnancy and men and women who fuck just to fuck and it isn't nice at all. You know what you want and for some reason I feel it will come soon friend =]

Thanks for the most relatable post yet again. It's nice to have someone else to talk to who can relate to the situation and understands the frustrations it brings.

I think you might be right, it's gotten to the point that despite the fact that waiting feels like it'll just keep bringing nothing, and odds are given how things seem to be, it will bring nothing for a long time; the way it is right now nothing meaningful ever comes of it anyway.

As for which one's better, I feel like that's partially got to be my mindset. I know I've got problems with loneliness in terms of romantic relationships, and that's got to be half of why I keep going for these things, but it's worth it to at least try the other way for a long long time and see how that makes me feel. Maybe worse, but in the long run, maybe better. True it doesn't seem to work and never has *before*, but I don't want that to skew my perspective and make me think it never will.

Because at this point I'm fed up with how things are going regardless, so there's no reason not to make a change even if it feels like it won't work. Maybe things will be different this time.

At this point I still have a lot to think about and mull over, but thanks for talking, it's always helpful to get another person's perspective on things in helping to try to figure it out.


Yeah, I get you. Here, where I live is not everything about sex, but it becomes more and more each day.
It can't be that you are the only one who would like a normal relationship, there are girls that would still want to wait at least to get to know you before having sex with you. If you want normal relationship I think you shouldn't go for one night stands, how would you find someone normal when you are still around those people.
Are you lonely because you don't have a girlfriend or generaly you don't spend as much time with your friends as you would like?

Eugh just wrote a reply to this and then lost it because apparently my sign in timed out...

Guess I'll try again.

You're right though, it has to be partly me. These things only ever seem to lead to either completely physically based relationships or just a one night stand and nothing else.

I'm in the same mindset as you as far as thinking that there *has* to be someone out there who's looking for the same thing as me in terms of a relationship, but then the more I look for it, the more I realize people don't seem to be :/.

It's frustrating because I try to find these relationships and nothing ever comes of it like I mentioned before, yet everyone seems to be interested in completely physical relationships so they're completely abundant.

I usually just keep everything bottled for pretty well years, so even just talking to you two has been really introspective and helpful. It's nice to hear what other people think of the situation and see how they can help too, so seriously thanks for everything.

As far as loneliness goes, it's just in the romantic aspect of my relationships. I have a bunch of friends, albeit we're almost all working a ton now so we don't get to see each other *as* much, but still do whenever we can. Thankfully I'm also really good friends with my co-workers though so that's a definite plus.

There's been some death in my family life and suicide in my best friend's life but I don't want to get into that at this point, plus it doesn't really seem to fit this board. Regardless I feel like that's on a different mental page so to speak. I've always been good at compartmentalizing in that sense.

Maybe there is more to it, but I'd feel more comfortable talking about it in PM if anything.

Anyway sorry if this post seems rushed but I just wrote another one that took half an hour to make and lost it so I'm a bit frustrated :|.

[AriannaKitten]

Well talk to a girl on a more mental and emotional level instead of physical . If she wants to get physical, make sure it's a serious relationship . That's great you're not the hit it and quit it type.

[CyrustheGreat]

The reason why I brought society into this is because at this point it seems like the vast majority of people's relationships in my age group seem to be based off of this. If not nearly all of them. At least in the city I'm from.

Yup, me too buddy, but there's the sun always rises eventually...