Impure Thoughts and Feelings

[Adam88]

I just want to let everyone know before I start, that whatever I feel and think I do not act apon. For a while now, whenever I masturbate to woman, sometimes my nephews pop into m head. Please believe me, that I wold never harm a child and use them to satisfy myself. Child molesting is a sic and evil act, but I have this fear and phobia that I am an evil individual. Whats wrong with my oughts. This never usedto happen to me. My mind focused on women only, and barley wondered off. Its not that I am a chronic masturbater, but when I usually cum to a woman, and finish it off, UN-wanting and gross images of my nephews enter my thoughts. Do yo think that I am an evil person.

Sometimes I try to stay away from them, because I am so scared. I et so scared that I don't even give them giant hugs or kisses when I greet them, just pecks on he heads or cheeks. But for sometime whenever I would pick them up just to be friendly, (and I can't believe I am saying this) my penis would get stiff or hard. But it was never out of a sexual act, its just something that happened. Sometimes I would cry in my room, and yell at myself thinking that I was a monster.

I swear, even if I was alone with just them, I would NEVER touch them, until someone came back from the store or something. Why is this happening to me,do you think that I am an evil person who's going to hell. I grew up with a normal family,and a normal childhood, so whats going on. I have a decent life, and hope to live a in a sucessful one. I try to be a good and pure hearted in society. Will I get worse? Please help.

_Adam

[Bobby]

Well to me it just sounds like extreme teenage horniness.

It's not exactly good to think those thoughts. but it sounds like you dislike them so I wouldn't say your a bad person.

[Adam88]

Thanks, and of course your right, its something I do not want. If somehow I can just concentrate my mind, and overcome this.

[Bobby]

Your welcome. :)

And I'm sure the feeling will pass.

[Gumleaf]

i would be nearly certain that these thoughts are the results of raging hormones. these feelings should settle down in time along with your hormones. and since you find these thoughts disturbing, as most people would, and you don't act on them, then you have nothing to worry about and you are most certainly not a bad person.

[byee]

Hi Adam, I'm Sam. I took the liberty of reading some of your other posts, and based on how desperate you sound, I spoke with my dad, who is, in my not so humble opinion, both a fantastic human being and the Worlds Best Psychologist.

Here's what I came up with. First, you are most certainly NOT an 'evil person'. Having thoughts or feelings or fantasies does not make anyone 'evil' or 'bad'. I think you're recognizing that having any type of sexual response to children is not a good thing, but I think it's important to distinguish between having those feelings/images/fantasies in your head and actually acting on them. As long as they stay in your head you are still safe. It's only when you cannot control them and actually act on them by doing something to a child that you cross the line. It sounds as if you're still safely on the 'right' side of that line. This is an important distinction because the issue becomes why you're having these feelings, rather than needing to protect your nephew and help you gain some control over your actions. Your awareness of the serious consequences of acting on these feelings serves that function, of protecting both of you. That's a good thing, no need to torment yourself further, everyone's safe.

OK. A brief primer on sexual attraction to children reveals that the attraction is based primarily on the immaturity and lack of experience of the adult. You've said elsewhere that you're 18ish, and still inexperienced with girls your own age. You shared that you've never been in a relationship, and haven't been sexual with one, even kissing one. No problem there, everyone involves themselves when they are ready!

The question is, then, why you haven't felt ready. Feeling sexual is normal, and if you do not feel ready, if you are not comfortable with girls your own age, then it makes sense that your sexual urges would express themselves with someone you're comfortable with (In this case, your nephew).

It's not about being horny with him, Adam, it sounds like it's more about your lack of experience with girls, and why that is so. Resolve that and your issues with those feelings towards your nephew will also likely be resolved.

I like your question elsewhere if you should get therapy, because I think it is the place to answer these questions and find more age appropriate people to direct your sexual urges towards. Does your College have a counselling center? Can you find a community mental health center in B'klyn?, they charge based on your ability to pay.

Until then, continue to show self control, keep it in your head. And maybe think about why you've shyed away from girls. And, find yourself a good therapist.

[Adam88]

Thank you so much Sam. I appreciate the time and effort you and your farther took to help my situation and issue. My college does have counselling sessions, but every time I want to make an attempt, I freeze up, and get cared of what they might say. But that does not mean I wont stop trying. Thank you so much Sam, and the rest of you who gave their time and energy on caring for me. I will never give up, thank you all.
_Adam

[byee]

Glad to help, Adam. Having lived with a good Ppychologist my whole life, I can tell you first hand that they are simply wonderful people, warm and compassionate and non judgemental. There's nothing to 'freeze' or panic about! Please go thru with the session, make the appointment. If you're sitting with the therapist and you feel uncomfortable, talk about something else. Share this when you're ready, but in the mean time, at least you'll be with a professional who can make you feel comfortable with the process of therapy.

Let us know how it goes!

[ideasman]

What you need to do is take this situation to a professional.. Im sorry but IAMSAM your father may have very well be giving his professional opinion but it sounds as though the opinion is tailored toward his son whom he believes needs the advice. I can gaurentee that the advice would be different in this situation..
Go to a psychologist yourself and seek some advice and help. It seems to be eating you up inside, and just putting this situation down to "horniness" as some people have said is ignorant. so be a man and go seek some professional help if its effecting you so much.
My harshest post ever, but not meaning to sound harsh.. i really do appologise, but i am fairly tired that many of this forums problems are solved with the answer of "Horniness"..

[byee]

What you need to do is take this situation to a professional.. Im sorry but IAMSAM your father may have very well be giving his professional opinion but it sounds as though the opinion is tailored toward his son whom he believes needs the advice. I can gaurentee that the advice would be different in this situation..
Go to a psychologist yourself and seek some advice and help. It seems to be eating you up inside, and just putting this situation down to "horniness" as some people have said is ignorant. so be a man and go seek some professional help if its effecting you so much.
My harshest post ever, but not meaning to sound harsh.. i really do appologise, but i am fairly tired that many of this forums problems are solved with the answer of "Horniness"..


I think we're saying the same things here, although I prefer the non confrontational approach. I arrived at this from my own understanding of human psychology, as well as a 'consult' with my Dad, who understood quite clearly from me that the issue was NOT mine. I also gave him all the background info that Adam had provided here and elsewhere. It's not perfect, of course, but it is a little more 'objective' or professional than mere adolescent opinion.

[ideasman]

I think we're saying the same things here, although I prefer the non confrontational approach. I arrived at this from my own understanding of human psychology, as well as a 'consult' with my Dad, who understood quite clearly from me that the issue was NOT mine. I also gave him all the background info that Adam had provided here and elsewhere. It's not perfect, of course, but it is a little more 'objective' or professional than mere adolescent opinion.

Hahaha, if you think that my approach to this answer was adolescent, than how little you know about me..
And despite your father giving you a 'consult' even though you explained to him that the situation didn;t apply to you, you have no way of knowing whether your fathers point was objective or professional..so dont try to palm it off as professional advice because it wasnt given first hand..
Sorry if this sounds aggressive but, big judgements were made on my charicter and the simple fact is, you dont know me IAMSAM, and it seems a little big headed of you to belittle an opinion in a YOUTH FORUM, where everyones opinion's should matter. Oh and in regaurds to using your fathers opinion, im fine with that, i just didnt like the smug way you introduced that fact to the entire forum...i mean the BEST PSYCHOLOGIST? ok... That just seemed like a petty fact to me..
Thats my two cents.. :p;)

[byee]

Hahaha, if you think that my approach to this answer was adolescent, than how little you know about me..
And despite your father giving you a 'consult' even though you explained to him that the situation didn;t apply to you, you have no way of knowing whether your fathers point was objective or professional..so dont try to palm it off as professional advice because it wasnt given first hand..
Sorry if this sounds aggressive but, big judgements were made on my charicter and the simple fact is, you dont know me IAMSAM, and it seems a little big headed of you to belittle an opinion in a YOUTH FORUM, where everyones opinion's should matter. Oh and in regaurds to using your fathers opinion, im fine with that, i just didnt like the smug way you introduced that fact to the entire forum...i mean the BEST PSYCHOLOGIST? ok... That just seemed like a petty fact to me..
Thats my two cents.. :p;)

Listen, buddy, here's some change back from your $.02: You're new here and you don't want to take me on. I'd suggest that you readjust your attitude and make a better attempt at figuring out what the point of this place is: To help other people. And while you're at it, maybe work on those social skills, too. My comments were not at all directed at you, but the OP. And he voiced appreciation for them, which is enough for me (and should be for you, too).Your feelings, reactions, misunderstandings, or editoralizings are irrelevant to the situation and to me.

[Maverick]

Arguments don't help the OP either so I suggest you both stop now.

[devils advocate]

I agree with Ideasman, he sounds like a more intelligent sort of guy to me.

[ideasman]

I agree with Ideasman, he sounds like a more intelligent sort of guy to me.


Things like that are unnecessary.. i just wanted to help out the OP, thats what im here for..arguement over! :)

[Hyper]

Ignoring the banter of the banned ones..

Do what SAM suggested and keep in mind that

Lack of conscience makes a person bad. You have plenty of conscience.

[Adam88]

Tanks Hyper, SAM, and the rest that stuck with me. I just want to let all of you know, hat I am not giving up on trying to keep my life in a positive, optmistic, and productive part of society, rather than a evil being lurking in he shadows. I will try my best always, and just want to let you all that your help did not go in vain. Thanks again for understanding.

Your friend, Adam

[lyra27]

... I think you need to get some professional help. Nothing and no one at these forums can help you. I'm not meaning to sound harsh, but this sounds like something only a professional can help you with.

[Adam88]

well your not the first to say that lyr27, so please just leave alone.

[Graceland]

Sexual obsessions involve intrusive thoughts or images of "kissing, touching, fondling, oral sex, anal sex, intercourse, and rape" with "strangers, acquaintances, parents, children, family members, friends, coworkers, animals and religious figures", involving "heterosexual or homosexual content" with persons of any age.[16]

Like other intrusive, bad thoughts or images, everyone has some inappropriate sexual thoughts at times, but people with OCD may attach significance to the unwanted sexual thoughts, generating anxiety and distress. The doubt that accompanies OCD leads to uncertainty regarding whether one might act on the bad thoughts, resulting in self-criticism or loathing.[16]

One of the more common sexual intrusive thoughts occurs when an obsessive person doubts his or her sexual identity. As in the case of most sexual obsessions, sufferers may feel shame and live in isolation, finding it hard to discuss their fears, doubts, and concerns about their sexual identity.[10]

A person experiencing sexual intrusive thoughts may feel shame, "embarrassment, guilt, distress, torment, fear that you may act on the thought or perceived impulse and, doubt about whether you have already acted in such a way." Depression may be a result of the self-loathing that can occur, depending on how much the OCD interferes with daily functioning or causes distress.[16] Their concern over these bad thoughts may cause them to scrutinize their bodies to determine if the thoughts result in feelings of arousal. But, focusing attention of any part of the body can result in feelings in that part of the body, hence doing so may decrease confidence and increase fear about acting on the urges. Part of treatment of sexual intrusive thoughts involves therapy to help sufferers accept intrusive thoughts and stop trying to reassure themselves by checking their bodies.[17]
Thanks to wikipedia. It is perfectly common, and you should be fine (and blabbing about it on the internet helps your mental state), as long as you feel disgust about those thoughts. But everyone else have already said that. You do not NEED professional help, but if you feel you need it, then, yes, you could do it. Although I discourage it.

[Underground_Network]

We need a big announcement telling the new members that they CANNOT post links until they have ten posts...

[Adam88]

Thank you Graceland I appreciate the info and help thanks for the concern.

[Tatters]

Thanks to wikipedia. It is perfectly common, and you should be fine (and blabbing about it on the internet helps your mental state), as long as you feel disgust about those thoughts. But everyone else have already said that. You do not NEED professional help, but if you feel you need it, then, yes, you could do it. Although I discourage it.

I want to start off by saying Adam I know what your going through man, im still kind of recovering my self, I was feeling the same a little bit ago, shame, guilt, disgust at my self, feeling like you have no control over your thoughts, like there is someone else in your head thats not you, doubting if your a good person, I actually had a panic attack, and I tell you what, the more you know about whats going on with you, the better you will feel. And I also wanted to say that Graceland's post explained a lot of things for me. Spot on man. Thank you.

PS. Im 19 years old and im not good with girls either, so we have a lot more in common than just impure thoughts, and it also feels good knowing that your not the only one, that was the worst, feeling alone in this. I think knowing that your not the only one calms you down a lot. Remember if you ever feel those emotions of guilt or shame coming back just remember your not the only one.

[Gumleaf]

tatters, please don't post in old threads.

locking