shes pregnant !

[justinglives]

A while ago i was really close with this girl. Maybe even best friends. We shared everything and even slept over and messed around some. Lots of cuddling and making out. She gave me a handjob once, and i got her off by hand. But that is as far as it ever went. No intercourse sex. She always stopped short of that no matter how hot it got.
We grew apart and i hadnt seen her in like 4 months. We texted occasionally. I just found out from a mutual friend (girl) that my friend is like 3-4 months pregnant. She showed me a pic of my friend and her preggo belly is def. Showing.
I am angry, hurt, confused and sad. 1) that she gave it up to another guy who she rerlferred to as a "one night stand" while she was on vacation, but would never do anything with me. 2) she is so much better than to be so stupid as to.take a chance of getting pregnant. And 3) she is so going to mess up her future with a baby at her age. I am so angry i dont want anything to do with her, but yet feel guilty.that im not able to be there for her.
Any help to resolve these feelings?
**girls, id really like to hear the girl side of why she would do this?

[Gopher]

Obviously you had some deep feelings for her. My advice would be to be her friend, she has made one of the biggest mistakes of her life but she has to move on with it. If you truly care about her then be there for her. Be the friend that this guy who got her pregnant probably isn't being. I know this is hard for you to do but it is best for your relationship with her.

[PinkFloyd]

You have to be there for her, man. She made a bad choice that she probably isn't happy about. The last thing she needs is you being all pissed at her. Be a good friend and help her.

[riverboy]

She needs a friend more than she needs a boy friend.

[BullDogg13]

Im with riverboy.

[justinglives]

I really am tryin so hard to overcome my anger,
But i feel so betrayed!

[Austins]

A while ago i was really close with this girl. Maybe even best friends. We shared everything and even slept over and messed around some. Lots of cuddling and making out. She gave me a handjob once, and i got her off by hand. But that is as far as it ever went. No intercourse sex. She always stopped short of that no matter how hot it got.
We grew apart and i hadnt seen her in like 4 months. We texted occasionally. I just found out from a mutual friend (girl) that my friend is like 3-4 months pregnant. She showed me a pic of my friend and her preggo belly is def. Showing.
I am angry, hurt, confused and sad. 1) that she gave it up to another guy who she rerlferred to as a "one night stand" while she was on vacation, but would never do anything with me. 2) she is so much better than to be so stupid as to.take a chance of getting pregnant. And 3) she is so going to mess up her future with a baby at her age. I am so angry i dont want anything to do with her, but yet feel guilty.that im not able to be there for her.
Any help to resolve these feelings?
**girls, id really like to hear the girl side of why she would do this?

I'm sorry sir but you are being a bit selfish here. So what she didn't give it up to you? Move on, it's not like she was dating you and HAD to give it to you. It was her choice who she slept with end of story. And people get pregnant bro, even if you both used protection there never is a 100% chance she wouldn't have and besides. be HAPPY she is giving birth to a child for christ's sake. She might be young but if she works twice as hard as the other people she can also have a successful life. Not to mention there are many organizations and groups supplied by the government to help her become successful, If you are truly her friend support her. If not though then just leave her life it's not yours to control and your negative energy will only make things more difficult

[justinglives]

I really am tryin so hard to overcome my anger,
But i feel so betrayed!
Im also afraid my anger will get the better of me and i'll hurt her more than she already is.

[Lost in the Echo]

Puberty for Boys :arrow: Family & Friends.
This would be more relevant there. :)

[justinglives]

And so you all know, i am aware my feelings are selfish.
Its just i cant deal with em.

[dontfiguremeout]

Honestly I say, yes it's tough, but be the best friend you can be and help her through this!!! Maybe if you show her how much you care for her and help her out with the baby both of you probably will fall in love...You never know. But the right thing to do is help her through this time. She really needs a best friend to be there for her to support her all the way.

[Sharona]

You are in her friendzone- she doesn't owe her virginity to you - so you weren't short changed because she let some holiday romance go all the way

[justinglives]

I understand that. But i gave her everything. All of me. Deepest darkest secdets no one else will ever know. She did the same.
And there is no way i could ever love a kid that is somebody elses knowing how he or she got here. Even if she said today "lets cuddle, makeout, and make love to me" id turn it down . Thats how angry i am right now.
Yea, i love the girl. I finally admit that. And ive told her that b4.......
Im all f©>ked up over this.
I HATE this feeling i cant control. Its so bad!

[Sharona]

She wasn't prepared to give as much as you did, be happy she gave u an HJ and let you feel the goods
Clearly the guy from her holiday romance was first screw material to her and you weren't, accept it and move on

[Camazotz]

If you're really that angry that you don't want to be her friend anymore, that's perfectly fine. I think everyone can choose their friends, and if being her friend will only make you upset and feel worse about yourself, then do the healthy thing and don't talk to her again. You both made mistakes in your friendship, and there's nothing that says you still have to be friends. Friends grow apart, so it won't be the end of the world for either of you if you don't talk to each other anymore.

[Sharona]

If you want it put a ring on it hey ;)

[justinglives]

If you want it put a ring on it hey ;)

We're both young, but mayb i should have.
But not now. Im not raising somebody elses kid.

[Sharona]

Why not? You could train it, mold it, shape it... Create your own personal assassin

The possibilities are endless

[justinglives]

Well, thanks guys. But its over.
I had a txt convo w her 2day that went to shit. She pretty much told me she could care less about me and bordered on being a total bitch.
I asked her if she wanted the stuff (nothing big, a choc valentine rose, stuffed animals, a pair of pj pants i bought her to keep at my house.....) I tols her if ahe wanted it, id keep it for her, or i could toss it out. She only responded "yupp." And i dont even know what tht means.
my last text was "consider the friendship over. " there was no response.
So i guess the stuff goes in the trash tonight, and i try and move on.
But it sucks. It just sucks.

[Camazotz]

It does suck. Even though it wasn't a "relationship", it's just a bad breakup. I know it's tough, and it'll be pretty tough the first few weeks, but in a while you'll get over her. You'll probably think about her every day for a good amount of time, but just remember why it happened and why she's no good for you. You deserve someone that will treat you right, so think of it as a good thing. My advice is to hang out with friends and do other things that make you happy to occupy yourself.

[badthoughts]

So i guess the stuff goes in the trash tonight, and i try and move on.
That's exactly what I think you should do.

I disagree with all of the earlier posters who said you need to be there for her and be a good friend. Bullshit. You don't need to do anything for her. The kid's not your problem so do not make it your problem. Live your life and chase your dreams; supporting someone else's kid is not what you need to be doing.

This girl's probably going to become a single mom on welfare, have more kids by different guys who are all deadbeats, develop some major psychological problems, and screw up her kids who will continue the cycle all over again.

Do not be a part of that. Live your life for you, set some goals and chase some dreams, and do it all kid-less until well into your twenties.

Remember this always: you can't help someone who doesn't want help, so don't waste your time, money and energy trying. Forget her.

[justinglives]

Thankyou.
I needed to hear that.

[zeebo]

Damn, sorry man. I guess people go different ways

[SkootuGurl]

The onlything you NEED to do is get over it. The feelings you were having weren't helping anybody least of all yourself.

Life's a bitch sometimes and car really want to screw with us. The only way to make it better is to be your oen best friend and don't beat yourslef up about things that are out of your control.

Move on and find the girl you deserve.

[justinglives]

The onlything you NEED to do is get over it. The feelings you were having weren't helping anybody least of all yourself.

Life's a bitch sometimes and car really want to screw with us. The only way to make it better is to be your oen best friend and don't beat yourslef up about things that are out of your control.

Move on and find the girl you deserve.

Thankyou!

[ajp1993]

One thing you haven't stated is how old your friend is.
You're both in a difficult place right now. You obviously have/had feelings for her she hasn't reciprocated. And she is now 3-4months preg without the father or bf to support her. You can move on, you have no commitment, she on the other hand is about to become a mom and is going to have commitments for the rest of her life.
I'm not saying things will be any easier if she 18+ then if she's like 14-15, but maturity can help.
My advice is don't cut her out of your life just yet. Yeah, she might be bitchy at time, but remember she's going though some potentially rough times. Let her know you're there to talk if ever she wants, but don't be chasing after her. In the meantime there are other girls out there for you, if you want them.

[digzchickz]

dude i feel for you that just sucks. but the thing is, as hard as it is, you gotta let her go... until you do, you cant move on if you still keep the hope of making up with her alive. you just have to grieve for what you had, and move on. you will feel like shit for awhile, but it will get better. the thing is, i know girls never ''owe'' us sex, but if i shared intimate stuff with a girl, only to have her turn me down, and then watch her give it up on some one night stand, that hurts dude. i would feel the same way. but you know what, you still reached out to her, you were the bigger man, and you should be proud of that. you cant help someone that dont want to be helped... it might sound harsh, but time will fix your hurt, but not hers. you are gonna be fine, but her life is about to get a whole lot more complicated, and she may have just rejected the best thing for her... you have done everything you can for her, sometimes you cant fix someone, sometimes the problem is the person themself... and even if it doesnt seem like it, you are already moving on and healing, but she is about to hit rock bottom.

[MoonMan]

Rough spot calls for us to be realistic and honest here. You owe her nothing and she owes you nothing. The whole friendship-chivalry thing of being there for each other was already broken once you guys initially drifted apart for four months. If you were able to get over that, then you should be able to get over this. In the meantime you have to try and stop drawing emotions from this so you can move on, because it sounds like it was going nowhere but downwards with her acting like a bitch and you still harboring feelings despite the impossible circumstances. Give it time, maybe meet some new girls, and you'll be able to recover. There are other places she can get support from besides you and, if it happens she can't or won't, you have no part in it anyways. To be honest, someone who truly wanted/needed support wouldn't have acted that way towards someone who was offering it to her on a silver fucking platter like she did with you during the texts. There's no reason you should have to feel like shit because of her actions and choices and there's no reason she should be held accountable for your bottled feelings, regardless of past relations. You two would probably have more of a negative impact on each other's lives, causing even more problems, so it would best if you just let her go. That is the truth, my friend. Accept it and move on.

[Cece14]

Be there for her

[Steveo1000]

she needs you man, even though this won't be your kid, you should step in and be the Dad, cause it sounds like this other guy won't. If you really love her you will do that, and take half the burden away, because becoming a parent is hard enough, but to do it alone is harder, and to be a teenager is even harder than that! so even if you aren't gonna be the baby's daddy she still needs your support!

[MoonMan]

she needs you man, even though this won't be your kid, you should step in and be the Dad, cause it sounds like this other guy won't. If you really love her you will do that, and take half the burden away, because becoming a parent is hard enough, but to do it alone is harder, and to be a teenager is even harder than that! so even if you aren't gonna be the baby's daddy she still needs your support!
She rejected his support when he offered it to her, and she doesn't reciprocate his feelings of love so the whole "true love" thing goes out the window. Telling him to make a life changing choice like caring for her child when she doesn't even love him back is terrible advice. He already did everything he could and not to mention the situation is making him feel like shit as well, it's time to move on. There are many other places she can draw support from: family, other friends, and even organizations exist specifically to help teen moms.

[justinglives]

She rejected his support when he offered it to her, and she doesn't reciprocate his feelings of love so the whole "true love" thing goes out the window. Telling him to make a life changing choice like caring for her child when she doesn't even love him back is terrible advice. He already did everything he could and not to mention the situation is making him feel like shit as well, it's time to move on. There are many other places she can draw support from: family, other friends, and even organizations exist specifically to help teen moms.

And one step further, im pretty sure at this point shed only de with me (use me) bcuz she has to, and not bcuZ she wants to be with me. And that so sucks too, being used i mean.

Can u tell thia has me all f$&ked up ?

[MoonMan]

And one step further, im pretty sure at this point shed only de with me (use me) bcuz she has to, and not bcuZ she wants to be with me. And that so sucks too, being used i mean.

Can u tell thia has me all f$&ked up ?

Yes I can tell, it's actually very apparent. How can you help her in a situation that has you fucked up as well? I'm all for helping and being there for people when you're needed and fully capable of helping, but not if it causes you pain in return because then we would just be trading one person's suffering for another. It's not fair that you have to be part of something that makes you feel bad as well when there's other places she can get support from. Not to mention you offered her support even after she didn't reciprocate your feelings, and she was unresponsive to it. Like I said before, you have to stop drawing emotions from this or it will continue to haunt you. Take your distance from her and some time, you'll both move on in the end. It's not the end of the world, I'm not sure why everyone here demands you support her like she was diagnosed with cancer or something. Her pregnancy is a result of her own actions and choices, and she should work towards becoming a capable mom regardless if she has any support or not.

[Jevon]

Well that would suck...and it would be pretty weird

[justinglives]

Yes I can tell, it's actually very apparent. How can you help her in a situation that has you fucked up as well? I'm all for helping and being there for people when you're needed and fully capable of helping, but not if it causes you pain in return because then we would just be trading one person's suffering for another. It's not fair that you have to be part of something that makes you feel bad as well when there's other places she can get support from. Not to mention you offered her support even after she didn't reciprocate your feelings, and she was unresponsive to it. Like I said before, you have to stop drawing emotions from this or it will continue to haunt you. Take your distance from her and some time, you'll both move on in the end. It's not the end of the world, I'm not sure why everyone here demands you support her like she was diagnosed with cancer or something. Her pregnancy is a result of her own actions and choices, and she should work towards becoming a capable mom regardless if she has any support or not.

Tx 4 the validation of my feelings. I need that at this point.

[teen.jpg]

It's really not anything for you to be concerned with. She probably didn't tell you for a reason, or she moved on with her life. As should you.

[Cinderella96]

She rejected his support when he offered it to her, and she doesn't reciprocate his feelings of love so the whole "true love" thing goes out the window. Telling him to make a life changing choice like caring for her child when she doesn't even love him back is terrible advice. He already did everything he could and not to mention the situation is making him feel like shit as well, it's time to move on. There are many other places she can draw support from: family, other friends, and even organizations exist specifically to help teen moms.

I totally agree.

[ItsChelsea]

I guess I'm the only one what wants to be the devil's advocate here?


You were friends. Not lovers, not bf/gf, friends. Close friends, but friends.

You had feelings for her, she didn't have the same feelings for you. That's not her fault, you can't exactly blame her for that. It is what it is.

She gets into a bad situation, and because of your jealousy, you decide to throw away the friendship? Yeah, I get she was bitchy when you had a text convo with her, but she's going through a lot I'm guessing, and we didn't hear your end of the conversation. I'm guessing there was some "how could you do this (to me maybe even?), some "that was stupid" and maybe even some "I wouldn't have blah blah blah if it was with me" in there too. You already admitted you were already pissed, but do you think that's really what she wanted or needed to hear? Don't you think she's probably hearing that from her parents and others, and needed a real friend?

I'm not saying she was right to have sex with some guy on vacation, but she didn't wrong you when she did. She might have wronged herself, but not you, you were here friend, not her bf. But personally I think it's kind of shitty of you to abandon her as a friend because of your jealousy. Sorry, just my opinion.

[MoonMan]

I guess I'm the only one what wants to be the devil's advocate here?


You were friends. Not lovers, not bf/gf, friends. Close friends, but friends.

You had feelings for her, she didn't have the same feelings for you. That's not her fault, you can't exactly blame her for that. It is what it is.

She gets into a bad situation, and because of your jealousy, you decide to throw away the friendship? Yeah, I get she was bitchy when you had a text convo with her, but she's going through a lot I'm guessing, and we didn't hear your end of the conversation. I'm guessing there was some "how could you do this (to me maybe even?), some "that was stupid" and maybe even some "I wouldn't have blah blah blah if it was with me" in there too. You already admitted you were already pissed, but do you think that's really what she wanted or needed to hear? Don't you think she's probably hearing that from her parents and others, and needed a real friend?

I'm not saying she was right to have sex with some guy on vacation, but she didn't wrong you when she did. She might have wronged herself, but not you, you were here friend, not her bf. But personally I think it's kind of shitty of you to abandon her as a friend because of your jealousy. Sorry, just my opinion.
How is it shitty? What's the point of being friends with someone if all you feel is jealousy and resentment around them? His feelings weren't there without a cause just like her feelings weren't there without a cause. The girl gets to be bitchy and dismissive due to the circumstances, but the guy doesn't get to be jealous no matter the circumstances? This is complete bullshit on every level. So the girl needed a "real friend" but the guy doesn't? Who gives a fuck about what she wanted to hear, she's pregnant, not terminally ill. I don't understand why people believe he has to illogically sympathize with her simply because she made a mistake. She stopped being his friend and drifted apart for a couple of months before she was pregnant, they abandoned each other once they did that and now they don't owe each other a damn thing. OP has to grow a pair and stop drawing emotions from this because he had feelings for the girl, but he doesn't have to be this girl's friend and nor should he be judged for it just like the girl shouldn't be judged for not reciprocating his feelings. Neither of them are entitled to anything, and the assumptions you threw in there to help your cause were laughably unfair. What if OP didn't actually say anything like that during the text conversation? Your whole fucking argument would fall apart then, though it's already dangerously unstable and one sided even if those assumptions happened to be true anyways.