oohlala
June 19th, 2013, 04:34 AM
hi guys :) this is my first time posting something other than the introduction so please forgive me if i do anything wrong. I was wondering about what I should do next and I decided to let this all out because it's been bugging me for ages so here goes....
so, let's call my crush Ryan, ok? since I don't want to say his real name.
alright, so, um, I've had a crush on Ryan for, I think, 3 years if you count this year and he's been my longest crush so far. He's practically the whole package ( except that he's kind of on the short side or a guy but I'm shorter than him so...): He's smart (he always goes on stage every semester to receive a certificate for being in the top 3 in his class), he's handsome ( a lot of other girls that I hate because of this issue think so too), he's talented (he plays the piano and he can play by ear and he can compose his on piano pieces that are really beautiful. he plays the guitar too.) he can sing ( the first time I heard him sing was in youth camp and the moment he started singing, i started to hyperventilate or breathe heavily and i thought that it was just so sexy lol), people love him ( he's really popular among teachers, students( even the new comers) and parents. they have a really good impression of him) and he's pretty religious (he closes his eyes when worshipping when nobody else does that and he raises his hands too and when he talks about God, you can just tell that he adores Him and when he talks about him, it's really deep).
the downside to him are the facts that he's sort of like a flirt but doesn't make it obvious and is super sweet about it and he's pretty charming and makes me completely jealous and my chest gets tight like I want to cry, my throat sometimes starts to burn and there's just this big wave of disappointment that washes over me whenever i see him flirting with some other girl.
I just want to get over him and move on!!! it's so frustrating and heartbreaking whenever I think about this that I seriously can't stand it.
but the problem is, i see him EVERYWHERE!!! and we somehow manage to get put together and then something happens when the time comes or something so we don't come, like, face to face. it sucks 'cause it almost seems as though fate is teasing me bringing us close together and then breaking us apart.
like when i my friend says that he was looking at me for a really long time and i getting all hopeful and maybe slightly excited, he does something that always makes me feel at least disappointed and upset. sometimes, i even cry because of what he does!!! seriously!!!! i want to move on but I just can't because whenever i develop a crush on a guy, it takes very long (6 months - 1 year if it's serious and i keep seeing him or maybe just a few months if it' not that serious. i know it sounds ridiculous, it feels ridiculous) to move on and i can't see him or come into any type of contact with him at all in order for me to move on.
these are some examples : yesterday, i was going down the stairs to get to my next class and i saw him patrolling that floor (he's a prefect, btw) and when i looked up, he looked up and we locked gazes for at least 3 seconds, i think before he looked away and pursed his lips. and then after that, i was coming out of my class and i decided to wait for my friend who was still inside so i turned around BAM! Ryan enters my freaking line of vision with a friend. i quickly turned around, blushing, and walked away quickly.
another one is that a few months ago, i joined the church youth group because i promised my mom i would join as i hadn't actually joined youth group yet even though all my friends had. btw, he goes to the same church as me. and they found out that i can play the piano so they posted on fb the schedule of who's playing each youth night for the worship team. my worship leader that night was supposed to be a really nice girl but then a few weeks later, ( which was actually 2 months ago) i check my facebook, they posted a new schedule that involves ryan being my group leader. and so i get nervous and maybe a little excited and then BAM! (once again), i find out that i m supposed to be going away that night to spend the night at a beach resort with my family. and this happened all this week.
another example would be what happened today: so, i was in the science lab sitting on stools and all and my table is near the window. halfway through the class, we all look up when we see a group of prefects strolling past the room in their very noticeable dark blazers so i definitely have to look up. and when i look up, i see Ryan. again. and he stops at my window which i m directly looking out of and cups his hands, presses them to the window and looks through. which means he's looking at me directly. seriously?! we lock gazes for about 2 or 3 seconds before he has to catch up with the others. and then later on today, he was walking past my classroom all by himself and was looking through the windows again as though looking for somebody. his eyes and head finally stopped moving when he looked at me? how do i know this? all thanks to peripheral vision.
i could name loads more times, but i only wanna name this week's incidents just to show you want kind of happens to me every week. and it's only the beginning of the week.
i just want your opinion on this situation or what you would do if you were in my shoes. and maybe some advice on how to move on or deal with this because i seriously m not sure i can suffer this any longer. or should i just try to see what happens and not give up on him? whatever it is you choose, i would love and appreciate it so damn much. and sorry about the rant and the super long problem but i sort of needed to show you how it really is between him and I. anyway, bye :) MY FIRST POST!!! -squeal like a girly girl and jump up and down- i don't know why i just did that. lol :D
so, let's call my crush Ryan, ok? since I don't want to say his real name.
alright, so, um, I've had a crush on Ryan for, I think, 3 years if you count this year and he's been my longest crush so far. He's practically the whole package ( except that he's kind of on the short side or a guy but I'm shorter than him so...): He's smart (he always goes on stage every semester to receive a certificate for being in the top 3 in his class), he's handsome ( a lot of other girls that I hate because of this issue think so too), he's talented (he plays the piano and he can play by ear and he can compose his on piano pieces that are really beautiful. he plays the guitar too.) he can sing ( the first time I heard him sing was in youth camp and the moment he started singing, i started to hyperventilate or breathe heavily and i thought that it was just so sexy lol), people love him ( he's really popular among teachers, students( even the new comers) and parents. they have a really good impression of him) and he's pretty religious (he closes his eyes when worshipping when nobody else does that and he raises his hands too and when he talks about God, you can just tell that he adores Him and when he talks about him, it's really deep).
the downside to him are the facts that he's sort of like a flirt but doesn't make it obvious and is super sweet about it and he's pretty charming and makes me completely jealous and my chest gets tight like I want to cry, my throat sometimes starts to burn and there's just this big wave of disappointment that washes over me whenever i see him flirting with some other girl.
I just want to get over him and move on!!! it's so frustrating and heartbreaking whenever I think about this that I seriously can't stand it.
but the problem is, i see him EVERYWHERE!!! and we somehow manage to get put together and then something happens when the time comes or something so we don't come, like, face to face. it sucks 'cause it almost seems as though fate is teasing me bringing us close together and then breaking us apart.
like when i my friend says that he was looking at me for a really long time and i getting all hopeful and maybe slightly excited, he does something that always makes me feel at least disappointed and upset. sometimes, i even cry because of what he does!!! seriously!!!! i want to move on but I just can't because whenever i develop a crush on a guy, it takes very long (6 months - 1 year if it's serious and i keep seeing him or maybe just a few months if it' not that serious. i know it sounds ridiculous, it feels ridiculous) to move on and i can't see him or come into any type of contact with him at all in order for me to move on.
these are some examples : yesterday, i was going down the stairs to get to my next class and i saw him patrolling that floor (he's a prefect, btw) and when i looked up, he looked up and we locked gazes for at least 3 seconds, i think before he looked away and pursed his lips. and then after that, i was coming out of my class and i decided to wait for my friend who was still inside so i turned around BAM! Ryan enters my freaking line of vision with a friend. i quickly turned around, blushing, and walked away quickly.
another one is that a few months ago, i joined the church youth group because i promised my mom i would join as i hadn't actually joined youth group yet even though all my friends had. btw, he goes to the same church as me. and they found out that i can play the piano so they posted on fb the schedule of who's playing each youth night for the worship team. my worship leader that night was supposed to be a really nice girl but then a few weeks later, ( which was actually 2 months ago) i check my facebook, they posted a new schedule that involves ryan being my group leader. and so i get nervous and maybe a little excited and then BAM! (once again), i find out that i m supposed to be going away that night to spend the night at a beach resort with my family. and this happened all this week.
another example would be what happened today: so, i was in the science lab sitting on stools and all and my table is near the window. halfway through the class, we all look up when we see a group of prefects strolling past the room in their very noticeable dark blazers so i definitely have to look up. and when i look up, i see Ryan. again. and he stops at my window which i m directly looking out of and cups his hands, presses them to the window and looks through. which means he's looking at me directly. seriously?! we lock gazes for about 2 or 3 seconds before he has to catch up with the others. and then later on today, he was walking past my classroom all by himself and was looking through the windows again as though looking for somebody. his eyes and head finally stopped moving when he looked at me? how do i know this? all thanks to peripheral vision.
i could name loads more times, but i only wanna name this week's incidents just to show you want kind of happens to me every week. and it's only the beginning of the week.
i just want your opinion on this situation or what you would do if you were in my shoes. and maybe some advice on how to move on or deal with this because i seriously m not sure i can suffer this any longer. or should i just try to see what happens and not give up on him? whatever it is you choose, i would love and appreciate it so damn much. and sorry about the rant and the super long problem but i sort of needed to show you how it really is between him and I. anyway, bye :) MY FIRST POST!!! -squeal like a girly girl and jump up and down- i don't know why i just did that. lol :D