They ask me out and I say no.

[Ninako]

Well through my junior high years I found lots of guys or should I say boys asking me out and I end up saying no...for some reason the boy my mind says I "like" asks me out and then I feel an immense pleasure and want to do a fist pump, but I end up saying no all the time.

It's like I take in the pleasure of catching a good fish and end up letting it go absently. Is that normal at all?

Also, after I reject them I expect us to go back to the state of 'just friends' but it ends up getting to be awkward for the both of us and I tend to...stutter and stammer a lot and end up running off to the opposite direction.

Needless to say I feel messed up mentally when it comes to boys and I end up confusing myself with my mixed emotions.

[Miserabilia]

maybe you just enjoy the rush of it?
Next time think what is more important- the rush of saying no, or the actual going out

[MoonMan]

If you actually do reciprocate their feelings then I wouldn't say it's normal to take pleasure in rejecting them. It's a bit unfair to the boys as well because when they're rejected they're now convinced you don't/will never reciprocate their feelings (which would explain why it makes things awkward) in the same way even though you secretly do. That's a huge shot to their self esteem (rejections tend to make you feel unworthy/inferior to an extent) and the worst part is you actually do have feelings for them. It takes a lot of courage to ask a girl out and, while that certainly doesn't mean you have to say yes, the least you can do is be honest with them with your answer. You have mixed emotions? You need to try and explain that to them instead of just destroying your chances by saying no.

[Ninako]

Thanks, I really appreciate the replies and will always keep it in mind. ^^