Fear of losing support.

[Magenta]

Is anyone else afraid that the closer they get to recovery (if that's the case for you), that people will start to forget? That if you aren't hiding behind long-sleeves or pants anymore, that you're fine again? And they'll stop caring and supporting each day you manage to get through.

I don't know, maybe it's because I've self-harmed since I was a really little kid and never knew any better way to cope with stress, that I feel like my first instinct when I'm upset or stressed is to hurt myself in some way, no matter how minor. And I suppose the minor things aren't as bad as it could be. But the fact of the matter is the urges are always still there. For me, I don't think they'll ever 'go away' because I am trying to replace my entire lifetime's way of coping with something else. Self-harm will always be my first and foremost though even if I don't act upon it.

I'm scared friends and family won't understand that. It's the same as having a chronic mental illness (which I have as well)... just because you're better for a little while, doesn't mean it has been 'cured'. It's still always there even if you're healthier for the most part. But I'm scared they'll only see what they want to see and believe that I'm okay when I'm not. I feel like I'm attention-seeking for feeling this way. :c

Sorry if this didn't make sense. I'm just vomiting up my emotions into jumbles of words.

[Conqueror of Hearts]

I undestand what you want to say....when my mum found out I just told her that I wont do it again, and she told me that I should talk to her if something's bothering me. Of course I didnt, I did cut after I promised her not to do it again, I got the urge and I did it. And I still do it every once in a while, I dont cut my wrists now obviously, I cut my thights, cause that way she won't find out and because she doesn't see them she thinks I'm fine. The thing is that our friends and family will never truly and fully understand the SH thing about us...if they never did that they dont know how hard is to stop, they cant understand the feeling we get when we cut...that is why I never told anyone, though I want to tell that to my bestfriend every day. Intead I just say I'm fine. So, because they can't completely understand you, no matter how much they love you, if you feel like they are forgetting you can talk to them (they already know about your SH problem so you don't have anything to loose). My advice is always to talk things through, even though I never do that...I guess I'm not brave or strong enough to do that.

And you are not attention-seeking, you just want to overcome SH and in order to do that you need your army of the once you love. Just keep going, step by step and don't give up. -xx

[tubanic]

I understand and the post above says it all. There are always people who care, even if they don't express it very well. Keep strong, and don't be afraid of getting better :)