phoenix
July 29th, 2005, 12:04 AM
Hello. I have been getting some strange urges towards other males and I'm getting very afraid of this. These urges basically just happened and came out of no where. I would say that these urges happened around the time I enter High School, perhaps the 9th or 10th grade. I have liked and fallen for many girls in the past and I am still falling for girls. I am currently in love with a girl (yes I understand that may will say that High School loves never last, but I really really love her, I think she is the one...), but I am still some what attracted to men. If I where to see the different things on the net (ie, the occasional porn and stumble upon a penis, I'll get an errection) or when I see other guys walking around in the street, I do feel attracted somewhat to them. I just don't understand and I've gotten very irritable and frustrated at myself. I've started to hate myself. I've also tried to make it a vow to never become gay because of the girl I've fallen for. I really want her. To be honest, it's because of her and other girls is the reason why I haven't commited suicide yet, because I don't wish to die with out going out with her or with a girl in general. If I do, I would have died in a vain. I do have strong feeling for girls, but that urge to guys isn't really going away either. I just wanted to know if this is juts a phase. I really hope it is, or if there is a possible way to reverse these homosexual tendencies and allow me to lose my depression state. I'm not bashing gay people and I'm very happy for all of you for accepting it, but I just can't and I won't. Can some please help me out here. Also, I'm 17 years old. Thanx for your help.