Getting help.

[AppealToReason]

I haven;t posted here in a while, but I really need some advice on this.
So, I'm almost certain there is something wrong with me. I try not to show it, but it becomes more apparent every day. I've been close to suicide many times in the past, the most recent in April when I downed too much oxy. After that, I didn't show up for school for about a month, but still managed to graduate, so there's that...
Anyways, I've always had a problem with paranoia. I can't be around people without these thoughts flooding my head that they're talking about me. It's horrible in public situations and brings me to near panic attacks at times, but lately I can't be around family members alone for the same reason. It has started to worsen ever since I stopped taking pills and drinking. I've gotten really close to popping some more, but I've been holding back at the expense of my mental health. I really don't see myself making it past twenty if this continues. Every time I think of suicide, the chances of me actually going through with it increases. So, I've finally decided I want to get help, but I have no idea how to go through with it. My family is going through tough shit right now, so I don't want to bother them by asking for help. I'm terrified of talking to someone alone one-on-one about my problems. It's hard enough to do here, and that usually only opens when I'm drugged.
Anyways, I guess I'm just looking for experiences about going to a psychiatrist and how it played out for you. I don't even know where to begin, so I'm hoping to get some personal experiences before I even worry about going to see someone...
Any and all experiences, in-depth if possible, about going to psychiatrist or anyone to treat mental illnesses would help.
Thanks.

[tubanic]

You've made the biggest step, which is accpeting that you need help. I accepted this once I had come very close to suicide over Christmas. I then spoke to my school councellor and she refered me to the mental health service where I met a psychologist and was put on meds. After coming out of my deep depression and recovered from PTSD, I entered a psychotic episode. This involved me getting very paranoid and self-harming and having serious delusions that made me dangerous to other people, so they locked me up in a mental hospital. I spent the last few months there where I slowly recovered.
Overdosing and drinking are not permanent solutions to your problems, there are meds that can help with your paranoia. There is hope, and a brighter future for you. Please don't give up. Talk to someone at school, if you still go, and find out about getting referred to a psychologist. Remember this is just an illness, and you can fight it. You will get better if that's what you really want. Good luck :)

[AppealToReason]

Thanks for the advice.
Unfortunately, I kind of relapsed tonight. I'm tired of binging/purging, so I took a few oxy to not feel hungry. My sister is leaving again, so it's just one of those nights.