a big problem

[Gumleaf]

i have a problem in which in need some opinions. i have a girlfriend, jessica, who i have been with for over a year now and i love her very much, but in the last couple of months i have been having feelings for another girl. what complicates the situation more is that this girl, joanne, has been there for me in the last few weeks with my family issues (see sperate thread for details about that) and has been a good friend. thats not to say that jessica hasn't been there for me too, but we go to different schools and she doesn't live nearby, so we don't see each other as much as we would like, while i see joanne everyday at school and she lives nearby and i sometimes see her around outside of school..

i don't even really know what it is that i like about joanne. she is loud, out going and some what of a rebel while i'm more of a quiet, sensitive person and basically the total opposite. but i find her really attractive to me, yet i can't really put in words what i find so attractive about her. basically, we have really hit it off. and another thing is she is an athiest and i'm a christian. to some people that doesn't matter but to me it does and i find that disturbing that i'm attracted to someone who doesn't believe in what i do.

now i still really want to be with jessica but these feelings i have for joanne just won't go away. i know i have to decide what i want and follow my heart but i would never want to hurt jessica. i'm very confused, this has never happened to me before!

[byee]

Hey Stephen, let me try to repay you for all the great work you do here by helping you out.

I'd say that what you like about Joanne (and I'll use your own words here) is that she's been 'there for you' during what must be a very stressful time for you. So, you might feel very close to her and appreciative of her support. Nothing can bring two people (even if they are incredibly different) together more than a crisis. Sounds like Joanne gives you something very valuable and very needed by you at this very difficult time. And, as a result, you feel much closer to her. We get close to those who take care of us and nurture us.

But, as you've also said, you're very different people. And although that doesn't mean that your relationship is any less real or any less important, it can suggest that once the current crisis/stress passes, there's not much else there to sustain the relationship.

I think it might be wisest here to keep all your options open, at least until you sort out those other issues in your life. That way, you'll maintain valuable relationships with both these lucky lasses, and when things are on a more even keel for you, you'll be able to reevaluate your feelings about them.

[Gumleaf]

ok, that makes sense. the only thing is that i won't feel comfortable with jessica until i can work out my feelings for joanne. i feel as though i'm cheating on her because i have feelings for joanne. this is very confusing.

[Lifesreject]

I wwouldn't rush into anything.You need to think over who you would be most happy with n the long term. Is this with joanne going to keep you happy for a long time or is it going to be like a firework wich burns bright before it dies. You need to decided what is going to make you happy in the long run.

[Gumleaf]

I wwouldn't rush into anything.You need to think over who you would be most happy with n the long term. Is this with joanne going to keep you happy for a long time or is it going to be like a firework wich burns bright before it dies. You need to decided what is going to make you happy in the long run.

i think your firework example was good. i think i know what i want and need and that is jessica, but i also need joanne but only as a friend, especially during the tough times i having presently. thanks for your help guys. :)