My parents found out

[AtheistLesbian]

I just need to vent a little here and I need someone to talk to. Advice or help is welcome.

I honestly feel a little sick talking about this. I'm kind of okay with my friends knowing but putting it out there semi publicly is hard and I hate that my parents found out.

This is not my first experience with self harm, but I've been cutting myself on my arm and my leg. How it all started is a long story and not pertinent to what I'm here to discuss. My dad and my step mom saw two of the cuts on my arm but didn't bother to check the rest. They really don't seem to care to much and when they do say something that sounds like caring, I feel like they're only saying that because they think they have to. That's just fine by me, but what really bothers me is when they mention it non nonchalantly and when my step mom starts talking about "we need to give her this so they don't scar" and act like it's nothing and means nothing. It's not that I want them to make a big deal out of it and that'd probably be worse and if I dislike them so much anyway, why would I want them to care? I don't know but....I don't know. They also assume that I've stopped and I really haven't. It brings me the greatest feeling of relief and it keeps me from crying and it makes me almost forget. I just...I hated being around my dad and step mom to begin with, and now it's just so awkward and uncomfortable and it makes me sick to my stomach. It seems like no one really cares, even the friends I have that know. Not that I do it for them to care, not that I do it for their attention, but god forbid someone wants to know they're loved and cared for. I guess I just needed to vent and kinda need someone to talk to or tell me.....anything.

[Miserabilia]

Your parents sound like they don't understand how seirous it is. They are looking at your physical but not mental harm. Telll them why you do it and maybe they will take it a little more seious

[AtheistLesbian]

I fear they'll only be angry at me and it'll just make us all a lot more uncomfortable. Maybe this is just something I have to go through. I mean....I guess I brought it upon myself.

[MoonMan]

Actually, knowing the reason why you do it is very important if you want any help. You're not telling us the whole story, just the situation you're in right now. The reason they may seem like they don't care is because you're bottling everything up, from the cause of your self harm to the knowledge that you haven't actually stopped. They're not psychic and neither are we, you're going to have to open up to somebody sooner or later if you really want help. It doesn't have to be your parents at first, it could be a school counselor or another adult in your life, or you could just go straight to a mental health professional. I know it seems like the world doesn't care, but your decision to withhold your feelings will end up doing more harm than good. Trust me. The first and hardest step is admitting you have a problem and realizing you can't do it alone. Get help, or wither away. This is the truth, because I doubt the last thing you want to hear is a pity party telling you it gets better. It CAN get better but, at this point, it's your choice. No one else can make that choice for you, especially if you're bottling everything up like you are now.

[gotstyle]

Go to the school counselor

[AtheistLesbian]

Actually, knowing the reason why you do it is very important if you want any help. You're not telling us the whole story, just the situation you're in right now. The reason they may seem like they don't care is because you're bottling everything up, from the cause of your self harm to the knowledge that you haven't actually stopped. They're not psychic and neither are we, you're going to have to open up to somebody sooner or later if you really want help. It doesn't have to be your parents at first, it could be a school counselor or another adult in your life, or you could just go straight to a mental health professional. I know it seems like the world doesn't care, but your decision to withhold your feelings will end up doing more harm than good. Trust me. The first and hardest step is admitting you have a problem and realizing you can't do it alone. Get help, or wither away. This is the truth, because I doubt the last thing you want to hear is a pity party telling you it gets better. It CAN get better but, at this point, it's your choice. No one else can make that choice for you, especially if you're bottling everything up like you are now.

There is a multitude of reasons. You can't pinpoint just one because none is any more important or influential than the others. It never is just one thing. It's several things piling on top of one another until I can't breathe and I'm about to have a panic attack just like every single night. Although, since the cutting started, I have only had two panic attacks and though the severity increased, the frequency decreased. But now even when I do cut I can't manage to feel. I can only ever be angry or completely emotionless. And sometimes being emotionless isn't too bad until I find myself yearning for my depression because that would be better than feeling nothing at all. Oh wait-no one should want to be depressed, right? So that's just another reason to hate myself and another reason to hurt myself. But since I rarely feel anything anymore, it's just something that I do because I can't imagine myself not doing it. And those are just a FEW of the reasons.

[Seals]

I've talked with my friends about this subject many times. If they are wanting to make it so you don't have scares they care about you and probably know why you are doing it. Just talk with them about it. If you don't wanna talk to them about it then just talk to one of your friends and have them help. I might not be the best of help but I'm trying. :P If it's about getting bullied, in which most cases of my friends it is. Don't listen to them. You don't need anyone approval or let someone get inside your head. Your the only one that brings your self down. Ignore them or in-brace what they said to you. It may be hard but you've got to learn. If it's something different like something at home, talk with your dad and step mom. They care about your opinion, even tho at times it doesn't seem like it, they do. Just do what you have to do.

[MoonMan]

There is a multitude of reasons. You can't pinpoint just one because none is any more important or influential than the others. It never is just one thing. It's several things piling on top of one another until I can't breathe and I'm about to have a panic attack just like every single night. Although, since the cutting started, I have only had two panic attacks and though the severity increased, the frequency decreased. But now even when I do cut I can't manage to feel. I can only ever be angry or completely emotionless. And sometimes being emotionless isn't too bad until I find myself yearning for my depression because that would be better than feeling nothing at all. Oh wait-no one should want to be depressed, right? So that's just another reason to hate myself and another reason to hurt myself. But since I rarely feel anything anymore, it's just something that I do because I can't imagine myself not doing it. And those are just a FEW of the reasons.
I never once stated there had to be only one reason, and for most depressed people, it usually is a multitude of reasons, pressure, emotions etc. I'm not quite sure you fully understand what depression is, no on "wants" to be depressed but no one chooses to be depressed either. Just like no one chooses to have cancer or diabetes etc. You can't hate yourself for something you don't have control of. Depression is a disease, it has biological factors/effects (chemical imbalance in the brain in most cases) as well as psychological effects on feelings, mood etc. Hell, you don't always have to have a reason to be depressed either. It is perfectly possible for people with, what most people would consider, good/luxurious lives to be depressed. Educate yourself on these kind of things and the more you'll realize the importance of seeking professional help. You may think you're beyond help, but these mental health professionals have seen everything trust me, it's part of what makes them professionals. Diseases can be treated and some, like depression, can be cured with the right treatment.

[AtheistLesbian]

I never once stated there had to be only one reason, and for most depressed people, it usually is a multitude of reasons, pressure, emotions etc. I'm not quite sure you fully understand what depression is, no on "wants" to be depressed but no one chooses to be depressed either. Just like no one chooses to have cancer or diabetes etc. You can't hate yourself for something you don't have control of. Depression is a disease, it has biological factors/effects (chemical imbalance in the brain in most cases) as well as psychological effects on feelings, mood etc. Hell, you don't always have to have a reason to be depressed either. It is perfectly possible for people with, what most people would consider, good/luxurious lives to be depressed. Educate yourself on these kind of things and the more you'll realize the importance of seeking professional help. You may think you're beyond help, but these mental health professionals have seen everything trust me, it's part of what makes them professionals. Diseases can be treated and some, like depression, can be cured with the right treatment.

Trust me, I know what depression is. I know you don't even need a reason to be depressed, I've been there. I've been depressed for 8 years straight with only one month of happiness. That doesn't mean that I always think logically. When I do get in that state of being totally emotionless, I would rather be depressed than feel nothing at all. I don't need to educate myself on depression, I know a lot more than you think. Just because I sometimes think illogically doesn't make me ignorant. I knew it was a bad idea to post things on the internet that I haven't even told my closest friends, it only has gotten me lectured and patronized.

[MoonMan]

Trust me, I know what depression is. I know you don't even need a reason to be depressed, I've been there. I've been depressed for 8 years straight with only one month of happiness. That doesn't mean that I always think logically. When I do get in that state of being totally emotionless, I would rather be depressed than feel nothing at all. I don't need to educate myself on depression, I know a lot more than you think. Just because I sometimes think illogically doesn't make me ignorant. I knew it was a bad idea to post things on the internet that I haven't even told my closest friends, it only has gotten me lectured and patronized.
First of all, relax, I never accused you of being ignorant. I was simply making an assumption based on what you posted (since I have nothing else to draw from at the moment) that you had limited knowledge of the actual diagnosis of depression, nothing more. I apologize if it was a false assumption and it offended you, as that wasn't my intention nor was it the main focus of my comment. You posted here asking us to tell you anything, and I'm trying to give you advice. Get help. This isn't a lecture or me patronizing you, this is honest advice from someone who has been diagnosed with clinical depression himself and who's been struggling with it for years on end. You've seemed to miss the entire focus of my comment because you were offended by something that wasn't meant to be offending in any way. I have no reason to judge or be against you, but I have reason to try and give you advice because I have been in the same spot as you're in before. To avoid anymore miscommunication here's the main point: seek help from a mental health professional as depression is a disease that requires treatment if you want to get any better, you can't do it alone. Trust me, I've tried. Your longing to be depressed rather than emotionless is actually very common and it doesn't make you crazy. People with depression often lose touch with certain emotions and, in turn, rely on the familiar melancholy presence of depression. A therapist can help you work on getting back in touch with those feelings both fundamentally and socially so you don't need that said reliance anymore.
Either way, I'm not a doctor, and only a mental health professional can know for sure.

[AtheistLesbian]

First of all, relax, I never accused you of being ignorant. I was simply making an assumption based on what you posted (since I have nothing else to draw from at the moment) that you had limited knowledge of the actual diagnosis of depression, nothing more. I apologize if it was a false assumption and it offended you, as that wasn't my intention nor was it the main focus of my comment. You posted here asking us to tell you anything, and I'm trying to give you advice. Get help. This isn't a lecture or me patronizing you, this is honest advice from someone who has been diagnosed with clinical depression himself and who's been struggling with it for years on end. You've seemed to miss the entire focus of my comment because you were offended by something that wasn't meant to be offending in any way. I have no reason to judge or be against you, but I have reason to try and give you advice because I have been in the same spot as you're in before. To avoid anymore miscommunication here's the main point: seek help from a mental health professional as depression is a disease that requires treatment if you want to get any better, you can't do it alone. Trust me, I've tried. Your longing to be depressed rather than emotionless is actually very common and it doesn't make you crazy. People with depression often lose touch with certain emotions and, in turn, rely on the familiar melancholy presence of depression. A therapist can help you work on getting back in touch with those feelings both fundamentally and socially so you don't need that said reliance anymore.
Either way, I'm not a doctor, and only a mental health professional can know for sure.

This conversation should not have even been about me. I was asking about advice as to what to do about my parents because they're making shit worse and my step mom is telling all of her little friends and I'm getting lectured by THEM now. Not only that, my dad is threatening to have me committed. I'm just having a fucking super time with it all. I seem to be getting angry easily cause I'm on here late at night when I'm already pissed off.

[MoonMan]

This conversation should not have even been about me. I was asking about advice as to what to do about my parents because they're making shit worse and my step mom is telling all of her little friends and I'm getting lectured by THEM now. Not only that, my dad is threatening to have me committed. I'm just having a fucking super time with it all. I seem to be getting angry easily cause I'm on here late at night when I'm already pissed off.
This conversation should not have even been about me. I was asking about advice as to what to do about my parents because they're making shit worse and my step mom is telling all of her little friends and I'm getting lectured by THEM now. Not only that, my dad is threatening to have me committed. I'm just having a fucking super time with it all. I seem to be getting angry easily cause I'm on here late at night when I'm already pissed off.
Yup, that's exactly what I'm trying to do here. The cause of your problems isn't rooted in your self harm, what with your parents and all, but the fact that you DO self harm certainly isn't helping the situation. To say it isn't is absurd at this point because now you're getting lectured by everyone for that exact reason. Also, have you ever stopped to think that maybe your parents simply don't know how to handle this kind of situation so their natural reaction is to get angry and overbearing? It looks to me that you have parents that at least give a shit about you at this point, not everyone has that. This is why I'm trying to tell you to get help, not only to get your parents off your back, but you'll feel much better yourself afterwards. The longer you wait the more you'll find yourself spiraling deeper into depression and anger. Think about it, in your original post you found conflict with the fact your parents were treating the situation nonchalantly, like they didn't care, and making things awkward. Now, you're angry that your step mom is making a big deal out of it (although telling her friends is the wrong way to go about this) and you're getting lectured. What exactly do you want? Do you want them to care, or do you want them to leave you alone? This conversation SHOULD be about you because you have a part in this problem as well. Also you didn't specify that you wanted advice about just your parents, you said you wanted us to tell you anything, and I just wanted to give advice about what I thought you should do.

[AtheistLesbian]

Yup, that's exactly what I'm trying to do here. The cause of your problems isn't rooted in your self harm, what with your parents and all, but the fact that you DO self harm certainly isn't helping the situation. To say it isn't is absurd at this point because now you're getting lectured by everyone for that exact reason. Also, have you ever stopped to think that maybe your parents simply don't know how to handle this kind of situation so their natural reaction is to get angry and overbearing? It looks to me that you have parents that at least give a shit about you at this point, not everyone has that. This is why I'm trying to tell you to get help, not only to get your parents off your back, but you'll feel much better yourself afterwards. The longer you wait the more you'll find yourself spiraling deeper into depression and anger. Think about it, in your original post you found conflict with the fact your parents were treating the situation nonchalantly, like they didn't care, and making things awkward. Now, you're angry that your step mom is making a big deal out of it (although telling her friends is the wrong way to go about this) and you're getting lectured. What exactly do you want? Do you want them to care, or do you want them to leave you alone? This conversation SHOULD be about you because you have a part in this problem as well. Also you didn't specify that you wanted advice about just your parents, you said you wanted us to tell you anything, and I just wanted to give advice about what I thought you should do.

I wasn't upset that they were acting nonchalant, I was upset that they kept bringing it up in conversation like they would everyday bullshit. I didn't want them to bring it up at all. Pay attention when you read. This is why I hate getting advice from people. They give when I don't ask for it which pisses me off and then when I do ask for it, I remember why I don't normally ask for it.

[MoonMan]

I wasn't upset that they were acting nonchalant, I was upset that they kept bringing it up in conversation like they would everyday bullshit. I didn't want them to bring it up at all. Pay attention when you read. This is why I hate getting advice from people. They give when I don't ask for it which pisses me off and then when I do ask for it, I remember why I don't normally ask for it.
The best part about advice is: it's completely electable. You don't have to take advice if you don't want to. Self harm all you want, push people away, refrain from getting help, and bottle everything up and see if any of this gets you anywhere but backwards. I do pay attention when I read, actually, your original post stated you were venting and wanted us to say "anything." I'm not sure in what context you would use the word if you didn't mean, well, anything. "Advice and help is welcome" was one of the first things mentioned in your original post, if this isn't asking for advice then I don't know what is. I can see, however, the presence of advice pisses you off (for whatever reason) so I'll refrain from offending you with it anymore. Have a nice day.

[AtheistLesbian]

The best part about advice is: it's completely electable. You don't have to take advice if you don't want to. Self harm all you want, push people away, refrain from getting help, and bottle everything up and see if any of this gets you anywhere but backwards. I do pay attention when I read, actually, your original post stated you were venting and wanted us to say "anything." I'm not sure in what context you would use the word if you didn't mean, well, anything. "Advice and help is welcome" was one of the first things mentioned in your original post, if this isn't asking for advice then I don't know what is. I can see, however, the presence of advice pisses you off (for whatever reason) so I'll refrain from offending you with it anymore. Have a nice day.

I did say that. I didn't think the repercussions would be getting lectured and talked down to. That's why I don't NORMALLY ask for advice. People don't just give advice. They patronize you and treat you like you're stupid and like you're a child. Getting help and admitting your own failure doesn't mean you need someone to talk down to you.

[MoonMan]

I did say that. I didn't think the repercussions would be getting lectured and talked down to. That's why I don't NORMALLY ask for advice. People don't just give advice. They patronize you and treat you like you're stupid and like you're a child. Getting help and admitting your own failure doesn't mean you need someone to talk down to you.
At what point did I talk down to you? Please, elaborate. I've already apologized for making a false assumption (which was never intended as a direct attack on you, although I later realized how it might be interpreted that way) and I gave honest advice, there was nothing more to my posts than just that, I can assure you. I have absolutely no reason to judge you or talk down to you, as I've stated numerous times. I'm generally an honest person, and if I was talking down to you (which I almost never do) I would make it extremely evident in my post, almost to the point where you couldn't miss it. I've tried really hard to keep my patience here and, while I do understand you're angry at the moment, it gives you no right to lose your temper with me at something that's as freely as electable as the advice I have given. Treat people the way you would want to be treated, including refraining from making false assumptions and getting angry with them. As I've stated before, I'm done giving you advice as to avoid pissing you off (it's clear it didn't help you in the way I hoped it would). Maybe you should stop replying to me with the same goals in mind, we're not getting anywhere in this conversation.