Relapse... again :/

[xXoblivionXx]

Yep. It sucks. I haven't cut with a blade since the end of September but I have been using sharp objects to scratch my arms with. I don't want to start again with a blade but I've just relapsed so many times I don't see the point of not stopping. SH allows me to feel. For the past few months I haven't felt anything. Not happiness, not sadness, nothing. I can't even cry anymore :( I get a rush of adrenaline and just makes me feel something. I know it's wrong but nothing else seems to help. I just don't know what to do anymore.

[Mob Boss]

Hiya, xYz :hiya:
Firstly, take a second to appreciate the fact that you were courageous and strong enough to quit for as long as you could. That takes courage and immense willpower. Secondly I want you to realize "it happens". Relapse happens. At some time or another, most people who stop self-harming for a period of time, will relapse somewhere along the way.*Granted there are the few who don't, but SH is FREAKING tough to overcome. I'm not going to candy-coat it; it's hard. However, you'll begin to spot and identify your triggers. Some even believe relapse is a crucial part of the recovery process, which sounds absurd but also makes sense. When you relapse you discover that you have learned from the previous times. You learn triggers and tips to control the urge. Don't feel disappointed or upset with yourself at all because I've read many of your threads and each one I read I can sense that you're getting stronger and learning. I understand how it can make you feel. Believe me. But did you ever think that maybe because you're doing it, you feel void in every other aspect of your life? It's the familiarity. The relief. But the relief is also short-lived, it's an unhealthy coping mechanism and it literally harms you. So try it again. Try to recover again -- this time with more tools than the last. I know you enjoy photography. Find relief through photography. Get your emotions out by any other means than cutting. Try popping a rubber band on your wrist when the urge arises. You can recover again. I believe in you.

[The-Chosen-Hero]

I know cutting can be addicted and give you a rush but you have got to fight it. Whenever the thought comes up try to do something that will keep your mind off of it. Try and try and try again. Search it within you to stop it once and for all.