Pulling my hair

[Serenity]

Ho-kay so for like a good seven months I've gone through relatively serious bouts of urges to cut, among other things [nothing even CLOSE to some of the other threads I've read on here]. Thanks to my amazing friends [2/4 of whom have cut in the past] I've resisted. I have a stress ball that I squeeze the freaking crap out of when I get really worked up, but lately I've just really wanted to take it and throw it through a fucking window. Actually for the last two weeks I've been in an EXTREMELY violent mood altogether- cursing a hell of a lot more, being bitchy at everyone, wanting more than anything to just punch the shit out of basically everyone I encounter, etc.

Anyways my point is I've started to literally pull my hair- way down at the scalp in the most tender areas where it really hurts. I'm wondering if this is bad? I mean, it's not actually DAMAGING me in any way, and it's certainly better than some of the other shit I've felt like doing to myself, but it's still not exactly a desireable situation. What think ye, all?

[blank_07]

YES. It is bad. It might actually be worse than cutting. I cut and I can cover my scars fairly easily, but how will you cover up having no hair? Talk to a ounselor or someone.

[Serenity]

Well it's not like I'm pulling chunks of my hair out- I'll just grab a few strands and twirl them around my finger and pull on them repeatedly to the point that it hurts. I'm not actually giving myself bald spots or anything.

[thesphinx]

Well it is still classified as self harm, and self harm is bad. You need to get to the bottom of why your feeling so violent, do you know?

[Malcolm Tucker]

Val, first off :hug:

I think that you need to vent your anger, and stress and frustration through other things, like punching a pillow, joining martial arts, and Getting another stress ball and squeezing the "Fucking Crap" out of the two simultaneously.

I hope you get better. :)

[blank_07]

Even thought it isn't amking you bald NOW, it will soon. It's pulling on youre hair, making it strain more and more, and I guarantee each time, it breaks a few strands that you don't see. You will end up losing hair. Get help.

[Serenity]

Numero Uno) Yes, I'm fully aware of everything that's making me angry and there's nothing I can do about it because it's all to do with OTHER people who I can't very well change.

Deux: I don't have any pillows to punch, and it wouldn't make me feel better anyway, just like the strass balls don't actually make me feel in any way better, it's just something to do with my hands. And I don't have the time or money for martial arts lessons.

Three- Well at this rate I might have a bald spot in like 10 or 15 years. I have ridiculously thick hair, first of all, and secondly like I said it's just a few strands and I'm not actually working to pull them OUT. Just to the point where it tugs on my scalp, thus inflicting pain.

[thesphinx]

Careful when you say its other peoples fault that your doing this , because in the end you're the one in control of yourself and you're the one pulling your hair.
Don't let other people control what you do to yourself even if what they are doing is unjust or wrong.
Please find another way to get your stress/anger out.

[Serenity]

No no no I am not by any means blaming anyone else. What I meant was the reason for my stress isn't anything like frustration at myself or disappointment in myself, it's trying to put up with drama and shit all around me, supporting my family and friends [most of whom are hyppocritical asses] and generally trying to supress the overall rage and disgust I have for the general population. I wouldn't ever blame my actions on anyone else- never have, never will. I'm fully aware that I'm completely in control of what I do.

Lol and I can't just 'find' a way to get my stress/anger out- that's my problem isn't it? I just cannot find anything to get rid of this seemingly insatiable desire to hurt and destroy things, so I therefore take it out on myself.

[Maverick]

I think there is some overreaction in this thread. Sure self harm is bad especially cutting because of the damaging effects of it. Hair pulling has no damaging effects and doesn't put your life in danger. Of course hair pulling isn't ideal you know that but its certainly better than cutting and if its working for you and keeping you sane I don't see a major problem with it. I'd much rather see you do this than cut.

Its not so easy to get out of these stressful situations and no counselor can wave a magic wand and make them go away. Of course hair pulling isn't great and you know it isn't the ideal method but when being in these situations its not so easy for it to go away. Val you're very smart and know your limits so I don't think you'll put yourself in real danger.

Although try to find other ways to relieve stress. I don't think relying on 1 method especially a questionable one is a good idea. Write in a journal, listen to music, take a hot bath, etc. and maybe you'll find another way to relieve stress that isn't quite self harm.

[Serenity]

Thanks, Ant :daisy: My main problem is that I have physical energy that I need to let out that I can't do through writing, listening to music, etc. Like I need something to HIT. Idk I'm just so angry at everything, at everyone. Like I can feel the strength in my hands and I want to use it to its full extent and just beat the shit out of ANYTHING. But I don't think I could really live with myself if I just started beating on people because I'm unsatisfied with MY life, so I try to find some way to release that energy on myself so that I don't hurt other people...blech.

The smart thing would be to run or something but I can't very well leave class and go run on the track, or leave my house at 10 oclock and take trip around the block, etc...and I have neither time nor money for martial arts, etc. Damnit it's so frustrating having so much inside that I just CANNOT get out. Like SHIT. Ugh. God help me. And it's not the first time I've done something weird but subtle like this...I used to repeatedly hit my head against the window on the bus coming home from school in 6th grade...of course then my thinking was that maybe if I killed some brain cells people [namely, my mother] would stop expecting so much of me so life would be a bit easier to bear. Yeah it didn't work out to well >_<

And I know I'm smart, or at least I try to be anyway, but I don't share your confidence that I won't put myself in danger. And I have no idea how to take this violent energy and turn it into something else...option a) hurt others, option b) hurt myself, option c) ...SOMETHING else. Erg.

[star_face]

i cut most of the time but when i'm around people i can't cut so instead i started by pulling my hair out like you but then i found a burn on my scalp that i must of done by accident with my hair straightners and i picked at that and now it's become a habbit, when ever i get stressed i make huge holes in my scalp, and i have small bald areas now where it's scard but none of the hair has grown back and i have thick hair too but they are noticable, i get bad head aches too becuase some of the holes are so deep.werid and disgusting i know.

anyway onto helping you :] what works for me is what ever makes you angry write it down even if it's about a best mate like she did the littlest thing to set you off write it all down and get it out. needing and wanting to hit something and carrying it though isn't really controlling it, especially if it's out of control bursts, so find something that could make you take your mind off the anger when it happens, even if it is closing your eye for a few seconds breathing deep and remembering good times or even a photo you have and trying to picture it in your head, i know it is just a tempory way of dealing like the stress ball, but there are lots of ways of treating anger and controlling it, there are lots of books also about controlling anger too they might be useful.

hope i helped in some way x

[Serenity]

Yeah so. I've started biting my fingers and scratching and pinching my hands and arms. It's not good. I have yet to leave a lasting mark, though, so I guess that's good? Yeah...

[dodgeman09]

have you tryed playing you trumpet as loud as possable?? helps me some times other times i just play what note comes to mind (improv) hope ive helped! (smile)

[angryhalfdemon]

Find some fun happy music that you really enjoy listening too, then just slip your headphones on and let all your thoughts about everything drift away. Just concentrate on the music. Doing this for awhile always helps tone me down a little bit. I find classical, jazz, and trance music genres work the best for me.

[NextToNormal]

well, val...i guess it is a step in the "right" direction because its not cutting. but like dodgeman said try playing your trumpet. ive started doing that and since im like so stressed to the point of doing something, playing helps take my mid off of it for a while...by using my pent up emotions to play, ive gotten pretty good in a short amount of time. ive heard you play and you are AMAZING, so just start playing more or getting out of the house. something...

[Axellance]

I relly dont see a peoblem with tugging on a small chunk of hair. Its definitly better than cutting yourself, so if it is all you can do to controll yourself and your anger then do it untill your urdges to cut subside,then stop puling your hair.
I definitly dont see a madjor problem with this, its very difficult to stop withot anouther outlet!
i pinched myself when i got out of controll, and it helped me quit im cut free for like six months, and i dont think i could have done it without an outlet.