new problems, old story

[catchmeifyoucan]

I would appear to have the dubious honor of most recent post in this forum, for now.

Anyhow, I'm in a bit of a crisis at the moment. I'm new here, so - back story:

I've been in and out of psych institutions for a few years, countless suicide attempts and the like.

Up until now, my issues have been emotional in nature; depression, anxiety, all that jazz. Recently, I've been having some more problematic things happen. I've been blacking out for periods of time, and coming out of it with vague memories of feeling followed and hearing voices, accompanied by urges to end my life. Naturally, this is really worrying, especially since I apparently can't control my actions during these periods, and I do have a history of hurting myself and trying to end my own life even when I am aware and "in control".

I know the lectures on find someone to talk to - see a counselor, tell a parent.

What I need right now is some assurance. If any of you have had this happen to you, just some compatriatism would be nice.

Thanks.

[thesphinx]

Hmm, this sort of sounds like Psychotic depression at least the part about hearing voices and being followed,
the part about blacking out, I have no idea.

Psychotic Depression.

Some people hear voices criticizing them, telling them that they are inadequate or evil, or telling them that they don’t deserve to live and should kill themselves.
But unlike Schizophrenia you are aware that they are untrue which can make you feel like your going crazy.

You may also be experiencing Insomnia which affects your sleep, and general agitation may occur.
Psychosis is usually involved with Psychotic depression to.

I would be most concerned about the blacking out right now, have you talked to a doctor about it?
It could be a physical thing instead of a mental thing, I HIGHLY encourage you to go to a doctor.

[catchmeifyoucan]

I don't have a psychiatrist...

I dunno, I feel like I'm getting close to how I used to be as far as being intensely suicidal. I feel like crap all the time now, and the voices...I'm so scared! I feel so awful though, death seems preferable.

[thesphinx]

Well maybe you should try and find a psychiatrist. You don't have to be feeling like this, when there are doctors/therapists willing to help you through this.