Getting my Friend Back

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I've posted about this situation before, but my post was in an angry tone, so I'll try to explain this story without getting emotional.

So I have a friend, and his name is Harold (I would change his name but I'm too lazy lol). We've known each other since 1st grade, and we had always said that we were best friends.

A few years passed by, he got new friends, I got new friends, the whole "best friend" thing kind of fell apart, but I tried to make it work.

By seventh grade (last year) we had almost completely stopped talking. I hadn't really thought about it, so I wasn't worried about the situation.

This year, however, I've been through alot (as all of you who've read my threads wouls know). I started to doubt our friendship when he was never there to support me or anything. I didn't expect him to try to help me 24/7, but a little would've been nice.

About a month or two ago, I started to put together all of the pieces, and I didn't even want to be friends. I pretty much ignored everything he said, and paid attention to all my other friends.

But now I feel really guilty about it. I don't want to lose a friend, but I don't see how we could be friends. It's all I've been thinking about for the past few days, and it's really getting to me. Is it even worth my time?

[Kerser]

Did he know you were having a hard time? Seeing as you guys weren't really friends at the time, he wouldn't be obliged to support you - put yourself in his shoes, would you of been in a position to help? Think about it. I know I wouldn't.

You've got to work on the friendship at this point, things won't just pick up by itself if you don't do anything about it, just try somewhat reset your relationship I guess - start from scratch. If you're around him in classes and lunch breaks at school try be happier, approachable and more easy-going, make your presence. Be confident. Give off a happy aura. Give it some time and he'll notice, then you can start communicating maybe, just maybe some small talk. Don't be sulky and sit there not talking with your arms crossed, and never act on emotion just so "people notice", NEVER EVER.

It may seem impossible as you're always told to "Be confident!" "Be the change you see in the world!" Shit like that, but if you take small steps, it'll be easy. I didn't have many friends in years 7-9, was shy and avoided doing things (I'm year 11 now) but through experiences and developing through the right kind of friends/people I'm now a popular, very social and confident person. If you make the effort, you can get to the stage where you know people "want" you, you have that status and you can believably tell yourself "I am the SICKEST cunt" [excuse the aussie slang, i cant help myself]

Steps you can take may be:

Having a diary (I'll explain further)

Make an effort to talk to more people in your year-group; don't try to hard but just be nice and cool and not annoying, everyone is scared of each other, everyone thinks "I can't talk to him I'm not friends with him" and I used this to my advantage. [This may not be ideal as you're only in year 8, as time progresses more people get to know eachother, my year group for me - everyone knows each-other and somewhat friends with each other, in year 8 everyone was stuck in their own social bubble.]

Become better friends with the friends you already have.

Way to be more confident- you can pretend other people are your closer friends and you'll automatically be more confident and open but be careful what you say.

'Act' more confident with better posture etc. (Google it). Things as simple as getting a haircut or a new shirt really helps too. The psychology of humans (EVERYONE AROUND YOU) makes confident people a lot more attractive.

Identify your insecurities and work on them. Writing it down helps a lot.

Eat nutritious food. This can determine your MOOD. You're only young but if you can do this you'll be miles ahead of everyone else in your year-group - Be aware of what is in your food and have an understanding of nutrition. There is SO much shit in food these days, a small tub of yogurt could even have ~25 grams of sugar[THAT'S A FKN LOT]. Stray away from things like soft drinks, and don't eat fast food if you can help it etc. Even eating a banana halfway through school will give you a big energy boost and in turn make you happier and talkative. If you have a proper diet you'll FEEL like talking to people, and be active and happy bouncing around everywhere lol

Exercise. If you can't be bothered, just a small walk first thing in the morning can make you feel better, and you'll be be hungry after which is good because breakfast is very important.

Get your 8 hours sleep when you're going through a hard time it really helps. If not, your stress hormones (Cortisol) won't be 'flushed'

Just spend time googling, reading and researching things which you think will help you.



You have to be happy and feel good to do this, as you gradually make more friends and have better relationships you'll in turn be genuinely happier, and seeing your new friends throughout the school day will be a constant reminder. Even if you don't see yourself in this position now, you make yourself BELIEVE you can do it, BELIEVE you have something to offer, BELIEVE people always want to talk to you every now and then. Don't make the mistake of being clingy and dependent though.Making yourself belief things makes challenges a lot easier.

If you're having a hard time, write all this shit down - Identify what is making you upset, usually when you're in a depressed mood you think really illogically and you'll end up regretting decisions later whether it be the next day or next year. If you have a good day, write all necessary details about it so you can read it later and be like "Wow I was really talkative, energetic and confident that day! I can do that again for sure". Even when getting help of this forum, you should write down things that you think will help you - writing it down can consequently lead to you actually making action if you take it seriously (I'm doing it now with an issue of my own and it's really helping me)

If you want to get your friend back and have a prosperous relationship, you'll have to work on things, you know? :)

[Miserabilia]

Well, sometimes when you have had a friend for a long time, you just grow out of it. I know that all my childhood friends aren't really friends with me anymore. I still see them and we are nice to each other, but we're not really friends anymore, and that's okay. Sometimes it's just the time toget new friends

[Kerser]

Basically, act in a manner which makes people come to you. If you're being awesome and your friend notices over time, it'll be a lot easier to communicate as he will possibly want to befriend you or he may even come back to you.

You just got to create that image. Have people's "perceptions" of you the way you want it. Hopefully this social psychological concept helps you understand what I'm trying to say.

http://www.calldrmatt.com/LookingGlassSelf.htm

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/42/The_looking_glass_self.png/776px-The_looking_glass_self.png

This theory summed up:A person realizes how others see him, he realizes what judgments they must be making about him based on the ways they see him, and he begins to form his identity based on these perceptions of him. As he encounters other important people in life who view him differently, he may change his identity/self-concept since he will have someone else's perception to view himself from. He will keep changing his self-concepts throughout life until he is no longer interacting with others.

or

Description
We see ourselves through the eyes of other people, even to the extent of incorporating their views of us into our own self-concept.

Example
Teenagers are often strongly influenced by their peers and will go beyond conforming to changing their self-image to match.
So what?

Using it
If you want someone to believe something about themselves or about you, act towards them as if it were true.



ehhhh i think i took it a little too far this time LOL