Losing a close friend, reacting oddly?

[Miri]

Hi everyone! I'm going to keep this as short as possible.

I have this friend. She's extremely anti-social, and I befriended her. Before that, she honestly had no close friends. I have a very large circle of friends. A bunch of my friends started gradually warming up to her, and trying to accept her wherever they could, even if she obviously made them a little uncomfortable. They tried for me, and I love them for it.

I have been friends with this girl for a number of years now. Because of this little "boost in popularity", she has started developing the "I'm better than you" attitude, and has been treating me like crap for months, and my friends. She is condescending, and lowers all of our self-esteems. So, I confronted her about it, and she was incredibly rude to me, once again. I figured that I should stop spending time with someone that is just going to put me down on a very regular basis. It just took me way to long to realize.

Honestly, even if she was one of my friends, I actually feel good about my decision to confront her, and to stop hanging out with her. I also bad about feeling good about it. I am one of those people who always feel guilty. Now, I get to spend more time with my other friends, who actually make me feel good about myself, and I feel great. My self-esteem has gone up, and it's obvious that their's has to.

The issue here: I have an amazing group of friends, and the only reason they accepted her was because of me, and they treated her nicely, and included her wherever they could, even if they didn't really like her. Now that we're no longer really friends, she still tries to hang out with everyone that I introduced her to, as she honestly had no friends before. My friends come up to me, because there is obvious tension between this girl and I, and she doesn't participate in conversations, just stands and stares, and makes people uncomfortable.

1. I want her to stop following around my friends, because when she's around it changes the entire atmosphere of things, and she puts other people down as well, but I don't know how to ask her without creating an argument.

2. I feel awful when I see her walking through the hallways, and I want her to find other friends, just not me, and I can't help but feel bad FOR HER, but not about our current friendship status.

3. I see how my friends have changed after I started spending time with her. They are honestly happier, as she put them down as well, and I feel like a horrible person for putting them through all of it.

I just really need some advice right now.

[likemike]

You did everything you could to befriend this girl, you know the reason she has no friends.

[teen.jpg]

Try to talk to her. If she starts an arguement, then just move on and forget about her.

[Kerser]

That's a tough situation lol, mmmmm

The only option is to make her a better person and understand what's wrong with her, tell her that she'll have no friends maybe but do it in the right way, When talking with your friend, be honest, direct, firm and to the point. Don't point out what he/she did wrong in the wrong manner, that would start another fight. Instead, use "I" and "We" sentences, and talk about what you feel, NOT "You" as this will put them on the defensive and make them much less likely to listen to whatever it is you have to say.

Perhaps it simply may just come down to the execution of the confrontation. How did your past confrontation go? Like what did you say, was it exactly what I'm saying not to do or what?

A good example: "My feelings were really hurt by our fight. I felt like I was being attacked and didnt have a chance to defend myself, even when I tried to explain things. Our friendship really means a lot to me and I really wanna work this out.

A bad example: "You really hurt my feelings. You attacked me, didn’t let me defend myself, and didn’t listen when I tried to bring it up again later. I don’t even think you take this friendship seriously anymore.”

But seriously if I were you, if she's constantly being a bitch you shouldn't feel sorry for her. I would have a hatred/resentment towards her, i wouldn't feel guilty about it and I would make sure that she knows I don't have time for her shit.

[Synyster Shadows]

I agree with Kerser. In health class, in which we cover social health as well, my teacher has pointed out that one should try to use the "I" statements instead of "you' statements. see what happens. If you can't get the situation to change, forget it. Then it's no wonder she has no friends.

[Miri]

Thanks for helping out everyone.

I had her sit down with me in a quiet corner of our locker room, and I even tried the I/WE thing.

I started with "I value you as a friend, and my feelings have been hurt by some things that have happened between us, and I feel that I'm being attacked without being given a chance to defend myself, or understand what it was that I did to deserve it."

She proceeded by yelling: "Honestly Miranda! I'm so tired of your s*** and the way you think you can control everyone! Your such a b**** sometimes."

I said "I could say the same thing about you, so have a nice summer", and stood up and left. I can definitely say that I'm not getting back into that.

[Kerser]

Good on ya :yeah:

Don't feel guilty! Best of luck with everything mate

[Miri]

Good on ya :yeah:

Don't feel guilty! Best of luck with everything mate

Thanks! I feel really good about it too. No more guilt :)

Thanks for the support <3