2 problems

[BikiniGal]

I had recently went to my 16y/o cousin's house for a visit,when there,I saw him ni his room jacking off to a picture of me in my bikini,from our family's beach outing.now whenever I see him,i feel uneasy because I always think of him having sex with me,what should I do?

Well,the 2nd prob,I had always worn my swimsuits without problem before,but recently,in my bikinis,my nipples always gets hard and everyone can see it,I dont actually mind,but my boyfriend says he doesnt really like my nipples going on show to everyone,but I really dont mind,but my bf really doesnt like it,what am i supposed to do??

[RaisingSand]

As for your cousin ... all I can really suggest in this situation is, if he's having those thoughts, that's his problem. Stay away from him to avoid getting yourself in a situation you may feel uncomfortable in. Just try and stop yourself thinking about that, it's really not good for either of you, and sexual activity between family members is WRONG, as I'm sure you already know.
And as for the other problem, you can't help it if that happens, that pretty much happens to every female, and if your boyfriend has a problem with it, he's just going to have to deal with it because you can't stop it from happening. Just hopefully the other people there are polite enough not to look.

[Gumleaf]

for problem 1 i agree with lauren completely. for problem 2 i think you just need to tell him that its not your fault that its happening and thats its natural. most likely he is not happy because he feels threatened when or if other guys look at your hard nipples (this is just one of the strange things us males do). hopefully he'll understand, maybe you can reassure him about your relationship if it comes to that.

[BikiniGal]

well,I just tried explaining that to him just now,but he wont listen,he says I just like to show myself off in public..

[Gumleaf]

if he isn't going to listen then i guese there is not much you can do. he is just going to have to put up with it. but on the bright side i think it shows how much he actually likes you if he is making such a fuss. however, being a guy i understand where he is coming from. as i said in my last post he is probably feeling threatened because its giving the impression that your after attention or something when thats not the case. just try and reassure him, hopefully he will eventually take note.

[BikiniGal]

if he isn't going to listen then i guese there is not much you can do. he is just going to have to put up with it. but on the bright side i think it shows how much he actually likes you if he is making such a fuss. however, being a guy i understand where he is coming from. as i said in my last post he is probably feeling threatened because its giving the impression that your after attention or something when thats not the case. just try and reassure him, hopefully he will eventually take note.

yeah,hopefully,my bf is kinda stubborn.
edit:Ok,I just told him and he gave in!yay!

[Glasgow]

It's the exact same thing as guys nipples getting hard. You can't stop it and it shouldnt be a problem

[byee]

I'd say the answer to both your questions is the same, do 'nothing' and 'nothing'.

If your cousin was masturbating to a pic of you it means that he finds the image arousing. There's nothing particularly 'wrong' with this, and there's no need to feel 'weird', as long as his relationship with you is appropriate at other times. What you saw was private, you weren't meant to see it, and you certainly don't know what he was thinking. You should judge him by his conduct with you, not something very private you saw but shouldn't have.

Your boyfriend might be a liitle jealous and a little unclear about female physiology. He's asuming that you have some control over your nipple erections, and, they indicate arousal towards other guys. You might want to point out to him, that like many of his erections, they are beyond your control, and as such, they mean very little about your feelings towards the strangers who seem to elicit them.

[Aηdy]

I'd say the answer to both your questions is the same, do 'nothing' and 'nothing'.

If your cousin was masturbating to a pic of you it means that he finds the image arousing. There's nothing particularly 'wrong' with this, and there's no need to feel 'weird', as long as his relationship with you is appropriate at other times. What you saw was private, you weren't meant to see it, and you certainly don't know what he was thinking. You should judge him by his conduct with you, not something very private you saw but shouldn't have.

Yeah but he shouldn't be looking at pics of her like that weather she knows about it or not, it's still wrong. He really needs to find something else. And I'd certainly be freaked out if I saw that.

[BikiniGal]

Ever since I saw that,I always get nervous when im with him,and I start getting wet,I' afraid he will notice and get the wrong idea,and the other day,I went into his room to get something,I noticed his drawer had a few pictures of me,2 were even nude when I was in the shower or changing!I get nervous,that means he peeps at me!I am quite afraid he will post it oon the net!

[ThatCanadianGuy]

That is definitely a big problem. You need to keep all of these pictures he has of you, and make sure there aren't any more of them lying around! If anything you may have to confront him about this.

Oh and don't worry about "getting wet" from this situation; you aren't really being turned on by the whole ordeal. I think that it's just a sexual thing (seeing him masturbating) and basically we can get aroused by ANYTHING sexual if we think about (or stress about) it long enough.

[Silverfist64]

Im just wondering. If you went to his house for a visit how did he get the pictures of you nude in the shower. Was it for a couple of days or what.

As for the help I think it is best for you to take the pictures from him and get rid of them. It isnt right to be taking pictures of people naked without their permission.

[byee]

I think there's alot of over reaction going on here, personally. Nothing bad has happened. Don't confuse the awkwardness of walking in on someone masturbating, and/or that the pic is of you, with anything more than you seeing something private that you weren't meant to see. Just because it's a pic of you doesn't mean anything, you're taking it too personally. Your wetness is the result of you seeing him J/O, which is by its very nature arousing! That's normal, there's nothing wrong with that, either. Actually, it gives you some insight into what he's experiencing with the pic. It's not about seeing a family member as sexually attractive (Ewww!), but rather, just the natural arousal that we all have around things that are sexual. Seeing a girl naked is sexually arousing, and seeing a boy masturbate is, too.

Forget about it, judge him by the way he is when he's with you. And for goodness sake, be more discreet yourself, knock before entering someone's room, and be very careful with your own pics, esp. the ones that are nude!

[ThatCanadianGuy]

So you think it's OKAY for him to have naked pictures of her then? I know we should all respect eachother's privacy but if HE took these pictures and it's against her wishes (and obviously making her uncomfortable) then you can't just explain away the problem. She at least shouldn't have to LET him use them since it's in his own PRIVACY!!!

[goodgirlrocks2]

i wear bikins which are like bras they are not revealing at all

[byee]

So you think it's OKAY for him to have naked pictures of her then? I know we should all respect eachother's privacy but if HE took these pictures and it's against her wishes (and obviously making her uncomfortable) then you can't just explain away the problem. She at least shouldn't have to LET him use them since it's in his own PRIVACY!!!

Do I ever, ever disagree with you? No. Why would it be different here?

I think there are alot of issues here, but for simplicity's sake, I responded to the ones I felt were most upsetting. Of course you're right that no one's privacy should ever be invaded and taking a pic without permission is unacceptable. And you're right that I should have made that part clear. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.

But, to me, the issue now is what to do. Lock the bathroom door , respect someone's privacy (when they're showering, and J/Oing), and recognize that the most important issue is that people are aroused by eachother, and as long as it's private it's (more or less) OK, as long as it doesn't spill over to 'real' life. Likewise, i think it bears mentioning that neither really took adequate precautions in safeguarding their own privacy, and that needs to be corrected, too. Confronting him and demanding/taking the pics back only risks making the relationship even more uncomfortable. Both of them are equally guilty in violating eachother's privacy here.

Making the necessary adjustments in their behavior so this type of thing can't happen again serves the same purpose (and probably gives him the clear message that she knows), which makes everyone feel safer and more confident that the boundaries have been reestablished.

[archangel]

This is a complex situation. I would confront him about the pics, especially the ones that are peeping you. About walking in on him, thats just gonna happen because of sheer odds. I mean, if you j/o enough someone is gonna walk in on you eventually.

Just tell your bf that you cant help that your nipples show through and that you hope that everyone else is just polite and wont stare.

[BikiniGal]

The thing is,I dont feel like he should do that as we're related,and as for walking in on the him jacking off,it was an accident.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Ah, Sam, what can we do; great minds think alike :yeah:

Of course he's completely entitled to his fantasies and whatever gets him off is his own business. He can probably get pictures of you fairly easy right (as in family photos, etc.)? Just make sure you get rid of his NAKED ones of you and be very careful with how much clothing you wear near him. Otherwise he should get the message and at least keep it to himself a lot better!

[byee]

The thing is,I dont feel like he should do that as we're related,and as for walking in on the him jacking off,it was an accident.


Listen, that horse has left the barn already. The only thing really 'wrong' is that he got pics of you without your permission. Him masturbating to the image is not the same as him masturbating to YOU, it''s probably not about you, his relative, but rather the nakedness. Nakedness is arousing, it's also generic. You're personalizing it because the image is you. I doubt he is, though. Sexual feelings about family members, I mean REAL sexual feelings about them, as in 'I wanna have sex with her', I'd think are also accompanied by other examples of inappropriate lewdness in real life. There's a diff between real life and fantasy. As long as he isn't crossing that line, I think it's more OK than you're willing to accept.

Evenso, the issue now is damage control. What's the most effective way of dealing with this?

There's this misplaced notion that if someone does something you don't like or don't want them to do, you need to confront them, angrily, as a way of getting things back to the way they were, or preventing a recurrence, or at least getting it off your chest. However, it's always a good idea to think beyond that, and try to imagine what will happen after the confrontation. What will remain after you tell him you saw him masturbating to pics of you? How will it make this situation better? How will it affect the relationship? And finally, given the delicateness of the situation, is there a way of preventing a recurrence and feeling confident without the awkwardness (and fall out) of a confrontation? Diplomacy trumps aggression every time.

I think you might be uncomfortable here because you learned something about your cousin in particular (and guys in general) that you might not have known before. That guys are really horny in a way that's very different than girls, that naked images of girls are very arousing, and that you need to safeguard your own privacy.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

Well just get those pictures of you naked back if you can; if confrontation poses soo many problems than you should at least be able to keep this from him if you don't want him to see naked images of you. And Sam, if you look back a bit she said she's worried he could put them on the internet or something.

[byee]

Yeah, I saw the bit about her concerns about him posting them online. Still, I think the operative term here is 'reality', as in how is their relationship in reality, how do they get along, what's his behavior like, is he the type that would post them online? All the answers to these questions need to be asked in the cold light of day, I think there's too much shock here, too much emotion which is preventing her from assessing the actual damage done and future risk.

Taking the pics of her was a bad idea. But, confronting him angrily might also be a bad idea, too. I think she needs to take into account more than her own shock here in determining the best course of action.

[Kate111]

Well for your bikini situation (since your bf prolly still has a problem with it but is just willing to tolerate it) you could always get a thicker bikini with some sort of padding perhaps, that way if your nipples get hard they won't show through. Also darker material or patterned material may help as well. Actually, you could take him bikini shopping with you :P I'm sure he'd love it.

Now for your other problem, hmm...maybe confront him, clarify both your feelings towards each other (whatever they may be), and come to an agreement regarding privacy and each other. Good luck :( it's a tough situation.

[The_Ben]

Then tell your parents.

[KatetheGreat]

In every family, there's going to be some sexual attraction to an extended family member.
It's normal. I've got a cousin, Mike, that's hot as hell, but I dunno about masturbating over him.
However, I do have another cousin, Franko, that I met for the second time recently at my other cousin, Marie's (younger sister of Mike), wedding. We were both kinda tipsy and he was making advances on me.
I went to my eldest cousin, Joe (the older brother of Mike), and asked him if Franko knew that I was a relative, and if he didn't, if he could please tell him. I didn't want to cause Franko any embarrassment.
To this day, Franko knows that I'm a close relative of his and he still wants to bone me. Go figure.

My point is: it's normal. Just let him go with it and don't treat him differently. Let him know there's a line he shouldn't cross with you, but he can have all the fantasies he wants. That's how I deal with Franko and we're practically best friends now.

As for your second problem, I have absolutely no idea how to help you. Sorry. :/

[Haleygurl]

1st problem, I totally understand you feeling the way you do, I saw someone (not saying who)strokeing in my panty drawer with my panties in his mouth and around his penis. It was difficult at first but I eventually relaxedand undestand that guy ALL guys look at us and want us at some time or another.

2nd problem, This is one of my lil gurl power speaches, If your comfortable with yourself and are proud of your body he should be too. My EXboyfriend didnt like me weaing miniskirts or anything that showed off my boobs or booty or legs.. he said he didt like the way other guys looked at me.I covered up at 1st, and felt ashamed, but I realized he can't control me like that. I went to the mall and bought the smallist skirt and most revealing blouse and wore it. He got anger because other guys looked at me. He acted all jelous. I walked away from him. and imedietly 2 very hot guys started talkin to me..I'm like I don't need him. NEVER let a guy control you...wow I just blabed away :)

[lcode]

Ever since I saw that,I always get nervous when im with him,and I start getting wet,I' afraid he will notice and get the wrong idea,and the other day,I went into his room to get something,I noticed his drawer had a few pictures of me,2 were even nude when I was in the shower or changing!I get nervous,that means he peeps at me!I am quite afraid he will post it oon the net!

u should pick that cause it changes all situation

[anyone50]

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