porkchoppa
May 30th, 2013, 07:12 PM
I've had an eating disorder for three years now, yet I tell my friends I didn't have it that long because I'm too embarrassed. I'm only twelve. Two summers ago at the age of ten and at 98 pounds I began excessive exercising. After every meal I exercised and starved if I didn't as a punishment to myself. I felt I had to discipline myself. I actually recovered on my own, I came to a point of realization where I was too depressed to think about any exercising. All I could think about is how fat I was and how big my thighs were and how much fat was on my stomach and I was impatient. I thought I'd starve myself to get what I wanted because I had no self control. I started way out there with only one hundred or under calories a day. It continued. I fell out of it and then the next summer started again. This time if I ate anything I would have to exercise and it got down to the point where I would only eat fifty calories and exercise till I almost passed out which totaled to usually -600 calories a day. I was counting calories and restricting. I was twelve, 5'3", and was 60 pounds. People called me skinny which triggered me more. It got down to the point in which I thought water had calories. I was diagnosed with odd, ocd, add, extreme anxiety, depression, and Tourette syndrome. Most of those disorders I had before my eating disorder. I went to the therapist two times a week and psychiatrist once a month and the neurologist once a month. I began recovery. it took a whole year and here I am now. I've been having relapse thoughts. I'm so self conscious and want to lose weight I'm 5'4" and 120 pounds I feel huge and none of my friends agree but I don't care I want to lose weight I already exercise and eat healthy but excessively because I lost all my self control after recovering what do I do.