Losing a best friend?! HELP NOW

[Kerser]

EDIT: Editted the OP (Original Post) as circumstances and my understandings have changed over these few days and information needs to be updated. 8th of JUNE as of NOW

I tried making this as simple to understand with all the details, I tried my best to spare you of the emotion.

About me: 16 year old teenage MALE, I'm popular, trying hard in school, always out on weekends, everyone in school likes me, I was happy and motivated so no problems there.

About him: He's really likable, easy-going, bit more popular than me, very book-smart, but never really ever expresses his emotions he's just always happy and having fun.

FYI:We didn't "grow apart" we had all these fantastic study and gym plans and things were going better than ever then... BANG this shit happens, that's why I'm so confused as to why he'd react like this, and now he's paying a more attention to another friend in the group and I feel betrayed. When we do talk or see eachother he acts the same as he did before all this shit, but just doesn't say much - this is what confuses me.

~~----{ THE SITUATION }----~~

[16, MALE] As a result of me being MOODY and acting off insecurity for a roughly ~2 WEEK time period, I was “really” clingy, made him feel “weird”, dependent, and made my friend feel responsible for me. I think I drove my BEST FRIEND off in that space of time (Suddenly stopped talking on FB and becoming less and less interested in me in real life) Okay so,

I was dramatic over text/fb at some points and raised some issues via text/fb saying things like 'why are you ignoring me lately etc.' which was stupid as I let my emotions and mood getting a hold of me and causing more fcking issues... He replied saying things like "I feel like your acting really clingy and dependent it just feels weird and makes me cbf(can’t be f***ed).. it feels like i have some sort of responsibility over u and i dont want that with a guy mate lol"

I saw him the day when these exchange of texts happened - I thought it'd all be better and cleared up... we had a GREAT time together later that day- we met up, were studying together, had a joint together, chilled at the shopping centre & some great, happy and meaningful conversations. AS SOON AS I GOT HOME THAT DAY, things were never the same.

...A WEEK HAD PASSED, and I apologized 3 DAYS AGO as we were parting ways to go home from gym

I think I've figured out that I just got to give him some time and act normal around him but I need some reassurance.


~~----{ What I’ve tried so far }----~~


I apologized 3 days ago as we were parting ways to go home, I was like:
[I]"I'm not really sure as to why you're not really talking to me anymore but i just wanted to say that I'm sorry for being so clingy... it doesn't really matter if you still don't want to talk to me but ... it just REALLY bothers me that I like... drove you of because I was being an over-dramatic moody cunt"
...We said bye. It wasn't too serious and felt like it went alright/well but it hasn't had any evident effect on him...


I'm trying to be all happy and energetic so he might... miss me and the good memories we had I guess.



ATM I'm just trying to give him space but still showing that I still like him by occasionally messaging and trying to be interested/happy in conversation IRL(even though he is continuing to kinda giving me the cold shoulder).




Other details:

I'm forced to be around him every break[lunch,recess] at school but don't follow him around, but he never asks for me to walk with him to the canteen or wherever it may be anymore, he asks other friends right next to me, knowing he's consciously not asking me and I get upset, I try to ignore my emotions but it still gets to me...

He doesn't invite/tell me about anything either. He used to be like 'Hey wanna come library after school we'll grab a feed!', tell me whenever there was something happening on a weekend or whatever it may be. NOTHING now. I really don't understand!! [refer to question 2]

It's hard to stay happy all day long around him you know, I do get a bit insecure and upset at points throughout the day.

I try to believe I can fix this, if I can't then I'm going to be convinced he's a fccking inconsiderate dog of a mate just throwing me away like that, and I will have resentment towards him...


Edit: Writing stuff down really helps and I think I can stay in a better mood. I saw him today while I was in a really energetic, loud, fun mood with other people and he responded somewhat well to it. Should I still try avoid initiating conversation and saying things to him as much, as I've been told to give him 'space'.

--------------------------

[I]Remaining questions

1. What's the level of interaction I should try maintain with him for the coming week? Should I still occasionally try to talk to him? [eg. ask what routine he's doing in gym that day] or just wait for him to talk to me?

2. Is his reaction -- to me coming off as insecure, clingy, moody and dependent for the preceding 2 weeks before he cut communication -- ... normal? Before the discommunication, our friendship wasn't even declining, if anything things were getting even getting better. It doesn't make any sense to me!!!!! :(

Any tips/advice/experience would be MUCH APPRECIATED!!! :)



-----------------------------------------

I don't know how he can fucking do this to me (It feels as if he just doesn't know what best friends are), if things stay the way it is, he really is an inconsiderate fucking dick and I will have a very strong feeling of resentment towards him... because he thinks he can just throw me away like that and act like I'm just an acquaintance.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Note: Me asking on FB a week or 2 ago as to why he's not talking to me on FB:

y ur not talkin lately
im srsly just wondering lol
dont ark up m8

idk just cbf lol

what

talkin on fb is an effort

r u always gonna b lke this
pls dont
its always fun

u'll b alright
wat is non stop talking on fb for so long its so distracting
im sleep GUD NIGHT

...That was one of the last conversations we've had on fb

It DOESN'T BOTHER HIM AT ALL. WHY!? HE JUST THROWS AWAY OUR RELATIONSHIP AWAY LIKE THAT SO SUDDENLY

[Captain Who]

Maybe he thinks you are being too clingy towards him, maybe that's because you are afraid to let him go. You should talk to him and tell him you are sorry for the way you acted and that you didn't mean to sound clingy and everything, maybe not talk to him as much on Facebook either. Just reduce it a little and go back to how you were earlier. Hope this helps in some way!

[Kerser]

*deleted*

[MaguireUk]

Think it sounds you and your mate just need some space for a bit start hanging around with others let him do what he needs.

Or maybe hes got problems or family problems you never know give it a few days then invite him out somewhere have a chat see whats going on :)

[Deep Blue Sea]

I think you should just lighten up and play it cool with him. Just be fun to be around. I mean I love my friend more than anything in the world, but one of the things I love the most about him is he's so easy going. It's like he feels so totally secure in our friendship he's completely relaxed about it. I think maybe you're acting too insecure and that's what's bothering him.

[Goonch97]

I've been through a similar problem. The best way to have you two back together again is to simply back off for a while, let him have some space, and once he's cool, just try to approach him again. Sometimes, I give a little gift with an apology note inside, just to show you still care. Hope this helps :)

[Harry Smith]

I've been through the exaxactly same thing, and trust me it's going to be battle. Don't back off too much though, that's the mistake that I made. You don't want him to think that you no longer like him.

But I think that you should go like 2-3 without talking to him, just distract yourself during the evening. Then see if he messages you first, if he doesn't then literally just send him a message saying 'hey' and act like nothing has happened. I'm sure something must of triggered this for your best friend.

Just remember that it's in your advantage, I mean your best friends. You're really close. Use that to your advantage, just talk about stuff that's happened to the both of you or just stuff he's interested in.

Just out of interest do you like him more than a friend?

[Kerser]

I really appreciate everything everybody has said! It really helps, you should all feel really good :)

IGNORE THIS POST :p
~~~ Everything here was edited into the OP(Original Post) so if you're new to the thread, ignore this post! ~~~



My questions:
1. What's the level of interaction I should try maintain with him for the coming week? Should I still occasionally try to talk to him? [eg. ask what routine he's doing in gym that day] or just wait for him to talk to me?
2. Is his reaction -- to me acting off insecurity by being clingy, and dependent for the preceding 2 weeks before he cut communication -- ... normal? Before the discommunication, our friendship wasn't even declining, if anything things were getting even getting better. It doesn't make any sense to me!!!!! :(

Any tips/advice/experience would be MUCH APPRECIATED!!! :)

What I have done so far:



I apologized 3 days ago as we were parting ways to go home, I was like:
"I'm not really sure as to why you're not really talking to me anymore but i just wanted to say that I'm sorry for being so clingy... it doesn't really matter if you still don't want to talk to me but ... it just REALLY bothers me that I like... drove you of because I was being an over-dramatic moody cunt"
...We said bye. It wasn't too serious and felt like it went alright/well but it hasn't had any evident effect on him...


I'm trying to be all happy and energetic so he might... miss me and the good memories we had I guess.



ATM I'm just trying to give him space but still showing that I still like him by occasionally messaging and trying to be interested/happy in conversation IRL(even though he is continuing to kinda giving me the cold shoulder).




New details:

I'm forced to be around him every break[lunch,recess] at school but don't follow him around, but he never asks for me to walk with him to the canteen or wherever it may be anymore, he asks other friends right next to me, knowing he's consciously not asking me and I get upset, I try to ignore my emotions but it still gets to me...

He doesn't invite/tell me about anything either. He used to be like 'Hey wanna come library after school we'll grab a feed!', tell me whenever there was something happening on a weekend or whatever it may be. NOTHING now. I really don't understand!! [refer to question 2]

It's hard to stay happy all day long around him you know, I do get a bit insecure and upset at points throughout the day. [i sit with a group of friends so its not realy an option to move groups temporarily]

I try to believe I can fix this, if I can't then I'm going to be convinced he's a fccking inconsiderate dog of a mate just throwing me away like that, and I will have resentment towards him...


--------------

I've been through the exactly same thing, and trust me it's going to be battle. Don't back off too much though, that's the mistake that I made. You don't want him to think that you no longer like him.

Just out of interest do you like him more than a friend?

I don't show it too much but he knows I like him- I didn't stop talking to him, I try to communicate occasionally in gym and school I'm not going to ignore him but he's not too keen on talking but I still persist sometimes - perhaps a bit too much than I should.

And a little, He's really young looking he's cute looking and find him to be quite attractive, i admire his looks and a bit jealous but not sexually or anything. I do feel more comfortable being closer to him, usually I'm repulsed by most of my other males. I'm not gay, I'm attracted to women but I may be a bit in between bi/straight I'm not too sure about my sexuality but it's never been a concern for me.

[Kerser]

updated, !!! :( still goin on

[figaro42]

Let me tell you something, it's like looking at myself on a mirror. I recently had these things happen to me in almost exactly the same way as to you, almost to the point of being scary lol.
My best friend went on a 1 year trip to Europe and I just got paranoid about him changing or becoming a drug addict, so when he came back I was all over him (let me admit it) being almost maternal to him.

He started noticing my weirdness (as so did I, but I couldn't help it, I care for him a lot). Eventually he became distant and I made the worst mistake: I made it about myself.

So I got resentful and sentimental towards him, and started saying things to him, asking him what was going on, why did he change...

Well things got out of control over a relatively long period and ended up with him calling me a stalker and a sissy, and told me to leave him the fuck alone.

Look, I will NOT tell you in detail what happened next, simply because it will make you start developing expectations, you will want things to happen the way they happened to me, they won't, and you'll end up worse. But I can tell you this:

-If your awkward chats took place on FB, then by all means stop chatting with him on FB. Just leave it aside, it will be refreshing for both of you. You can get another chat service or use FB only occasionally and never again to have awkward chats.

-DO NOT EXPECT ANYTHING. Stop thinking about the past and the future, it will only hurt you both.

-Stop being melancholic, nobody likes to be around someone like that.

-Make new friends, they will be a nice distraction.

-Just be yourself and be fun around him. Without explicitly asking for it, make him think of the old times. Try this : when you're both in a group with a relatively new acquaintance, tell the new one a story about you both, get your friend involved and you are likely to have a good time.

It's hard for me to express how painful it was back when I thought I was losing my best friend. Just chill out, and trust him. Distrusting him will only cause you more suffering. If things don't heal, well, this may sound clichéd but... maybe you're better off without him.

Smile, be yourself and he'll remember the best of you, if you continue to make him uncomfortable there's no way he'll appreciate your company again.

Me and my friend had the best time two days ago when he invited me over to play FIFA.

[Jevon]

I would just give it some time and things should work themselves out...if not well ummm yah you will have more friends and better friends later on I am sure

[Goonch97]

It's his choice to hang out with others, I mean, he can't just stick with one friend only

[Kerser]

fuck me man, figaro42 what you said really helps, and what I'm doing now is good, today I was in a really good mood (I really forced it upon myself but I was actually genuinely happy) knowing it's the best way for him to come back. He talks a tiny bit more when I say things to him and shows a bit more enthusiasm in talking but that's it so far - he still doesn't initiate conversation or really pays attention to me at all when there's other people around.

Like today on the bus home I was just asking about his weekend (We didn't see each other that weekend, first time ever) in a happy non-clingy manner, usually I'd be asking about every detail in a moody tone and in my head going: "WTF FUCKING DICK HE DOESNT TELL ME ANYTHING i'll be a cunt to him to let him know im upset and angry.." but i've realy learnt from my mistakes :)

-I don't see why he wouldn't want to talk to me even after I'm being an even better person than i was before all this shit, i don't know what is going on in his head - reckon you could give some more insight figaro??? :)

So at this point I'm doing the right thing I think(What you said reinforces my behavior and the encouragement really helps!!!) , if things don't improve by itself by the end of this week, I'll just talk to him about the whole situation yeah? Try talk through it. I never thought I'd be in this position lol.

[figaro42]

I found that trying to talk just makes it more uncomfortable. Just stop thinking about it and be as cool as you can be. Perhaps he just needs a change or is wiling to try hanging out with different people to get some diversity.
Be as you've always been to him without letting him have 'too much of you' over a short time.
And as I said, expect nothing.
If things don't go well, remember that you can't lose something you never had, and friends are supposedly forever (I tend to question that lately)
Make the promise to yourself of not resenting him for anything and you shall be better, with or without his friendship.
Oh and stop making a victim out of yourself, don't question his attitude towards something good you've done.

[Kerser]

I found that trying to talk just makes it more uncomfortable.

Really? I'm doubtful with your method, I mean, I think it's necessary because I really don't know what's going on in his head to make him distance himself so much from me without a word and it would clear things up because I don't think he understands how much the friendship meant to me & I'll say my side of the story and all the mistakes I'VE done [act out of insecurity etc] and he'll likely understand.

If I like invited him out on the weekend to study or something and just talked to him in a lighthearted manner maybe? I'll prepare what I have to say beforehand so I don't say anything I shouldn't.

Still don't recommend this option? I honestly don't see things improving much in the coming weeks and I feel - If i leave this too late then it may be too late to salvage, you kno?

Seriously man you're a fucking life saver :D

[figaro42]

What I'm saying is: expect nothing, do nothing, care for nothing.

Just keep it casual and light between the two of you. At least that worked a thousand times more for me than trying to squeeze a sentimental talk from another person.

[collapsing_rain]

Been through this kind of stuff before..
You're probably being too close and involved with his life that he is uncomfortable or even feels threatened. I felt really screwed up that time so.. I think you should respect his personal space and let him be with himself. Pls don't lose control of emotions in front of him when you get really annoyed by his behavior, really. And like others have said distract yourself to other friends it helps. All the best in yr friendship:)