Some girl

[TheRealMe]

Hello guys. Im new here and I have a question. There is this girl I like a lot, I mean A LOT, but Im to shy to ask her out, or even talk to her. Ive tried to, but I can only ask her for gum. And when I think of her, I only think sexual thoughts, like her undressed or doing something in a sexual nature, and I feel perverted for thinking these things.

[blank_07]

Just strike up a conversation. If she likes you, it wont matter what you talk about.

Don't feel dirty, you just like her, its not a big deal.

[Gumleaf]

general puberty - relationships & dating

[Serenity]

Well a) if you can only think about her naked, you shouldn't date her. Period. You should have a relationship with someone you want to have a RELATIONSHIP with, not just someone who happens to turn you on. b) Don't be afraid to talk to her- what harm could possibly come of it? Granted there's always the rejection factor to think of, but if that's the only thing holding you back you're probably going to be single the rest of your life. There's nothing for it but to take a deep breath and start a conversation, just like you would with anyone else.

[ThatCanadianGuy]

^^^That's exactly right. The girl that I am... pursuing at the moment; I DO think about her sexually some times, but MOST of the time I'm actually thinking about pretty romantic "what if's" like introducing her to my parents, or ya know doing everyday stuff together. I think that if you can have all sorts of feelings (instead of purely sexual) then it might be a good idea to consider a relationship then.

[Lifesreject]

Yer having just sexual thoughs about her may not be the ideal base for a relationship. But still just talk about anything is dosent really matter.

[TheRealMe]

I do like her sexually, but shes really cool to. she acts immature, like me. She talks like me, with fun in her voice. And shes got the cutest freckles, which is the only time Ive found freckles cute on a girl before.

[byee]

Maybe it's a guy thing, but I understand what you're saying here. Attraction comes in many ways, and for a lot of guys, the first thing we're sometimes attracted to are physical (or sexual) things. I think some call that 'chemistry' or 'magnetism'. That's okay, as long as you keep it in perpective (that the physical things are only part of a successful relationship) and that you keep it to yourself!

If you're filled with these sexy, lustful images, I can understand why you'd be embarassed to actually speak alot with her. But, you might try to remember that she cannot read your mind or thankfully see the pictures of her in your head! Starting with gum is a good start, when you get comfortable with that, you might want to actaully talk a little about the taste or something equally neutral and fairly easy. make sure you make eye contact and smile at her, too. Also, girls really like compliments, if you can share something about her that you like, maybe that sweater or those new jeans that would help, too.

It takes time to build a relationship of any kind from scratch. Most guys freak because they think that once they get thencourage up to talk, they should be able to ask her out, too. No way! It takes time, add a little each time, and give yourself that time. Eventually, if it's 'right' it will happen really naturally, you'll be able to talk with her more, and do more with her, too.

time, give it time.

[TheRealMe]

Ive tried to bring up conversation, but I think of things like "what if shes seeing someone?" or "See thinks Im an idiot, im stupid, Im not good enough for her..." which hits my confidence. Ive never dated, but I do have a lot of girl friends, and I talk to them like I talk to anyone else, so why is it so hard?

[byee]

It's hard because its new. If she's seeing someone she can still talk with you, that's ok. Besides, if she is seeing someone, you'll find out pretty quick (they usually mention it). Fortunately, she's not a mind reader so she cannot hear that dreadful self depreciating dialogue you have in your head! People in general are not as harsh or critical as we are with ourselves. Just relax and say just a couple of things, nothing more. Say good bye when it seems awkward. Don't talk or linger too long, don't shoot for the moon on the first couple of convos. Relax, make eye contact, and remember to smile and say something complimentary, you'll be fine, she'll be talking about you all nite to her friends!

[TheRealMe]

I can try I suppose. I have school tomorrow, so theres my start.