okiefkis
May 29th, 2013, 10:19 AM
Hello guys Im 15 years old 16 in 2 months, Im gonna get right through the point, Ive got alot to say and I hope that you guys would bear with me because my life right now is totally fucked up.
Just to kick it off the right way. Where I live, standards and cultures do not prefer people getting into relationships, Its either engagement then marriage or nothing. Some people around here would understand how it works because they've been with Arabs or something, and yes I live in an Arab country and have an Arab family. So what we do is that we get into relationships without the knowledge of parents or anything, and yes its weird.
Ever since I was a kid I've had that thing for my cousin, when we were 12 we had that thing together, I wouldn't call it love because we were really young. But oneday when it was all perfect I've got a call from her, she was crying and told me that we cant do this because we are still young for those stuff and that we might get into trouble. I was in a bit of pain for a while, dont remember exactly how it felt like but Ill never forget that phone call, Ever since we both just branched our own lives.
My life started to be all about sports and music, I've grown a passion for music so deep that sometimes I think that its all I have nowadays in life, I've fell for sports because I just simply loved commitment, I started playing online games which I love to waste my time with sometimes when I'm bored as hell and till now Music/lifting/going to the coffee shop for shisha/studying/games are my life, After we broke up when I was 12 I never thought about relationships, love or any of this shit, I really didnt care what anyone thought of me, didnt care about anyone except really close friends I've got and life was good that way, I loved it.
She on the other side, started to get to know other people and hopping between relationships, It was her passion to get to know boys and get into relationships while mine was simply music and for some reason It hurt whenever I knew she was in a relationship with someone, but at the same time I knew she would never be mine and that Its hopeless for me to care for her so my love to her started to fade, Her bitchy side started to grow, Hate started to evolve on my side, I finally hated her for a period of time. She is my cousin and all we said was hi, we never talked about anything, I practically didnt know who she really was, she changed to the worst.
We were in school together ever since we were 13, but Ive acted as if I didnt know her and life was good, so good. Till we started taking classes together with a private tutor, she was the connection between me and the teacher and one day after 4 years we actually started talking again by texting, that day we kept texting for about 5 hours or so and for a week we kept talking for sometime everyday. Now I am not the person that would be in love and that is something everyone knows about me and everyone knew I hated her and that we're not even related.
She stopped hopping between relationships, she stopped talking to all those people she used to talk to, she changed to whats better than she was (thats how I feel) and I fell in love with her allover... At first, I tried not to think about her but I started dreaming about her, I tried not to talk to her but I just COULDNT so I just decided to go for it and try and see if she feels the same way somehow. A friend of hers who is also a friend of mine called her one day asking her if she would think about me as more than just a cousin, she said that she cant handle any relationships right now and that her parents are giving her a hard time. I've acted as If I dont know shit about what our friend asked her but I asked her, Away from her family, all the trouble and everything did she or did she not have any feelings for me and if it was a yes she would answer and if it was a no I asked her not to bother typing anything. I actually felt that there was something going on between us in those couple of weeks, Everytime I saw her we smiled to eachother while talking, her body language indicated that she actually likes me and I used to know where she goes and when she goes and what she is doing all the time. She was all I could think about but she said, I dont know. That day I started crying like a baby for the first time in years, Music cured me a bit and I talked to a friend of mine who helped me go to sleep that day, I felt like absolute shit.
Anyways, I stopped talking to her for 4 days or so but then we started talking again, as if nothing happened and I'm falling for her deeper than ever, Its been 2 months since we've been talking and now all I want is to see her and talk to her, Its as if my life is all about her and I miss the old me but I'd do anything to be with her, I fell in love with her but I really dont think she loves me back because If she did she would actually start the conversation from now to then which she never does, she would reply the same way when I tell her that I miss her. She likes me, but she doesnt share the same feelings I do with her and the worst part is that she's in love with my best friend who doesnt even care for her, He said that the only way to make her fall for you is by acting like an ass hole and not giving her any sort of attention but thats something I can't do because If I dont, she'll never talk to me because she never starts talking ever and at the same time I just dont want to let her go, I am in for her deep and I know it, I sometimes stare at her picture for long periods of time just because I miss her, I always want her with me.
What do you guys think I should do? , when I talk to her I make it so obvious that I have feelings for her and I talk as if Im desperate but thats without me feeling that I am talking deperate. I dont know what to do, I dont want to let her go... I've never felt like that towards anyone in my entire life, I miss her even though the last time Ive seen her was 4 days ago.
Just to kick it off the right way. Where I live, standards and cultures do not prefer people getting into relationships, Its either engagement then marriage or nothing. Some people around here would understand how it works because they've been with Arabs or something, and yes I live in an Arab country and have an Arab family. So what we do is that we get into relationships without the knowledge of parents or anything, and yes its weird.
Ever since I was a kid I've had that thing for my cousin, when we were 12 we had that thing together, I wouldn't call it love because we were really young. But oneday when it was all perfect I've got a call from her, she was crying and told me that we cant do this because we are still young for those stuff and that we might get into trouble. I was in a bit of pain for a while, dont remember exactly how it felt like but Ill never forget that phone call, Ever since we both just branched our own lives.
My life started to be all about sports and music, I've grown a passion for music so deep that sometimes I think that its all I have nowadays in life, I've fell for sports because I just simply loved commitment, I started playing online games which I love to waste my time with sometimes when I'm bored as hell and till now Music/lifting/going to the coffee shop for shisha/studying/games are my life, After we broke up when I was 12 I never thought about relationships, love or any of this shit, I really didnt care what anyone thought of me, didnt care about anyone except really close friends I've got and life was good that way, I loved it.
She on the other side, started to get to know other people and hopping between relationships, It was her passion to get to know boys and get into relationships while mine was simply music and for some reason It hurt whenever I knew she was in a relationship with someone, but at the same time I knew she would never be mine and that Its hopeless for me to care for her so my love to her started to fade, Her bitchy side started to grow, Hate started to evolve on my side, I finally hated her for a period of time. She is my cousin and all we said was hi, we never talked about anything, I practically didnt know who she really was, she changed to the worst.
We were in school together ever since we were 13, but Ive acted as if I didnt know her and life was good, so good. Till we started taking classes together with a private tutor, she was the connection between me and the teacher and one day after 4 years we actually started talking again by texting, that day we kept texting for about 5 hours or so and for a week we kept talking for sometime everyday. Now I am not the person that would be in love and that is something everyone knows about me and everyone knew I hated her and that we're not even related.
She stopped hopping between relationships, she stopped talking to all those people she used to talk to, she changed to whats better than she was (thats how I feel) and I fell in love with her allover... At first, I tried not to think about her but I started dreaming about her, I tried not to talk to her but I just COULDNT so I just decided to go for it and try and see if she feels the same way somehow. A friend of hers who is also a friend of mine called her one day asking her if she would think about me as more than just a cousin, she said that she cant handle any relationships right now and that her parents are giving her a hard time. I've acted as If I dont know shit about what our friend asked her but I asked her, Away from her family, all the trouble and everything did she or did she not have any feelings for me and if it was a yes she would answer and if it was a no I asked her not to bother typing anything. I actually felt that there was something going on between us in those couple of weeks, Everytime I saw her we smiled to eachother while talking, her body language indicated that she actually likes me and I used to know where she goes and when she goes and what she is doing all the time. She was all I could think about but she said, I dont know. That day I started crying like a baby for the first time in years, Music cured me a bit and I talked to a friend of mine who helped me go to sleep that day, I felt like absolute shit.
Anyways, I stopped talking to her for 4 days or so but then we started talking again, as if nothing happened and I'm falling for her deeper than ever, Its been 2 months since we've been talking and now all I want is to see her and talk to her, Its as if my life is all about her and I miss the old me but I'd do anything to be with her, I fell in love with her but I really dont think she loves me back because If she did she would actually start the conversation from now to then which she never does, she would reply the same way when I tell her that I miss her. She likes me, but she doesnt share the same feelings I do with her and the worst part is that she's in love with my best friend who doesnt even care for her, He said that the only way to make her fall for you is by acting like an ass hole and not giving her any sort of attention but thats something I can't do because If I dont, she'll never talk to me because she never starts talking ever and at the same time I just dont want to let her go, I am in for her deep and I know it, I sometimes stare at her picture for long periods of time just because I miss her, I always want her with me.
What do you guys think I should do? , when I talk to her I make it so obvious that I have feelings for her and I talk as if Im desperate but thats without me feeling that I am talking deperate. I dont know what to do, I dont want to let her go... I've never felt like that towards anyone in my entire life, I miss her even though the last time Ive seen her was 4 days ago.