YesterdaysNews
May 22nd, 2013, 12:53 AM
My 18th birthday is in a week. I'm celebrating by getting my first tattoo. I'm planning on getting a likeness of my dad, go big or go home. If I only ever get one tattoo, this is the one I want. Now the artist needs a picture, and that means I need to find the perfect picture. I've been looking through photo albums and I can't find the picture I'm imagining. I know it's there. Every picture I look at with me and my dad, or my dad looking directly at the camera I break down a little bit. I haven't seen his face in 6 years. this is going to be my 7th birthday without him. Why aren't I able to face the fact that he's dead?
I'm angry at him. If he was still alive, I wouldn't be looking for the one god damn picture of him. I'd be looking at pandas or something cute and stupid for my first tattoo. And if this tattoo doesn't go well, idk.
I fucking miss him. Why did it have to be him, me, us? I wanted my dad to be around for things. But nope that's not allowed. Other people are allowed to have semi normal families. I want him back. I want him back in my life.
Is it so much to ask for a girl to have her father alive for the majority of her life? What's wrong with that? What did I do to deserve the fucking wrath of god in this way. It hurts so fucking much. I want to rip my hear out and throw it on the ground. I don't want to feel this.
I'm angry at him. If he was still alive, I wouldn't be looking for the one god damn picture of him. I'd be looking at pandas or something cute and stupid for my first tattoo. And if this tattoo doesn't go well, idk.
I fucking miss him. Why did it have to be him, me, us? I wanted my dad to be around for things. But nope that's not allowed. Other people are allowed to have semi normal families. I want him back. I want him back in my life.
Is it so much to ask for a girl to have her father alive for the majority of her life? What's wrong with that? What did I do to deserve the fucking wrath of god in this way. It hurts so fucking much. I want to rip my hear out and throw it on the ground. I don't want to feel this.