What's the point of living

[Teea]

I once gave myself fifteen months to live, if nothing had gotten better at that point I was just going to kill myself.

That was a couple years ago. I never did die, I got a girlfriend who understood me on the deepest level possible and I felt like despite everything that's happened I could get past it and even be the happiest I've ever been. Being able to finally be something that made someone else happy was all I really needed.

That's gone now. The complications that have brought me to see death as a viable option would take a book to write, and at this rate maybe I might as well.

But I'm not going to, I don't have an interest in 'venting' or telling people about everything that's happened in the past nearly nineteen years.

I have no girlfriend no emotional rock and everything is just as bad as it was before, there's nothing there that makes it better.

I don't even have an interest in going out and I don't even believe I could ever find someone else. Not just because of who I am, but because I seriously couldn't do it personally ever again.

To add to that, I now have no friends anymore as all I am now is incredibly depressed and no one's interested to hang out with me ever.

That's just the now, the reasoning for what's really going on I'm not going to get into. It's way too long.

I gave myself another ultimatum recently, seven months at the start of May to live, which gives me up until the start of December.

What's the point of living? That's really what I'm asking.

Maybe I'll know by the start of December, otherwise I'm sure I'll keep you updated..

[Stephan]

Energy cannot be created or destroyed. If u exist now you will always exist. You may choose to continue on without your body but that won't help your emotional anguish.

You must learn to overcome your problems one way or the other. You have been given a gift. Our world is a place we can learn faster with so many tests and trials. To kill your body would only make things worse. Suicide is not the answer.

I would suggest you talking to someone, anyone, and especially a therapist or your parents.

Also to add on, your attitude determines your altitude". you cannot go any higher than where you aim! so change your attitude by aiming higher. increase your expectations of live, and what you'll receive in return is a better quality existence.

I know it's hard and that there is much negativity all around us and it spreads like wildfire. But you have to force yourself to see things through a more positive light. that's the only way to move forward. if you begin to see things more positively, then people will see you differently (not just yourself). they'll want to be around you more. you'll enjoy more friendships, better quality relationships, etc.
you'll even start to FEEL better.

[Teea]

I didn't want to have to add a pre-face before but as one now I don't believe in 'energy' or deities of any kind.

I appreciate what you're saying though, but you can't just make yourself think positively with all this bullshit it doesn't work like that. I have no one to talk to and as well as that no therapist. I had a therapist once and he prescribed the Prozac I'm still ironically on.

But I hated my therapist he didn't say anything he didn't talk it barely seemed like he listened or cared.

And I'm not just saying that in a depressed "no one cares" type of message, I mean he literally seemed like he didn't care at all and just wanted to get it over with.

[Stephan]

Have you tried talking about it to your parents or asked them to see another therapist?

[Teea]

I don't want to talk to my parents about this. The last time I did they took me to the therapist I ended up going to, but there's always this stigma about me being depressed and I feel like I get treated differently by my parents and family, when I'm no different than anyone else, I'm just incredibly sad, everything that's happened has just made me the way I am right now. Being treated differently doesn't help at all it's just detrimental to everything especially my self esteem..

And since one of my parents is a psychologist (How fucking ironic considering my parents probably understand me the least out of anyone I know) they already have connections to certain other people in the field, so this one was giving me therapy for free I guess as some sort of favour, maybe that's why he didn't care at all, but regardless if my parents have to pay for therapy for me, as they would if I went to any other psychologist guaranteed, then I would never hear the end of it. If I get two cents spent on me it's the end of the world to them and it terrifies me.

[CallMeMatt]

Do you have any people you can confide in?

[Teea]

Not really. Not to mention the fact that this is the type of thread that dies out when people realize how pointless trying to help is, and how hopeless the situation is to begin with.

[Hyper]

Well what people live for is different individually. That should be your answer.

As for ''hopeless & pointless'' only you can do that by convincing yourself of it. Unless you want it to be different it never will be different.

[Miserabilia]

The point of living is to expierience.

[HockeyLovesMe]

dude the point of living is to meet new people and have a positive time with them :) ya never no how great tomorow is gonna be unless u live it :)

[Gatu]

I don't want to talk to my parents about this. The last time I did they took me to the therapist I ended up going to, but there's always this stigma about me being depressed and I feel like I get treated differently by my parents and family, when I'm no different than anyone else, I'm just incredibly sad, everything that's happened has just made me the way I am right now. Being treated differently doesn't help at all it's just detrimental to everything especially my self esteem..

Prove to them that you don't need to be treated differently.

[Teea]

Well what people live for is different individually. That should be your answer.

As for ''hopeless & pointless'' only you can do that by convincing yourself of it. Unless you want it to be different it never will be different.

That doesn't make any sense given the parameters of my situation, which again I'd explain but I have no need to.

I still retain hope, but sometimes it feels like I've tried everything before and it always ends up going back to this. Making it at least just feel hopeless or pointless at times.

Prove to them that you don't need to be treated differently.

I have proven that, I'm just like anyone else, just sad. I don't need to be treated differently or want to be.

Proof of that is the fact that they don't treat me any differently when I tell them I'm fine, but if I tell them I'm depressed they treat me differently, regardless of the fact that I act the EXACT SAME in both instances.

Therefore it's literally entirely about stigma, and not about helping. It's just detrimental.

dude the point of living is to meet new people and have a positive time with them :) ya never no how great tomorow is gonna be unless u live it :)

That much is true though, I feel like sometimes my outlook is just too negative and has been skewed a lot by what's happened throughout the past, but maybe it's still possible to change. I don't retain no hope, that's why I'm giving myself time to decide anyway instead of making my decision right away, I just feel like when I ask for answers no one ever seems to be overly hopeful.

[Hyper]

Yeah you seem intelligent enough but all I see is you running a major pity party on yourself.

You got no girlfriend? No emotional rock? And your friends started avoiding you because you are depressed.

See a pattern here? Keep wallowing in self pity and the circle becomes a downwards slope and it'll stay that way.

At least try to get out of it and maybe good things will come your way again.

And what answers are you talking about?

[Teea]

Yeah you seem intelligent enough but all I see is you running a major pity party on yourself.

You got no girlfriend? No emotional rock? And your friends started avoiding you because you are depressed.

See a pattern here? Keep wallowing in self pity and the circle becomes a downwards slope and it'll stay that way.

At least try to get out of it and maybe good things will come your way again.

And what answers are you talking about?

Cool. Anyway I don't wallow in self pity, I've tried a billion times to get better and all that's done is gotten me to the same place in the end, when you go through that cycle over and over again you start to wonder if there's a point to it when it's consistently done one thing: Failed.

As for my life, you're the epitome of why I don't feel the need to describe what's gone on. Like I've said I've explained hundreds of times what's pointed me to the direction of choosing death as a viable option in essays in other forum posts in other accounts and through therapy, I really have no desire to put myself through that any more.

The little I've said here is just part of yet another, and in this case more recent, catalyst.

If you don't want to take my word for the shit that's happened in the past then feel free to leave this thread entirely, nothing's stopping you. But believing that I'm complaining for no other reason than self pity, JUST because I don't want to delve into an explanation of the years of bullshit that has been my childhood and upbringing is a step beyond rude into complete douchebag territory.

Because all I'm looking for is inspiration and reasoning behind what the point of living is. Inspiration that is different than the same advice I've been given and more than taken into consideration time and time again.

Really though, I could care less about explaining what's happened in the past, if you don't want to actually try to be constructive, feel free to leave, and if you don't believe me, CONGRATULATIONS, but nothing is stopping you from needlessly posting detriments.

EDIT: And if you do still feel the need to post detriments, then I'm not going to reply to them, in an attempt to salvage this thread and learn something out of it, as was the point of posting it.

[Teea]

The point of living is to expierience.

I'd like to hear what you have to say if you're willing to delve deeper into what you mean by this, at least in an attempt to save this thread from being obliterated completely by 'Hyper'.

[Hyper]

If you read carefully I never said once that I don't think bad things have not happened to you. I'm entirely sure they have. You yourself said in one of your posts that you sometimes think your outlook on life ''might be too negative''

Perhaps I'm one of those people that doesn't see the point in telling you ''ohh sweetie it will get better'' because I don't think thats how life works.

As for being ''one of those people'' you don't know me or anything about me. I am guessing you automatically assumed I have had some sort of sunshine filled life with laughter and I know absolutely nothing about depression.

Again I'm going to ask you what the hell is this inspiration you are waiting for? Are you looking for other people to give you some reason to live or be happy?

Or are you looking for the meaning of life?

Some would say hedonism perhaps... Others would give you a religious answer... And some would say give life your own meaning.

I honestly just think people need to have goals and activities in their lives that fulfill them. Have things that make them happy and feel a sense of accomplishment... Maybe the ''be the best person you can be'' thing is my school of thought.

I didn't come here to demolish your thread its just that everything I read entirely reminded me of myself when I was cynical and somewhere deep inside enjoying getting answers from people and just destroying them with my negativity and ''proof of experience''

[Miserabilia]

I'd like to hear what you have to say if you're willing to delve deeper into what you mean by this, at least in an attempt to save this thread from being obliterated completely by 'Hyper'. :p
What I mean is that the point of living is to feel and experience. As you live on and do and learn new things you will feel new feelings and know new things, which you can pass on to other people.
You can experience something you havet before, or be nostalgic about things you have experienced in the past. You can experience putting your thoughts into art and letting other people know how you feel.

[Teea]

:p
What I mean is that the point of living is to feel and experience. As you live on and do and learn new things you will feel new feelings and know new things, which you can pass on to other people.
You can experience something you havet before, or be nostalgic about things you have experienced in the past. You can experience putting your thoughts into art and letting other people know how you feel.

Interesting take on it.

Sometimes I feel like technically the true point of living is simply to enjoy life, but given the parameters we as a society have given ourselves for what being succesful means in todays day and age, it's become harder and harder to do that.

There's so many family constraints and ideals that are constantly pressed on to you that being 'succesful' in what's become an almost traditional notion at this rate, is becoming more important in so many people's minds than being happy.

True, to some extent because of the way we've made life, success, be it financial especially, does seem to go hand in hand with quality of life and overall happiness.

For example, and to try to put what I'm saying in more concrete terms; Say you want to be an artist, because that's what you truly love to do, and it's what you enjoy doing. You SHOULD be able to do that and pursue that as your life's career, and while technically you can, what are the odds of being overly 'succesful' in such endeavours?

Extraordinarily low.

And does it really make you happy if you're living with no financial backing, just because you're doing what you love doing, living in a basement apartment?

Not really, but, taking it a step further: If it in fact DOES make you happy to live such a life, does it make your family happy, especially when they seem to share such opposite ideals as yours?

In a nutshell, I feel like, for me at least, the constraints and expectations against me seem unfairly astronomical.

Becoming an artist is an example I put in there more-so for effect, for me it's become the sense that I need to essentially be a lawyer, doctor, or have some other extremely high paying job and move up in the financial world in comparison to my parents and family, which already is hard enough in and of itself.

Meanwhile my ideals towards finances are incredibly different than theirs, perhaps that's partially added to because of what's happened in my past or perhaps it's just the way I am. But either way, it goes equally un-appreciated.




Anyway this thread has taken a turn towards the more philosophical as opposed to the concrete bullshit and abuse that turned me to the suicidal fuck I am now, but regardless I'm really interested in seeing other people's takes on these ideas if they're willing to share.

[Miserabilia]

Interesting take on it.

Sometimes I feel like technically the true point of living is simply to enjoy life, but given the parameters we as a society have given ourselves for what being succesful means in todays day and age, it's become harder and harder to do that.

There's so many family constraints and ideals that are constantly pressed on to you that being 'succesful' in what's become an almost traditional notion at this rate, is becoming more important in so many people's minds than being happy.

True, to some extent because of the way we've made life, success, be it financial especially, does seem to go hand in hand with quality of life and overall happiness.

For example, and to try to put what I'm saying in more concrete terms; Say you want to be an artist, because that's what you truly love to do, and it's what you enjoy doing. You SHOULD be able to do that and pursue that as your life's career, and while technically you can, what are the odds of being overly 'succesful' in such endeavours?

Extraordinarily low.

And does it really make you happy if you're living with no financial backing, just because you're doing what you love doing, living in a basement apartment?

Not really, but, taking it a step further: If it in fact DOES make you happy to live such a life, does it make your family happy, especially when they seem to share such opposite ideals as yours?

In a nutshell, I feel like, for me at least, the constraints and expectations against me seem unfairly astronomical.

Becoming an artist is an example I put in there more-so for effect, for me it's become the sense that I need to essentially be a lawyer, doctor, or have some other extremely high paying job and move up in the financial world in comparison to my parents and family, which already is hard enough in and of itself.

Meanwhile my ideals towards finances are incredibly different than theirs, perhaps that's partially added to because of what's happened in my past or perhaps it's just the way I am. But either way, it goes equally un-appreciated.




Anyway this thread has taken a turn towards the more philosophical as opposed to the concrete bullshit and abuse that turned me to the suicidal fuck I am now, but regardless I'm really interested in seeing other people's takes on these ideas if they're willing to share.
:yes: thanks that's really interresting what you said about finances etc...
I have always felt like I want to be an artist, but I feel like I need a high paying job first, and then be an artist as hobby, because the chances of being a succesful artist are so small. Also, I feel like I will never be appreciated as a person, but just as statistics. Like, instead of: "Yes he paints and plays piano etc, he really enjoys what he does" it will be like "He doesn't even have a job."