idk what to do, i shouldint be here

[spawnicus]

i'm 15 years old, i've been verbally and phisically abused by my father for my entire life every day h calls me stupid, he says i'll never do anything, i'll never go anywhere, and i'll never bee anything. for every little thing i do he hits me, when i was only5 years old he punched me in the chest and almost broke all of my ribs, everyday i think about swiping the razor blade i have next to me across my wrist and everyday i get closer nd closer today i actually put it on my wrist, i've cut up my arm multiple time, i carved "J + C" into my arm for me and my GF's initails, i've "smilied" my arm with lighters i've purposely ran into walls' smash my head into the supports n the basement, i like pain but i dont want to go to far and actually kill myself, but it's getting harder and harder not too.

[Hyper]

Okey.. I take it your in America or somewhere like that.. Since I have no practical idea of the system.. Calling Americans..

But besides the system.. You should obviously prove your father is a [insert horrible slander regarding ego problems and dick complexes here] who likes to beat on kids. By prove I mean prove it to the right people..

[spawnicus]

y do you say i must be American?

[Hyper]

Sorry I just guessed.. So use to nearly everyone being American..

[spawnicus]

well i am but what are you?

[Hyper]

well i am but what are you?

Where are you from*

Estonia

[spawnicus]

America, what about you?

[Hyper]

.. Ugh ok.. Read my top post.. But wtf does it matter, your here for a more serious issue..?

[spawnicus]

yeah im eaither gonna kill me or my dad, well i'm going out now i'll check it again soon

[Hyper]

Right.. I can't think right now sorry I haven't slept in awhile.. I'll reply back after I have slept.. And I hope someone with advice posts here while I attempt to go to sleep.

[thesphinx]

What your dad is doing to you is horrible! you need to tell someone about it. don't give up on life yet, you've obviously had a hard childhood, but don't base your childhood experiences on what the rest of your life can be. talk to someone it can help you a lot and the best thing at this point is to get as far away from your father as possible.
Hang in there man we're here for you.

[spawnicus]

yeah thats why i came to this site cuz i know that i'm really close to killing myself, but i dont want to hurt my GF and my very few friends, my parents don really care with how much they bitch at me constantly they would probly be happier w/o me here i know my dad would cuz when me and him were talking he pointed to my (at the time) 5 month old brother and said, "do you know what i see there?, another chance to have a good son", that wanted to make me kill myself right there

now my mom started seriously bitching about how i didnt do 1 little thing, so i'm even closer

[MAXD88]

You need to do something about your father because apparently he's the source of your problems. Talk to him about how you feel, and if he gets mad at you, then you should probably get help from the authorities. He needs to recognize that your a person too, not a punching bag.

[spawnicus]

i've tried that but then the "punishments" (the hitting) just gets harder

[thesphinx]

You need to tell someone about this you can't do this alone go to a school counselor the police SOMEONE.
Your being abused and its wrong.

I'm going to move this to the abuse forum Cutting and Self Harm-->Abuse
if anyone has any objections tell me.

[byee]

Wow, I'm sorry I missed this post. I've been responding to other stuff of yours, and usually I search to read the poster's other stuff to get a better sense of where they're coming from, and I didn't here. I apologize.

OK, this is really a 911 moment for you. You have too much bad stuff going on in your life right now, and it needs to change pretty drastically. If you're being abused AND it's making you self destructive, and the stuff with your G/F, you have to tell someone and get some real help. Support online is nice, but you need someone to intervene and protect you. Go to your guidance counsellor tomorrow and tell him/her what's going on and show them your bruises. Get to someone who can work with you individually as well as your family to change these destructive patterns of interaction. OK?

[spawnicus]

thats the thing, i dont bruise easily and he's found that out, so he hits me just hard enough where it will just make it red for a few hours, and then no bruise, he's smart he thinks about this, he enjoys it, a few months ago he held me by the throat, and lifted me up against the wall and choked me till i almost passed out, and there wasnt even a mark from that

You need to tell someone about this you can't do this alone go to a school counselor the police SOMEONE.
Your being abused and its wrong.

I'm going to move this to the abuse forum Cutting and Self Harm-->Abuse
if anyone has any objections tell me.

thats ok, i'm sorry i was a little confused on where to put it, but i figured since i cut myself, and think about making the final cut every night be4 i go to bed i thought it would be good in cutting & self abuse, but i guess not

My Apoligies,
Spawnicus

[try not to double post, use the edit botton. thanks, thesphinx]

[Hyper]

thats the thing, i dont bruise easily and he's found that out, so he hits me just hard enough where it will just make it red for a few hours, and then no bruise, he's smart he thinks about this, he enjoys it, a few months ago he held me by the throat, and lifted me up against the wall and choked me till i almost passed out, and there wasnt even a mark from that

Ok sry dude I don't belive that.. If thats true your father is some kind of an evil mastermind..

And the few hours you get, you should use those.

[spawnicus]

Ok sry dude I don't belive that.. If thats true your father is some kind of an evil mastermind..

And the few hours you get, you should use those.

he is very intelligent and the few hours of marks are just red like i've been stratching there, and he hit's he in my back and stomach most of the time, i've never had a bruise on my stomach, and i've had one briuse on my back when i was beat with a milk crate (lol fight in school, not my dad) like i broke my nose about 1 week and 2 days ago boxing with one of my friends, it sweled a littl but besides that, nothing not even black eyes.

[Marauders]

Why does he hates you that much? I mean what are his reasons? There CAN'T be reasons for abusing a son. Maybe he has some mental ilness, no one on his right mind would do that.

Has many of you have said, you should tell it to someone,even if your father knows later, it's ok, you just have to be daring and tell someone, just be a little more brave once more time? You can show those red marks so that the police or your school counselor see and you have a couple of proves.

[byee]

I really, really like the idea of you telling the people at school about this and getting some help. Tell us you did that today, ok?

[spawnicus]

i cant tell you that cuz i didnt i felt weak as soon as i stepped into the guidence office

[Marauders]

You can't feel weak! Just keep going... think that everything will change when you tell something, think your life will be better after telling. You might get a soft back after it.

[thesphinx]

Be brave and just go in there and tell them. that's what their, there for, please for the sake of yourself tell them!

[blank_07]

Don't kill anyone, yourself OR your father. He isn't the greatest, I know, but you need to try and save yourself.

Tell someone. A Guidance counselor, a Social Worker. Just tell someone and dont hurt urself.

[spawnicus]

i want to but i also dont want to take my little 1 year old brother's father away, if he starts to treat him like he treats me i will either beat the shit out of him, or call the police, but so far it seems like he actually loves my lil bro not me, but i dont want to ruin his life, but i will not allow him to ruin my lil' bro's life i will def. step in then

[byee]

As i said to you elsewhere, the problem here is with your dad. Regardless of whatever you might be doing that is so provocative to him, losing control the way he does is really inexcusable and indicates a real problem. You might want to take into consideration that his problem with self control might very well come out with your beloved little brother when he gets older, too. So, by getting all of you some help now, you're very likely helping your bro out in a very important way.

Go tell your guidance counsellor tomorrow.

[blank_07]

Go tell your guidance counsellor tomorrow.

OFT.

[spawnicus]

i'm sorry but what is OFT?

[Chocobo]

I think you should tell someone about this since it's obviously abuse.

[zacharooo]

hey dont give up... alongftime ago i KINDA delt with that only it wasnt that bad... but yes i was beetin before and dont give up on life. i STRONGLY dont sugjest you talk with him... if he does this again i would STRONGLY sugjest ( sorry if i spelt wrong) you go to the police and leave the house see if you can stay with a friend or possibly your GF. there will be plenty of great things to come up in your life... persue in your dream.

[Camazotz]

Go to the cops and ask for help. Prove to them that he physically abuses you. STOP hurting yourself. Dont cut yourself. Its not healthy, and it's not cool. Hang out with your friends a lot, and get a lot of excercise. This will help with your deppression.

[jay92]

i dnt want to say this incase you take offence to it,
but when your hurting youself because of your dad, your just as bad as him.

[thesphinx]

This is a pretty old thread Jay. and I am sure that his answer/concern has been dealt with.