How do you guys come to terms with it?

[Silent Tears]

How do you guys come to term with abuse? Physical, sexual, and emotional. I always blame myself, because the only common thing I find in every situation, is that they were mad at me. Or, I wasn't good enough. They wanted something more from me. Always me. So, it has to be my fault. I make people do these things. Because, I'm not what people want. They want more from me. What they do is wrong, but isn't it wrong that I'm not enough? Not a good enough daughter, niece, granddaughter, sister, friend. Anything. Just being me, isn't good enough.

I know it's one of the stages. One day, I'll stop blaming myself, and come to terms with it. How do you guys do it? I'd love to hear.

[lowride]

Its not your fault don't blame yourself i understand how u feel come chat with me if u still fell sad

[Lofiel]

More than ten years later; I realize it was never my fault he did that to me. He is a horrible person, and he's suffered his entire life. He deserves every bit of it and will die bitter and alone.

There is nothing I can do but realize, just because I was dealt such a bad childhood does not mean I can't make the absolute best of adulthood.

I personally abused myself and drugs for years before coming to terms with that fact, let's hope you don't have to go through that all as well.

[Silent Tears]

More than ten years later; I realize it was never my fault he did that to me. He is a horrible person, and he's suffered his entire life. He deserves every bit of it and will die bitter and alone.

There is nothing I can do but realize, just because I was dealt such a bad childhood does not mean I can't make the absolute best of adulthood.

I personally abused myself and drugs for years before coming to terms with that fact, let's hope you don't have to go through that all as well.

I struggle with various self harming. I got past the cutting, but I fear I'm developing an eating disorder. If I were in public school, I would probably be doing drugs. Luckily, I have no way of getting access to them. It's all so scary. I'm glad to hear that it does end at some point though. I'm sure one day, I'll look back and see all of this as something I've overcome. I just have to get though it haha

[Lofiel]

I struggle with various self harming. I got past the cutting, but I fear I'm developing an eating disorder. If I were in public school, I would probably be doing drugs. Luckily, I have no way of getting access to them. It's all so scary. I'm glad to hear that it does end at some point though. I'm sure one day, I'll look back and see all of this as something I've overcome. I just have to get though it haha I never did understand Eating Disorders... you just need to be nice, and people will love you. I've dated a woman who weighed 220 pounds, and why did we break up? Not because of her weight, because she cheated on me with three other men.

Honestly it makes me sad to hear such a likely pretty girl is doing that to herself. =( If you need some one to chat with about it, feel free.

[HuntedDom]

I failed at this. I have basically realized now that I will never be what my parents wanted - I was born to re-create my dead brother, and unfortunately for me I an NOTHING like him, and I never will be. I can't ever be the son that they had, and I know now that I'll always be that resentment for them. Not that it doesn't hurt - I still try to figure out ways to try and make them like me but I know really it won't happen. It's just the way it is. Mostly I just try and stay out of their way.

Both of them are alcoholics / drug addicts and it's something I grew up around. It was natural enough to try the escape it offered was pretty damn nice. Numbed you from the whole scenario, physically or mentally. I think I kicked the worst of my drug problems (although drunk last weekend I was trying - luckily for me my partner at the time was against it) but alcohol is still my right hand man. Although I haven't had a drink in two days, that is the longest I've gone in...ever. Maybe it's wrong and I never feel better, but it's my social tool. Eventually I suppose I will have to grow up and deal with it. Maybe I'll try the reality approach and see if that works.

But I guess I have nothing insightful nor productive to add to this thread...

[Lofiel]

I failed at this. I have basically realized now that I will never be what my parents wanted - I was born to re-create my dead brother, and unfortunately for me I an NOTHING like him, and I never will be. I can't ever be the son that they had, and I know now that I'll always be that resentment for them. Not that it doesn't hurt - I still try to figure out ways to try and make them like me but I know really it won't happen. It's just the way it is. Mostly I just try and stay out of their way.

Both of them are alcoholics / drug addicts and it's something I grew up around. It was natural enough to try the escape it offered was pretty damn nice. Numbed you from the whole scenario, physically or mentally. I think I kicked the worst of my drug problems (although drunk last weekend I was trying - luckily for me my partner at the time was against it) but alcohol is still my right hand man. Although I haven't had a drink in two days, that is the longest I've gone in...ever. Maybe it's wrong and I never feel better, but it's my social tool. Eventually I suppose I will have to grow up and deal with it. Maybe I'll try the reality approach and see if that works.

But I guess I have nothing insightful nor productive to add to this thread... My favorite choice for forgetting horrible childhood memories - weed. Alcohol always makes me more depressed, feel worse, etc... alcohol is for having a good time with friends.

If you *need* to self medicate, alcohol is the worst thing you can use. It was healthier when I was abusing MDMA than your alcohol consumption!

In the end, never resort to these things if you don't have to. More importantly, live for yourself.... no one else's opinion matters in the end.

[Cooper197]

So my girlfriend, my sister and I have had some issues with this in the past but we are both pretty open about it, which really helps. For me it was just some physical and lots of emotional abuse, whereas for the girls it was pretty much all sexual but within that always comes physical and emotional. I know for me the first step was finding what really made me happy that I was good at. This really helped me prove to myself that I wasn't worthless and so on. That was huge. In fact, if not for this step, I wouldn't have gotten to where I have. Next for me was finding some sort of purpose. At this point, my sister (half-sister actually) still lived in Texas. Her step-dad was just a total abusive prick, and I knew she needed out. I made this my mission, get my sister away from him. About the same time is when I met my girlfriend, who at this time still had a huge mis-trust in all guys thanks to the abuse from her dad. I also decided that I would find a way to make her trust in me. This was much easier than getting my sister moved across the country, but still difficult. To keep this shorter we'll just say I was successful in both. For the girls, a huge part was knowing that somebody did still care, believed in them and still loved them no matter what. Honestly I think the best thing you can do for yourself to help get past it is to find somebody who you can help, and somebody who believes in you. They may not seem to exist, but they do. I promise. The memories, images, feelings, and fears never go away, but you can manage them and turn them into determination in your life. I was always told I was worthless, would amount to nothing ect. I'm 17, I have a steady girlfriend for over 2 years, I started/run my own business, I'm a very successful mountain bike racer, I've fenced in the Junior Olympics. These are all things I did just to prove people wrong, that was key to getting past it for me.